Perhaps I have unique brain chemistry, but I've at many times in my life treated my depression through researching microdoses (I use that term generously) of said substance as well as 1pl$d on a daily basis sometimes every day for a month or more. While certainly a tolerance does build, and days off once in a while makes a huge difference, I've experienced minimal side effects or rebound depression from a cycle that starts with about 12.5 mcg per day and ends 6 weeks later with the same dose but administered 2-4 times per day. It's never had zero effect on my mood and outlook no matter how long I've researched consecutively.
During these periods I never research more than 25 mcg at a time and never more than 75 mcg in a day. I wonder if this has a role in how well I'm able to tolerate it. Psychs are lovely and life changing in large doses but in low doses I've found they almost mimic the effect of pharma antidepressants in that the positive effects build over time. Were I to try and have a breakthrough experience during this time period, I believe my levels would be messed up and I'd be depleted and depressed and probably unaffected by such small doses.
Going about things this way 10 tabs of 100 mcg 1p can provide me with weeks of uplifting positive energy. I don't try and make myself stop as long as it's still helping, there just comes a time when I feel I'd prefer to not continue my regimen (usually because I do end up experiencing a lack of mental clarity) and when I do stop there's an afterglow as well as the effect of returning to an un medicated state of mind, which can feel almost equally psychedelic.
@porkandbeansboy i do believe a good mindset is key to having a successful full dose experience, but ime low doses do a lot to change my mindset from totally desperate and disassociated to at the very least neutral if not a place of gratitude for I don't know what, I guess just the chance to bounce around life and see such chaos around me which is often times beautiful or tragic but mostly just meaningless.
Also, I think I might know that feeling of pre-decided hopelessness you're referring to. I'm gonna get a little far out here so I apologize but like, in many ways, society/government/money totally shapes and cages the human experience to the point that sometimes it feels like every billboard and tv show and inflections in the voices of politicians and radio personalities are all specifically designed to lead me to the same dead end routines of jobs or not jobs or whatever is the seemingly inescapable reality we come to inhabit.
I'm fairly sure the following theory is one popularized by old privileged irresponsible white males who receive way too much credit (i.e. timothy leary terrence mckenna, oliver sachs etc). but even still I believe taking doses of cid small enough to function on is a really effective way of protecting my mind from the mass societal brainwashing implemented by media and the government. I'm not a scientist or a doctor or especially intelligent but I can feel that psyches cause my synapses to fire and associate in ways that oppressors can't predict or control, and for me it's really freeing to wander through my garbagey life just totally misinterpreting news and ads and information that was all fake misdirection anyway. The arbitrary life is so much more fulfilling than the one where I try to make sense of all the fucked up systems in place.
Anyway, I'm sure i sound crazy enough at this point that no one would attempt to self-treat themselves as the way described above, but just in case, I'm sure it doesn't work for everyone, I realize there's probably negative long term effects coming my way down the road (at least I know that's what society wants me to believe), and everyone should do what works best for them. But all i can say is that when I rip a tab in eight pieces, eight days later I'm doing a lot better
okie longest post ever my apologies love you guys plz dont ban me lol
