I had to take my dad to the ER because of chest pains. He has a heart problem. I know someday he will be gone, but I thought I would have more time. My best friend died in May, and now I might loose my second best friend. Just not sure what to do at the moment. How does someone get ready for losing a parent? Sorry if this is the wrong place to post.
Helter,
I'm very sorry to hear about both the passing of your best friend and the poor condition of your Dad.
I must confess, I cannot advise on any one way to deal with death. I don't quite believe that one can prepare themselves for the possibility or even inevitability of losing an important loved one.
Losing a parent; although something most of us realize will occur during our own lifetime, can seem to represent the passing of pieces of who we are.
There are those of us who did not or do not have "ideal" relationships with our parents, but their existence is a physical reminder of where we came from, who we've become and our beliefs about our destiny.
There is some comfort (I hope) in knowing that in a game of winners and losers; those who pass are the winners in the end. Whether they are relieved from pain, mental anguish or both, we are the ones who must try to carry on for the living people who love and care about us.
If given the chance and if you wish to do so; reminding your Dad how much he means to you while he is still here, may help to rid you of some of the guilt you may feel if he does pass away.
Most people worry about the burden their death may bring upon those left "picking up the pieces" and to receive some assurance from you that you do not feel ill will towards him or the matters that will inevitably await you once he is gone, may help him to feel some peace as he faces his possible end.
Without knowing you or your Dad, I cannot say if injecting a little humor into the seriousness of the current situation would help, it may help to ease both of your sadness and fear.
Having said all of that, leave open the possibility that he may recover from this and enjoy life beyond this health scare.
Your sadness over the loss of your friend still raw, may also accentuate your own fears about losing another very important person.
Speaking on my own experience, I lost my Dad nearly a decade ago. He committed suicide and did in fact leave years of financial burden in the wake of his death. I was young and in many respects not mature enough to resolve these matters alone. Due to the nature of his death, many of my family and friends took a more bitter position and some even advised me that I should look at his death as a chance for me to live a more normal life. This type of "support" was only a detriment and left me feeling more alone and angry.
In the first few months I was disconnected to the loss and more engaged in the "business" of handling all the standard issues that death presents. I'm not proud to admit it, but the next year was mostly spent in a spiral of self-destruction. After a good deal of time, reflection and support from others, I was finally able to be sad but not ready to die. This was just my journey and due to my age, I had very little experience in managing a loss of this magnitude.
What I would advise is that you welcome and request support in whatever capacity you can receive it. Cling a little closer to family and friends and above all honor the day to day changes you will likely feel as you travel away from the day of loss.
Dads are a special breed. They cannot be replaced and shouldn't be if at all possible.
Tell him you love him.
Tell him that some of the dreams he has for you WILL become your reality.
And...Thank him for whatever you know he gave you when he was here.
I so hope that you don't lose your Dad soon, but if you do, I hope that you can try to imagine a time when it will hurt less.
This forum is FULL of people who give support freely and genuinely, continue to reach out to some of them if you feel comfortable doing so.
Take Care,
Beranda