Rehab- Methadone HELP!

[InLoveWithBenny]

I am about to lose my family and my marriage over this, PLEASE, SOMEONE TAKE THE TIME TO HELP ME! IM BEGGING HERE!!! PMs welcome!!!!!!!!

I have trouble condensing and posted previously but it was too long to get any responses I assume so gonna condense majorly and if anyone has any questions to ask before giving advice, just ask.

Been on methadone for 8 years and currently take 105 mgs. Have the option of going to CA all expenses paid to detox off the methadone and do rehab. The "detox" is 5-10 days in a hospital-IDK what meds they give to ease WD-then to rehab where also IDK what, if any, medications they give to ease withdrawal. 

Typical time is 30-45 days, IDK if that does or does not include the "detox" portion. 

We have a severely disabled child and a 2 year old-just turned 2 on St. Patty's Day-and I have elderly parents and I am the worry type. So I fear going across the country-literally,  across country, Short of living on the farthest western point on a beach in NY I couldnt get farther from CA and still be in the US- for 1 1/2-2 months where I cant see them,  something  happens to one of my parents and I dont have time to get home and say "Goodbye" if it's the worst scenario; however they've (my parents) both said if they could see me off all drugs even though my mdone is legally prescribed (Also legallly subscribed x@nax but they dont know that and I dont plan on staying off it. I'll detox for the rehab but the day I get home I'm starting my script again. I have PTSD, arogaphobia, severe anxiety-IOW I am a basket case w/o the X@nax). Plus, it's destroying my marriage bc of how much I spend on it all, especially the extra xan$ but he is ok with me being on them if I take them how their prescribed but he wants me off the methadone.

My fears are I am not mentally strong enough to make it that long without seeing my husband, kids, and parents. I'm afraid my two year old will forget me or lose the bond she has with me. What I mentioned above about my parents and something happening to them. And above all, Im afraid I'll fail, not be able to take it, leave early then get stuck with the bill b/c I didnt finish and we can't afford that. 

My family desperately needs the money I spend on methadone ($400+/month) and ordering extra zans (probably $1000 a month so we stay broke and that causes MAJOR PROBLEMS BETWEEN ME AND MY SPOUSE and we cant afford to do anything, including pay bills-I've ruined our credit) but only buy extra x@ns bc they wont raise my mdone dose and without the extra mdone I stay in wd but once Im off the mdone I can handle making it on my legal script amount. 

I've heard horror stories about withdrawaling from mdone so I am scared to death so anyone that has come off it in any way please share your expexrience and success. Also, I know NOTHING about Kratom, would that help  while I am reducing my dose at home before I go and same with maryjane. Used to be a huge stoner but never really payed attention to which ones helped pain, energy, etc. so wouldnt have a clue if it wold help and if so I need a name of the type/kind.

PLEASE HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO AND SHARE STORIES OF DETOXING FROM METHADONE (PARTICULARLY PRETTY MUCH COLD TURKEY) AND OPINIONS ON MY FEARS, ETC. PLEASE!!!!

P.S. PLEASE AT LEAST VOTE ON THE POLL.

THANKS AND BLESSED BE!!!

 

[Cloudy]

I can understand your fears.  You are strong or you wouldn't be hear.  Please look at your future and what you want to have included in it.  If you continue with the addiction what do you have to look forward to?  Do you feel that you are really there for your kids and husband?  I ask you this because I am addiction to an opiate which came from prescriptions.  I know that I can't do nearly as much as I did before, and quite honestly I don't have the interests in things that I used to.  The addiction seems to control me in not only a physical sense, but also mentally.  I tell you this because you are young and have a long future ahead of you.  Nobody can tell you what to do, but my opinion, and that is all it is, go to treatment and get off the stuff.  Then you can be there in mind as well as body for your family

 

[InLoveWithBenny]

I can understand your fears.  You are strong or you wouldn't be hear.  Please look at your future and what you want to have included in it.  If you continue with the addiction what do you have to look forward to?  Do you feel that you are really there for your kids and husband?  I ask you this because I am addiction to an opiate which came from prescriptions.  I know that I can't do nearly as much as I did before, and quite honestly I don't have the interests in things that I used to.  The addiction seems to control me in not only a physical sense, but also mentally.  I tell you this because you are young and have a long future ahead of you.  Nobody can tell you what to do, but my opinion, and that is all it is, go to treatment and get off the stuff.  Then you can be there in mind as well as body for your family

That's it, I don't feel young. Im 33. I know what many people will say to this but it was my dream long before I became an addict (and I became an addict just as you Cloudy-from Dr.'s being too free with their prescription pad!) but I want to be a pharmacist. They just added a PharmD program at a college in our town and if you go full time not including summers (which I would probably  take to try to get it done faster and I have several classes under my belt from before I dropped out due to my adiction) but it's been a long time since then and IDK if I can handle full time, I've forgotten a lot of the math, IOW, it wont be the same, it wont be as easy and that's just the school alone, not including trying to do it with a severely handicapped child and a toddler plus I want two more kids. So, I just dont see how I can accomplish all the things I want to do at my age and if I can;t, what's the point of getting off it to just remain unhappy and feeling like a failure? Plus, as I said before IDK if I can handle being away from my family that long or handle the wd w/o them there and Im scared to death of the wd itself, I;ve heard it's the most painful detox there is and Im not good with handling pain. I just wish I could get more opinions, stories of success from people who've been in my shoes, anything, just some kind of sign on what to do! Thank you for your thoughts though Cloudy and I will think about them and welcome more responses or PMs. Thanks & Blessed Be!   

 

[Cloudy]

Hang in there.  I do understand.  If you just need someone to listen and get your thoughts out, you can always send me an email or message

 

[blissopifree 2]

I think you should go for it as 2 months of your life is not a long time compaired to 8yrs on m/done.I'm also curious,have you not been reducing your mls amount?.It seems your on a maintenance script as 105mls is quite a high amount.The detox at a facility is no fun but atleast there will be medical professionals there to monitor you and you will be administered meds to ease the wds.It really depends if you REALLY want to break free of the hold m/done has on you,sleep will also be a problem for a good while afterwards but your family and your finances Nedd you to try.I know it's scary but you are still young and it is easier the younger you are as it only gets harder.

I wish you all the best,just remember there's lots of people who don't have the opportunity to go to detox.However it's up to you but please think upon your own future and that of your loved ones...

Peace 

Bliss.....

 

[Biteme]

Your odds of staying clean are a lot better if you get professional help, so if you must detox go to rehab & stay for the entire time. You do have another option in going to a doc & getting on buprenorphine. You can stabilize on that & get your life back in order before trying to detox. That is, statistically speaking, the best chance you've got to get clean.

 

[InLoveWithBenny]

Ok so here's the up-date, try to keep it short and sweet but for those who haven't figured it out I'm a major failure at condensing and I dont think they have rehab for that!

Found out I have an illness. Went to a specialist Dr. he did one in office test and ask a lot of ?s and came back with what  he "thinks" I have. I go back to the hospital for more tests in  a few days, then in two more weeks I go back for results and 1)It is or isnt what he thought but either way for whatever reason there is nothing they can do and I just gotta learn to live with it. 2) Take a pill, no biggie. 3)SURGERY! AHHH! 4.)His diagnosis bet was wrong and I either go through more testing with him or go to another specialist if they find certain illnesses. 

So why is this important? Several reasons. Mainly-I was planning on leaving right away and now I am not but I DEFINITELY still want to go and figure take advantage of this and try to lower my dose, find out what I can about the rehabs I know are possibilities if anyone  knows anything about them, ect.But....1) I've had several referral centers/rehabs tell me to call back when I can leave within 24-48 hours bc they don't know if they'll have room for me then so I'm afraid I'll have to start my search ALL OVER AGAIN bc of this delay and it wasnt easy the 1st time. 2) I've started reducing my dose at home on my own-got an old Dr of mine to write me scripts for clonidine and phengren and maybe one other, not sure, and I already have a script for xanax (N TBH I've ordered some extras for when theings start getting a little harder) but anyway I am coming down 10 mgs a  day until I cant take it anymore and if that happens before I can leave and find a rehab that will still take me then I'll take a fw days to level off then start coming down 5 mgs a day. A lot of the rehabs I've talked to use subutex as one of the meds to help with wd  and I've heard from like 1000 people/places that it's only helpful if your on 30 mgs or less of MD.  Does anyone think this is a bad idea or that I am going to fast or too slow? I found one hospital's methadone detox protocol and it was 20-50% a day until the patient reached 30 mgs, 10 mgs/day until they get to 10 mgs then 2.5 mgs until their off but pretty much every other reduction schedule or advice I've read has said not to go any fast than 10 mgs every 2-3 days so I'm already going faster than that and the other just seems wayyyy too fast!! Dropping just 20% a day would be dropping ~21-22 mgs a day (I'm on 105 mgs if I haven't included that.) 

Also, (and going to post similar questions in respective sections) but I've never taken or know anything about Kratom but have heard it can help with WD. 1)Does anyone know if it would help with WD and I believe there are different kinds so which one should I get if any of them help with opiate WD. 2)Do you think a rehab would allow it, I mean it's not illegal and they allow cigs, on the other hand alcohol is legal too and not too many rehabs say, "Sure, pack ya a 1/5 of your favorite liquor for every day!" so IDK how they would view it-think it would do any harm to ask if I do order some an it helps?

Next, and again will be posting similar ? in respective area, but I was a major p0thead for a long time but haven't really smoked for probably 8-10 years. I had to quit when I went to the methadone clinic and I'd pretty much gave it up before that bc all my $ went to opiates. And I never got into learning which kind was the upper kind or downer kind, what helped with pain and what helped with something else, etc. So does anyone know if there is a med mary that helps with withdrawal and if so by any chance know who to contact  to get it?

Thanks for all the help, opinions, info and encouragement everyone! Means the world to me! And if I manage to get off this horrible drug and make it through rehab I'll owe all of you and that's a debt I'll never be able to repay! It's priceless! PMs welcome!! Blessed Be!

 

[Fishtail]

@InLoveWithBenny, I can't help answer the taper method or anything like that. However, I noticed your question about Kratom. I've read so many successful stories of people using it to get off opiates, methadone, suoxone, even heroine. I too have been tied down by opiates for two years due to several surgeries and a doctor that was willing to give me what I wanted as long as I passed a drug test. Well, when the DEA cracked down here, he just cut me off without warning so I've been self medicating. 

I now buy Kratom from a smoke shop here in town and I swear by this stuff!  You'd obviously need a lot due to your dosage of methadone, but that's ok. 

At one point I was taking 40mg of morphine and 32 mg of dilaudid a day, while also supplementing with extras I could buy from locals at $1 per mg for the dillies. When he kicked me out I started by ox 30's. Man, knowing I could get my hands on all of this as long as I had money was HARD!  I've used the Kratom for 4 days now and have experienced very minimal withdrawals. I haven't taken any time off work and I've still done everything for my children. I too have considered rehab. Here was my "holy shit" moment. 4 days ago my daughter crawled in my lap and told me how much she loved me and I'm her best friend. I couldn't help but think "if I go to rehab, I can't bare not seeing her for even one day".  Then there's also my son and husband. So, I bought the Kratom and decided to do it on my own at home. Trust me, I've seriously been considering ordering my ox but I just keep looking at my beautiful children thinking how much more I can give them if I stop throwing out our very hard earned dollars everyday 

 you have one thing going for you that I don't. Your husband supports your detox. I can't tell my husband any of it because I've lied for so damn long it would wreck my marriage.