Are Big Muscles A Turn Off For Women

[Hammerblow]

FSo it’s been about a year since my divorce was finalised and although I’m in no rush to jump straight into another relationship, sharing your life with someone can be a beautiful thing especially when you are in a good place . I’m relatively young (early 30’s) I have both my eyes, 10 fingers ,14 toes and I rarely bark anymore....

My question is are muscles a turn off for women? Obviously I am a competitive bodybuilder but not huge I sit around 100-110kg (220-240lbs) but very very lean. It’s something whilst bing in a relationship I never really noticed but I get the impression that women just think I’m a meathead who’ll spend more time getting ready then them, a quick fling type. And the ladies I seem to be attracting really aren’t my type (gym bunnies, fake everything) 

i do get it, first impressions are everything and I look that ‘type’ but I’m a fairly well educated guy I have a masters degree (non fitnes related) I love music (that isn’t thrash metal) cooking and travelling. I run a wee successful business and I’m actually quite insecure about how I look. I don’t even really take my top off when I’m on holiday, I get a lot of people staring at me and that’s not my thing. The only blokey things about me are obsessed with sports, like anything and I’ll watch it, the obsession with the gym and self improvement. And being Scottish...instant man points.

I’d like to meet a woman with atleast more depth than a paddling pool but and be honest, will how I look be more of hindrance than a help?

Rx 

 

[2earls]

I think that is hard to answer without seeing what exactly you look like. I would be so bold as to generalize that guys who look like the incredible Hulk are not every woman's cup of tea. They like muscles, but it is individual as to what the desired amount should be. 

It should only affect the initial attraction since we all know that outward appearances are not what makes a long term relationship, but you do want them to at least give you the time of day to show all those important inward qualities. If you love bodybuilding then there has to be a woman who accepts it as part of the package right?

 

[Hammerblow]

Hmmm...I guess. I just get the feeling that guys who bodybuild are viewed in the same old fashioned backwards way as men view blondes. 

Its a really tough question but that’s why I was asking it, men have been guilty for the longest rime of judging women inward and outwardly based on looks which is incredibly shallow and and narrow minded. I wonder if women do the same with men who are overtly muscular?

 All brawn no brains. Just big steroid freaks. Everyone has a passion in life or should strive to have one ours is body building which we see more as sculpting but it doesn’t mean there isn’t time to invest yourself in a meaningful relationship. And not just with someone else in the fitness industry I find that awful banal. “Those who lift together stay together” Give me strength! I’m attracted to personality and someone who brings a different dimension (usually psychosis based on my history)  not lulu lemon, gymshark and instagram filters.

im just not convinced let’s say someone who’s a lawyer, doctor,  CEO will see a bodybuilder as more than the male version of a bit of skirt.  

Rx

 

[Sunrise81]

Ok, this one is a sore spot for me. My ex-husband spent hours after work (he’s in the military so he already works til 6 or 7), working out in our home gym (was my son’s bedroom but my ex never made it into his bedroom, just the gym stuff and spent a lot of money we didn’t have for all his equipment). He was trying to make up for his height (5ft1in) but he would work out for 3-4 hrs, quickly eat supper then go to bed. He’s soend zero time with me or our son. Total narcissistic asshole. But, with ALL of this aside, I would say:

For me, depends on HOW big you are. Some guys build up muscles soooo big that they look like they have a shrunk head. But, if it’s proportional then I couldn’t care less. But, as 2earls said, people need to not judge on first impressions. I don’t, unless you’re a complete dick to anybody and everybody. But, these days, too many people are judgemental assholes. Myself personally, I’d rather know I can hold a conversation with someone. I don’t care if they’re a stream bean or can lift me over their head. And anyone worth your time will support what you do (within reason unless you’d rather do body-building all day and not spend time with your significant other), and try to enjoy the same things you do. 

Ive been separated for 4 years and divorced for almost a year but I’m different. I have NO desire to date anybody. I end up picking the narcissistic, abusive assholes. And I don’t need any of that around my son. But most ppl aren’t like that. You will find someone who is worth what you have to give. 

Sorrg, I said a lot off topic but to answer your question, no, it won’t hinder you. Scottish men are usually tall enough to body build without looking disproportioned (I’m assuming you are). My ancestry is Scottish & Irish (I have red hair, freckles, fair skin as do both my parents) and I have a few cousins who are REALLY into working out and they don’t look disproportioned. Screw all the fake bunnies and find someone you can have a real, decent, intellectual conversation with. And anyone worth your time will give you that chance to show them you’re more than just a “meathead”, as you put it. 

 

[mountaincat9]

@Hammerblow Your already in the plus column as you obviously have a brain, are in touch with what you want and don't want, and have a sensitivity chip.  The fact that you like to stay in shape puts you ahead of the game in my opinion.  Of course your going to attract your spandex barbie types if you spend time in the gym.  That goes with the territory but even in the gym there are a few "Skipper" dolls mixed in with "Barbies."  Your still very young so you have lots of time to swim out to the deep end and find your mate.

I think it's so true that when you least expect it that's when a spark happens.  You just never know where, who or how.  So to answer your question.......no your physic isn't a hinderance.  You have to be you and pursue your passions to really find the right person who will share some of those same interests with you.

Happy hunting!!!

 

[Hammerblow]

Wow, no one needs to workout 3-4 hours a day that’s what we call junk reps, no benefit will be gained at all. I’m a pro and even leading up to a show I’ll maybe spend just over 2 hours in the gym spilt into two sessions. Walking my dog is my cardio. He doesn’t/didn’t sound like a great guy. 

Well im 6 ft 1. And definitely not into being a mass freak don’t get me wrong I’m bigger then your average bear but it’s classic physique I compete in so it’s about symmetry and proportions over how much size you can obtain.  The only time I look freaky is pre show when I’m 3% body fat but you can’t hold that all year round. 

I’m not really into screwing around it’s never been an attraction to me I’d rather have a good night with my friends then go out with the I’m going to fuck something mindset. I’m very picky but when I do find the right women she is the centre of my universe, I think that’s how it ought to be. Obviously still have plenty of time with the boys which she’ll understand because I’d expect the same from her and just don’t fuck with my gym time. But when you meet the certain soul you actually want to spend time together unfortunately my marriage never worked out for a variety of reasons but I still hold a lot of love for her. She’s a beautiful soul that just couldn’t overcome all her darkness and perhaps I could’ve done more. But hindsight is a great thing. I don’t think I’ll be remarrying I’m happy finding someone eventually that like I said previously compliments me or we compliment each other. I have to suffer fitness conventions and deary me...there’s not enough brain cells going round those ladies to spark a lightbulb. 

Ps. Thank you @mountaincat9 you are way too nice about me! I don’t take compliments well. It’s just my cooking you’re  after..I know the score. 

Rx

 

[Sunrise81]

@Hammerblow, no he’s not a nice guy. He cheated on me, treats our son like shit, just not a nice person. You sound like the type of competitive body builder that I like, and that my friends are like. I have a few friends who do competitive body building, females included and they’ve told me some stories about how much air and how little brains some people are. But, that’s everywhere you go. Lol. 

I’m like you, I won’t be getting married again. But mine is for different reasons. My ex really screwed me up. Oh, speaking of screwed, I wasn’t referring to fucking when I said “screw all the fake bunnies”. Lol. I meant, forget about them. As mc9 said, you will find that special someone when you least expect it. Just do you and hang out with your friends and before you know it, you’ll be talking to the woman that you could see a possible future with. 

You seem like a very sweet, honest, intelligent guy who has his shit together and that’s a rare combination. You are way ahead of guys 20-30 years older than you so I have no doubts that you will find that someone special very soon!

i did want to tell you that anything negative I said in my previous post was NOT directed at you. Although I could care less about my ex, my son knows that’s his dad (although my son considers him more of a friend than a dad, but my son is extremely intelligent and knows his dad is not a good person—and I don’t say a single negative thing about his dad around him) and it just pisses me off that he treats his two older bio kids better AND his stepkids better than my (& his) son. It is nice to know and hear that the amount of time he worked out was beyond excessive and only confirmed what I knew, which was that he only did it for so long as to not spend time with myself or our son. 

Anyway, no more talk about that asshole. Back to you. I agree with mc9 & 2earls, from your description, your physique is most definitely NOT a hindrance. And with you being in such great physical shape, no need to hide it. You worked hard for the body you have, flaunt that shit and don’t stress over what anybody else thinks! Fuck anybody who would have anything negative to say! If anybody did ever say anything, it would strictly be out of jealousy because you have the body they want!! So, this summer, flaunt that shit and show everybody that awesome bod that you’ve worked so hard for!! You deserve it!!

-Sunrise 

 

[Hammerblow]

Wow, no one needs to workout 3-4 hours a day that’s what we call junk reps, no benefit will be gained at all. I’m a pro and even leading up to a show I’ll maybe spend just over 2 hours in the gym spilt into two sessions. Walking my dog is my cardio. He doesn’t/didn’t sound like a great guy. 

Well im 6 ft 1. And definitely not into being a mass freak don’t get me wrong I’m bigger then your average bear but it’s classic physique I compete in so it’s about symmetry and proportions over how much size you can obtain.  The only time I look freaky is pre show when I’m 3% body fat but you can’t hold that all year round. 

I’m not really into screwing around it’s never been an attraction to me I’d rather have a good night with my friends then go out with the I’m going to fuck something mindset. I’m very picky but when I do find the right women she is the centre of my universe, I think that’s how it ought to be. Obviously still have plenty of time with the boys which she’ll understand because I’d expect the same from her and just don’t fuck with my gym time. But when you meet the certain soul you actually want to spend time together unfortunately my marriage never worked out for a variety of reasons but I still hold a lot of love for her. She’s a beautiful soul that just couldn’t overcome all her darkness and perhaps I could’ve done more. But hindsight is a great thing. I don’t think I’ll be remarrying I’m happy finding someone eventually that like I said previously compliments me or we compliment each other. I have to suffer fitness conventions and deary me...there’s not enough brain cells going round those ladies to spark a lightbulb. 

Ps. Thank you @mountaincat9 you are way too nice about me! I don’t take compliments well. It’s just my cooking you’re  after..I know the score. 

Rx

 

[Hammerblow]

@Sunrise81 you sound like a very special lady who deserves nothing but happiness. And I honestly wish you the best of everything. In the grand scheme of things he’s a (literary) tiny blotch and will eventually get what’s coming to him...they all do. Not physical harm I wouldn’t ever promote that but eventually everyone will workout exactly what he is and he’ll spend a lot of years regretting his actions when he has nothing left and is a lonely old man whereas I’ll be surrounded by beautiful friends and family.

if you ever need to talk I’m always here.

love

Rx

 

[Sunrise81]

@Hammerblow, aww, you are so sweet! Thank you! I too believe that he will get what’s coming to him. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Thankfully my son has my dad for a father figure. See, if more men were like you, it wouldn’t be so damn hard to find a good guy. That’s why I’ve just decided to not even deal with any of it. The good ones are so few and far between, or they’re already taken. Lol. 

You will find that one special woman and you will be happier than you can imagine!! I wish you all the happiness this world has to offer!! And at your next competition, good luck and kick some ass!!

 

[trinity]

Since I have downsized from 16-17st to a more aesthetic 14.5-15st with very little gear involved (TRT) I definitely receive more attention as opposed to the bigger and dare I say bloated look that I sported at times (long term relationship 12yrs does that). I am very conscious of the way that I appear now more so, being available, so to speak.

To answer your question it can be a double edged sword. Yes people will judge you based upon a build different to others. I think once someone gets to know someone the inner soul radiates through. I have been in your situation for the past 3 years so have plenty experience of the range of opinions. I do believe that geographic vicinities will also play a huge factor. Definitely got more attention and approval abroad and appreciation.

Christ I have female friends who cant stand physiques but after a few months have confessed to thinking of me during the making of the beast with two backs...not the ideal moment to be thought of but just goes to show that appearances are only skin deep.

 

[Hammerblow]

Like always we appear to be off the same mind. I’ve had the exact same, people staring saying ‘God why would you want to look like that’ but later they can’t keep their hands off..weird huh? I don’t train for anyone’s approval and to impress the ladies. I train because I have that ‘crazy’ in me. But I am much more than just the physique and I’m actually now in the mindset that it’s their loss if they don’t want to get to know me. I had quite an interesting weekend regarding it but running a bar and actually being hands on can have those moments. 

 

[Hammerblow]

Success!! I scored a guys number while working yesterday, I accidentally brushed against his arse and I jokingly winked at him, most guys would get that joke. But he thought thst was a come on and gave my bar staff his digits for me.

shane I’m not fluid at all! Nothing against being gay it’s just not my bag. Is it a low when you’re scoring guys numbers and not girls? I think I need to stop wiggling my butt so much when I walk.  

Rx

 

[Sunrise81]

If you’re hot enough for a dude to leave his digits for you, then I can guarantee you’ll have no trouble getting ladies digits. My friends and I, when we people watch, will always say how hot a guy is and then we find out he’s gay. Most manly men who are gay, are hot AF! But...in this day & age where most things are accepted, if you’re joking with someone (such as you were with this guy), they are likely to take it to heart (I’m saying that a lot of ppl nowadays don’t get jokes or have no humor...sadly, so they’ll take it as you meant it). But shit, even though you don’t swing that way, take it as a compliment that that guy thought you were hot and wanted to get to know you better. 

Try that trick on some of the women in there...or at the grocery store...or wherever, and you’re sure to pick up some numbers that way and get some dates and just go from there. 

But please, don’t stop wiggling your ass...us women love a guy with an ass!  

 

[Hammerblow]

Lol thanks @Sunrise81 but I think if I tried thst trick with a women I would get a well deserved slap in the face. They’ll be no pinching of bums from me (unless you’re a guy obviously) Gay men do tend to keep themselves in better shape and have great fashion sense, totally generalising here. So perhaps it was that more than anything because I really thought I never gave off the gay man vibe. Always thought I’m pretty blokey...I own a sports bar for goodness sake!  

Just your average dude with a fantastic arse....

Rx 

 

[Vickydog]

Wow, no one needs to workout 3-4 hours a day that’s what we call junk reps, no benefit will be gained at all. I’m a pro and even leading up to a show I’ll maybe spend just over 2 hours in the gym spilt into two sessions. Walking my dog is my cardio. He doesn’t/didn’t sound like a great guy. 

Well im 6 ft 1. And definitely not into being a mass freak don’t get me wrong I’m bigger then your average bear but it’s classic physique I compete in so it’s about symmetry and proportions over how much size you can obtain.  The only time I look freaky is pre show when I’m 3% body fat but you can’t hold that all year round. 

I’m not really into screwing around it’s never been an attraction to me I’d rather have a good night with my friends then go out with the I’m going to fuck something mindset. I’m very picky but when I do find the right women she is the centre of my universe, I think that’s how it ought to be. Obviously still have plenty of time with the boys which she’ll understand because I’d expect the same from her and just don’t fuck with my gym time. But when you meet the certain soul you actually want to spend time together unfortunately my marriage never worked out for a variety of reasons but I still hold a lot of love for her. She’s a beautiful soul that just couldn’t overcome all her darkness and perhaps I could’ve done more. But hindsight is a great thing. I don’t think I’ll be remarrying I’m happy finding someone eventually that like I said previously compliments me or we compliment each other. I have to suffer fitness conventions and deary me...there’s not enough brain cells going round those ladies to spark a lightbulb. 

Ps. Thank you @mountaincat9 you are way too nice about me! I don’t take compliments well. It’s just my cooking you’re  after..I know the score. 

Rx

Staying in shape.  Muscles don't weigh plus or minus ..i'm a boomer, been going to a gym for 25years now...but it's just to stay hraltjy. Now, as a younger gal,u was dating every guy ,every hot guy, but Brains and a good listener and empathy are most instant to me.  Oh. And know your way around the fe.ale body in the sack.lol...remember a Seinfeld episode, "hotandheavy"..elaines guy wouldn't go South of her naval...ha ha. But TRUE.Sorry if Tmi, but all !i gal pals would agree

 

[Hammerblow]

Well as some already know, as I tracked my progress running up to my show on another thread, this was me 2 weeks out.s

I think I have a descent balance and I’m not overly muscular but the problem was definitely there. At the moment it’s no longer a problem I’ve met a lovely someone who loves my body but sees that as the icing on the cake (I know I don’t get it either?!?) 

So basically if you have the full package it’s the holy grail? Brains, good listener, empathy and not bad between the sheets but there’s still this perception it’s one of the other. I’m nothing special I think, just you know me! So it’s definitely not the holy grail I don’t think but a lot of judging a book by its cover.

Rx

 

[Conceited]

Well as some already know, as I tracked my progress running up to my show on another thread, this was me 2 weeks out.s

I think I have a descent balance and I’m not overly muscular but the problem was definitely there. At the moment it’s no longer a problem I’ve met a lovely someone who loves my body but sees that as the icing on the cake (I know I don’t get it either?!?) 

So basically if you have the full package it’s the holy grail? Brains, good listener, empathy and not bad between the sheets but there’s still this perception it’s one of the other. I’m nothing special I think, just you know me! So it’s definitely not the holy grail I don’t think but a lot of judging a book by its cover.

Rx

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Dude, you ain't mad big like some of the Hulk wannabes. But you can tell you put some hard work and time to sculpt that. I don't have a clue about bodybuilding, but put a bit of weight on and you will be hence in a good way imo im not gay by the way ha. I hope I don't offend you maybe she sees you as a a trophy boyfriend, when she says icing onthe cake. I think im ranting 

 

[Hammerblow]

I was two weeks out in these photos sitting around 90kg 3–4% body fat I don’t walk about like this it’s not good for you. I’m a fairly ripped 100-105kg that’s a nice comfortable weight for me. I’m no longer in that relationship anyway I’m very choosy post divorce. And very happy with my life living with my pups and cats, it’s a busy household when you have two of each all wanting attention!

R