I’ve got myself into a bit of a situation.
6 years ago I was prescribed 0.8 mg Subutex for a small OTC codeine addiction. The deal was I would be on them for a month - withdrawn the next month. Half way through the withdrawal month which was a 50% reduction straight away I became very ill and it took a few days to realise it was the withdrawal. I got the doc to agree to going back up to the full dose then I weaned myself down to 0.4 mg in the following few months but I was still very unwell. To the extent I had to give up my job. The following year I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue (CFS).
In 2016 I recovered to a degree and then in 2017 became really ill again - to the extent I became bedbound. As well as a relapse of the CFS, I discovered I was having an interdose withdrawal reaction to Diazepam which had been prescribed for anxiety (which I now think came from the Subutex but can’t prove that). Once I realised what was going on I went off it cold turkey and then set about trying to build back up some sort of life. At this point the 0.4 mg of Subutex was really helping me in the morning so I remained at that dose getting a prescription from the doctor every month (but not seeing him).
I’ve found the CFS really difficult to live with and 3 years ago began taking the OTC codeine tablets again (max 7 a day, 8 mgs codeine in each but also 500 mgs paracetamol and 30 mgs caffeine) then last year began to feel much more unwell than usual with various symptoms. Got a blood test and bowel screening test - both ok. Symptoms still there and didn’t feel right about going back to the surgery when I was still taking these tablets so vowed to try to get off them. The only way I knew would work was Subutex and (stupidly I see now) I thought maybe if I had already reduced my dosage for a few weeks and could show the doc I was able to do it, it would make my case to go back up to the original dose more positive.
When I was tapering before I had bought 0.2 Temgesic tablets from Jim (Starliterx) and I still had some of these left over although they had expired. I also had some from when the Pharmacy had given me the generic tablets one month by mistake - these had also expired but were newer so I used them to up my daily dose to 0.8 mg. It worked to a degree - I was able to get off the evening dose of OTC tablets but not the 3 I took in the afternoon. Still I was chuffed with that and made an appointment with the doctor.
Because I was going to find the subject difficult to talk about (the appointment is a phone one), I wrote it all out in a letter beforehand so that he would have that before the call and when I read it I realised how manipulative it sounded! So I changed it to look like I hadn’t started this at all and was just asking to go back up to the 0.8 mg dose to come off the OTC tablets again. That sounded much better.
In case he said no though I placed an order with Jim again in July as back up. 3 weeks passed. No order. Came on here and read all the posts about him and other folks’ orders and my stomach sank. Shit. Since then I’ve been on here frantically making a donation, looking for another vendor for bupe but having little success. I’ve found one UK vendor who has 8 mg tablets and as a last ditch desperate attempt I thought I could buy those. I realise how crazy that sounds and how impossible it’s presumably going to be to cut them to get anything like 0.4/5 mg bits but that’s how desperate I am.
The appointment is at 2 p.m. this afternoon and the reason I haven’t waited until then is because I’m a complete ball of stress and can’t concentrate on anything so I thought typing all this out might help - plus I need to know what to do if he says no or refers me back to the Drug Clinic in which case I could be waiting months for an appointment.
The thought of being plunged into another fast withdrawal fills me with absolute dread - there’s no way I could cope with that right now. I have 18 0.2 mg tablets left which expired in 2018 - I’ve tried 2 and they don’t work but would probably stave off withdrawal symptoms nevertheless.
If anyone can think of anything I can do to get myself out of this hole I’d be really grateful - please don’t shout at me or tell me I’m stupid - I know that bit already!
6 years ago I was prescribed 0.8 mg Subutex for a small OTC codeine addiction. The deal was I would be on them for a month - withdrawn the next month. Half way through the withdrawal month which was a 50% reduction straight away I became very ill and it took a few days to realise it was the withdrawal. I got the doc to agree to going back up to the full dose then I weaned myself down to 0.4 mg in the following few months but I was still very unwell. To the extent I had to give up my job. The following year I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue (CFS).
In 2016 I recovered to a degree and then in 2017 became really ill again - to the extent I became bedbound. As well as a relapse of the CFS, I discovered I was having an interdose withdrawal reaction to Diazepam which had been prescribed for anxiety (which I now think came from the Subutex but can’t prove that). Once I realised what was going on I went off it cold turkey and then set about trying to build back up some sort of life. At this point the 0.4 mg of Subutex was really helping me in the morning so I remained at that dose getting a prescription from the doctor every month (but not seeing him).
I’ve found the CFS really difficult to live with and 3 years ago began taking the OTC codeine tablets again (max 7 a day, 8 mgs codeine in each but also 500 mgs paracetamol and 30 mgs caffeine) then last year began to feel much more unwell than usual with various symptoms. Got a blood test and bowel screening test - both ok. Symptoms still there and didn’t feel right about going back to the surgery when I was still taking these tablets so vowed to try to get off them. The only way I knew would work was Subutex and (stupidly I see now) I thought maybe if I had already reduced my dosage for a few weeks and could show the doc I was able to do it, it would make my case to go back up to the original dose more positive.
When I was tapering before I had bought 0.2 Temgesic tablets from Jim (Starliterx) and I still had some of these left over although they had expired. I also had some from when the Pharmacy had given me the generic tablets one month by mistake - these had also expired but were newer so I used them to up my daily dose to 0.8 mg. It worked to a degree - I was able to get off the evening dose of OTC tablets but not the 3 I took in the afternoon. Still I was chuffed with that and made an appointment with the doctor.
Because I was going to find the subject difficult to talk about (the appointment is a phone one), I wrote it all out in a letter beforehand so that he would have that before the call and when I read it I realised how manipulative it sounded! So I changed it to look like I hadn’t started this at all and was just asking to go back up to the 0.8 mg dose to come off the OTC tablets again. That sounded much better.
In case he said no though I placed an order with Jim again in July as back up. 3 weeks passed. No order. Came on here and read all the posts about him and other folks’ orders and my stomach sank. Shit. Since then I’ve been on here frantically making a donation, looking for another vendor for bupe but having little success. I’ve found one UK vendor who has 8 mg tablets and as a last ditch desperate attempt I thought I could buy those. I realise how crazy that sounds and how impossible it’s presumably going to be to cut them to get anything like 0.4/5 mg bits but that’s how desperate I am.
The appointment is at 2 p.m. this afternoon and the reason I haven’t waited until then is because I’m a complete ball of stress and can’t concentrate on anything so I thought typing all this out might help - plus I need to know what to do if he says no or refers me back to the Drug Clinic in which case I could be waiting months for an appointment.
The thought of being plunged into another fast withdrawal fills me with absolute dread - there’s no way I could cope with that right now. I have 18 0.2 mg tablets left which expired in 2018 - I’ve tried 2 and they don’t work but would probably stave off withdrawal symptoms nevertheless.
If anyone can think of anything I can do to get myself out of this hole I’d be really grateful - please don’t shout at me or tell me I’m stupid - I know that bit already!
