A Journey Of Light, Dark, Sadness And Hope...

[NoName]

Your discipline is inspiring....

 

[zuvuya4]

Thats some of the BEST news all morning!! I know we may not know one another, but if you've read about some of my hellz w/x@n@x at 30+mg a day for years, then ya know enough to KNOW I understand the HELL of benzos, protracted wd syndrome, etc. Im praying to all the gods & goddesses to support you....sometimes I am reminded that....GOD DOES HER BEST WORK THRU PEOPLE!!!! So.....Keep On Keepin ON friend!!!! I think I have said enough!! Most Sincerely & Best Regards, ~Z~ P.s..... As my two yr old son once said in one of my states of despair....."NEVER GIVE UP DADDY!!!"

Feel free to contact me, if you ever need a friend who has been there and back!!!

 

[Guest]

Thats some of the BEST news all morning!! I know we may not know one another, but if you've read about some of my hellz w/x@n@x at 30+mg a day for years, then ya know enough to KNOW I understand the HELL of benzos, protracted wd syndrome, etc. Im praying to all the gods & goddesses to support you....sometimes I am reminded that....GOD DOES HER BEST WORK THRU PEOPLE!!!! So.....Keep On Keepin ON friend!!!! I think I have said enough!! Most Sincerely & Best Regards, ~Z~ P.s..... As my two yr old son once said in one of my states of despair....."NEVER GIVE UP DADDY!!!"Feel free to contact me, if you ever need a friend who has been there and back!!!

Wow that is a helluva habit! Good for you! Much love......

 

[Phrenicz]

Thats some of the BEST news all morning!! I know we may not know one another, but if you've read about some of my hellz w/x@n@x at 30+mg a day for years, then ya know enough to KNOW I understand the HELL of benzos, protracted wd syndrome, etc. Im praying to all the gods & goddesses to support you....sometimes I am reminded that....GOD DOES HER BEST WORK THRU PEOPLE!!!! So.....Keep On Keepin ON friend!!!! I think I have said enough!! Most Sincerely & Best Regards, ~Z~ P.s..... As my two yr old son once said in one of my states of despair....."NEVER GIVE UP DADDY!!!"Feel free to contact me, if you ever need a friend who has been there and back!!!

Thanks Zuvuya! And likewise, I'm always about for a chat if you need one : )

Best regards to you too

~P~

 

[zuvuya4]

Thanks Zuvuya! And likewise, I'm always about for a chat if you need one : )

Best regards to you too

~P~

Your so very welcome @Phrenicz !!!!💙💜 I will NEED you and this community before & after my full R hip reconstruction, (ive had 3 complete revision surgeries and each one failed...all within a 9mo. Period!! So, they literally cut and RAN, LEAVINGV my R leg 8.59" shorter, its like having severe neuropathy And a BROKEN LEG THAT NEVER HEALS!!! )bc its gonna be hell getting off the tasty crap they'll have to prescribe! I will take as little as I possibly can of the super strong stuff, but I'm going to need it as this is going to be one seriously painful final surgery! 😞😳 Lotsa Love to y'all!!! ~Z~

 

[Guest]

Your so very welcome @Phrenicz !!!! I will NEED you and this community before & after my full R hip reconstruction, (ive had 3 complete revision surgeries and each one failed...all within a 9mo. Period!! So, they literally cut and RAN, LEAVINGV my R leg 8.59" shorter, its like having severe neuropathy And a BROKEN LEG THAT NEVER HEALS!!! )bc its gonna be hell getting off the tasty crap they'll have to prescribe! I will take as little as I possibly can of the super strong stuff, but I'm going to need it as this is going to be one seriously painful final surgery! Lotsa Love to y'all!!! ~Z~

Wow! I just had a broken arm that didnt heal for almost three months and I was going crazy! I cannot imagine what that hip would be like! We are all here, you juust do your part and heal! Let us know when you are going in.

C

 

[zuvuya4]

Wow! I just had a broken arm that didnt heal for almost three months and I was going crazy! I cannot imagine what that hip would be like! We are all here, you juust do your part and heal! Let us know when you are going in.

C

Well, it drives me to insanity, verry short temper etc bc of the pain....but y'all have to imsgine all that hardware gone, w nothing at all in there!! 2 & 1/2 yrs like this has literally driven me to the brink of suicide......but thank God/dess im too much a coward to take my own life!!! Lol!! And I WILL LET Y'ALL KNOW WHEN I FINALLY DO GET THE SURGERY!!! I reallllly hate-love doctors at this point. But, I guess they are ONLY Human.....kind of#!! Lol!!Thank you Cat!!!

Fond Regards, ~Z~

 

[Phrenicz]

Yeah, I don't know much about x rays, but that doesn't look like a good one!!.. Good luck, god bless and like Cat said, keep us posted!..

What you are describing sounds incredibly painful and must be extremely tiring (and trying) : (...

Sending over some 'psychic painkilling thoughts' as I write this message ; )

~P~

 

[Suzie]

me too zuvu /default_smile.png

 

[zuvuya4]

Thank you guys n gals, it means the world to me!!! Tiring? Hell I barely move more than to do my nominal excercises! Trying....as...murder one..but 24/7. Thanks sooo much for being here.

 

[pokeytoe]

Phrenicz, this made me cry. Actually tears are dropping from my cheeks as I speak because I went through this exact same thing with the kpin as you. Then onto the diazepam to help taper off the kpin. Two years this took me to taper a little too fast tho. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm down to 15mg val now. I was started on 6mg of kpin a day for post partum depression due to my horrible pregnancy and my baby being 3,months premature. The Dr left me on that dose for 7 yrs. I begged him to taper me and he would not. For 7 yrs I struggled with tapering myself too fast or too slow. I cry for you because this took the last two precious years of my life away from me, bedridden with tolerance and full blown withdrawl as if I stopped ct. I was not going to choose to updose. So I chose to go to a new psych and taper the right way. My poor children had to watch their mother bedridden for two long years of their lives. My mom flew out to take care of me and the kids. Just 8 months ago did I start feeling normal again. I woke up every morning shaking in withdrawal for years. I might as well have had cancer, because it sure felt like I was dying. I had seizures all the time. It wasnt a death sentence like cancer can be, but it felt like it. It was literally a hell on earth. People don't understand. Its Like your body being raped over and over and not one break of relief. Not one morning of relief. Relief was all I prayed for was to wake up normal again. As I woke electrical feelings running through my body as if I was being electrocuted. I always have said that I wouldnt wish even this apon my worse enemy. Im here for you if you need someone who really truly understands this. Please be here for me too,, i need someone who understands this to a T.

 

[Revenger]

Oh pokey... 2 years ?? You poor thing and your poor boys

Glad you have such a great mum

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Phrenicz]

Phrenicz, this made me cry. Actually tears are dropping from my cheeks as I speak because I went through this exact same thing with the kpin as you. Then onto the diazepam to help taper off the kpin. Two years this took me to taper a little too fast tho. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm down to 15mg val now. I was started on 6mg of kpin a day for post partum depression due to my horrible pregnancy and my baby being 3,months premature. The Dr left me on that dose for 7 yrs. I begged him to taper me and he would not. For 7 yrs I struggled with tapering myself too fast or too slow. I cry for you because this took the last two precious years of my life away from me, bedridden with tolerance and full blown withdrawl as if I stopped ct. I was not going to choose to updose. So I chose to go to a new psych and taper the right way. My poor children had to watch their mother bedridden for two long years of their lives. My mom flew out to take care of me and the kids. Just 8 months ago did I start feeling normal again. I woke up every morning shaking in withdrawal for years. I might as well have had cancer, because it sure felt like I was dying. I had seizures all the time. It wasnt a death sentence like cancer can be, but it felt like it. It was literally a hell on earth. People don't understand. Its Like your body being raped over and over and not one break of relief. Not one morning of relief. Relief was all I prayed for was to wake up normal again. As I woke electrical feelings running through my body as if I was being electrocuted. I always have said that I wouldnt wish even this apon my worse enemy. Im here for you if you need someone who really truly understands this. Please be here for me too,, i need someone who understands this to a T.

Pokeytoe!

That sounds horrific!!.. Poor you : ( .. I find the strangest about benz0 w/d's is how varied the symptoms are in different people?.. I find that everyone's w/d experience is really personal to themselves?.....

After reading your account, I feel I have got off lightly this time?... The last taper I did, which was about 5 years ago, I had a much harder time of it and it did involve a couple of seizures!.. But, stupidly, I was trying to do some very unsafe, rather big drops!.. However, I can vividly relate to all the symptoms you have described!...

I also get extremely angry when I hear accounts like yours, when the actual Doctor in charge, responsible) for your habit, won't even help you taper?! Grrrrrrrrr!!.. I have heard that so many times now!.. Surely it's their duty of care, to help you in any way possible!!. Especially when you're asking them to?!...

I do hope you are you on the upside now?.. How long have you been at 15mg?..

Everyone's here for you Pokeytoe, including me! That's what this place is about ; )

~P~

 

[zuvuya4]

Absolutely one of THE most hellish drugs I've ever withdrawn from, and I too tried to do some major drops while tapering off of my daily 30+mgs of x@n@x, and while I didnt have seizures, i did suffer most of the same symptoms y'all have described. Before the Ashton method was found, I once dropped 2mg inba week...I talked nonstop with not a MINUTE of sleep for 5 days straight!! TALK about protracted withdrawal syndrome!! Holy FUCK!!! So, PLEASE know that, as Phrenicz said, we are all here for you, and THAT'S WHY THIS PLACE IS FOR!!! A safe/soft place to fall, without the judgment & horrifying criticism that those who've not walked a mile, let alone an inch in our shoes!!! Keep at it!!! You're SO much stronger than you might think!! And when you need support, Im here for you along with the REST of us, who genuinely understand, bc we DO know the hell you are climbing OUT OF!!! AND NO!! THAT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS NOT A TRAIN!!! ITS HOPE AND THE PROMISE of a FAR BRIGHTER FUTURE AHEAD.

We are here for YOU pokeytoe!!! Ill be keeping you, as I do ALL the wonderful people I've met here, ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS!!! Sounds like you have a GREAT MOM!! I wouldn't have made it this far without MINE!! XOXO, `~Z~`

 

[pokeytoe]

Phrenicz, thank you 💙

Theres nothing more endearing to me, then when I know that I can reach out to someone who has been in my shoes with this horrid experience and vice versa. I don't want to take over your thread and make it about me, because this is Your thread that you started about your experience. But, I can't help but "let it all out" when I read that someone has gone through what I have gone through. My God....what would we all do if the internet didn't exist? Its a miracle if You run into someone outside if the internet that truly understands you. Its rare. Thank the Lord for this precious website. Its not just a website. Magic happens here. People connect. Emotions soar. Golden friendships are made. And people get well. And We get to come on here and bear our soul, our deepest darkest times with strangers who understand us, when the people who are close to us that we talk to face to face everyday, can't even touch what "we" here at dbg can touch from thousands of miles away. When someone says, "you touched my heart," then, a difference is made. To make a difference in someone's life after going through so much trauma, is a true gift of oneself. Those are golden to me. And I'm sure to you too.

To answer your question Phrenicz, I've been on 15mg for about two months now. I moved to Calif temporarily so that my parents could take care of me and my kids while I heal. I was on 30mg of V@l using the Ashton manual that I researched myself and thats how I was able to cross over to the v@l that helped me slowly taper off the kpin, which was working, but it helped as far as helping me get off the kpin, but only thing I wasn't suffering from any more was the seizures. So I get to Cali, and through my sucky welfare insurance plan, i was assigned to a psych who made it very clear to me that she doesn't perscribe b3nz0z, tapered me from 30mg V down to 5mg in 6months. I begged her to go slower cuz it was just too fast and I was having seizures again and just basically going backwards all over again. She said, "oh honey, don't worry WD only lasts for about two weeks. Whatever symptoms your describing has nothing to do with wd. You will be fine." Really??!!! She did not care about my quality of life. She didnt care that i was shaking like i had parkinsons. She didnt care that the dark circles under my eyes made me look like i was dying. She just didnt care about me period. All she cared about was rushing me to get off the Benz cuz she doesn't prescribe it. I didn't know what to do after that. My parents then paid 400$ for a psych that my welfare ins didn't cover and he got me back on the 30mg. HE completely understood. But who can afford 400$ every three months? But what he perscribed held me over until i foumd another cheaper way. I was useless as a human being and my job as a parent. My days that went by were being wasted by sickness and despair. 40 yrs old. Divorced, poor, completely debilitated, bedridden, losing my mind, hallucinating, internal vibrations nonstop. In so much physical pain. I was that crazy person in the corner sitting on the ground in a fetal postion rocking back and forth. I just keep crying out to God "I have not forsaken you Lord, why oh why are you letting me go through this?"

So, right after that, I came across dbg, which I knew nothing about. I was basically just trying to find support on the Internet cuz I just could not go through another minute, second, day, year of this before I lost the will and did something horrible to myself. I have a strong will to survive, but I was at the the point to where I was starting to doubt myself. Which was scary. This had gone on too damn long.

So last Sept I was read dbg as much as I could. I could not believe what I was reading. I cld actually get what I needed to get me well again? Like for real? What a miracle! So, I did just that. Got myself back on track on the 30mg. I cried so hard from happiness when i got my first letter ....that i ended up giving myself a migraine from it LOL. And from September to now, i was able to taper all by myself at MY....OWN....PACE. Sorry doctors, but I know my body better then you do so ....go suck a d*** ha! I'm in charge of MY medical an MY body from now on. I AM GOING TO GET MYSELF WELL!!!

I have a calendar that I wrote a taper plan according to the Ashton manual, but I taper as how im feeling as well. And its going smooooth. I can function now. I am normal now. I can work part time now. I do have some days where I still wake up with the electrical feelings, but nothing like before. As soon as I get up, eat breakfast it goes away.

God, to the new mods and Cat, you do an awesome job keeping every thing in line and every one in check here. I've been a member of a B3n0 support group on fb for 4 yrs now and things can get pretty crazy with 10 mods. But I must say, there's only two here and you handle the job of how a General would. Thank you for being the person you are. I believe God put you here for a reason. What you do not just for me, but for everyone else speaks volumes about you. I wish there was some major way that I could do more then just express my gratitude to the "Admin man" as I call him cuz I don't know his name /default_tongue.png

To show him that he has allowed me to change my life by getting well. And by doing this, he has changed my parents lives, my sons lives, my friends and family. They no longer have to worry about me and this issue. Im hoping to have tapered completely off the V by 1 more year. And just have x@n for emergencies only when those moments of overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks happen.

I have learned the lesson of a lifetime. Never ever, EVER trust that what a Dr is giving me, without asking questions and doing my own research, before I take that script in to be filled.

I know this was a long one guys. I'm sorry. I hope that my words helped you Phrenicz, in any way and anyone else reading this in some kind of way. Im here for all of you that has gone through this or even if its somethimg similar. I'm a good listener and I can be a very good friend too.

Off subject for a minute.... I just want you all to know that I'm not one to like to cause anyone drama or be involved in it. When i hear about something, i keep to myself, unless im approached, then i will recipicate with only that person and not all of the forum. I've seen too many feelings get very hurt. I know it can happen on these support groups. We're all Human and its going to happen. Basically I'm just letting you all know that you can trust me if you like. I've been on here for 6months now. Whatever you hear, whatever you read, always be your own judge. I will never let anyone steer me wrong. I'm not perfect. I'm not cooler or better then anyone here. I'm just me. And with that said....I wish the sun to shine brightly on you all. May you continue to heal and have love for one another and not hate. Throwing you Great BIG HUGS guys!!!

 

[pokeytoe]

Absolutely one of THE most hellish drugs I've ever withdrawn from, and I too tried to do some major drops while tapering off of my daily 30+mgs of x@n@x, and while I didnt have seizures, i did suffer most of the same symptoms y'all have described. Before the Ashton method was found, I once dropped 2mg inba week...I talked nonstop with not a MINUTE of sleep for 5 days straight!! TALK about protracted withdrawal syndrome!! Holy FUCK!!! So, PLEASE know that, as Phrenicz said, we are all here for you, and THAT'S WHY THIS PLACE IS FOR!!! A safe/soft place to fall, without the judgment & horrifying criticism that those who've not walked a mile, let alone an inch in our shoes!!! Keep at it!!! You're SO much stronger than you might think!! And when you need support, Im here for you along with the REST of us, who genuinely understand, bc we DO know the hell you are climbing OUT OF!!! AND NO!! THAT LIGHT AT THE END TUNNEL IS NOT A TRAIN!!! ITS OF THE HOPE AND THE PROMISE of a FAR BRIGHTER FUTURE AHEAD.

We are here for YOU pokeytoe!!! Ill be keeping you, as I do ALL the wonderful people I've met here, ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS!!! Sounds like you have a GREAT MOM!! I wouldn't have made it this far without MINE!! XOXO, `~Z~`

Zuvuya4, what an absolute sweetheart you are /default_smile.png I need more of you people in my life and I will take as many as I can!!

try not to drop too soon too fast if you can help it. 30mg of x@n is a lot! Its not worth the WD. I tell people, who care's if it takes a good two or three years to slowly get off these meds. It's better then feeling like crap everyday. You just make it a part if your everyday lifestyle. Your everyday routine like brushing your teeth. There's no reason to taper fast unless you don't have enough meds and you don't have a way of getting more. That's still a diseater in itself.

Your words of encouragement, are giving me warm fuzzies and big smiles /default_wink.png

I know your probably wondering why I'm io so late. Well took a pk and it got me amped up of course but I'm gonna try to get some sleep now. Tomorrow's gonna be a beach day....yay!! Nini 😴

 

[Phrenicz]

Phrenicz, thank you Theres nothing more endearing to me, then when I know that I can reach out to someone who has been in my shoes with this horrid experience and vice versa. I don't want to take over your thread and make it about me, because this is Your thread that you started about your experience. But, I can't help but "let it all out" when I read that someone has gone through what I have gone through. My God....what would we all do if the internet didn't exist? Its a miracle if You run into someone outside if the internet that truly understands you. Its rare. Thank the Lord for this precious website. Its not just a website. Magic happens here. People connect. Emotions soar. Golden friendships are made. And people get well. And We get to come on here and bear our soul, our deepest darkest times with strangers who understand us, when the people who are close to us that we talk to face to face everyday, can't even touch what "we" here at dbg can touch from thousands of miles away. When someone says, "you touched my heart," then, a difference is made. To make a difference in someone's life after going through so much trauma, is a true gift of oneself. Those are golden to me. And I'm sure to you too. To answer your question Phrenicz, I've been on 15mg for about two months now. I moved to Calif temporarily so that my parents could take care of me and my kids while I heal. I was on 30mg of V@l using the Ashton manual that I researched myself and thats how I was able to cross over to the v@l that helped me slowly taper off the kpin, which was working, but it helped as far as helping me get off the kpin, but only thing I wasn't suffering from any more was the seizures. So I get to Cali, and through my sucky welfare insurance plan, i was assigned to a psych who made it very clear to me that she doesn't perscribe b3nz0z, tapered me from 30mg V down to 5mg in 6months. I begged her to go slower cuz it was just too fast and I was having seizures again and just basically going backwards all over again. She said, "oh honey, don't worry WD only lasts for about two weeks. Whatever symptoms your describing has nothing to do with wd. You will be fine." Really??!!! She did not care about my quality of life. She didnt care that i was shaking like i had parkinsons. She didnt care that the dark circles under my eyes made me look like i was dying. She just didnt care about me period. All she cared about was rushing me to get off the Benz cuz she doesn't prescribe it. I didn't know what to do after that. My parents then paid 400$ for a psych that my welfare ins didn't cover and he got me back on the 30mg. HE completely understood. But who can afford 400$ every three months? But what he perscribed held me over until i foumd another cheaper way. I was useless as a human being and my job as a parent. My days that went by were being wasted by sickness and despair. 40 yrs old. Divorced, poor, completely debilitated, bedridden, losing my mind, hallucinating, internal vibrations nonstop. In so much physical pain. I was that crazy person in the corner sitting on the ground in a fetal postion rocking back and forth. I just keep crying out to God "I have not forsaken you Lord, why oh why are you letting me go through this?"So, right after that, I came across dbg, which I knew nothing about. I was basically just trying to find support on the Internet cuz I just could not go through another minute, second, day, year of this before I lost the will and did something horrible to myself. I have a strong will to survive, but I was at the the point to where I was starting to doubt myself. Which was scary. This had gone on too damn long.So last Sept I was read dbg as much as I could. I could not believe what I was reading. I cld actually get what I needed to get me well again? Like for real? What a miracle! So, I did just that. Got myself back on track on the 30mg. I cried so hard from happiness when i got my first letter ....that i ended up giving myself a migraine from it LOL. And from September to now, i was able to taper all by myself at MY....OWN....PACE. Sorry doctors, but I know my body better then you do so ....go suck a d*** ha! I'm in charge of MY medical an MY body from now on. I AM GOING TO GET MYSELF WELL!!! I have a calendar that I wrote a taper plan according to the Ashton manual, but I taper as how im feeling as well. And its going smooooth. I can function now. I am normal now. I can work part time now. I do have some days where I still wake up with the electrical feelings, but nothing like before. As soon as I get up, eat breakfast it goes away. God, to the new mods and Cat, you do an awesome job keeping every thing in line and every one in check here. I've been a member of a B3n0 support group on fb for 4 yrs now and things can get pretty crazy with 10 mods. But I must say, there's only two here and you handle the job of how a General would. Thank you for being the person you are. I believe God put you here for a reason. What you do not just for me, but for everyone else speaks volumes about you. I wish there was some major way that I could do more then just express my gratitude to the "Admin man" as I call him cuz I don't know his name /default_tongue.png To show him that he has allowed me to change my life by getting well. And by doing this, he has changed my parents lives, my sons lives, my friends and family. They no longer have to worry about me and this issue. Im hoping to have tapered completely off the V by 1 more year. And just have x@n for emergencies only when those moments of overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks happen.I have learned the lesson of a lifetime. Never ever, EVER trust that what a Dr is giving me, without asking questions and doing my own research, before I take that script in to be filled.I know this was a long one guys. I'm sorry. I hope that my words helped you Phrenicz, in any way and anyone else reading this in some kind of way. Im here for all of you that has gone through this or even if its somethimg similar. I'm a good listener and I can be a very good friend too. Off subject for a minute.... I just want you all to know that I'm not one to like to cause anyone drama or be involved in it. When i hear about something, i keep to myself, unless im approached, then i will recipicate with only that person and not all of the forum. I've seen too many feelings get very hurt. I know it can happen on these support groups. We're all Human and its going to happen. Basically I'm just letting you all know that you can trust me if you like. I've been on here for 6months now. Whatever you hear, whatever you read, always be your own judge. I will never let anyone steer me wrong. I'm not perfect. I'm not cooler or better then anyone here. I'm just me. And with that said....I wish the sun to shine brightly on you all. May you continue to heal and have love for one another and not hate. Throwing you Great BIG HUGS guys!!!

Glad you're in a better place pokeytoe : )... After the amount you've dropped from, I'd consider 15mg a very healthy therapeutic dose?....Also, the help you got from your family must have been invaluable?...

Thank fuck for family eh? I know I'd be royally fucked without mine!....

That said, they are also a major pain in the arse at times ; )

~P~

 

[blissopifree 2]

Phrenicz, thank you Theres nothing more endearing to me, then when I know that I can reach out to someone who has been in my shoes with this horrid experience and vice versa. I don't want to take over your thread and make it about me, because this is Your thread that you started about your experience. But, I can't help but "let it all out" when I read that someone has gone through what I have gone through. My God....what would we all do if the internet didn't exist? Its a miracle if You run into someone outside if the internet that truly understands you. Its rare. Thank the Lord for this precious website. Its not just a website. Magic happens here. People connect. Emotions soar. Golden friendships are made. And people get well. And We get to come on here and bear our soul, our deepest darkest times with strangers who understand us, when the people who are close to us that we talk to face to face everyday, can't even touch what "we" here at dbg can touch from thousands of miles away. When someone says, "you touched my heart," then, a difference is made. To make a difference in someone's life after going through so much trauma, is a true gift of oneself. Those are golden to me. And I'm sure to you too. To answer your question Phrenicz, I've been on 15mg for about two months now. I moved to Calif temporarily so that my parents could take care of me and my kids while I heal. I was on 30mg of V@l using the Ashton manual that I researched myself and thats how I was able to cross over to the v@l that helped me slowly taper off the kpin, which was working, but it helped as far as helping me get off the kpin, but only thing I wasn't suffering from any more was the seizures. So I get to Cali, and through my sucky welfare insurance plan, i was assigned to a psych who made it very clear to me that she doesn't perscribe b3nz0z, tapered me from 30mg V down to 5mg in 6months. I begged her to go slower cuz it was just too fast and I was having seizures again and just basically going backwards all over again. She said, "oh honey, don't worry WD only lasts for about two weeks. Whatever symptoms your describing has nothing to do with wd. You will be fine." Really??!!! She did not care about my quality of life. She didnt care that i was shaking like i had parkinsons. She didnt care that the dark circles under my eyes made me look like i was dying. She just didnt care about me period. All she cared about was rushing me to get off the Benz cuz she doesn't prescribe it. I didn't know what to do after that. My parents then paid 400$ for a psych that my welfare ins didn't cover and he got me back on the 30mg. HE completely understood. But who can afford 400$ every three months? But what he perscribed held me over until i foumd another cheaper way. I was useless as a human being and my job as a parent. My days that went by were being wasted by sickness and despair. 40 yrs old. Divorced, poor, completely debilitated, bedridden, losing my mind, hallucinating, internal vibrations nonstop. In so much physical pain. I was that crazy person in the corner sitting on the ground in a fetal postion rocking back and forth. I just keep crying out to God "I have not forsaken you Lord, why oh why are you letting me go through this?"So, right after that, I came across dbg, which I knew nothing about. I was basically just trying to find support on the Internet cuz I just could not go through another minute, second, day, year of this before I lost the will and did something horrible to myself. I have a strong will to survive, but I was at the the point to where I was starting to doubt myself. Which was scary. This had gone on too damn long.So last Sept I was read dbg as much as I could. I could not believe what I was reading. I cld actually get what I needed to get me well again? Like for real? What a miracle! So, I did just that. Got myself back on track on the 30mg. I cried so hard from happiness when i got my first letter ....that i ended up giving myself a migraine from it LOL. And from September to now, i was able to taper all by myself at MY....OWN....PACE. Sorry doctors, but I know my body better then you do so ....go suck a d*** ha! I'm in charge of MY medical an MY body from now on. I AM GOING TO GET MYSELF WELL!!! I have a calendar that I wrote a taper plan according to the Ashton manual, but I taper as how im feeling as well. And its going smooooth. I can function now. I am normal now. I can work part time now. I do have some days where I still wake up with the electrical feelings, but nothing like before. As soon as I get up, eat breakfast it goes away. God, to the new mods and Cat, you do an awesome job keeping every thing in line and every one in check here. I've been a member of a B3n0 support group on fb for 4 yrs now and things can get pretty crazy with 10 mods. But I must say, there's only two here and you handle the job of how a General would. Thank you for being the person you are. I believe God put you here for a reason. What you do not just for me, but for everyone else speaks volumes about you. I wish there was some major way that I could do more then just express my gratitude to the "Admin man" as I call him cuz I don't know his name /default_tongue.png To show him that he has allowed me to change my life by getting well. And by doing this, he has changed my parents lives, my sons lives, my friends and family. They no longer have to worry about me and this issue. Im hoping to have tapered completely off the V by 1 more year. And just have x@n for emergencies only when those moments of overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks happen.I have learned the lesson of a lifetime. Never ever, EVER trust that what a Dr is giving me, without asking questions and doing my own research, before I take that script in to be filled.I know this was a long one guys. I'm sorry. I hope that my words helped you Phrenicz, in any way and anyone else reading this in some kind of way. Im here for all of you that has gone through this or even if its somethimg similar. I'm a good listener and I can be a very good friend too. Off subject for a minute.... I just want you all to know that I'm not one to like to cause anyone drama or be involved in it. When i hear about something, i keep to myself, unless im approached, then i will recipicate with only that person and not all of the forum. I've seen too many feelings get very hurt. I know it can happen on these support groups. We're all Human and its going to happen. Basically I'm just letting you all know that you can trust me if you like. I've been on here for 6months now. Whatever you hear, whatever you read, always be your own judge. I will never let anyone steer me wrong. I'm not perfect. I'm not cooler or better then anyone here. I'm just me. And with that said....I wish the sun to shine brightly on you all. May you continue to heal and have love for one another and not hate. Throwing you Great BIG HUGS guys!!!

Glad you're in a better place pokeytoe : )... After the amount you've dropped from, I'd consider 15mg a very healthy therapeutic dose?....Also, the help you got from your family must have been invaluable?...

Thank fuck for family eh? I know I'd be royally fucked without mine!....

That said, they are also a major pain in the arse at times ; )

~P~

Your right about family but as in my case they are usually there to help.But they can find it hard to understand addiction problems properly just as many people do,I get sick of people who think/say just stop and don't do it again.I so wish it was as simple as that!! 

To the member who has tapered from such a HUGE dose of alp I applaud you,your nearly there keep  up the good work and it's GREAT your regaining control of your life and family matters.Kudos to you....

Peace

Bliss.....

 

[blissopifree 2]

It's the strong liquid opiates I am battling at the moment and many a year I may add.I have allways been wary of the benzoes as one addiction is PLENTY to deal with for me.I have used plenty of benz but allways sparingly as I am too worried about a 2nd habit.Unlike many here my addiction is down to me not like most here that have addiction after medical procedures and medications given after them.Good wishes to all that a fighting the fight which I will be doing once again as I'm simply getting too long in the tooth to keep on with this daily battle of wits.As many have said I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!.For one of the first times though I want to get clean for ME not family/partners ect.I am old enough and tried it so many times to know you will only get clean and stay clean if you REALLY want it for yourself you simply won't do it if your only doing it to please others..

Peace 

Bliss. ...