Relationship Advice Needed

[gagagirl]

[SIZE=12pt]I am beyond pissed off right now.  I thought I would throw my issue out there and see if I could get some advice.  Today was my 6 year anniversary.  My husband did nothing.  Well that isn’t exactly true, he asked me to go to dinner after telling me he had a free gift card to Longhorn.  I am not high maintenance.  I like the simple things in life. We make good money so to hear that I’ll take you somewhere that I have a gift card to pisses me off. It makes me angry because once again there has been no thought into planning at all.  I would understand if we were going through financial difficulties.  This isn’t the first time that he hasn’t planned for a special occasion.  I usually pick up his slack and make plans for us.  Well, I am tired of doing all of the work.  In the 6 years we have been married he has never planned one special evening and most gifts bought for me are last minute gifts with absolutely no thought involved.  I have expressed what I would like for him to do regarding dates.  I have expressed because I have learned the hard way that men can’t read our minds.  Men don’t usually have a freaking clue when it comes to a pissed off women.  I am over the thoughtless efforts of my husband. I know he loves me and he is faithful but sometimes love isn’t enough.  I expressed that my feelings were hurt this afternoon and he was pissed and acted clueless.  Needless to say things haven’t gone too well today.  I am at home and he went to his friend’s birthday party and is probably wasted by now.  He doesn’t know anything about drinking in moderation.  I guess what I would like to know is…where do I go from here?  I have distanced myself in this relationship.  I have lost respect for him.  He is a good and honest person but has no drive. Feeling lonely when you are married is not a good feeling.  I’ve been this way for a while but something about today pushed me to my limit.  I am not looking to be rained on with diamonds and pearls but a little thought and romance wouldn’t hurt.   [/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt] I have lived a very colorful life thus far and I appreciate the quiet moments probably more than most my age.  I take care of everything around the house.  If there is a problem, I have to fix it.  My husband is not a “get the job done†kind of guy.  I knew that when I married him and I have always just picked up the slack.  I have a successful business that I started after working in Pharma for years.  I love being my own boss. It has been the best decision monetarily and emotionally that I have made in my professional career.  If I see something I want, I go after it 110%.  My husband is the opposite.  He waits for things to come to him. Our differences are drawing us further and further apart.  [/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]What am I supposed to do? Am I just a bitch?  How do you know when it’s over?  I am confused and I need some advice.  I know that this isn’t a relationship forum but I have grown fond of you guys and I need some advice.  I learned long ago not to go to family and my bestie’s about martial problems.  It’s just not a good thing to do in my opinion.  Shoot straight with me please. I’m a big girl and you will not hurt my feelings.  I don’t want to continue to feel lonely while being married.  I’m in desperate need of guidance.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]Thanks my new family[/SIZE][SIZE=12pt]J[/SIZE]

 

[two]

Well... You've been together 6 years, he's honest and doesn't cheat and loves you... And it sounds like he isn't abusive. So... It could be a lot worse. Honestly, from what you've written, it sounds like you two could compliment each other nicely - with you being the boss and him following your lead. I realize you seem to be saying you want him to be more proactive and thoughtful, but some people just aren't wired like that. Since you appear to be, and it seems like you're saying he goes along with whatever, maybe you just plan the stuff and tell him what the plans are and then enjoy the event itself. Relationships are difficult and often times I've found myself thinking that it really boils down to just making a choice - accept the person and choose to be with them or don't. Because no one is gonna be perfect, and you can't make someone change.

That's just my 2 cents and I hope it works out for you, whatever happens.

 

[dave2002]

Nah I don't think your a bitch but I think your ol' man is getting too comfortable with the way things are. I am not one for all the expected social conventions of our society as most are geared toward my wallet, So my advice is too go to Longhorn and have a good time and appreciate the moment. Talk, have a few drinks and learn to forget expectations and don't let the ol' ego get in the way. No expectations = no disappointments.

 

[STARBOYBLU]

Whats up gg92.sorry 2 hear of ur disappointing anniversary date.let me 1st say happy anniversary& wish'n all is well.Its good 2 hear u feel comfortable hear 2 vent an let it out lord knows u cant on facebook haha,and im sure u know by share'n wit us u wnt be as piss'd 2 exchange words wit ur husband when he comes home drunk.Now if I can keep dis short ive seen this time after time with many good marines and others.My boys would come 2 me an say sgt. I jst dnt get her&then say she's "crazy" & that's not what u tell a woman!Alot of the times it was from anniversary pressure on what 2 do 4 the wifey an how 2 make it happen.Now I can understand when on deployment but state side wtf son!Get it n gear an tackle the task show her a flipp'n effort that shes all that matters 2 u in this world an nothing will stop u. That be'n said if all go's well she rewards u in the evening.Not 2 hard rgt wrong,most men donot realize that a womans love emotions and heart is a very very deep ocean of uncharted waters wait'n 2 be found and @times explored.Now since most of us men dnt understand this about women we assume all is well&fair in love an war.But u cant give up on us.1st address the problem with him and tell him how u feel and what u want from him.Remeber he cant read ur mind.Us guys assume all is g8t with our marriage because she feeds me keeps beer in the fridge an gives me sex!but way more2 it rgt girl.Now when u 2 sit down&talk and I mean talk dnt raise ur voice or cry and a "must" lose any emotions frm past issues or struggles u may still be dealing with,same go's 4 him if things get hot leave u cant solve any probs. with tik4tak.This must be dealt wit as 2 adults who want 2 save their marriage an succeed wit it.As far as get'n him 2 realize ur probs. or that ur pissed bout the whole anniversary thing put him in a atmosphere he's comfortable wit.like a hike in a park ,shopping at ur local mall or starbucks idk what ever yall do? u know better than me k cool. Now if he gets offensive wit ya about this  you'll know whats up rgt away #1 he'll deny nothings wrong an ur the best thing that happened to him or vise versa #2 change the subject or act like he doesn't hear u #3 not want'n to come to realization of the situation ya feel me. At times when these things happen in sum marriages ive seen over the yrs in the military an now, the common denominator wit men Is ignore'n the marriage it happens way 2 much in da corp.Marine go's away girl wants marine whats the solution "marriage" marine comes home doesent understand marriage! u cant ignore the probs. in marriage if so divorce ends up be'n the escape and im not 4 that.Be happy u have made it past the 5yr hurdle that dident end bad.But theres another hurdle 2 comfortable wit laziness no more gym, no wrk'n on the car's,no landscape'n the yard take'n out the trash home repair ect.Or some guys start 2 get distracted do'n guy stuff like hunt'n ,poker,golf,and sports wit their bro's im sure u no this,but after that 5yrs they can be burnt out on the same same routine same job same car same inlaws same holidays and sorry 2 say same girl. you'll really notice if he loose's all intrest share'n what he like's wit u and pleasure do'n what u enjoy in life as a couple like going out in public places 2geter,thats a obvious1.Too many times ive seen good hard wrk'n men slack&slack off with responsibility's when it comes 2 home& a womans needs due 2 stress from work sometimes their kids, gamble'n,bills but that doesent sound like ur sit. frm u share'n that ur both successful in ur career's.Well gg hang in their talk with ur man its not over yet your love 4 him will only make u want 2 make things better I hope.As 4 us guys who have no idea about a womens heart&desire's and how secretive they may be don't give up on him! even if he's is an ass haha and allways remember love is patient& it never fails...Keep Calm an Stay In The Fight ~SBB           ohh ya as to r u jst a bitch nope but I dnt live wit ya ha,goodluck

 

[gagagirl]

[SIZE=10.5pt]Thanks guys for your advice @two, @dave2002, & @starboyblu!!  This has definitel[/SIZE]y been a weekend that I would rather not relive.  I decided to open a bottle of wine last night and watch the first part of season 4 of the Walking Dead.  I am not a big drinker so my head was hurting a little this morning.  Thank goodness for L and his magic meds.  Knocked the headache right out.  I really appreciate each of you sharing with me.  @dave2002…you are right about expectations.  Expectations can ruin a woman and a relationship.  Expectations equal disappointment.  I had a long talk with the hubby today.  @starboyblu…I didn’t yell./default_smile.png  I am not one of those crazy screaming women.  I get quiet which is probably worse.  He apologized for being slack.  He actually listened and said he would try harder.  I don’t think he is use to me shutting him down like I did last night.  I was probably wrong for doing that but I had really had enough.  We have stopped communicating lately and when you stop talking frustration builds up.  We have a lot of work to do.  We will see how it goes.  Marriage is WORK!!!  It makes me tired just thinking about the work marriage requires.  I respect the people that can stay married without killing their spouse for many many years.  I am definitely certain that men and women are totally different.  God has a great sense of humor[SIZE=10.5pt]J[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10.5pt]I am glad to have you guys.  I would NEVER put my business of fb @starboyblu[/SIZE][SIZE=10.5pt]J[/SIZE][SIZE=10.5pt]  I just put it out there to a couple thousand strangers[/SIZE][SIZE=10.5pt]J[/SIZE][SIZE=10.5pt]  I hope that you guys have had a great weekend.  If you watch the Walking Dead….season finale is tonight.  [/SIZE]

 

[dave2002]

Hey man glad things kinda worked out for ya. Gotta watch those resentments we hang onto when we're trying to get along with each other. Nothing like a bottle of wine and some Walking dead to help one chillax. L8tr.

 

[doctoryes]

Sorry to hear ya were pissed off on ya anniversary sounds to me like ya fellas a nice guy just maybe got a bit too comfy I made the same mistake with my fiancée we've been together 11 years now but we split because I forgot to do the little things that mean so much to women and not so much to us men well to put it bluntly I was devastated got my act together and even though money's real tight at the moment i do things like Cook her favourite meal and watch rom coms( which I detest) I'm not suggesting you give him an ultimatum just giving ya my experience I really hope things work out for ya best wishes

 

[Me not U]

I am beyond pissed off right now.  I thought I would throw my issue out there and see if I could get some advice.  Today was my 6 year anniversary.  My husband did nothing.  Well that isn’t exactly true, he asked me to go to dinner after telling me he had a free gift card to Longhorn.  I am not high maintenance.  I like the simple things in life. We make good money so to hear that I’ll take you somewhere that I have a gift card to pisses me off. It makes me angry because once again there has been no thought into planning at all.  I would understand if we were going through financial difficulties.  This isn’t the first time that he hasn’t planned for a special occasion.  I usually pick up his slack and make plans for us.  Well, I am tired of doing all of the work.  In the 6 years we have been married he has never planned one special evening and most gifts bought for me are last minute gifts with absolutely no thought involved.  I have expressed what I would like for him to do regarding dates.  I have expressed because I have learned the hard way that men can’t read our minds.  Men don’t usually have a freaking clue when it comes to a pissed off women.  I am over the thoughtless efforts of my husband. I know he loves me and he is faithful but sometimes love isn’t enough.  I expressed that my feelings were hurt this afternoon and he was pissed and acted clueless.  Needless to say things haven’t gone too well today.  I am at home and he went to his friend’s birthday party and is probably wasted by now.  He doesn’t know anything about drinking in moderation.  I guess what I would like to know is…where do I go from here?  I have distanced myself in this relationship.  I have lost respect for him.  He is a good and honest person but has no drive. Feeling lonely when you are married is not a good feeling.  I’ve been this way for a while but something about today pushed me to my limit.  I am not looking to be rained on with diamonds and pearls but a little thought and romance wouldn’t hurt.   

 I have lived a very colorful life thus far and I appreciate the quiet moments probably more than most my age.  I take care of everything around the house.  If there is a problem, I have to fix it.  My husband is not a “get the job done†kind of guy.  I knew that when I married him and I have always just picked up the slack.  I have a successful business that I started after working in Pharma for years.  I love being my own boss. It has been the best decision monetarily and emotionally that I have made in my professional career.  If I see something I want, I go after it 110%.  My husband is the opposite.  He waits for things to come to him. Our differences are drawing us further and further apart. 

What am I supposed to do? Am I just a bitch?  How do you know when it’s over?  I am confused and I need some advice.  I know that this isn’t a relationship forum but I have grown fond of you guys and I need some advice.  I learned long ago not to go to family and my bestie’s about martial problems.  It’s just not a good thing to do in my opinion.  Shoot straight with me please. I’m a big girl and you will not hurt my feelings.  I don’t want to continue to feel lonely while being married.  I’m in desperate need of guidance.

Thanks my new familyJ

Wow, you just posted the story of my marriage. Marriage takes work on both ends. Especially to keep the "magic" in the relationship. I separated from my husband. I do have someone else that apparently would do anything for me. I have been with him for 10 months now. People need to feel wanted from their number one person, your spouse. If you don't feel needed by them, what good is the relationship? Anyway, my honest two cents.