Can't confide in any doctor without being put on a list

[Randssss]

I want to be honest about my extreme benzo abuse in a short span and blacking out for multiple weeks multiple times, and about my injuries received during then. Also concerned about things like possibly epilepsy, but I don't want to be put on a list as a drug-seeker or anything of the sorts. Regardless of your views it's a disgustingly abused list that far too many people are on, and rejected proper medicine they need and their biochemistry is compatible with for no other reason's than fear of something happening because some people go overboard, or shouldn't be taking that drug in the first place or some backlash from the public.

Lying to them I don't know how to feel, I had to tell my doctor someone gave me 40mg of liquid alprazolam in my drink at a party. Something that I came up with on the spot (stupid and surprised he didn't say to file a police report, then he said liquid alprazolam didn't exist LOL doctors....)

but he thinks that only happened once and one night, instead of dozens of mgs for days and days, couple days/a day or day and half of consciousness and then back out for some weeks

I want to move out of America so bad to get some help or just get some real help I'm literally having to ponder having sex with a doctor to get actual help. Every visit for anything, the person's just in a rush to get me/anyone else out the door it seems instead of listening. and I've NEVER been a whore.

 

[Randssss]

I guess a better title would be (but even longer)

"Feel like I can't confide in any doctor without being put on a list"

 

[2earls]

I'm sure a lot of people wait longer than they might to seek help because of this fear. It's like you really have to be committed to quitting drugs to say anything to a doctor. Once you do, it's likely that label will always be with you.

Shoot, my phone is dying, BRB after I charge.

 

[2earls]

Because I am prescribed pain medication I am already on a list and I don't like it. Broke my ankle and when the doctor wrote a prescription for a laughable amount of pks it comes up in the computer so he says "you are already getting these I can't give you any more". Why not? I have a broken ankle so wouldn't you think I might need more than usual? 

I will always be seen as a "pill seeker" and discriminated against because of it. @Randssss I think at some point it's worth having this scarlet letter if you really need the help, but it is something to consider. Besides even if you slept with the doctor who knows if they would hold up their end of the bargain. I'm sure you weren't serious and that part was only for impact.?.?.

 

[Guest]

Randsss, I am worried for you!  Please get help in any way.  You can die from sudden Benzo withdrawal.  Your life is the most precious thing you have—list be damned.  Please keep us updated.

 

[Randssss]

Because I am prescribed pain medication I am already on a list and I don't like it. Broke my ankle and when the doctor wrote a prescription for a laughable amount of pks it comes up in the computer so he says "you are already getting these I can't give you any more". Why not? I have a broken ankle so wouldn't you think I might need more than usual? 

I will always be seen as a "pill seeker" and discriminated against because of it. @Randssss I think at some point it's worth having this scarlet letter if you really need the help, but it is something to consider. Besides even if you slept with the doctor who knows if they would hold up their end of the bargain. I'm sure you weren't serious and that part was only for impact.?.?.

No truly out of desperation and

Randsss, I am worried for you!  Please get help in any way.  You can die from sudden Benzo withdrawal.  Your life is the most precious thing you have—list be damned.  Please keep us updated.

thanks for your concern but I have no opioids or benzos in my system, I will not be withdrawling. I've been taking nothing besides marijuanna oil for over a year now and everyone around me is no help, it's Tylenol this, maybe you just need more time that, I've lost all love for my family and friends out of nothing besides me trying to get physical and mental help and their responses. I am so tired, broken, isolated, and more. I have a significant other, and they too are terribly off. We're so downtrodden from this American health care system that I personally just have lost my will to live, and I grew up feeling bad about life and things but I brought things back, but the world just keeps stepping on me, with more and more feet, and there's already feet on my neck and I'm not even doing any drugs, this is just me, and life hurts so bad and no one in my life will/can help.

That year+ ago, going on 2 idk even know, lose track of time at this point I decided not to try and go into doctors and work them like I would people all my life (emotional issues) and instead try to be 100% honest and get REAL HELP so they could help me even understand myself and my problems. But I've gotten nothing even after trying every SNRI, SSRI, general anti-anxiety, anti inflammation/anti pain stuff like Toradol and more, I'm talking multiple ER trips, countless doctors, countless scans, ink injections CT scans that I still don't know if I'm right from and not I'm hearing how bad the old ink can be for you.

Now I feel like I'm being forced to have to try to work a doctor, not because I'm a bad person or because of drugs but because of the environment I'm in requiring me to do it to survive.

I've also learned so much about these medicines, and about mental health and physical health problems and diseases so much more than they've taught me in this time. But I can't even use that information in the doctor's office or else they're concerned. I have to pretend to be dumb and more, it sucks it's a hell hole this place. People not in pain taking people in pain's meds away, T_T

 

[Guest]

Randsss, I am so sorry that you are going through this!  Can you find a doctor you trust that you can tell everything to?  Would it be possible to get your pain meds through an OP?  I just hear so much pain and resignation in your posts—just know that there are many others in your position.  I really think there is going to be a revolution in this country unless many things change, including making pain meds available again to those that need them. *Hugs*

 

[Dumbo88]

American health care is a joke.  The last few times I tried to go to the Dr they just tried and push new expensive brand drugs on me.  $20 for a pill of Trintelix and all it did was cause auditory hallucinations and make me sick.  NO MATTER WHAT they want to sell you expensive anti depressants that need to be taken daily and completely alter body chemstry (thanks I don't need my soidum ion channels inhibited).  Can't sleep, agitated over the political climate, have a rash, ever experience self doubt, ANTI DEPRESSANTS CURE EVERYTHING!  It absolutely ludicrous.  Seems there are two kinds of doctors, drug dealers with a prescription pad and vendors of anti depressants, not much in between.

Nobody will prescribe anything without multiple visits to a psych and counseling, I just have trouble sleeping!  Never got molested, no underlying bullshit, just serious problems sleeping, and I don't have time to sit with a counselor and talk about problems I don't have, but they don't want to hear it.  They just want to make some pharma rep happy and get their kickbacks.  I've taken everything but dentistry into my own hands, honestly its not worth the hassle to try and get meds legitimately.  

Telling your doctor about your past drug use is not a good idea.  Also, nobody believes the "somebody dosed me" line, seriously doubt your Dr did.  And when you say "somebody dosed me with 40mg of alprazolam" the first thing in his head was "how did she know it was alprazolam, how does she know it was 40mg, and also they don't make liquid alprazolam".  If you had said "I got roofied" maybe, buy your explanation is way to specific for anyone who is not a drug user.  And anyone without a massive benzo tolerance would be hospitalized on 40mg of xanny.

 

[Eidolon]

@Randssss 

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, most doctors are real assholes unfortunately.  Forgive me for prying, but since you did mention that you were totally clean now I'm not sure I understand what it is you need from a doctor.  I'm suffering from a serious lack of sleep so am probably just failing at reading comprehension.  I did see the part about physical and mental health and if you didn't have mental health concerns before you started the whole situation is more than enough to give you a heaping dose of them.  As for the physical part are you having health issues that you feel could be related to your past use, trying to get something prescribed because you actually need a benzo script to function, or something else entirely?  I ask because while my reasons may have been different I have been in the exact same place that you are and understand how trapped and hopeless it makes you feel when you're terrified to have an open and honest conversation with the exact person/people whos job is supposed to be to help you and not persecute you.  After years of fighting with it and many sleepless nights spent agonizing over the situation I did finally find ways to be mostly honest at least and started getting some help.  Depending upon which direction you're trying to go I may have some tips that could help...or not.  I just hate that you're going through this, reading about how it's making you feel and what it's doing to your life makes me feel like I'm there all over again and if any of my experience can help you even a little bit I'll do anything I can.  

 

[Randssss]

@Randssss 

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, most doctors are real assholes unfortunately.  Forgive me for prying, but since you did mention that you were totally clean now I'm not sure I understand what it is you need from a doctor.  I'm suffering from a serious lack of sleep so am probably just failing at reading comprehension.  I did see the part about physical and mental health and if you didn't have mental health concerns before you started the whole situation is more than enough to give you a heaping dose of them.  As for the physical part are you having health issues that you feel could be related to your past use, trying to get something prescribed because you actually need a benzo script to function, or something else entirely?  I ask because while my reasons may have been different I have been in the exact same place that you are and understand how trapped and hopeless it makes you feel when you're terrified to have an open and honest conversation with the exact person/people whos job is supposed to be to help you and not persecute you.  After years of fighting with it and many sleepless nights spent agonizing over the situation I did finally find ways to be mostly honest at least and started getting some help.  Depending upon which direction you're trying to go I may have some tips that could help...or not.  I just hate that you're going through this, reading about how it's making you feel and what it's doing to your life makes me feel like I'm there all over again and if any of my experience can help you even a little bit I'll do anything I can.  

I've asked on forums before but if you are a doctor, or know a doctor in my area I find people online are really receptive of the way I convey information and might be willing to help me. I'm not after Xanax or anything for recreational usage, while I do believe if I don't have PTSD it'd be weird after all I've been through and more I think would make a lot of people applicable for such a drug. I have family on Benzodiazepenes and Klonopin seems to be the most successful and I think maybe could be for me but I've never tried it or anything else besides Xanax a family member had and stuff on the streets, my entire life (I don't want to reveal my age) I've felt not whole, I believe after childhood abuse/sexual abuse and as gross as it sounds for a drug to make someone whole I think the drug to allow to me function around family and friends and the hardest strangers for once in my life T_T

I have too many health issues, I could discuss them in PMs but one or two you'd already feel bad enough for (genital surgery being 1) but just so many sprains/tendonitis and more, I think an Opioid or something real besides Tylenol could help me (hurts to learn of Big Tylenol being a terribly evil corporate business paying off lobbying and more to get their stuff to be the #1 on the market like Listerine early on, and similar to "Big Pharma" entirely if you're not a fan) even if it had Tylenol in it like Tylenol 3s I believe that include Codeine. I'm not trying to get on Opana, or Percocet or even Vicodin, if I could just get a doctor to try Codeine or Tylenol + Codeine for pain management it'd at least be a start but I can't I've struggled for 2 years. But I've actually gotten some help from someone recently and got a doctor or two's info locally who are likely to prescribe narcotics, so even if they don't really care about it being for health concerns or not I will maybe finally be able to try a real "old world medicine" for my problems.

 

[Eidolon]

@Randssss I'm definitely not a doctor and I highly doubt that we're even close to being in the same state unfortunately.  I'm in the non-continental US...which is kind of silly because we're on the same continent, just not connected.  Whatever.  I thought we had similar circumstances already, but after learning more of your history I can say that we definitely do.  I had a similar childhood and agree that it's highly likely that you have PTSD, it's nearly impossible to live through the sorts of things that we did and not have it unless you had heroic amounts of therapy.  The fact that you need medication to feel whole and be comfortable around your own family isn't gross, it's a direct result of what you have been through.  If you had been a chronic recreational user for years and now needed meds to cope that would be a different issue.  I still wouldn't call it gross or sick, just a different issue.  Do you have decent insurance and have you seen a psychiatrist at all?  I find therapy impossible, I can't sit down and talk to a stranger about my life.  It's hard enough to talk to people that I'm close to about normal stuff.  There are a lot of psychiatrists that focus on medication management and don't try to get you to lay on a couch or anything.  Mine did try to encourage me to see a therapist as well, but didn't require it.  I had to discuss a little bit of my past but he was far more focused on the problems that were keeping me from feeling comfortable participating in my own life.  I have learned that both mental and physical health professionals respond best when you focus the conversation on what you can't do and how your anxiety, pain, etc is preventing you from doing the things that you need or want to be doing.  

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss things less publicly.  Please don't be concerned about how you think I might feel about it.  I understand the concern, but I won't have responded and offered if I didn't know that would comfortable hearing and discussing such things.  I want to help, and while it sounds like you may have some hope for relief in your future sometimes having someone you can talk to who can relate to your issues can at least help and keep you moving forward and trying to find help when you start feeling like the whole world is against you.  At least it helped me when I was in your position.  I have my own physical issues as well and finally managed to get into pain management.  The one that I go to is very official and the exact opposite of the pill mill type of docs that will prescribe practically anything.  There are days that I wish for a doc that would prescribe stronger meds but at the end of the day I think I'm lucky to have one that tries to make sure I'm getting the help and relief that I need but that is also a bit more cautious with his approach.  He actually knows quite a bit about my past drug use and the fact that I have used pain meds that weren't prescribed to me and understands that it was because I was in pain and nobody would help.  Their main concern/focus was on "illicit" drug use within in the past six months and any drug use that had legal consequences.  I can share more info on that privately if it's not all stuff that you've either read or heard about before.

I have you're having a better day and have managed to get in touch with one of the doctors that you mentioned.

 

[Randssss]

I can't PM as DBG updated their site to only allow donators to, I assume to keep down on spam bots/scammers and it doesn't hurt for them to get more donators haha.

My stomach's been terrible for weeks and months, I have people in my family with ulcers and ulcer colitis and I think I might have ulcers but probably developed at half the age my father's probably did. I think perhaps really created from eating a lot of fake xanax bars and probably eating terribly on them and such.

Either that or maybe related to another problem, I had a surgery and the area has had some problems and I believe has an infection and has spread higher up my body and maybe my stomach's hurting because it's infected but idk hard to tell with a literal body of problems what is what, or keep track of when what started T_T my lymphnodes all over are swollen, painful and tender, maybe especially in that area but everywhere, they feel like really hard little balls. Really concerned, but also feel like I can't talk to my SO as I've talked about my problems a million times my family doesn't want to hear it, and my SO has their own health problems and such and like idk anyone complaining in this household is looked at as a broken record I guess and and I guess I'm not much better for when I witness them complain.

I've yet to get in contact with a doctor, I'm very limited on my mobility and going to doctors I rely on a ride. It sucks being looked at as a healthy young person when I feel like the opposite. My life's already so bad and people won't even care, many because they think they have it worse (which I'm not to say none don't or anything, idk) but I've just learned of people's narcissism and just turn off and move on during those moments. I just want to get my life where I want where I don't have to deal with people I don't want to if I think they're a bad person or something at least not have to all the time like I do now.

Really scared to pass one of these days unexpectedly. I felt like I was dying for weeks/months and only have felt a bit better recent but my body's still a mess, my brain just seemed to learn to cope to keep my mental surviving. There's an online personality who passed because of an untreated lung infection, and I've had this for idk how long :X gonna get some antibiotics soon though ideally

 

[Randssss]

American health care is a joke.  The last few times I tried to go to the Dr they just tried and push new expensive brand drugs on me.  $20 for a pill of Trintelix and all it did was cause auditory hallucinations and make me sick.  NO MATTER WHAT they want to sell you expensive anti depressants that need to be taken daily and completely alter body chemstry (thanks I don't need my soidum ion channels inhibited).  Can't sleep, agitated over the political climate, have a rash, ever experience self doubt, ANTI DEPRESSANTS CURE EVERYTHING!  It absolutely ludicrous.  Seems there are two kinds of doctors, drug dealers with a prescription pad and vendors of anti depressants, not much in between.

Nobody will prescribe anything without multiple visits to a psych and counseling, I just have trouble sleeping!  Never got molested, no underlying bullshit, just serious problems sleeping, and I don't have time to sit with a counselor and talk about problems I don't have, but they don't want to hear it.  They just want to make some pharma rep happy and get their kickbacks.  I've taken everything but dentistry into my own hands, honestly its not worth the hassle to try and get meds legitimately.  

Telling your doctor about your past drug use is not a good idea.  Also, nobody believes the "somebody dosed me" line, seriously doubt your Dr did.  And when you say "somebody dosed me with 40mg of alprazolam" the first thing in his head was "how did she know it was alprazolam, how does she know it was 40mg, and also they don't make liquid alprazolam".  If you had said "I got roofied" maybe, buy your explanation is way to specific for anyone who is not a drug user.  And anyone without a massive benzo tolerance would be hospitalized on 40mg of xanny.

I basically spent 3 months (maybe a little short) blacked out off xanax bars, and dealt with little withdrawal (I imagine I wasn't conscious for much of them) but it's very likely it was not real alprazolam. My doctor wanted to do a CT scan but its been months and I still have been unable to get in, I'm trying to move into a new place and then get in. Also I'm sure they did know but I presented it in a way where it was like I know I can't say but here's the info, and said that it was somebody that was known to dislike me and I heard from others. I didn't fight them on the liquid alp thing there I was just like I'm pretty sure it exists in my head.

I became conscious for half a day, or a day and a half a couple times only to take a little more like a quarter or half or a bar or whatever and maybe a little more later but then boom more weeks passed blacked out. 1 sec there, 1 sec weeks later, a few times.

but yes they push new experimental UNNEEDED drugs and then put you on a list/write down disinfo on you when you question them or inquire about other stuff. If you can find an old cool doctor you can talk about "old world medicine" like benzos and opioids that actually work for their jobs first of all. Instead of trying half a dozen to a dozen or more antidepressants/anti anxieties or whatever. Many which have awful side effects.

it was very dumb, but I didn't know how bad at the time, I remember waking up after the first multiple week blackout (I'd blacked out for hours/a night/day/days before) and was like well I guess it's not that bad, but first and mostly omg wtf crazy what month and day is it?!!?! is my computer off!?!?! Then telling the people around me and they were astounded. I'm sure the drugs in my system made me response so numb and dumbly. and I didn't know I would necessarily blackout for so long again especially the first time I woke up and decided even take another part of one of the bars I mean maybe a little hint of an idea especially on the later times but woke up another few weeks later, and was blown away and idk upset about something/depressed as Xanax will make you and a bit more then another few weeks. (I was clearly taking more and more when blacked out, not all of that blackout from the little bit i took)

 

[Randssss]

Randsss, I am so sorry that you are going through this!  Can you find a doctor you trust that you can tell everything to?  Would it be possible to get your pain meds through an OP?  I just hear so much pain and resignation in your posts—just know that there are many others in your position.  I really think there is going to be a revolution in this country unless many things change, including making pain meds available again to those that need them. *Hugs*

Somehow didn't see this I think, thanks you're a champ. :')

I'm going to try, it's hard not having insurance, being poor, having a broken body, and not getting government assistance, I have a license but no vehicle at the moment but I plan to have one very soon and then I'll have the money to buy from an OP. I was gonna spend $300 with StarLite but the job I worked the person's been slow to pay me, very slow and things turned from weeks to months but I also believe I should be getting that soonish but still not till past Christmas or New Years

But I know when I get it my life's going to be changed for the better, not necessarily perfect I still am trying to move into a new home. I've abused drugs before that I didn't really think I needed, and have hurt myself and just am not pursuing that now. If one of the meds I get isn't "for me" then I don't want to continue using it regularly. I'm so set on improving my life for the better, I just need to get doctors on my side.

 

[Dumbo88]

So somebody you know slipped you a massive dose of mystery drugs and you blacked out for 3 month only coming around to eat what you know are counterfeit bars???  That makes no sense at all.  Did you file a police report on the attempted murder that took place?  You have no insurance but your doctor scheduled an MRI due to the massive dose of drugs somebody slipped you?  There are a lot of things about your posts that just don't add up.  The only thing that makes sense is you are way fucked up and just posting whatever makes sense in your head at the time.  A person reading your posts is like "WTF???"

Some of your posts it says you haven't taken benzos in years, others it says you've been blacked out eating bars for the last few months.  Makes it hard to help you.  I will say this, judging by your posting you have a serious drug problem.  If you have been blacked out for month (or weeks or days) and cannot stop yourself from stuffing what you know are dangerous counterfeit bars in your mouth, it may be time to seek medical help.  I was addicted to benzos very badly and getting help was the best thing I've ever done.

Your posts are often incoherent, you seem heavily medicated and it doesn't sound like you are being at all honest with yourself or those you ask for help.  If you are not honest with yourself nobody can help you.

 

[Randssss]

So somebody you know slipped you a massive dose of mystery drugs and you blacked out for 3 month only coming around to eat what you know are counterfeit bars???  That makes no sense at all.  Did you file a police report on the attempted murder that took place?  You have no insurance but your doctor scheduled an MRI due to the massive dose of drugs somebody slipped you?  There are a lot of things about your posts that just don't add up.  The only thing that makes sense is you are way fucked up and just posting whatever makes sense in your head at the time.  A person reading your posts is like "WTF???"

Some of your posts it says you haven't taken benzos in years, others it says you've been blacked out eating bars for the last few months.  Makes it hard to help you.  I will say this, judging by your posting you have a serious drug problem.  If you have been blacked out for month (or weeks or days) and cannot stop yourself from stuffing what you know are dangerous counterfeit bars in your mouth, it may be time to seek medical help.  I was addicted to benzos very badly and getting help was the best thing I've ever done.

Your posts are often incoherent, you seem heavily medicated and it doesn't sound like you are being at all honest with yourself or those you ask for help.  If you are not honest with yourself nobody can help you.

I told my doctor someone dosed me with 40mg of liquid alp at a party to explain 1 black out because I figured they'd want to get a CT scan after. I thought that was easier to say then 8-10 weeks of fake bars. I also said the 1 night 40mg dosing thing because I'd gotten injured pretty bad and I didn't really have a fully idea how just reverse engineering how it probably happened and that was my excuse for the reasoning.

Also not in the last few months, this was over a year ago? Maybe even 1.5 or 2+ years. And usage anytime since was very small dosing like .25 or .5 of a real xanax tablet once or twice months and months apart as I believe I said. My posts I find if you do read them all correctly are consistent as they are my real experiences I have no reason to lie here. I've taken barely a few mg if that even in 1.5-2+ years.

I seem heavily medicated off of weed/weed oil at most and it's not like I do much of it. Well I'm sorry that's just the way I am, but my grammar and more is plenty fine compared to others. So idk how to feel about some "normal" people then that are sober but just thick as bricks but at least I'm better then them.

Edit I may have written some replies off alcohol or phenibut as I've done those recently, but that might explain my last responses but that's all. And some of that was me just talking to @Eidolon

 because DrugBuyersGuide no longer allows you to use the personal message system if you haven't donated.....  if anything perhaps I was in a heightened state of manicness or depression, and explains my over-sharing. But also maybe had anti-anxiety due to the Phenibut/being high off of it. But Phenibut is like a Nootropic, well it's not even like a "drug" I mean it is, but it's less intimidating than Kratom or even CBD to some.

 

[Dumbo88]

I seem heavily medicated off of weed/weed oil at most and it's not like I do much of it. Well I'm sorry that's just the way I am, but my grammar and more is plenty fine compared to others. So idk how to feel about some "normal" people then that are sober but just thick as bricks but at least I'm better then them.

That was an extremely poor demonstration of your "plenty fine" "grammar and more".  "Normal" people aren't thick as bricks, they just prefer to read coherent thoughts that have some thread connecting them into a readable paragraph.  You just ramble complete nonsense about Joe Rogan's head, your great experience with steroids and HGH, the non existant "liquid alprazolam", blacking out for months on end (but not having a drug problem), eating fake bars for weeks resulting in severe health detriments, being sober for years but also gone off phenebut, booze and hash oil.  You make no sense, you seem to just crave attention.  Thats why you got reprimanded for over using the shout box, ]nothing you say makes any sense.  All I can discern from your posts is that you have issues telling the truth, have a drug problem, and cannot admit reality to yourself so live in some bubble where you are perfectly coherent and make absolute sense and every one else is "thick as bricks" and just doesn't get it.   Yes, a box of xanax would solve the way you feel for a few days, then you'd be back here wrecking your train complaining about how nobody understands your pain and won't give you exactly what you want when you want in the quantities you want.  But you don't do drugs.  LOL!  

LOOK AT ME 
LOOK AT ME 
LOOK AT ME 
LOOK AT ME!

 

[chaos7979]

Well said Dumbo88!! 

 

[SleepyMonkey]

I want to be honest about my extreme benzo abuse in a short span and blacking out for multiple weeks multiple times, and about my injuries received during then. Also concerned about things like possibly epilepsy, but I don't want to be put on a list as a drug-seeker or anything of the sorts. Regardless of your views it's a disgustingly abused list that far too many people are on, and rejected proper medicine they need and their biochemistry is compatible with for no other reason's than fear of something happening because some people go overboard, or shouldn't be taking that drug in the first place or some backlash from the public.

Lying to them I don't know how to feel, I had to tell my doctor someone gave me 40mg of liquid alprazolam in my drink at a party. Something that I came up with on the spot (stupid and surprised he didn't say to file a police report, then he said liquid alprazolam didn't exist LOL doctors....)

but he thinks that only happened once and one night, instead of dozens of mgs for days and days, couple days/a day or day and half of consciousness and then back out for some weeks

I want to move out of America so bad to get some help or just get some real help I'm literally having to ponder having sex with a doctor to get actual help. Every visit for anything, the person's just in a rush to get me/anyone else out the door it seems instead of listening. and I've NEVER been a whore.

I've been 100% honest about past addiction problems and my current doc has me on controlled meds. What you're saying simply isn't true.