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a year+ of sobriety!  That is awesome, I am in awe and hope to achieve that someday.  Struggling with alcohol myself but won't get into it here.  The amount of booze you're describing imbibing is crazy, but I understand.  Not to mention the weight loss, that's awesome too.  I'm proud of you...

Thanks for the encouragement BM.  I quit for the first time a year ago and have a couple of 90 days stints under my belt, along with a handful of shorter ones like recently.  I know I can do it, and that I have to, but do I really want to?  (I think someone here asked that rhetorically early on...

guys, you are the best.  I can't order anything lately due to various foolishness but I keep checking in here to see what's going on.  Thanks for the kind words @2earls and @PTFC, again you guys are the best. -bob

Missy, thank you!  i went 8 days sober then..... last friday fell off the wagon.  I'm kinda cheating my IOP, drinking tonight and expect to be tested on Friday.  Stupid, but we'll see where the cards lay when they're dropped.  I appreciate the thought that my higher power doesn't have to be God...

gotcha!  I made an ass out of you and me.  Well, not so much you, if you're familiar with the saying. :)

crap, I'm sorry.  That first paragraph (quoted below) was meant for @PTFC, not you.  I'm just starting to get the hang of this forum. Not sure if I can multi-quote but here's the first paragraph I was talking about, which again, should have been directed to @PTFC...

I think from reading previous material you're a medical professional of some sort.  My doc prefers to prescribe the Ox and I have to say it works pretty well for me.  Until I relapse that is. :(   IOP, here we come. :) @VII, thanks for all that.  I'll reach out via PM soon.  I need to...

@VIIHmm. maybe my xan usage wasn't so moderate.  I see what you're saying about the peak, or what I believe is referred to as half-life der, I meant "time to peak level" in this chart.   another edit:  Actually now that I look at it again, both columns combine to paint an interesting contrast...

thanks, VII.  Tonight will be a typical drinking night for me. 6 beers and appx 250 mgs of of vod, then night night (in about 30 mins).  Might sound lightweight to some but I was worse before and I'm heading in that worse direction again.  I'm not going crazy tomorrow while working from home...

Hey so if we're talking about the same paragraph beginning with " Just be careful with any substance you use that's in controlled substance class. " then that's what I was in 100% agreement with.  I don't think there's any apology necessary for that.  We might have been out of sync about what...

thanks a ton.  My xans were for emergency purposes to detox on my own in case my doc wouldn't RX me the OX.  Also for dealing with the WD during the workdays while I arrange my IOP (which starts Monday).  Turns out he did the RX and it's all good.   The Ox has a nice calming effect on me.  I'm...

No apology necessary!  I'm from the Boston area.  I've only made one order back during some strange period in Jan with an SY  vendor when they were all messed up for whatever reason.  I'm hoping that's my last order ever, soberness and maybe even God willing!  The xanz get me through the day at...

Thank you @VII, that is plenty close enough to what I was asking for.  I'm on the EC as well.  

@VII, please don't ask me to forgive you about anything.  You are so very generous with your thoughts, and I thank you for that.  I've done CT after quitting, and getting back into it for a few weeks and it wasn't so bad.  I started back up again in January so I went to my doc for help, because...

Hmm, social anxiety up the ying yang here too.  I I think I need to find something similar to your college group, and I'm glad you found something that worked for you.  SMART seems fairly prominent in my area (but I mean 10% of AAs presence), I'll look more into them.  Thanks for the advice.

yeah, thanks.  I mean the physical location you're residing in.  Seems like the Docs are extra super sensitive about giving non - ssri medications there (benz, pks, etc), where you're at, so I was just curious abut your appx. location.  Thanks, and thanks for all the other kinds words too.  

yeah, I got a ton of AA options in the northern Boston area.  Will be exploring it and keeping up with the updates. :)

that's a fucking lot of booze man.  God bless you for keeping up the sobriety after that amount of hell.  Speaking of which, AA was OK, and I didn't mind the God stuff even though I'm atheist at best.  It's just the evangelical nature of the organization.  Not in a God way, just in their...

 wow, interesting theory!  You guys know so much about this, and I enjoy reading and learning.  VII, glad to hear you'll not go that route of course.  Where's your approximate location btw?  Seems important to your story, and I'm sorry that I missed it somewhere along the way.  Still a new guy...

VII, you are in my thoughts and I have been following your story for days.  My best wishes go out to you, and it sounds like you're doing great.  Keep it up !  :)