- Joined
- Dec 19, 2024
- Messages
- 6
I have no car. I live where there is basically no public transport. have EXTREME GAD, panic disorder, essential tremor, insomnia, dysautonomia, RLS & neuropathy in my legs, ADHD, as well as am on the autism spectrum. I used to have insurance and a career. I lost them both in 2021. I was able to survive paying cash to see my doctor for a while, but it was unsustainable. I was finally able to find forward health, that had both locations in major metro areas as well as 24/7 telehealth. And I was fine. I only had to get a physical once a year, so once a year I would arrange for transportation to the office in the city. They abruptly shutdown recently and I have been doing everything I can to try and replace them.
I need telehealth that can continue my care. That means at least 600mg gabapentin 4 times daily, but 800mg preferred, as it worked best for also anxiety as well as ET, RLS and neuropathy. I have been on this therapy since 2002. I also take daily benzo for insomnia and anxiety, and I need to have access to something PRN in the case of a panic attack. I cannot use the ER to treat panic attacks! It's common sense. I cannot fear running out of medication and not being able to get it filled due to hurricanes and freezes that shut down the state. I need to be able to use my mind. I used to be a principle structural designer since 2006, working with engineers to basically design subsea structures that needed to be installe and maintained by ROVs. I had to ensure that everything was properly inspected, that we hit our targets, that we did not damage client assets or endanger human lives offshore. I was very good at my job. I also would help IT deploy specialized software and manage the data management components (if you know anything about Autodesk, I was an Inventor power user for subsea as well as topsides (I did large frame structures for many drilling and production platforms, and the subsea manifolds as well as piles and jumpers) steel construction, and I could manage vault, as well as I was proficient in AutoCAD since I was saying my first words) When I got laid off in 21, I didn't know it was going to be like this. All the work I put in to optimize workflows and automate modeling basically was part of why companies can do more with less, along with the market pressure from the downturn in 2017, the lack of accommodations for adults with autism and gender dysphoria being so looked down on industry-wide, then after adjusting to post-COVID/post trump economics, basically nobody is hiring. People I know only keep their jobs not to end up like me- without healthcare and nearly homeless. I have used up my savings and 401k. I rely on my wife's income from bartending as well as her kind parents allowing us to stay in a garage apartment. My father disowned me, so he is not in the picture. The only work I have been able to find is participating in university studies and completing surveys. This includes some AI annotation work. It is neither steady, nor much more than a few hundred a month.
Basically, I have had one struggle after another to find a doctor that can continue my care. I can get the gabapentin, but I am not paying 160 dollars a month for a service only to give me a gabapentin script that is still lower than I need. They are unwilling to move up to 800mg 4 times daily although I was on it for many years. This medicine is safe. I am not asking for 2mg xanax bars or the 2mg kpins. I am not asking for 10000 valiums. I am asking for essentially 1mg klonopin per night, and with the option to break in half if I don't need it. Or one 10mg valium. I am not seeking xanax at all, in fact. The half-life is too short, and the potential for tolerance is too high. 1m Klonopin gives me the ability break in half some nights where I am feeling better and to save extra in the case of a serious attack. I cannot take SSRI SSNRI tricyclics, antipsychotics or medicine like that. It does not relieve anxiety, in fact makes it worse, as well, the half-lives are so long, too long, and at best all it does is increase serotonin, which is ok, but raising norepinephrine is bad, and the other types like for example mirtazapine reduce dopamine so much I will sleep. for ages. Or cause horrible psychological effects like trazodone is horrible medication. Absolute torture. I need to treat insomnia, not sleep 24/7 or be unable to sleep at all and have the experience seem like 6 hours dragged to 60. I can't take the side effects of SSRI or SSNRI, not the sexual nor the brain zaps, and I need something I can also take where I can use low dose maybe something like Ritalin for my ADHD. At the end of the day, I am doing all I can with regards to things like CBT and adapting, but that only goes so far. I need to continue to freelance and while trying to do this, I need to continue to look for something permanent. I have to perform well. The industry is very much agist right now and 43 with a 3 year gap might as well not even try to compete for a junior level position. It's ridiculous. The WFH requirement makes that all very difficult. And in texas I don't qualify for any benefits. There is the Medicaid gap, and disability is not given to "men" for anything that can't be seen on an x-ray. I also cannot afford a lawyer anyway.
Anyhow, I cannot find a provider that will treat me with respect when they talk to me. I cannot find a provider that will basically not threaten to take away my medication over time. What I have is progressive. I am going to be requiring medication for life. This is simple stuff. Especially the gabapentin, (and sometimes propranolol) for the ET that has only got worse since I have aged. I am 43. I need a provider that understands how important it is to ensure there are no gaps in my care. I need a provider that sees me as a human being that has an unfortunate circumstance, and yet there is plenty of medication that can handle it.
I feel helpless every time I try to talk to these people. They don't even know the law. Texas requires scheduled scripts to be sent in by an MD. Medvidi is charging me 160 a month to threaten to reduce my gabapentin and refuse to give a complete script for klonopin. They only give 20 days worth! Then they threaten to reduce it further in a month, and want you to pay another 160 dollars! It's no wonder I am here.
My ADHD has been going unmedicated since 2021, and Forward was at least on the same page as me on gabapentin, but they wanted me to take 1mg xanax each night. Not optimal, but it was working. It was also 150 a month and they had a nice app and friendly doctors in the city offices. I miss them.
I messaged Klarity, but they refused to answer if they had MDs on staff that could write the appropriate scripts that I would need. They wanted me to pay money I do not have just to find out what I already know, that a nurse practitioner, no matter how good, and I know they are good, but their scripts are discarded for anything scheduled.
To add to all of this, I have not attempted to address the gender dysphoria. I have already made peace with the fact that I will never afford to be what I was supposed to be since I am too old for hormones alone to make the necessary changes. It is thousands of dollars just for hair removal and it takes many treatments. Facial surgeries are a fortune, and I need dental work before I do anything else. I have two root canals and crowns I need and no way to pay for them. MY wife, my beautiful wife having to bear this all has caused so much of a struggle between us.
I do commend everyone here supporting harm reduction and body autonomy.
Old useless medications are being passed along as new treatments by these teleservices and they aren't cheap. Hydroxyzine, which is less effective than Benadryl is almost 50 dollars for a bottle of 90. And it is being offered as a replacement for GABAergic medications (mind you 120 600mg gabapentin is 42 dollars, cheaper and more effective at maintaining a baseline level of tolerable pain and anxiety). They don't even know what they are doing, or if they do, they are not following ethical standards.
I mainly posted this to vent because I have nowhere else I can post this kind of stuff to and have people understand.
Oh, and one more thing. I don't drink or smoke, and I haven't used caffeine in over a year. I have yet to meet a doctor that was willing to believe me, mostly due to the tremors. Forward did a full physical and found my levels all green, unfortunately so was testosterone. I was secretly hoping it was low. But again, I have basically given up on that life. I just want to survive at this point. I am open to suggestions. I noticed that gabapentin sold from vendors here is the price that is paid cash for gabapentin for pets. I need to somehow get supplied with enough anxiety meds, as well as something like Ritalin, (hell in the old days, I would have said cocaine, since it basically worked better than any ADHD stimulant, but obviously that isn't sustainable and reduces my credibility with some people, and I certainly could never tell a doctor that. Still though, it is true) I am also wanting to attempt MDMA therapy, but I am nervous about ketamine. And I have absolutely no idea how I would be able to afford it.
Medvidi has one month left before I give up on them. If they refuse to give me daily anxiety meds, I can't with them. I'll have to find who will teledoc the gabapentin and get everything else through these markets, I guess. That is the state of healthcare in soon to be 2025.
TLDR: I require drugs to live, and can't find doctors to give them out on the internet. I have no transportation. I am considering these markets instead for most of it. But I am finding things are still VERY expensive.
I have seen a couple vendors with more reasonable prices for valium, klonopin, ritalin, but minimum order requirements put me out of the price ranges. Still. I am glad this place exists.
-J
I need telehealth that can continue my care. That means at least 600mg gabapentin 4 times daily, but 800mg preferred, as it worked best for also anxiety as well as ET, RLS and neuropathy. I have been on this therapy since 2002. I also take daily benzo for insomnia and anxiety, and I need to have access to something PRN in the case of a panic attack. I cannot use the ER to treat panic attacks! It's common sense. I cannot fear running out of medication and not being able to get it filled due to hurricanes and freezes that shut down the state. I need to be able to use my mind. I used to be a principle structural designer since 2006, working with engineers to basically design subsea structures that needed to be installe and maintained by ROVs. I had to ensure that everything was properly inspected, that we hit our targets, that we did not damage client assets or endanger human lives offshore. I was very good at my job. I also would help IT deploy specialized software and manage the data management components (if you know anything about Autodesk, I was an Inventor power user for subsea as well as topsides (I did large frame structures for many drilling and production platforms, and the subsea manifolds as well as piles and jumpers) steel construction, and I could manage vault, as well as I was proficient in AutoCAD since I was saying my first words) When I got laid off in 21, I didn't know it was going to be like this. All the work I put in to optimize workflows and automate modeling basically was part of why companies can do more with less, along with the market pressure from the downturn in 2017, the lack of accommodations for adults with autism and gender dysphoria being so looked down on industry-wide, then after adjusting to post-COVID/post trump economics, basically nobody is hiring. People I know only keep their jobs not to end up like me- without healthcare and nearly homeless. I have used up my savings and 401k. I rely on my wife's income from bartending as well as her kind parents allowing us to stay in a garage apartment. My father disowned me, so he is not in the picture. The only work I have been able to find is participating in university studies and completing surveys. This includes some AI annotation work. It is neither steady, nor much more than a few hundred a month.
Basically, I have had one struggle after another to find a doctor that can continue my care. I can get the gabapentin, but I am not paying 160 dollars a month for a service only to give me a gabapentin script that is still lower than I need. They are unwilling to move up to 800mg 4 times daily although I was on it for many years. This medicine is safe. I am not asking for 2mg xanax bars or the 2mg kpins. I am not asking for 10000 valiums. I am asking for essentially 1mg klonopin per night, and with the option to break in half if I don't need it. Or one 10mg valium. I am not seeking xanax at all, in fact. The half-life is too short, and the potential for tolerance is too high. 1m Klonopin gives me the ability break in half some nights where I am feeling better and to save extra in the case of a serious attack. I cannot take SSRI SSNRI tricyclics, antipsychotics or medicine like that. It does not relieve anxiety, in fact makes it worse, as well, the half-lives are so long, too long, and at best all it does is increase serotonin, which is ok, but raising norepinephrine is bad, and the other types like for example mirtazapine reduce dopamine so much I will sleep. for ages. Or cause horrible psychological effects like trazodone is horrible medication. Absolute torture. I need to treat insomnia, not sleep 24/7 or be unable to sleep at all and have the experience seem like 6 hours dragged to 60. I can't take the side effects of SSRI or SSNRI, not the sexual nor the brain zaps, and I need something I can also take where I can use low dose maybe something like Ritalin for my ADHD. At the end of the day, I am doing all I can with regards to things like CBT and adapting, but that only goes so far. I need to continue to freelance and while trying to do this, I need to continue to look for something permanent. I have to perform well. The industry is very much agist right now and 43 with a 3 year gap might as well not even try to compete for a junior level position. It's ridiculous. The WFH requirement makes that all very difficult. And in texas I don't qualify for any benefits. There is the Medicaid gap, and disability is not given to "men" for anything that can't be seen on an x-ray. I also cannot afford a lawyer anyway.
Anyhow, I cannot find a provider that will treat me with respect when they talk to me. I cannot find a provider that will basically not threaten to take away my medication over time. What I have is progressive. I am going to be requiring medication for life. This is simple stuff. Especially the gabapentin, (and sometimes propranolol) for the ET that has only got worse since I have aged. I am 43. I need a provider that understands how important it is to ensure there are no gaps in my care. I need a provider that sees me as a human being that has an unfortunate circumstance, and yet there is plenty of medication that can handle it.
I feel helpless every time I try to talk to these people. They don't even know the law. Texas requires scheduled scripts to be sent in by an MD. Medvidi is charging me 160 a month to threaten to reduce my gabapentin and refuse to give a complete script for klonopin. They only give 20 days worth! Then they threaten to reduce it further in a month, and want you to pay another 160 dollars! It's no wonder I am here.
My ADHD has been going unmedicated since 2021, and Forward was at least on the same page as me on gabapentin, but they wanted me to take 1mg xanax each night. Not optimal, but it was working. It was also 150 a month and they had a nice app and friendly doctors in the city offices. I miss them.
I messaged Klarity, but they refused to answer if they had MDs on staff that could write the appropriate scripts that I would need. They wanted me to pay money I do not have just to find out what I already know, that a nurse practitioner, no matter how good, and I know they are good, but their scripts are discarded for anything scheduled.
To add to all of this, I have not attempted to address the gender dysphoria. I have already made peace with the fact that I will never afford to be what I was supposed to be since I am too old for hormones alone to make the necessary changes. It is thousands of dollars just for hair removal and it takes many treatments. Facial surgeries are a fortune, and I need dental work before I do anything else. I have two root canals and crowns I need and no way to pay for them. MY wife, my beautiful wife having to bear this all has caused so much of a struggle between us.
I do commend everyone here supporting harm reduction and body autonomy.
Old useless medications are being passed along as new treatments by these teleservices and they aren't cheap. Hydroxyzine, which is less effective than Benadryl is almost 50 dollars for a bottle of 90. And it is being offered as a replacement for GABAergic medications (mind you 120 600mg gabapentin is 42 dollars, cheaper and more effective at maintaining a baseline level of tolerable pain and anxiety). They don't even know what they are doing, or if they do, they are not following ethical standards.
I mainly posted this to vent because I have nowhere else I can post this kind of stuff to and have people understand.
Oh, and one more thing. I don't drink or smoke, and I haven't used caffeine in over a year. I have yet to meet a doctor that was willing to believe me, mostly due to the tremors. Forward did a full physical and found my levels all green, unfortunately so was testosterone. I was secretly hoping it was low. But again, I have basically given up on that life. I just want to survive at this point. I am open to suggestions. I noticed that gabapentin sold from vendors here is the price that is paid cash for gabapentin for pets. I need to somehow get supplied with enough anxiety meds, as well as something like Ritalin, (hell in the old days, I would have said cocaine, since it basically worked better than any ADHD stimulant, but obviously that isn't sustainable and reduces my credibility with some people, and I certainly could never tell a doctor that. Still though, it is true) I am also wanting to attempt MDMA therapy, but I am nervous about ketamine. And I have absolutely no idea how I would be able to afford it.
Medvidi has one month left before I give up on them. If they refuse to give me daily anxiety meds, I can't with them. I'll have to find who will teledoc the gabapentin and get everything else through these markets, I guess. That is the state of healthcare in soon to be 2025.
TLDR: I require drugs to live, and can't find doctors to give them out on the internet. I have no transportation. I am considering these markets instead for most of it. But I am finding things are still VERY expensive.
I have seen a couple vendors with more reasonable prices for valium, klonopin, ritalin, but minimum order requirements put me out of the price ranges. Still. I am glad this place exists.
-J
