Need To Vent About Pain & Loved Ones!

[True_Love]

Just sitting here wishing other people didn't throw hurtful words at me for being in pain. They think I'm "faking it" & go as far as saying they are Happy because my doctor left so I don't get meds to make me "high". When in reality I never got high from them. They helped me cope with my pain. They weren't strong just 5mg 2x a day!!! & for the last month I've been doing without my pain meds & my life has been a living hell. The pain makes me moody, cry, & it takes all the good things about me away. & I agree I've been a total bitch!! I can't even go grocery shop without having to stop every so often n sit down from being in pain!! But of course I'm faking it, & I'm not crying every night because I'm in pain. They say It's really because "I don't have a pill to get "high" WISH LOVED ONES UNDERSTOOD!!! :-(

 

[smithrob9999]

I'm with you. Damn DEA is locking everything down and making it tough on Doctors. Honestly I think everything should be legal, also there's a few bad apples ruining for everyone.

With that said, I don't discuss that part of my life with my family. They either wouldn't care or understand.

 

[Guest]

People can really suck. Until they have walked in ur shoes they should not judge. I blame a WHOLE lot on the friggin media. Quality of life is everything. When you have someone who loves you and does not judge, cling to them with everything youve got! So sorry Kentucky.

 

[wyldepixie]

My ex was that way. He thought my anxiety was some kind of excuse to avoid things I didn't want to do and actual panic attacks were me being a "drama queen". Luckily I got out of that unhealthy relationship and the guy I'm with now is very concerned and protective of me. He supports me completely. I even stopped using pills for a very long stretch early in our relationship because the legal issue made him nervous. He's the one who put a stop to it. He came to me and said that I need these to have a good, productive life. My various problems combined made it very hard to cope and be the person and mother I wanted to be. He says what is criminal is the medical profession not doing what it takes to help me and driving me to break the law just to get what I need. My life is so much better with him than it was with the lying about pills and pretending to use the restroom so I could lock a door and have a panic attack.

 

[shaynagrl]

I am sorry for anyone going through pain on a regular basis. Even my husband who I love dearly doesn't fully understand.

Yesterday we had planned to go out to dinner. I hadn't even left the house in weeks except for my epidural on 9/23. I was having a bad pain day but still got dressed to go.

Then he harps on me for not getting something done for him and then made a snide comment about me not wearing clothes anymore lately (since on bad pain days I stay in my nightgown).

He had me in tears in short order. It's clear that people who aren't currently living i just don't get it.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread but just wanted to show you that you are not alone.

 

[wyldepixie]

I think you're a sweetie pie @shaynagrl but your husband really sounds kind of a douche sometimes. If I remember right you're the only one in your house with an income. Why are you supposed to be getting things done for him on top of working and your current medical condition?

I feel bad for you guys. I remember how awful it was to love someone who was always judging and making me feel like shit.

I am so, so lucky to have found someone caring and empathetic. I wish you guys could know how much better life can be when a relationship has understanding. Sending you good thoughts and wishes that your husbands find some compassion soon.

 

[shaynagrl]

Sometimes he really can be, and the pain makes it harder for me to just shut up and take it.

I really told him off last night.  He apologized, but it still hurts. I need to let it go and truly forgive him.

 

[wyldepixie]

It's so hard to forgive when part of you is waiting for it to happen again. Still, people can change and the more honest you are about how the things he says hurt you perhaps he'll stop.

 

[Jwhite0009]

It is very hard with spouses who don't "get it". You already feel bad physically so why make you feel bad mentally too? I have been there & it hurts the relationship because you lose a little respect for them....I have insomnia really bad & get Ambien prescribed. Knowing my history my hubby keeps them put up. There are many nights I toss and turn all night with no sleep bc I'm afraid to ask for one. If I ask more than once a week he gives me a hard time. Of course he gets 8-9 solid hours of sleep every night.

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[wyldepixie]

How many does your doctor prescribe you to take per week Jwhite?

 

[Jwhite0009]

He prescribes them "as needed". Script is for 30 and with 2 refills. I asked him to put them up bc I once took more in my sleep and did some strange things...have no memory of it. So I didn't want that to happen again. But it scared him so he's gone a little overboard with it.

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[Roger]

I'm so sorry JWhite. I think we talked about insomnia before. (Ambien makes me do crazy things also). Is there something else your doctor would prescribe that your husband would be more comfortable with you taking? I so get that it is not his body and should not be his decision, though.

My guess is that they think they are helping and maybe our loved ones become frustrated also. The ones who are there to support you just don't understand. Really, both roles are hard but the one fighting the pain and/or anxiety etc has a double dose.

 

[Jwhite0009]

I have tried Trazadone & it gives me the same restless legs/body that Benadryl does. Benzos are out of the question. Ambien works and I like the short half life it has. He's just afraid I will become dependent on it. Or maybe his feelings r hurt bc I don't remember having sex after taking it. Lol.

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[Smoka90]

I'm eternally grateful that my other half appreciates that PKs are necessary for me at this time. She doesn't judge me on it, doesn't stop me feeling guilty over it, due to the stigma and the taboo nature of it.

But yes, the media and popular opinion really shapes it...there's a lot of demonization over drug use, and people have this inability to differentiate between drug use and drug abuse; there is a definite difference.

Yes, a lot of the time I use PKs to feel good, but we all need an escape sometimes.

Anxiety, and using anxiety meds, is seen by many as  coward's solution, but deep breathing exercises and mindfulness do not always work!

Because of my own experiences I'm always sympathetic towards people in pain or in anxiety that need to medicate itself. People who say 'they brought it on themselves' don't deserve any notice...

At the end of the day, they're meds, they're hear to help us, to medicate us and help us live a life as close to 'normal' as possible...

 

[2earls]

My husband didn't always "get it" either.

We used to be party people until 5 years ago. He got clean and sober so I pretty much did too to make it easier for him.

He knew I had surgeries and neck problems, but when they got bad again and I start on the pks he calls me a "junkie"!

Boy did I set him straight. After that he was driving me to Walmart to send my MG.

Sometimes you just have to let them know that this is how it's got to be. Life is better for both of us when I'm in less pain.

I know he worries for my health, but the risk vs reward is something only I can decide for myself. Trying to shame someone when you can't possibly know what they suffer is just crappy, controlling behavior. Don't tolerate it!

 

[Guest]

Amen to that! Easier said than done in some cases tho. I totally get it.

 

[True_Love]

Thanks for all the replies. I guess you can kinda tell I was talking about my husband... He can be a @ss sometimes!! He has seen me go without my pain meds for weeks now and e truly can tell how bad I hurt. I just lay & cry.. & there's nothing he or I can do.. Doctors won't help anymore to scared to RX.

 

[shaynagrl]

I know what you mean about being too scared to RX.

I also have had my share of dr's who wouldn't treat my pain.  My (now former) ortho doc saw that I could barely walk or stand, and not unassisted.  He told me that he does not prescribe any pain meds unless someone has surgery.  He blamed my state's laws for that, but I did research and that is not true.

I did things backwards:  instead of starting with my PCP dr (I couldn't get an appointment), I ended up in the ER.  The ER only gives a couple days of pain pills.  Then I saw this ortho doc, and from there got referred to pain managment (which took a couple of weeks). Meanwhile, miserable me drags herself to the PCP dr -- to find out that my longtime dr was retiring!  Arrgh!

So I thought I was out of luck, but the new doc looked at my chart and my BP (which is usually low) and saw it shooting high from the pain.  He prescribed me with no problem.  In fact on my follow up visit, he asked if the pain meds were working, and I said they sort of work - so he upped the dose.  I am still leery of taking them, but when I need them it is good that they are there. 

I would urge you to try another dr.  I know that my PCP has a sliding scale program for those without insurance coverage.  I'm sure other dr's do too.  I was ready to give up but I made myself keep trying, which is so hard to do when you are in pain, I know.

I wish you all the best.  I will be praying for you!

 

[True_Love]

Thank you so much. I need all the prayers I can get!! It's a struggle to move anymore. House work has just been skipped the last few days. Just can't do it!!