My personal journey and lessons learned.

DBCustomer28

Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2021
Messages
42
Hello,

I figured id relate my own personal journey as it might help some others.

It all started back with a wisdom tooth removal some 22 years ago. Whatever the feeling I got from the pills was the feeling I was looking for my whole life. I was happy, things were good, I was energized, engaged, this is great.

a few years passed and I kinda forgot about it…until a forum I visited in ~2000 had a member who noted ordering online and how easy it was.

he gave me a few links and I sent some money assuming nothing would happen. I got a notice my mags arrived. I opened the package and a ridiculous amount of high quality mags came pouring out. That began an 8 year journey of crushing addiction. In the early 2000s, it was unbelievably easy to get items that are very hard to find now. I was crushing a handful of pills in the morning and going to college. Going to work and crushing more.

as the years went on, sources started getting shut down left and right. What was simple before became very difficult. Many weeks of sitting in my apartment with cramps beyond anything I could imagine.

after a time, I decided I had just had enough. I quit cold turkey. I was sick of living a fake life with fake emotions built by pills vs real human connection. I started working out, I went to therapy, I built friendships, I dated, I got better jobs, I travelled, I built a life.

Through the next 10 years, the only pills I took were those from a handful of surgeries. I enjoyed it but when the script was done, I went back to normal life.

then the pandemic came and boredom set in. I started getting back into the scene, setting up rules for myself. Only take on the weekend, that went great. Then I would have a bad day at work, then I would just want everyday to feel better and I started getting back into bad territory.

as it stands, I’ve not taken a thing for four weeks but have shipments incoming. I’m both ready to give up again but I’m also tempted by the enjoyment. I’m not sure where this will all go in the end.

I don’t have a moral of the story for anyone, just a personal journey and how even long terms of sobriety can turn around on a dime. After 8 years of abuse, my brain is never going to be normal again. I have joy, but I’m also often very depressed and have a hard time feeling happiness or connectiveness. I love my partner but I also struggle with deep feelings, it’s a struggle.

all that being said, the only general advice I can give people is to not stock up. I order and use my full supply and then order again, if I really want to. The forced time off helps keep away addiction as I have no choice but to wait for items to arrive, often weeks or more. I have to take a break. If I stocked up, I would be in incredibly dangerous territory of deep addiction. 
 

the addicted brain is not safe and cannot be trusted, all you can do is build strategies that take away willpower as a control mechanism. 
 

anyway, that’s my story so far, not impressive but perhaps relatable, best of luck folks.

 
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  1. T @ timyboy: @xenxra indeed :) BTC seems to be climbing as well and your prediction of $120k seems spot on
  2. xenxra @ xenxra: @timyboy prob not gonna stall out til $3400
  3. CalFresh @ CalFresh: @hotdog45 & @Mokachin0 I am humbled by your kindness. thank you both so much for your generosity. This place is truly amazing.
  4. T @ timyboy: ETH going up!!
  5. H @ hotdog45: @Mokachin0 I cannot thank you enough for this act of kindness .
  6. M @ Mokachin0: @hotdog45 tight back at ya! What a generous idea in your response! But don’t forget, you just had your own tragedy, and still managed to put kindness into the world. That deserves recognition
  7. xenxra @ xenxra: @oh be g i have a 10 year track record, @CnC5 can vouch for me. intuition plus experience but don't hold me to it for 100% certainty.
  8. H @ hotdog45: @Mokachin0 oh my gosh I cannot thank you enough. This is so incredibly generous. Sending all the love I can your way, and everyone on this board love as well!
  9. M @ Mokachin0: @hotdog45 check your pms, thanks for your uplifting comment here, prize details in dm!
  10. T @ timyboy: Good Day!
  11. O @ oh be g: xenxra u know way more than me, why so ocnfident?
  12. T @ TheAZMan: @AaronRag sent. Thank you.
  13. A @ Aarfgh: @TheAZMan email admins using contact us button on bottom and ask, if you donated
  14. T @ TheAZMan: Who do I get the password protected forum login info?
  15. xenxra @ xenxra: monero is going to $700 in two-ish months. screenshot this as well.
  16. H @ hotdog45: Just wanted to send some love to everyone on this board. You guys have helped me through some difficult times and continue to. Thank you to everyone
  17. Strawhat7 @ Strawhat7: @xenxra got it! I figured as much but was strange that I could literally find no evidence that he was ever on here lol thought I was going nuts!
  18. xenxra @ xenxra: @Strawhat7 yeah he stopped sending out mags like last november or something iirc
  19. MOD @ MOD: Hi All
  20. LW815 @ LW815: @Mycawesome gotta be proactive(aka fiscally irresponsible[borderline retarded]) and way overstock the library. While the preferred genre may not always be in stock always sure to have sub-genres or at the very least another genre to stay entertained while awaiting the next edition of the favorites.
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