Proving I've Changed.

[mrwiggums]

Need to know how to prove I've changed and am still working on bettering myself?

 

[mrwiggums]

I moved halfway across the country for her, quit drinking which Is how I used to deal with my anxiety. But also made me make horrible mistakes towards her. Neglecting and spending more time at bar with friends, flirting with other girls. Etc. Even kissing one /default_sad.png I am ashamed of my behavior, but doesn't mean I can ignore it or pretend it didn't happen. I did it I'm willing to work on it. But since moving up here she barely wants to have anything to do with me. How can I show her or is there any point? I mean if I've broken her trust can I ever get it back? Do I deserve it? She's the only woman I ever wanted to start a family with. Although she's quite a bit younger so I think her ignoring me is her mostly just being younger and out partying etc. Not that I can blame her or would be mad but she could at least talk to me. I am sorry for ranting. I'm done now I promise lol. On a side not I think I need another xåňńie this worked up some anxiety

 

[Guest]

Hey Mr. wiggums,

Give it some time. Apologize a LOT. Lots of eye contact. The only way to prove you have changed is to be changed. Treat her like a princess. She is hurt. Baby steps. Be patient with her. Flowers. Touch her a lot. I love it when my bf is tripping all over himself to get the door for me, get me something to eat/drink, the long loving apologetic looks, rubbing my feet and all of that stuff. You may feel ridiculous but do it anyway.

You have to earn back her trust sweetie.

 

[mrwiggums]

I'm trying but it's hard to do all that stuff when I don't get to see her. I've seen her once in past several months. Made dinner was very polite and made sure she knew I was different. I did the loving touches hugged her before she left although I wanted to kiss her deeply and not ever stop. But didn't want it to be weird. She texted me later that night wanting to come over but I was asleep already since I work early. She was supposed come hang out again last night but didn't respond to my texts.

 

[mrwiggums]

And I definitely am changed. I see a girl now and I don't want to flirt, I think how she isn't as beautiful as Brenna or she doesn't hold my heart to be crushed or nurtured. But I do flirt from time to time for now because well I'm lonely because I don't get to talk to Brenna very often

 

[PITA]

IDK if you have a problem with alcohol, but is it possible you could go out to the same place together? If you can't drink in moderation order a NA beer and see if just spending time together in a setting you both seem to enjoy will break the tension. If she drinks it will almost certainly let you see the true person she is, but being sober will keep you from acting irrational.  

Don't forget the lyrics "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with".  The lady that is attracted to you may be feeling the same way toward you as you feel toward the one you'd rather have. A bird in the hand is better than no bird at all. Maybe moving on will make B see you aren't desperate and make her appreciate what you could do for her. Just don't use the second lady and hurt her if B gets jealous and decides she wants to see you after you begin a new relationship. It would just show she was playing with your emotions and using you, if so you would be better off without her.  

 

[Alabaster!]

however long you messed up takes twice that time minimum to earn back trust. Time and actions is what it takes

 

[Guest]

Alabaster, I was just gonna say that!!!  lol!!  I agree 100%

Mr. Wiggums, I don't know why I thought that you lived with her.......PITA is very wise but you might want to give it some time b4 you see another lady.  If you just need to get laid, make sure the girl knows that it is just that.  And wrap yourself twice!!!  lol!! 

I am willing to bet though that you are better off hanging in there and be persistent with the one you love.  If she is seeing you at all there is a chance.  All great things are worth waiting for.  And yes, you DO deserve it!!

 

[PITA]

"Pita is wise" ...lol not so much when it comes to the fairer sex. I got married at 23 and and thought I could help a woman with chronic depression. She wasn't so depressed that she couldn't cheat on me as soon as I gave her money to go on vacation. But I've chased after  ladies myself, until I realized they were only there when I had the money or drugs they wanted.  

I'd just try to find out if B is playing you before letting her string you along. Sounds like you asked for forgiveness and done all you can to show her you changed. Without knowing more I'd try to find out what she really wants and if it isn't you then move on.  

 

[nickiean]

Trust me when I say actions speak louder than any words. I broke my husbands trust several yrs ago & he didn't trust me. & it took awhile before I could trust myself. At this point words really don't mean anything to her. For me it was living my amends to my family. I did what I said & I changed my friends, places I hung out. If I told my husband something it was the truth . After a good bit of time he could see the changes. We have been married 41 yrs . If you have changed she will know. If you have totally destroyed any chance then you may have to move own. I sure hope the best for you. Nickiean

 

[mrwiggums]

Well she did hang out with me the other night and was supposed to last night too. But blew me off. No communication at all. But I get what I deserve. I might have to move on. I'm not ready to move on yet. But I have stopped drinking, while I don't think I had a problem per se but either way I don't do it. I seek help with professionals. Do what I can. Hell I moved half way across the country for her. Just for the chance to show her I cared and changed and nothing means more to me.

 

[mrwiggums]

Thanks cat and everyone else. Love ya'll

 

[nickiean]

You're so welcome & trust me when I say we all deserve to be happy. We all make mistakes & deserve 2nd & even 3d chances. I don't know what will happen but, I do know that Gid don't make no junk. Please don't get too down on yourself. Fight you're way back to the person you want to be & you maybe surprised at what he has planned for you. If I can help in anyway just yell out. You do have a lot of support here. Sending you a big fat hug!!! Nickiean

 

[mrwiggums]

Uhh I'm done being down on myself. If she can't forgive me then well then that's her problem. I'll find someone who wants to be with me. Here's another hug sent right back at ya.

 

[PITA]

Don't feel down on yourself! If anything be proud. Hell you did a lot more than most people would and if she doesn't appreciate it, imo she is either not interested or feels like she has something better. Nothing hurts more than having your heart broke. And nothing makes you feel better than being in love. If you know she is no longer interested try getting to know the new girl better. You may think now that she isn't as pretty as B, but once you get to know her better you may find she has more in common with you and is a better fit. I am not saying jump into a "rebound" relationship, and, like I said before whatever you do don't hurt her if things turn around with B. If B does show interest after you begin a new relationship it will show she might just be jealous or still mad and only wants to hurt you.

The ladies on here know more about other ladies than I do, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. I've been used by women and chased them just like you, only to find they didn't want me. They just wanted what I had because they knew I'd never turn my back on them. Looking back I would have been better off turning my back on them as soon as they did it to me. Just mho. Whatever happens I hope it works out you. I wish you nothing but the best, just like all the others here.

 

[mrwiggums]

Like I said I'm done being down on myself. It's whatever. Hell she isn't there I'm not gonna give her another chance at this point. I just wish there was a lady A but as of right now there isn't. so hear that ladies I'm single and ready for mingle /wink wink. Haha

 

[PITA]

Maybe I mistook what you meant when you said you see a girl now. I thought you meant you were dating, I take it that you meant "When I see a girl now...." My bad, sorry I didn't comprehend your post as well as I could have. It makes half of my advice look pretty dumb now.  /default_rolleyes.gif

 

[mrwiggums]

Yeah I'm no English major lol. Yeah I meant when I see a girl now I don't want to flirt or hit on her I just think how she isn't as pretty as Brenna. No your advice was taken as it should be. I know what you mean. And well I kind of have met someone else and think I'm done chasing after someone who clearly isn't interested.

 

[Guest]

I am head over heels in love. Just sayin.....lol! With an Otter. My Otter.