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FilthyCabby

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Joined
Aug 14, 2016
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Hello everyone, I have known of this site for many many years now. At least 5 that I can remember... Before then it's hazy.. But I knew of the forum I just wasn't in the know, my father was the one who I found out about this place from (not intentionally ofcohrse) he had been abusing benzos and let slip that he gets them internationally. From there it was only a matter of sleuthing. Only so many iops forums with dbg as an acronym pop :) during this time I was struggling with my own opiate addiction.  Fast forward two years from then and I am a full blown junkie looking for any and every way to get pk's,  I was all in for SY guy I found but why wait for the mail when I could just call my guy,  so I never took the plunge. Fast forward again to now. I am 1 year 6 months sober from opiates with a whole new look on life,  drugs,  and addiction. I have no intentions on going back to my previous ways,  how ever.  I am at another conundrum, I have severe ADHD, so basically I am a complete space cadet,  but intellectual. I have problems paying attention and on task,  but I have found I love to educate myself.

So long story short as a child I was diagnosed adhd-C  which is both hyper active and primarily inattentive. During the 3 week trial the 1 week I was on adderle there was a significant, massive change to my behavior. I was able to sit down and do my homework without distraction,  Uh WHAT?!. So they prescribed me.  But the pharmacist literally scared my family into thinking taking medication as prescribed would instantaniously make me a drug addict,  she threw away the script right when she got home.  I didn't even get one pill. So now here I am 27 years old,  going over in my head Why I cant ever accomplish any of my goals,  why I can't even do something as simple as stay on top of laundry,  why I can study programming as a hobby for the last year but literally not be able to recall what I've learned,  and feel like I haven't learned a thing.  And then my 5th grade teachers voice pops in my head scolding me because I couldn't sit still,  Yelling at me that I MUST be on meds if I am to be in her class. And I remembered every little detail of how horrible childhood was, how I was denied the opportunity to try and make a normal life for myself. 

But,  I am not mad. I have a doctor appointment Wednesday for my ADHD specifically and I am going to be up front about every alternative method I use from the white board and calendar on my door to my room to my planner journal where I wrote down and schedule EVERY single thing for the day. All the way down to when I need to take a break. And now nootropics.  But nothing is working still. I am still constantly late to appointments or miss them all together. So here I am again Dbg,  except this time with the express purpose of to increase my quality of life. Not to score a stash to get high on. 

Thanks for reading my wall of vomit. It felt good to get all of this out. 

Been a really bad couple of weeks lately. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Welcome @FilthyCabby, there are a few members who share your affliction, abd thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, I hope it felt good to get it off your chest as you said! Hopefully things will improve for you in the very near future, and if we can help you with that then all the better! 

 
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