Husband is driving me crazy

[cassandra]

When I first started ordering vitamins, I kept it a secret. Then I decided that honesty was the best policy. BIG MISTAKE. Can't unring that bell. Now if we argue, he threatens to call the police to share my secret, my boss should know, he thinks. When he's angry, it seems like a good idea to him to teach me consequences. Am I his child to raise? I know the consequences already, which is why I am keeping things on the down low and in sceret.  I thought I could trust my husband, but who knows. He did call the police once to tell  he thought I was suicidal. So I had to call them and tell them that was not the case. If they had showed up here, no doubt my husband would have told them I get vitamins from other countries.  And - this small town I live in, I have to work with some of these people from time to time. everybody knows everybody here, and I stand out because I'm the new girl. 

Why oh why can't he just live me and my habit alone as long as it doesn't affect his life negatively? I don't like it when he drinks alcohol and gets drunk, but do I nag him about his habits? No. But of course, his habit is LEGAL. He didn't think to call the police when he and a friend smoked weed. That is soooo legal. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..... live and let live!!!! 

I am taking my vitamins to sleep. Sometimes I don't go to bed right away, and if I don't do that, he raises hell. And what hell do I raise? I just sit silently in front of my laptop and watch the end of my tv show - and then I go to bed. Leave -  me - alone - husband. How hard can it be???? 

 

[2earls]

@cassandra73 that post made me sad. It's not good in a relationship to always be making threats whatever they may be about. I don't think it's your vitamins that are the problem but his anger is. It's just something to pick on you about when he is mad.

I had a long time boyfriend who treated me like that towards the end of our time and I was always asking why, but there is no good answer. As long as they have anger issues they will take it out on those they are closest to. Please don't let it affect you to the point of becoming depressed like I did. Maybe he wants to have some kind of control over you? But don't let him control how you feel about yourself. If he wants to be a hypocrite about his drinking and smoking then that's his problem. 

I doubt that the police are going to launch a full scale investigation because you take a vitamin at bedtime and I hope he's never foolish enough to go that far. Hope things get better for you.

 

[KittyPurffect]

Gemini, Aries, Taurus?

 

[Dr-Octagon]

Im going  to  guess aries. I have never ever let my wife kno every aspect of everything  ive ever  done. Ive owned different "setups" "ops" grown  certain things, ordered this and that. Always had private boxes. Pre-paid cards. Still.do to this day. Been married 14 years, known her 23 years. I have never been up front about all of it. Some of it was safety, some of it principle. Some of ot how i was raised. (I was raised in a 1% m.c. family) I'm not, for the record affiliated.  But i just have never put any of my business out on the table.  May not be the "right thing to have done in some ways but that's  how it's always been.

 

[cassandra]

Gemini. 

And yes, he does have anger issues. The other night he threw and egg on the cieling. Took him a long time to get that off the following day.  

 

[Dr-Octagon]

Gemini. 

And yes, he does have anger issues. The other night he threw and egg on the cieling. Took him a long time to get that off the following day.  

I would imagine so.

 

[cassandra]

He has calmed down fortunatly, but he will not be informed of stuff related to this in the future. Lesson learned. I have learned some after joining this board. 

 

[crump vignola]

These posts are old I realize but I’m replying anyway.  My husband is livid.  He told me to pack my shit and get out so that’s exactly what I did last Thursday.

There’s much more to this story but we have since made up but I part of me really feels that I should jut move out for his sake.

I just use the vitamins to help my sleep.  I don’t effect him (that I can tell) in any way.  I have no kids and so what if I take a vitamin at night to help me sleep.

So much more to this story but since I’m new not sure how much to share,  

Thanks for whoever read this.

 

[2earls]

@crump vignola so sorry to hear you are having marital problems. When things are bad in your most important relationship it can't help but affect all other aspects of your life.

Lord knows things are not perfect with my husband and I, but what you are describing isn't something I have to put up with. Long ago when we were renting an apartment that he was paying for, he pulled that crap on me. The "get out" routine I mean.

Can't remember whether I left or stayed, all I know is that whenever it was we reconciled I told him I would only come back if he never did that again. I think it's ridiculous for someone to try and win a fight by threatening to take away their partners home. It's not something that should be ammunition to hold over a person's head and your husband  (who may be a wonderful guy) needs to understand this.

If a time ever comes when one or both parties decide to end a relationship it has to be done calmly and rationally . Don't you feel like your husband overreacted to the situation? He has every right to be upset if you went behind his back, but if you know that he can't be reasonable about it then I think most of us would try the easiest way to avoid a big argument. 

Lastly, although myou husband isn't as extreme, he doesn't wholly approve of my self medicating either. Yes, on one hand I do feel a little guilty, but, on the other hand my husband doesn't always behave exactly as I want him to either. Sometimes to get along in a marriage we have to be less rigid in our judgements of each other and just try to accept that we can love someone without loving every single thing they do.

Good luck!

 

[Sgrbr420]

These posts are old I realize but I’m replying anyway.  My husband is livid.  He told me to pack my shit and get out so that’s exactly what I did last Thursday.

There’s much more to this story but we have since made up but I part of me really feels that I should jut move out for his sake.

I just use the vitamins to help my sleep.  I don’t effect him (that I can tell) in any way.  I have no kids and so what if I take a vitamin at night to help me sleep.

So much more to this story but since I’m new not sure how much to share,  

Thanks for whoever read this.

Sorry to hear of this. As @2earls said he has no right to make you homeless especially at a time like now, wtf.  Sending vibes of strength your way. 

 

[DoomKitty]

@crump vignola Also sorry to hear of this!! Ditto to everything @2earls and @Sgrbr420 said.  If you ever need to share more or just vent  were here for you!!  Take good care and sending lots of strength your way!

 

[chchtwo]

Sometimes to get along in a marriage we have to be less rigid in our judgements of each other and just try to accept that we can love someone without loving every single thing they do.

Amen @2earls .  That's the key.  Everone has some faults or some traits that some may not like.  If you are going to stay together long-term, living together, knowing sometimes too much of the small details of your significant other is something that can start to build up negative tension that will continue as long as both sides have the stamina, but it can get to the point where it's too late.  It becomes a grind with flareups and earthquakes.  It has to be give and take.  My wife and I (29 yrs) have alot of different tastes and preferences, so we give each other a lot of latitude and space in order to do a little more with the things that each of us are interested.  Not to say we lead separate lives, we don't.  We spend a lot of time together, but it keeps it fresh.  It does help to have one laid back partner that's a little more elastic.

 @crump vignola Sorry you are having these problems.  To be brutally honest and assuming you are being literal, it sounds like he's thinking of only himself.  Sleep is a big quality of life issue.  It doesn't sound like he's appreciating your issue that causes you to order vitamins in the first place.  Is it because it's ordered over internet?  Would he feel same way if you had viatims prescibed to you?  Threatening to throw you out is terrible, especially for that.  You gotta save those for the unruly 23 old son that still lives at home, but only causes problems and hawks (sp?) all of your shit to buy drugs, not to mention wrecking the car.  I figure you have to work this issue out or it will fester and get worse.  At a minimum, You deserve to be treated as a human, with the same dignity as the rest of us..  If you can't get that done and he won't help you come up with a solution or offer help in some way, I'd say don't waste too much of your life.  I do truly hope you can have an honest discussion and work things out.  I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but you maybe missing a much more rewarding, respectful, and understanding relationship.  Either way, I wish you the best of luck and thank you for sharing.

chctwo

 

[chchtwo]

Although if this is already long-term in nature and you are well invested in it, then try to come to a reasonable agreement/understanding.