Ordering From Vendors Because Your Doctor Won't Prescribe What You Need

[pokeytoe]

I've been ordering from vendors to get anti anxiety medications that I need. This is helped me greatly because my regular psychiatrist will not prescribe any benzos. I feel bad about this because I'm usually very good at doing exactly what somebody tells me to do. But I suffered so long for so many years it gets to the point sometimes where I cannot function from the overwhelming anxiety and panic. I need to be on top because I have 2 kids and I have to work and a single parent with post-traumatic stress disorder. My question is with all the medications I take I have taken so many benzos before and at high doses that I really don't need to worry about the interactions. I do feel bad that I'm doing this behind my doctors back. Does anybody else feel this way. And is anybody else ordering from vendors because their doctors won't give them what they should have? Thanks guys I really appreciate it.

 

[wyldepixie]

I don't feel bad about not telling my doctor personally.  I adore her and she is the most compassionate doctor I've ever had but I feel it would put her in a compromising position.  Not to mention affecting my ability to get my meds for legitimate needs once she knew there was a problem.  I did mention I smoked mj to her during my marathon migraine spree where I was in her office twice a week or more.  She said, "I cannot advocate breaking the law." A pause, then added "But whatever works at this point." 

 

[Woolius]

I don't feel bad about not telling my doctor either. He won't give me any benzos despite a long history of chronic anxiety and I'm not about to go doctor shopping. I keep my tolerance to a minimum and use them responsibly.

 

[jasmine3113]

I don't feel bad.  I think they should feel bad for denying so many people relief--people who are truly in pain.   I have had toothaches, earaches, and afflictions that are not even recognized like Multiple Chemical Sensitity and when I try to get legitimate help for them I am made to feel dirty and degenerate. They are in a box and have no latitude to make independent decisions.  They're trained to detach themselves from patients to save their own jobs.

 

[pokeytoe]

Thanks guys. I use my meds as needed wich is pretty much every day. ... but don't take more then I should. Like I've said I've always obeyed the rules. But it feels good to know that I'm not alone in this. Buying meds from other then my dr, isn't my favorite thing to do but it gives me my quality of life. And because I have children. ... quality of life is all I care about ♡

 

[Silver Shadow]

I know exactly what you mean. I put up with drs telling me straight out that they didn't want another Michael Jackson case on their hands. So here I am suffering bcuz a dr is a chicken shhitt..I finally had enough. My psychiatrist wouldn't prescribe benzos either. But was ever so quick to put me on an anti psychotic that caused severe weight gain facial hair and elevated prolactin levels. So I finally found an internal medicine dr. He didn't have to jump through hoops to give me what I needed. If my pain dr and psych dr wont take care of me he will. He just doesn't feel comfortable prescribing the pain meds cuz I have sooo many problems but he will if im gonna run out.. Now bcuz of the stupid crackdown on schedule 2 pain drs are once again being chicken shhiittss. Theyre more worried about their own butts than a patient suffering. Its not good to go dr shopping but its even worse to be at the mercy of a dr w a God complex who thinks he knows better so my advice is to find a good dr and stick with him. Theyre hard to find now a days. I don't feel bad about coming on here to order btw. My pain mngmt dr wants to ween me off my meds after just having a major back surgery plus 3 other herniated discs a torn rotator cuff torn maniscus in my knee.fybromyalgia and extensive nerve damage. I have always been extremely strict w my intake on my oen bcuz theres no room for error or to take 1 extra. So dispite having almost no quality of life and debilitated as a mom too I have never even considered this til now but im so tired of being an "it".I would love to see my dr deal with everything I do and not be in tears every day. So don't you feel bad pokey. At all.

 

[pokeytoe]

I don't feel bad about not telling my doctor personally. I adore her and she is the most compassionate doctor I've ever had but I feel it would put her in a compromising position. Not to mention affecting my ability to get my meds for legitimate needs once she knew there was a problem. I did mention I smoked mj to her during my marathon migraine spree where I was in her office twice a week or more. She said, "I cannot advocate breaking the law." A pause, then added "But whatever works at this point."

Ih you are so lucky send her my way. If it was only possible

 

[pokeytoe]

I know exactly what you mean. I put up with drs telling me straight out that they didn't want another Michael Jackson case on their hands. So here I am suffering bcuz a dr is a chicken shhitt..I finally had enough. My psychiatrist wouldn't prescribe benzos either. But was ever so quick to put me on an anti psychotic that caused severe weight gain facial hair and elevated prolactin levels. So I finally found an internal medicine dr. He didn't have to jump through hoops to give me what I needed. If my pain dr and psych dr wont take care of me he will. He just doesn't feel comfortable prescribing the pain meds cuz I have sooo many problems but he will if im gonna run out.. Now bcuz of the stupid crackdown on schedule 2 pain drs are once again being chicken shhiittss. Theyre more worried about their own butts than a patient suffering. Its not good to go dr shopping but its even worse to be at the mercy of a dr w a God complex who thinks he knows better so my advice is to find a good dr and stick with him. Theyre hard to find now a days. I don't feel bad about coming on here to order btw. My pain mngmt dr wants to ween me off my meds after just having a major back surgery plus 3 other herniated discs a torn rotator cuff torn maniscus in my knee.fybromyalgia and extensive nerve damage. I have always been extremely strict w my intake on my oen bcuz theres no room for error or to take 1 extra. So dispite having almost no quality of life and debilitated as a mom too I have never even considered this til now but im so tired of being an "it".I would love to see my dr deal with everything I do and not be in tears every day. So don't you feel bad pokey. At all.

Oh Silver I bet your just as beautiful and bright as your name. Im happy you have a good dr. But now they want to wean you off? Thats not okay. Especially after surgery. They did that to me after my back surgery. I dealt with such bad stiffnes everyday until I moved to az (don't t live there now) just to find a caring dr who gave me diclofenac sodium. Omg. Stiffness was gone everyday. But of course after 10 yrs of use...its not workin so well. I almost wished I still lived in that small az town. The drs were very generous. Sometimes too generous.....and cple of them were called the candy man. But at least I got all I needed. My pain meds...my breakthrough pain meds....my antianxiety meds. You name it. They knew I was always very responsible and trusted me. Drs here in cali dont trust anyone. And in az there was nithing but major drug addicts. I was told I was one of the lucky few patients that the drs liked because I wasbt always bugging them for meds wen I ran out. I would just tell them I wld run out early and they would just up the dose and call it a day. Nice drs there. Pissy ones out here.

 

[cavzfan5012]

I honestly need benzos to combat several anxiety and even function. However everytime I reach out to a dr. All they want to do is prescribe ssris or some bullshit viseral. So I'm done trying, vendors are the way to go.

 

[efriend76]

There are just times in life when benzos are just absolutely essential to bring those of us in need back to a more even keel - without them we would not be able to function, and would fall apart quite frankly. So for drs not to prescribe them and flatly refuse means they do not know their patients well enough - each case is different, and for many folks out there a life without benzos and with massive anxiety is just no life at all.

 

[foxglove]

I do feel bad. But I can't stand the rejection of asking for more medication for legitimate reasons. It just really personally hurts for some reason. 

 

[Bmarie]

I've been ordering from vendors to get anti anxiety medications that I need. This is helped me greatly because my regular psychiatrist will not prescribe any benzos. I feel bad about this because I'm usually very good at doing exactly what somebody tells me to do. But I suffered so long for so many years it gets to the point sometimes where I cannot function from the overwhelming anxiety and panic. I need to be on top because I have 2 kids and I have to work and a single parent with post-traumatic stress disorder. My question is with all the medications I take I have taken so many benzos before and at high doses that I really don't need to worry about the interactions. I do feel bad that I'm doing this behind my doctors back. Does anybody else feel this way. And is anybody else ordering from vendors because their doctors won't give them what they should have? Thanks guys I really appreciate it.

Hi pokeytoe,

Sorry for butting in a bit late here but felt I had to give this a bump as I can't tell you how much I relate to this. I've been feeling scared and guilty lately for "self medicating" for some much needed relief from my debilitating anxiety.

My anxiety was so bad I lived as a virtual recluse, going out for basic things like shopping used to bring on such bad panic attacks I used to have to run out of the store. I can't even sign for things without shaking uncontrollably, which would then make me feel so embarrassed I'd have to bolt & run home to safety, my "comfort zone".

All my doctor was willing to give me was the usual antidepressants, which where as much help to my anxiety as a chocolate teapot! CBT didn't help me either because it required me to do a lot of research and self help, but when world war 2 is going off in your head, it tends to affect your concentration, something else my understanding doctor couldn't comprehend.

So, to cut a v long story short, my life is improving dramatically from my 'self help'. I can now open up to people more, and express myself, which would've been impossible before. I think when our quality of life is suffering to such extremes & everyday tasks are becoming impossible, I feel it's the only way forward.

Bottom line - Everyone deserves to LIVE and be happy and to function normally. All the best to you.

 

[Gyre]

Yes I do, however, not for me but for my gf. She has an burn-out and suffers from panic disorder. Dutch psych's are VERY strict and only prescribe benzo's very rarely and only like once per 3 months. That's why I order some benz's for her to keep cool. As I have suffered from panic disorders for more than 1 years I know they are very helpfull and very addictive. So I keep an eye out and het benzo supply is under my strict supervision. But yeah, you're not the only one!

 

[beastmode28]

Dont feel bad, there are doctors that are just not sympathetic or just stubborn to give you what both you and they know will help you. I have been fortunate with me doctors but only after years of "trial and error" with meds perscribed. The entire time i self medicated and finally told my physician point blank i know what works for me have for years, i know the good, bad and the ugly of the meds but i need them. And my current doctor is in agreement and notices that it works! Its not for everyone bzos can be dangerous along side the addictive part. But for myself ,my blood pressure is normal again, i dont have daily panic attacks that keep me almost imprisoned in my on head and home, literally! I also use the web to have back up and do feel a bit bad about it but feel much better knowing i wont run out and go back to the suffering of anxiety. Just a piece of mind. This is a good topic!

 

[doctaree]

my doc is restricted for now so i been wingin' it til he gets lined back out , no worries

 

[Bmarie]

I don't think it matters so much where you're from, doctors here in England are also VERY strict. I agree with beastmode and think that a lot of doctors are just either unsympathetic, stubborn or both.

At the moment I don't even have a doctor, but of course finding one who is willing to listen to his patients is essential. I became addicted to PK's when I was in my early teens after an illness which had me crippled in pain (ovarian cyst) required me to take them frequently. Then along came a lovely man, many years my senior, who introduced me to heroin at 16yrs of age. I was a very naïve 16 and didn't have a clue what I was smoking, let alone what the consequences would be on my life in the long term.

Thankfully I've not touched that evil stuff in years, but now over nearly a decade later, that big "red flag" on my medical records has given me no choice but to suffer in silence with my severe anxiety, which had led me to the brink of insanity. To the docs, I'm always going to be an "untrustworthy ex junkie" and a liability they just don't need or want to deal with (rightly or wrongly, I can see it from both sides to be fair). So here I am, self medicating just so I can finally live a normal life, free from constant panic attacks & visits to A&E (emergency room) in hospital for fear of having heart attacks and dying. I have NO interest in abusing these life savers, I just wanted my life back. And thankfully, albeit slowly, I'm finally getting there.

I do still live in hope that I'll one day find a doctor who will give me the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not holding my breath.

So sorry for the novel guys, I feel that here I wont be judged, and just wanted to share my story. Much love to all anxiety sufferers on here, and I'm here for all of you if you ever need to talk and get things of your chest. <3 ~ BM ~ X

 

[PTFC]

Good for you Bmarie! You sound like you are feeling more confident with each passing day. Keep up the good vibes!

Never apologise for a "novel" either, it's good for yourself and others too.

 

[Bmarie]

Thanks PTFC my friend, I am indeed feeling a little more confident every day now, instead of waking up with that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I'm so grateful for this site and appreciate everyone's support

 

[PTFC]

Thanks PTFC my friend, I am indeed feeling a little more confident every day now, instead of waking up with that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I'm so grateful for this site and appreciate everyone's support /default_smile.png

I agree 100%, everyone is made very welcome, a great mix of members, lots of wisdom, sage advice, and opinion. Not forgetting our excellent mods, and of course admin! Myself, and I know many others in this forum, take great pleasure in hearing of/seeing and even feeling someone's progress for the better. You are heading for a better place Bmarie! Have you looked around for another GP, or are you limited in scope? It's a horrible situation where you are judged and marked for life, even when you have turned things around.