Anyone involved in a domestic violence relationship. My words, 30 years later or 40.

A

Akup7ich

Grand Poobah
Grand Poobah
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Aug 21, 2014
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Hi I just want to put this out there for my surgery
I’ll probably talk too much on here probably not smart but I will say this
A lot of the things are wrong with me now stem from being an abusive relationship for seven years in my early 20s
If anyone is in a situation, please please please seek help. There are many more resources now than there were in the early 90s.
The injuries may seem like that he’ll but they don’t feel well and leave problems for a person later
If anyone wants to PM me for tips on Waze to do what you can
For instance, the three times I tried to leave I bought money orders, Instagram away in my pocket until I could find a place to rent
I had issues with family that wouldn’t take me back
But now they wish they did
There are so many more resources now
And there are so many more stories coming out now from past survivors like myself who have so many pain issues
I’m not saying all my issues are from that, but they were many injuries, stairs, chairs, books, dashboards, and cars, black eyes kicks in my back when I was pregnant, punching kicking my head, being beaten down to the ground
I’m not saying this to get anyone to feel sorry for me because it’s just what happened
The same person ended up doing this to somebody else, and then somebody else, and then they may be finally changed
Point being is get out! If I can write a book while I’m recovering, it would be called get out. It’s not easy it’ll never be easy, but it is completely and utterly necessary.
I was stocked afterwords I had to live in a couple places where they didn’t know where I was
But in the end, it was the very best decision I ever did
PTSD sucks too, but I would let rather live today and not live at all
Or live being in prison, if I decided to kill the person that was hurting me!
 
Oh boy, word check socks, right I stuck them in my pocket in my purse, hit them until I could find a place to live
I will get money orders and save every little time I had until I can find another place to live.
But without a support system and hand, it was hard for me, not to go back because there was my son involved.
The good news is everything is better. There are things that happen to people that are way worse! I am a lucky one.
 
It makes me so sad thinking about how so many people live their whole lives in terrible, horrific relationships like this. Hell on earth and then some people say “well just leave him why don’t ya?” It ain’t that easy mother fucker now piss off! Man, reading your story got me pretty damn sad mad but I’m so happy you made it out and I wish you all the best. Hopefully karma finds a place for that asshole.
 
Akup7ich said:
Oh boy, word check socks, right I stuck them in my pocket in my purse, hit them until I could find a place to live
I will get money orders and save every little time I had until I can find another place to live.
But without a support system and hand, it was hard for me, not to go back because there was my son involved.
The good news is everything is better. There are things that happen to people that are way worse! I am a lucky one.
Click to expand...
We love you and I am sorry you went through that. It’s something nobody should have to go through. Thank you for sharing your story. You are definitely a survivor. We are all in your corner.
 
Hi @Road Hog thank you for your words :-) I just needed to get some thing out. I’m very grateful for our little family here and if it helps one person, think about some thing in the future that’s one step ahead, and I was the other day.
There are support groups or long-term survivors. It’s just hard because no one wants to keep or live in the past but sometimes it’s good to make people aware of permanent physical damage damage.
And I always think that I’ve gotten it all out and then at times like these I realize I’m still working on it! But yes, I am very blessed
Kimda balance still waiting for the karma to happen. It has a small ways. But at this point, it’s in gods hands.
 
Ok I got this figured out.!
I went to school w/ him since 4 th grade
We were desk mates love the Dallas Cowboys
However he was sick or in and out of school alot
Caught up in high school.
Still friends . College buddies ..
then Boooom
Strange to think the 4 th grader became anothev4 th grader
Goooosh sooo much
Are u in mid west
❤️❤️❤️❤️pm
I actually forget the figuring out
But yea f families backlash on both sides

Noooo excuse though
 
So, one of my first memories is of my mother getting dragged out the house by her hair. See, she was a hippie who marched on DC in the 60's and my father was affiliated with 1%r bikers. Every relationship thereafter she was abused, felt Financially trapped. I can't tell.you how many cars and random places we slept. She was also a very brittle diabetic and sick a lot. That kind of abuse/alcoholic/addiction/ violence cycle was difficult to break from. Her last husband she marries after he broke her back. Once they split up he got shot 5 times but lived for 45 minutes before he died. Long story short, in her 40's she saw a counselor and stayed single until she passed. She was in college and lived on her own. Unfortunately, physically she decided to have someone help her pass when she was 54 because, being diabetic, she was about to lose her feet. So, she picked her own time to pass. I tell ppl jokingly that I got ptsd the old-fashioned way...child abuse but if I were to witness anything like this would be the only reason I'd put hands on someone. So,.I'm the end, she was married to 4 different abusive men, one Vietnam vet that got his head crushed by a rock for a couple hundred bux and another who got shot 5 times. My father just passed December before last. I had left home at 13 and we didn't speak again till I was 26.

Lemme just say, I have 0 tolerance for macho assholes or any form of abuse, animal or human and I've never raised a hand to anyone but I would in a second to prevent someone going thru that. The reality is, many times they feel trapped and it's not as easy as just leaving which is why the cycle often continues and its hard to understand
 
First, violence in a relationship is simply awful and anyone on the receiving end should find whatever non-violent solution they can to make it stop immediately. There can be no love without safety.

OK, I have to ask this for my own personal edification. Please don't mistake my curiosity for victim shaming or blaming.

@Akup7ich Were you ever violent in response to his violence or were you too afraid? Did the atmosphere of violence become commonplace so that it could ignite from either side whenever someone lost their temper? Did it spread so that you, your children, and/or anyone else who regularly witnessed it began being more violent?

Usually, at least initially, there is a clear aggressor responsible for bringing violence into a relationship. But does it eventually spread? Do some victims find themselves infected by violent impulses?

I appreciate your story and am grateful you shared it. I mean no disrespect and have a very good and personal reason for asking my question. My sincere apologies if I offended or upset you in any way. Many thanks.
 
Hi @CalJersey I understand. I found out later he was abused as a child. He used to torture his brothers, pets and hoard cakes in food, and then never eat it.
I guess that would’ve been a big sign if I realized all of that, and had some wisdom
We had a child young .., and my mom was not receptive to helping me.
So she kind of blame me, even though I was just really scared because it was mental and physical but the fact that he and I were friends for so long made a strange attachment.
So far, my son does not seem to have the violence. But he has his own issues.
I only struck back once. Basically, once you do that, then the abuser can turn it around in the the law shows up, say that the victim was actually the interrogator.
I watch this happen in his future relationships with other people. So yeah, there were a few others later. Eventually, though he copes with himself somehow.
Until my family and I got closer his family actually help me take care of my son better
I should probably just write a book lol hope that helps

Mainly blocking the whole thing out for often long periods of time no violent impulses but I do get angry like now right before the surgery. And then it brings it out and then there’s nightmares and then I realize I just have to get over it because I can’t keep doing that to myself life goes on.
 
Thanks @Akup7ich. Imma DM you if that's ok. Struggling with some shit, but i'm still new here and I have a business to run. This topic has the potential to be too caustic and derisive. I'm not known for treading lightly so I'd rather tread quietly.
 
Akup7ich said:
Hi I just want to put this out there for my surgery
I’ll probably talk too much on here probably not smart but I will say this
A lot of the things are wrong with me now stem from being an abusive relationship for seven years in my early 20s
If anyone is in a situation, please please please seek help. There are many more resources now than there were in the early 90s.
The injuries may seem like that he’ll but they don’t feel well and leave problems for a person later
If anyone wants to PM me for tips on Waze to do what you can
For instance, the three times I tried to leave I bought money orders, Instagram away in my pocket until I could find a place to rent
I had issues with family that wouldn’t take me back
But now they wish they did
There are so many more resources now
And there are so many more stories coming out now from past survivors like myself who have so many pain issues
I’m not saying all my issues are from that, but they were many injuries, stairs, chairs, books, dashboards, and cars, black eyes kicks in my back when I was pregnant, punching kicking my head, being beaten down to the ground
I’m not saying this to get anyone to feel sorry for me because it’s just what happened
The same person ended up doing this to somebody else, and then somebody else, and then they may be finally changed
Point being is get out! If I can write a book while I’m recovering, it would be called get out. It’s not easy it’ll never be easy, but it is completely and utterly necessary.
I was stocked afterwords I had to live in a couple places where they didn’t know where I was
But in the end, it was the very best decision I ever did
PTSD sucks too, but I would let rather live today and not live at all
Or live being in prison, if I decided to kill the person that was hurting me!
Click to expand...
Agreed, as a person who was with an abusive person for about 7 years it’s tough to leave. There is always a light out on the other side.
 
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