DBCustomer28
Member
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2021
- Messages
- 42
Hello,
I figured id relate my own personal journey as it might help some others.
It all started back with a wisdom tooth removal some 22 years ago. Whatever the feeling I got from the pills was the feeling I was looking for my whole life. I was happy, things were good, I was energized, engaged, this is great.
a few years passed and I kinda forgot about it…until a forum I visited in ~2000 had a member who noted ordering online and how easy it was.
he gave me a few links and I sent some money assuming nothing would happen. I got a notice my mags arrived. I opened the package and a ridiculous amount of high quality mags came pouring out. That began an 8 year journey of crushing addiction. In the early 2000s, it was unbelievably easy to get items that are very hard to find now. I was crushing a handful of pills in the morning and going to college. Going to work and crushing more.
as the years went on, sources started getting shut down left and right. What was simple before became very difficult. Many weeks of sitting in my apartment with cramps beyond anything I could imagine.
after a time, I decided I had just had enough. I quit cold turkey. I was sick of living a fake life with fake emotions built by pills vs real human connection. I started working out, I went to therapy, I built friendships, I dated, I got better jobs, I travelled, I built a life.
Through the next 10 years, the only pills I took were those from a handful of surgeries. I enjoyed it but when the script was done, I went back to normal life.
then the pandemic came and boredom set in. I started getting back into the scene, setting up rules for myself. Only take on the weekend, that went great. Then I would have a bad day at work, then I would just want everyday to feel better and I started getting back into bad territory.
as it stands, I’ve not taken a thing for four weeks but have shipments incoming. I’m both ready to give up again but I’m also tempted by the enjoyment. I’m not sure where this will all go in the end.
I don’t have a moral of the story for anyone, just a personal journey and how even long terms of sobriety can turn around on a dime. After 8 years of abuse, my brain is never going to be normal again. I have joy, but I’m also often very depressed and have a hard time feeling happiness or connectiveness. I love my partner but I also struggle with deep feelings, it’s a struggle.
all that being said, the only general advice I can give people is to not stock up. I order and use my full supply and then order again, if I really want to. The forced time off helps keep away addiction as I have no choice but to wait for items to arrive, often weeks or more. I have to take a break. If I stocked up, I would be in incredibly dangerous territory of deep addiction.
the addicted brain is not safe and cannot be trusted, all you can do is build strategies that take away willpower as a control mechanism.
anyway, that’s my story so far, not impressive but perhaps relatable, best of luck folks.
I figured id relate my own personal journey as it might help some others.
It all started back with a wisdom tooth removal some 22 years ago. Whatever the feeling I got from the pills was the feeling I was looking for my whole life. I was happy, things were good, I was energized, engaged, this is great.
a few years passed and I kinda forgot about it…until a forum I visited in ~2000 had a member who noted ordering online and how easy it was.
he gave me a few links and I sent some money assuming nothing would happen. I got a notice my mags arrived. I opened the package and a ridiculous amount of high quality mags came pouring out. That began an 8 year journey of crushing addiction. In the early 2000s, it was unbelievably easy to get items that are very hard to find now. I was crushing a handful of pills in the morning and going to college. Going to work and crushing more.
as the years went on, sources started getting shut down left and right. What was simple before became very difficult. Many weeks of sitting in my apartment with cramps beyond anything I could imagine.
after a time, I decided I had just had enough. I quit cold turkey. I was sick of living a fake life with fake emotions built by pills vs real human connection. I started working out, I went to therapy, I built friendships, I dated, I got better jobs, I travelled, I built a life.
Through the next 10 years, the only pills I took were those from a handful of surgeries. I enjoyed it but when the script was done, I went back to normal life.
then the pandemic came and boredom set in. I started getting back into the scene, setting up rules for myself. Only take on the weekend, that went great. Then I would have a bad day at work, then I would just want everyday to feel better and I started getting back into bad territory.
as it stands, I’ve not taken a thing for four weeks but have shipments incoming. I’m both ready to give up again but I’m also tempted by the enjoyment. I’m not sure where this will all go in the end.
I don’t have a moral of the story for anyone, just a personal journey and how even long terms of sobriety can turn around on a dime. After 8 years of abuse, my brain is never going to be normal again. I have joy, but I’m also often very depressed and have a hard time feeling happiness or connectiveness. I love my partner but I also struggle with deep feelings, it’s a struggle.
all that being said, the only general advice I can give people is to not stock up. I order and use my full supply and then order again, if I really want to. The forced time off helps keep away addiction as I have no choice but to wait for items to arrive, often weeks or more. I have to take a break. If I stocked up, I would be in incredibly dangerous territory of deep addiction.
the addicted brain is not safe and cannot be trusted, all you can do is build strategies that take away willpower as a control mechanism.
anyway, that’s my story so far, not impressive but perhaps relatable, best of luck folks.
