Help with me mom's Alzheimers

ToddM

ToddM

Member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
24
Hi all, 

I normally don't post much but was wondering if anyone else has or had a parent (that you are close with) who has dementia or Alzheimers.

I'm her sole and primary caregiver and I can't afford private nurse and I don't believe in rest homes, she or I can't afford one anyhow.

I'm having a really difficult time handling it as we were always very close. 

Does anybody have any advice in how to cope and handle it from my end, besides going to support groups (I, myself, have severe agoraphobia, hard to leave the house, have all of our needs delivered and (I have a taxi/uber take us to her doctor appts or ER when need be.)

I can't tell anyone I feel suicidal myself again (issue my whole life on and off) because my mom has absolutely no one else but me to care for her and no one will cover her health insurance because of the severity of ALL of her medical conditions. I called a crisis center once and all they did was tell me to call a number to get free therapy, but I said I'm agoraphobic and have problems leaving my home with no insurance and they said they couldn't do much more. Anyhow, my mom also has heart failure, on oxygen and can't walk from past back surgeries but it's her depression and dementia that I can't seem to help get her through. The hospital said the dementia will eventually turn into Alzheimers and at the rate it is accelerating I know I have an even bigger battle ahead of me very soon. The medications they have her on are not helping at all and they've been told but just suggest I toss her in a hospice. Can't do that, no money and I would never think of such a thing. 

My mom is only 60, was a beautiful model and intelligent woman at one time, everyone loved her and it is extremely difficult to watch her deteriorate on a 24/7 basis into a shell of who she used to be.

I would like a break but can't seem to even leave my house because of my agoraphobia. I don't take anything and turned down for disability myself, have no insurance to see someone for my own issues, so I just want to be there for my mother and do the best job I can.  I know I have to stay healthy to be able to care for her. 

Anyhow, thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Thanks in advance, for any help and advice you can give me.  

 
@toddm

i am sorry to hear your story, i hope your mom and you get caring help.

   https://alzfdn.org/caregiving-resources/2860-2/

might have resources for you.   my mom didn't have alzheimer's but while dying she did reach the point of needing hospice.   i know you are going through a lot but 'toss her in hospice' is an odd statement.    maybe it varies from state to state, country to country, but my experience with hospice was superb.   mom stayed in her home, and the hospice nurses came twice a week.  they were the most caring, loving, understanding people.    and in usa/nc where we live it was free.    they helped me manage her meds, hugged me when i needed it, even offered to sit with mom if i needed to go scream and cry somewhere.   i hope hospice in your area is equally wonderful.  https://www.nhpco.org/

always get a referral to a non-profit hospice, never use a for-profit one. 

i wish you well.

 
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  2. B @ bigblueallda: @drjimmy1964 lol I am actually surprised it is a real ID. I needed those documents because my license had been expired for over a year and I had to start all over. Nothing was in the system. It was a huge mess. I had no clue I was signing up for Real ID. They asked me for the exact same documents that I needed for a State ID Card.
  3. S @ soupson: bless your heart buddy. no sense of grammar or proper insults/jokes. you need this place in ways i can’t comprehend
  4. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: Sweet Ol' Me asked about Real ID, Stoup. Are you responsive to emails ? LMAO
  5. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: I smell some Stoup. Is Stoup's on ?
  6. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: @bigblueallda You win. I am lost. Thought you were surprised your license was a Real ID, now you say you provided those items.
  7. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: @bigblueallda I was under the impression that you'd need all of the points to get a real ID . I'd check it's validity if you're gonna fly domestic any time soon, just to make sure. Not to tell you what to do, sorry -
  8. B @ bigblueallda: @drjimmy1964 In my state to get a Real ID, I need SS card, Birth Certificate and two proofs of residency. Which I am positive I had to provide to get a new ID when it had been expired.
  9. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: @Turbo259 advertising - putting in writing for example an negative action to show they are guilty prior to taking action.
  10. B @ bigblueallda: I haven't flown in an airplane in 20 years lol. Can't recall the last government building I have been in either. According to the symbol it tells me I should have on my ID to make it a Real ID I do have one in my state
  11. Gracie5 @ Gracie5: Hey @CuCeltic99!
  12. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: @Turbo259 advertising - putting in writing for example an negative action to show they are guilty prior to taking action.
  13. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: @bigblueallda are you sure you have a Real ID ? I mean , they really want 6 points of proof and 1 for your addy and 1 for your SSN. Did you maybe get it done and forgot and flew out of the country or something ?
  14. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: @bigblueallda are you sure you have a Real ID ? I mean , they really want 6 points of proof and 1 for your addy and 1 for your SSN. Did you maybe get it done and forgot and flew out of the country or something ?
  15. S @ soupson: did anyone ask about real id or is sweet ol jimmy just rambling
  16. T @ Turbo259: @drjimmy1964 what did you mean by advertise? not gettin the verbiage, DM works if anything, just didnt understand
  17. B @ bigblueallda: {Visit your local Driver Service Bureau with the necessary documents: original birth certificate, Social Security card, and two proofs of your state's residency. } I definitely provided this when I had to get a new ID when i let mine go expired too long maybe I unknowingly got one but I think it is pretty standard here.
  18. B @ bigblueallda: Well it was a state id renewal. Before that there was a mixup and I had lost my birth certficate and social security number. After a couple of weeks and finally getting several documents in order I was able to get a state ID. It had been expired previously for a little too long and they wanted all kinds of proof. It was a mess. But nah I looked up what to look for an my state's ID to see if it is a Real Id or not and my card as the symbol it is supposed to have. I'll take a closer look though
  19. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: @bigblueallda are you sure you have a Real ID ? I mean , they really want 6 points of proof and 1 for your addy and 1 for your SSN. Did you maybe get it done and forgot and flew out of the country or something ?
  20. drjimmy1964 @ drjimmy1964: Actually it says "Not For Real ID Purposes". That is my 2022 renewal of my 2018 picture ID. I am not due till 2026 and I am sure they will make me go in since my pic would be 8 years old - they used to make you go in in my state for aging when I was younger, then went paper - then back to picture ( I think 9/11 to blame for that ) but relaxed it.
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