And That's How The Fight Started

[DBG]

Ah, matrimonial discord. An endless source of quality comedic material. Enjoy, and feel free to post your own contributions, either marital related or not.

The idea being that the joke ends with "And That's How The Fight Started".....

 

[Itchy]

I was in the grocery store and my wife threw a $20 compact makeup in the grocery cart. I picked up $10 six pack of beer, put it in the cart, then placed the makeup back on the shelf. My wife looked at me with her third eye and said "what did you do that for?" I said, "What!? It's half the price and will make you look twice as good as that makeup will." 

And that's when the fight started......

 

[DGSB0708]

[No message]

 

[DGSB0708]

A husband just finished reading a book called you CAN be the MAN of your house.  He immediately stormed into the kitchen where his wife was and announced, "from now on, you need to understand and be perfectly clear with the fact that I AM THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE and my word is LAW, period.  You WILL prepare me a gourmet dinner tonight and once I'm done eating it you WILL serve me a sumptuous desert.  After I finish my desert you WILL come upstairs with me and we WILL have WHATEVER kind of sex I want.  Then you WILL draw me a hot bath so I may relax as I am entitled to.  You WILL wash me, towel me dry and bring me my robe and a cigar and brandy.  While I drink and smoke you WILL massage my feet.  Then in the morning guess who WILL dress me, comb my hair, get me ready for work and make me breakfast?  The wife replied, The coroner would be my first guess. ... and that's when the fight started.

 

[kittykat]

My ex-wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's how the fight started........

LMAO!!!!!

..

 

[kittykat]

/default_biggrin.png /default_biggrin.png After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said,'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,'That silverhair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said,'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And that's when the fight started....

 

[kittykat]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

 

[kittykat]

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me​

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to​

take care of first, the shed, the bike, making beer.. Always something​

more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her​

point.​

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,​

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched​

silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only​

a minute, and when I came out again​

I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass,​

you might as well sweep the driveway.."​

 ​

And thats how the fight started​

 

[DGSB0708]

One year a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.  The next year he didn't buy her a gift.  When she asked him why, he replied "well you haven't used the gift I got you last year yet".  and that's how the fight started

 

[DGSB0708]

I was sitting in the den watching TV and my wife came in and asked "so... what's on TV"?  I said, "dust".  and that's how the fight started.

 

[DGSB0708]

I miss Robin Hood and his wonderful moderating style that put all the other moderators here to shame..... and that's how the fight started.  /default_biggrin.png  

(gotta qualify this .... the mods now are the BEST.... love you guys and gal and what you are doing for this board.  S-

 

[Jewbacca]

I miss Robin Hood and his wonderful moderating style that put all the other moderators here to shame..... and that's how the fight started. /default_biggrin.png

(gotta qualify this .... the mods now are the BEST.... love you guys and gal and what you are doing for this board. S-

LOL, that's hilarious! So, you're saying that most members don't Fear & Loathing - DBG style?! All kidding aside, it's too bad it had to go down like that, but obviously the vibe is MUCH different now.

 

[DGSB0708]

LOL, that's hilarious! So, you're saying that most members don't Fear & Loathing - DBG style?! All kidding aside, it's too bad it had to go down like that, but obviously the vibe is MUCH different now.

Not just much different, but so much better.  I was ready to roll and know you'd have to kick me out to get me to leave.  This is 2nd home (well third technically, because right now I own 2.... anyone looking to buy a house?)  /default_sleep.png

 

[Guest]

Love it these days.....you can pay for a house with what is in your checking account. Then rent it out! Love foreclosure sales! Thats how i am saving for retirement! The value can only go up (i freaking hope)