A psychotic episode and vomit - what the heck happened?

[Smoka90]

My brain just gets soooo much healthier every day, it really does.

I wondered if anyone could offer any insight into what happened to me last night... I'll put it as briefly as I can:

I took a stimulant during the day, just before noon. A normal dose for me - nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Then come the evening I took a benzoh: lormet@zap@m. I tried to work out equivalency to 10mg di@z and it was 1-2mg. So I went for the upper estimate, taking 4mg. (I usually take 20mg di@z equivalent). So, yeah... it was a new benzoh, but the dose didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary.

And then, like pretty much every night, I used my vaporiser. I didn't take any more than I usually do and I'd used stuff from that 'batch' before.

And then, maybe within...30 minutes or so, I'm seeing things. It's all a bit blurry, but I remember shouting at my fiancee: "There's people there! Behind you!" I was seeing things out of the corner of my eye. This is the point where a door frame could turn into a ghoul, a TV into a masked robber.

It got much worse when I went to bed. Some of the things I 'saw': there was a laundry basket with socks and things in it. The socks turned into...sort of...tiny people, made out of plasticine or something, writhing about. They weren't moving quickly. Just writhing. It reminded me of seeing a huge pile of maggots squirm around. But it seemed like they were doing their own thing; I didn't doubt that they were sentient. I felt like I was a fly on the wall, observing the strange customs of...plasticine paradise, or whatever the heck it was.

The wardrobe was open, with t shirts and shirts hanging up. Last night, they all had people wearing them. It's hard to explain... well, it's not really. The wardrobe was full of people wearing the clothes. Not really moving a lot, but I could see that they were 'bulked out', and they would sway as if someone was just standing idly. There were faces on some of the clothes. They all just took horrible forms and they were constantly glaring at me.

The worst one was a curtain. We have a big, grey curtain covering up the wardrobe (hard to explain), and I saw that as a 8-9ft tall, grey...ghost...thing. Standing over us, watching. That happened two or three times. I'd wake up later that night, see it, and wake up my fiancee, scared sh!tless.

I took my nightly (prescribed) meds like a good little boy, then about 30 seconds later...'oh noooo, I'm going to be sick'. So then I threw up. On a carpet. Well done me.

Well done indeed.

But the thing is, I haven't thrown up for over 10 years. Seriously. I never throw up. Even when I used to binge drink, smoke, drink poppy tea, all sorts. Not once vomited. So this freaked me out.

Today I felt a bit nauseous, and just quite...down. I can't handle another medical issue cropping up.

There were many, many more hallucinations. To many to specifically remember and explain. Some sort of fascinated me. Most frightened me. It all had a strange feeling of sobreity around it, too. The whole thing went on for about 3 hours until I fell asleep. It was still going on when I nodded off.

Like I said, apart from the benzoh being a new one to me, this was all completely ordinary. In my mind, I did nothing that would have led me to expect this hell journey.

And finally... I'm a bit nervous saying this, but I often have very, very mild symptoms like this, most days. I often see things out of the corner of my eye. And for as long as I can remember I always see lots of crazy, horrible stuff when I close my eyes at night. A psychiatrist I saw when I was a young teenager said that was often a warning sign for psychosis. So I'm really scared that now...it's 'waking up'. Like the epilepsy did over a year ago.

I hope I'm overreacting, but I'd love to know what you all think... it's just I've never had anything this bad before...

 

[Phrenicz]

Hey Smoka!

Man that sounds like a rough night? You ok now? (apart from the obvious residual freaking out about your experience !).. 

Unless the 'Pam' was laced with LSD I think you can rule that out... 

The obvious culprits would be the stimulant or the weed? I know when I used to regularly do stimulants and didn't get enough sleep, I would begin to hallucinate slightly? Also, I always found stimulants to be cumulative? So, maybe you could try having a stimulant break of sorts... 

But, I suspect the main protagonist of your story is probably the weed?.. I stopped for the exact same reasons as you are describing.. In fact, I stopped too late and ended up in full on psychosis mode :-/.... I realise it's probably a thing you love, as did I.. And to me it was my comfort blanket for so long.. It took me years to find out it was the actual thing responsible for taking my blanket away!... But, I've never looked back and I much prefer the predictability of not being stoned... Some days it was fine, but more and more frequently the other days, without any warning (and like you, the same strain as the night/weeks before), it opened my own personal gateway to hell - Fear, paranoia, suspicion and all round fucking really not good craziness?! And did I mention Fear!! 

You know your body better than anyone else though dude, but maybe try and take it easier on the stims and weed? You know as well as I do that it was almost 100% not the benz0? So through the process of elimination.... 

I think we share some of the same issue me and thee, so that's why I thought I'd give you my take.. 

Hope you are feeling better today : )

~Concerned bat~

 

[2earls]

Sounds horrendous! I am thinking perhaps it was the new benz-O. Just because there is one certain type that has made me vomit twice, which has never happened with any other. Wasn't sure the first time, but after a second attempt with the same results, no more for me.

It was a delayed reaction too. I didn't vomit for many hours after taking them both times. I didn't see any grey, ghostly things or have any memorable psychosis, but everyone is different; )

Hope that came out of the carpet.

 

[Smoka90]

@Phrenicz The bennies were blisterpacked - absolutely certain they weren't laced. Plus, all this started to happen a couple of hours or so after I'd taken them. I don't really think it was the stimulant, because I've never even had the slightest bit of anxiety with them, let alone this... perhaps it was the weed? But it lasted for hours and hours... and when I've had weed panics before, they've never been anywhere near this...

And I know exactly what you mean about quitting weed. You know, I did have a two year break from it, but started again a few months ago...now I'm in a much happier place, so I tend to get little anxiety from it... but, man...when I used to smoke it years ago (I vaporise it now), I'd have it every single night. No exceptions. And I'd always smoke it alone. And the paranoia, oh god...every night was a panic attack. But I kept smoking it. Just shows my addictive personality I guess...

I sort of ruled out the benzoh...but it was the first time I'd taken that type, and my fiancee (eeep, sorry, still getting used to saying that!) thought it was the benzoh. But then again, the only thing she's taken is caffeine - she's pretty blessed. I read up on paradoxical reactions, but they were things like aggression etc. Not full on psychosis...

I'm going to take your advice... and try and reduce my doses of stims and the weed... I mean, you'll know how hard it is. Damn it. Why am I such a doofus?

Oh, another thing, yesterday I had some kava, the same kava I'd had the night this happened (I didn't mention it because it didn't seem important...) and I felt really quite nauseous from it. So now I'm thinking that the kava made me nauseous. But the psychosis? No idea...

I am feeling much better now, thank you. =) It's given me a new fear, of just losing it when in public, but I'm feeling better. Thanks for taking the time to write your reply too. =)

@2earls Hmm, interesting you say that...like you, I think I'll do a second attempt, but obviously at a much lower dose (and with no smelly green stuff)...it's just it's a short lasting hypnotic...just what I need.

Also, it had me feeling blissfully relaxed for the first hour or so. With the one that made you sick, did you feel good effects from it before it made you ill..?

Oh, and... we were planning to get a new carpet at some point soon anyway.

 

[2earls]

Ah, maybe it was all a subconscious plot to spur the carpet replacement on?

Yes, I did have a pleasant reaction initially, so the first time I chalked it up to something I ate didn't agree with me. You may have to throw up again to get to the bottom of this mystery. I feel like it's too much of a coincidence that I just happened to be sick both times. Unfortunately I have quite a few of the offending meds and I don't know if I should give them away and possibly make someone else vomit, or if it's just an ingredient in the med that doesn't agree with me.

I have seen other members buY it wit out complaining, so I don't think I should mention what and where out here in the open and scare anyone away from purchasing.

If you are going to experiment again, I'm sure you will prepare yourself with a bucket and an anti-nausea remedy. And quickly before the new carpet.

On another note, have you set a date?

 

[Phrenicz]

@Phrenicz The bennies were blisterpacked - absolutely certain they weren't laced. Plus, all this started to happen a couple of hours or so after I'd taken them. I don't really think it was the stimulant, because I've never even had the slightest bit of anxiety with them, let alone this... perhaps it was the weed? But it lasted for hours and hours... and when I've had weed panics before, they've never been anywhere near this...

And I know exactly what you mean about quitting weed. You know, I did have a two year break from it, but started again a few months ago...now I'm in a much happier place, so I tend to get little anxiety from it... but, man...when I used to smoke it years ago (I vaporise it now), I'd have it every single night. No exceptions. And I'd always smoke it alone. And the paranoia, oh god...every night was a panic attack. But I kept smoking it. Just shows my addictive personality I guess...

I sort of ruled out the benzoh...but it was the first time I'd taken that type, and my fiancee (eeep, sorry, still getting used to saying that!) thought it was the benzoh. But then again, the only thing she's taken is caffeine - she's pretty blessed. I read up on paradoxical reactions, but they were things like aggression etc. Not full on psychosis...

I'm going to take your advice... and try and reduce my doses of stims and the weed... I mean, you'll know how hard it is. Damn it. Why am I such a doofus?

Oh, another thing, yesterday I had some kava, the same kava I'd had the night this happened (I didn't mention it because it didn't seem important...) and I felt really quite nauseous from it. So now I'm thinking that the kava made me nauseous. But the psychosis? No idea...

I am feeling much better now, thank you. =) It's given me a new fear, of just losing it when in public, but I'm feeling better. Thanks for taking the time to write your reply too. =)

@2earls Hmm, interesting you say that...like you, I think I'll do a second attempt, but obviously at a much lower dose (and with no smelly green stuff)...it's just it's a short lasting hypnotic...just what I need.

Also, it had me feeling blissfully relaxed for the first hour or so. With the one that made you sick, did you feel good effects from it before it made you ill..?

Oh, and... we were planning to get a new carpet at some point soon anyway.

We're all doofuses sometimes matey : ).. And I'm familiar with your addiction plight all too well!.. 

And being able to recognise it seperates us from the full time doofuses : ). Only slightly though ; ). 

It can't hurt to try and cut back a tad though.. That's what I try to do when things get a bit hairy?!.. However, I'm not known for my skills at moderation either?! 

Let us us know how you get on! And good luck : ). 

Glad you're feeling better!

~P~

 

[Smoka90]

@2earls I understand you not wanting to name what med it was, don't worry. =)

But from what you said, I'm starting to lay blame on the benzoh. I think? Haha, god...I'm so bloody indecisive. I want to test it at some point in the future, but I really am terrified of vomiting. I can't explain it. It's just the feeling beforehand and, ugh...it's horrible. The other night, as well as getting it on the carpet, I also had to wash sick out of my lovely new pyjamas that I was wearing! Not happy about that...

It's funny about the carpet actually, because one of the two pet cats throws up on it quite a lot. In fact, after the first load of vomit I had, I said to my fiancee: 'I've done a *name of cat*.' So I still had some humour. =/

If I do any more experiments with it, I'm going to just take 1/4 of the dose I did before. Hopefully that will keep me safe...won't be for a while, though.

And we've set a date! We haven't booked anywhere yet, but it will be April 2018. =) April's a special month for us, and next April was a little too soon.

@Phrenicz I don't want to just wallow in self-pity here, but you'll know what I mean when I say it's just so hard to...moderate. I mean, I'm good at not going on 'binges'; I've kept my use of a lot of things to 1-2 times a week, but I feel like I *have* to do them 1-2 times a week, if that makes sense...

I've got this awful habit of complaing about something, then continuing to do it anyway. =/

But saying that, sometimes the 'scare factor' does happen. When it turned out I was epileptic I stopped taking several different things overnight, so maybe this will be a similar thing...?

On a different note, I've been thinking we should form a musical duo or something. Because I look at our profile pictures and all I can think of is a heavy metal album released by 'The Bat & The Rat'. Sounds cool! =D

 

[Conceited]

That seems an awful experience, especially if you didn't intend on tripping. Especially with you feeling sick. You didn't intend on hallucinating?   Some substances are nice to throw up on oddly( not that it happens often unless alcohol is involved, which is the worst for me.) but if its nasty I wouldn't throw them in the rubbish bin, and someone know they make you sick, but  insiste on taking if that's what caused your episode. 

Maybe others have better experience with whatever med it is. But if my batch was dubious I wouldn't like someone else give them to me

 

[Phrenicz]

@2earls I understand you not wanting to name what med it was, don't worry. =)

But from what you said, I'm starting to lay blame on the benzoh. I think? Haha, god...I'm so bloody indecisive. I want to test it at some point in the future, but I really am terrified of vomiting. I can't explain it. It's just the feeling beforehand and, ugh...it's horrible. The other night, as well as getting it on the carpet, I also had to wash sick out of my lovely new pyjamas that I was wearing! Not happy about that...

It's funny about the carpet actually, because one of the two pet cats throws up on it quite a lot. In fact, after the first load of vomit I had, I said to my fiancee: 'I've done a *name of cat*.' So I still had some humour. =/

If I do any more experiments with it, I'm going to just take 1/4 of the dose I did before. Hopefully that will keep me safe...won't be for a while, though.

And we've set a date! We haven't booked anywhere yet, but it will be April 2018. =) April's a special month for us, and next April was a little too soon.

@Phrenicz I don't want to just wallow in self-pity here, but you'll know what I mean when I say it's just so hard to...moderate. I mean, I'm good at not going on 'binges'; I've kept my use of a lot of things to 1-2 times a week, but I feel like I *have* to do them 1-2 times a week, if that makes sense...

I've got this awful habit of complaing about something, then continuing to do it anyway. =/

But saying that, sometimes the 'scare factor' does happen. When it turned out I was epileptic I stopped taking several different things overnight, so maybe this will be a similar thing...?

On a different note, I've been thinking we should form a musical duo or something. Because I look at our profile pictures and all I can think of is a heavy metal album released by 'The Bat & The Rat'. Sounds cool! =D

That could be a good musical sideline : ).. 

I have a feeling our music would be quite dark ; )

 

[2earls]

The Bat and the Rat! Yes, I will buy that.

@Smoka90I like the long engagement plan, less stressful than planning in a rush.

 

[dotcomkot]

My brain just gets soooo much healthier every day, it really does.

I wondered if anyone could offer any insight into what happened to me last night... I'll put it as briefly as I can:

I took a stimulant during the day, just before noon. A normal dose for me - nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Then come the evening I took a benzoh: lormet@zap@m. I tried to work out equivalency to 10mg di@z and it was 1-2mg. So I went for the upper estimate, taking 4mg. (I usually take 20mg di@z equivalent). So, yeah... it was a new benzoh, but the dose didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary.

And then, like pretty much every night, I used my vaporiser. I didn't take any more than I usually do and I'd used stuff from that 'batch' before.

And then, maybe within...30 minutes or so, I'm seeing things. It's all a bit blurry, but I remember shouting at my fiancee: "There's people there! Behind you!" I was seeing things out of the corner of my eye. This is the point where a door frame could turn into a ghoul, a TV into a masked robber.

It got much worse when I went to bed. Some of the things I 'saw': there was a laundry basket with socks and things in it. The socks turned into...sort of...tiny people, made out of plasticine or something, writhing about. They weren't moving quickly. Just writhing. It reminded me of seeing a huge pile of maggots squirm around. But it seemed like they were doing their own thing; I didn't doubt that they were sentient. I felt like I was a fly on the wall, observing the strange customs of...plasticine paradise, or whatever the heck it was.

The wardrobe was open, with t shirts and shirts hanging up. Last night, they all had people wearing them. It's hard to explain... well, it's not really. The wardrobe was full of people wearing the clothes. Not really moving a lot, but I could see that they were 'bulked out', and they would sway as if someone was just standing idly. There were faces on some of the clothes. They all just took horrible forms and they were constantly glaring at me.

The worst one was a curtain. We have a big, grey curtain covering up the wardrobe (hard to explain), and I saw that as a 8-9ft tall, grey...ghost...thing. Standing over us, watching. That happened two or three times. I'd wake up later that night, see it, and wake up my fiancee, scared sh!tless.

I took my nightly (prescribed) meds like a good little boy, then about 30 seconds later...'oh noooo, I'm going to be sick'. So then I threw up. On a carpet. Well done me.

Well done indeed.

But the thing is, I haven't thrown up for over 10 years. Seriously. I never throw up. Even when I used to binge drink, smoke, drink poppy tea, all sorts. Not once vomited. So this freaked me out.

Today I felt a bit nauseous, and just quite...down. I can't handle another medical issue cropping up.

There were many, many more hallucinations. To many to specifically remember and explain. Some sort of fascinated me. Most frightened me. It all had a strange feeling of sobreity around it, too. The whole thing went on for about 3 hours until I fell asleep. It was still going on when I nodded off.

Like I said, apart from the benzoh being a new one to me, this was all completely ordinary. In my mind, I did nothing that would have led me to expect this hell journey.

And finally... I'm a bit nervous saying this, but I often have very, very mild symptoms like this, most days. I often see things out of the corner of my eye. And for as long as I can remember I always see lots of crazy, horrible stuff when I close my eyes at night. A psychiatrist I saw when I was a young teenager said that was often a warning sign for psychosis. So I'm really scared that now...it's 'waking up'. Like the epilepsy did over a year ago.

I hope I'm overreacting, but I'd love to know what you all think... it's just I've never had anything this bad before...

im gonna go bed now mate but im coming back to this when i wake at 7 am ish. the last part i have experience with a little. try not to panic an stay safe an with ur fiance pls. to keep a eye. talk to u in the morning bud. 

dot

 

[dotcomkot]

We're all doofuses sometimes matey : ).. And I'm familiar with your addiction plight all too well!.. 

And being able to recognise it seperates us from the full time doofuses : ). Only slightly though ; ). 

It can't hurt to try and cut back a tad though.. That's what I try to do when things get a bit hairy?!.. However, I'm not known for my skills at moderation either?! 

Let us us know how you get on! And good luck : ). 

Glad you're feeling better!

~P~

i agree very well put

 

[dotcomkot]

I should mention what and where out here in the open and scare anyone away from purchasing.

If you are going to experiment again, I'm sure you will prepare yourself with a bucket and an anti-nausea remedy. And quickly before the new carpet.

loool duno why i found this so funny. sory dude, but the fact u said about the carpet an bucket i had to laugh. at u not the sit. hehe theres light at the end of the tunnel

 

[2earls]

Because Smoka90 has a great way of telling a story @dotcomkotr, he always makes me laugh.

Meep

 

[dotcomkot]

@2earls he certainly does, fast becoming one of my favs on here  has someone deleted their comments? duno why id post 3 sep. i know how to quote.. very od. im not avoiding this btw im gonna approach it properly once iv fully awoken. dont want to miss inform u 

dot

 

[Smoka90]

@Nikolas Thanks for the kind words. =)

I think I'd agree with the first point you made; a temporary state due to substances. So you think the very, very mild psychotic symptoms I have most days are nothing to do with it? That's what I've been worrying about.. I've always been a bit...I don't know. I always see things, like I said, when I close my eyes at night. Baffles me why I never see nice things... If I just saw dozens of rabbits running around the room (omgz!), that'd be grand! But it's always weird, macarbe stuff.

Also, a couple of nights ago, I was falling to sleep in bed, when suddenly I felt that I was here, in this computer chair, and it was pitch black, I was struggling to find a light, and my mind felt in that 'unstable' way. It's just all so bloody lucid.

I don't know... I'll definitely be more wary of things in the future, though. But I am absolutely certain that the meds didn't contain any stimulant. The immediate effect from them, 1-2 hours after taking them, I can say that there was zero stimulation. Mind you, when I was vomiting I felt quite stimulated.

@Conceited Thanks for the advice, and yeah, I definitely didn't intend to hallucinate. I hate anything that's psychedelic or dissociative. My mind is too messed up for that. I know I should throw the benzohs in the rubbish bin, but there were so many variables here that I will try the benzoh at 1/4 of the dose with nothing else taken with it. That means if I throw up, they'll be 75% less sick. *thumbs up*

But, sorry, seriously, I will try again, with the utmost care and planning.

@Phrenicz It would be dark indeed! =D I'm in to the deepest underground of depressive, hateful black metal. Proper stuff, not like Darkthrone or something wearing makeup. Nah. I like music that's made by suicidal singletons in their one bedroom flats. I know that's grim. But I've always thought that negative, desperate, ill mindsets make art that is so, so much better than empty-headed happy people's art.

Anyway, yeah...I think I've just alienated myself there, haha. I'm used to telling people about the music I like, and why I like it, and getting this awful awkward silence afterward. Agggh, it's horrible, haha, happens every time, even when I mention a musician/band that I think is more well known.

@2earls Yeah, it's definitely not something we want to rush. We're having a bit of a discussion over where it will be... I'm not a proper Christian (I sort of call myself a 'cultural Christian', because I respect the place it has in my nation's history), but I adore churches. They're beautiful. But my fiancee really doesn't like the religious aspect, but she loves the buildings too, so we're seeing if they can do more civil ceremonies in the church setting. Because the alternative is a cheesy hotel, or registry office - they're more expensive, and really couldn't compete with the looks and atmosphere of a church. (mental note: don't wear a black metal shirt).

And, with the vomit...you know, my fiancee was laughing about it quite a lot. Because I sort of called her after the first delivery of sick, then I said, "don't come in yet, there might be more..." followed by... "...there's more..!" *BUUUUURP*.

At least I still have my dignity.

LOLZ.

 

[Phrenicz]

The darker the better for me @Smoka90 : ).. Some of the most beautiful and evocative music hinges on just how glacially dark it gets. There's nothing like a monotonous, yet evolving sleezy drop D or E guitar riff, subterranean grinding bass lines, juxtaposed with harsh, jittery electronica and a sprinkling of angry industrial, overdriven, over compressed, glitchy breakbeat drum patterns... Topped off with some angst ridden, effect laden distorted rhythmic vocals on top : ). 

Shit, I've just described my own music ; )

 

[2earls]

I have to wonder if deep, depressive, dark, hateful, black metal music is conducive to seeing visions of bunnies cavorting peacefully about. Just a thought 

 

[Smoka90]

@Phrenicz Do you actually make music, then? It sounds really cool. I used to listen to dark, industrial electronic music quite a lot a few years ago. Skinny Puppy, you probably know them? Last Rights was a brilliant album. Velvet Acid Christ are a little less known, but they make some good music.

I've got a fondness for sort of repetitive melodies, that bring you to a trance, then the notes sort of reach an almost hopeful peak, then crash back down to the same despairing melody. Then you get the anguished vocals. Oooo, love it. I know I like a song when it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

@Nikolas Thanks for the input again =) I didn't hear so much, no... I thought I heard music playing at one point, but it was mostly visual...

But with respect, I'll have to pass on the offer of happy music with zero hesitation. 'Dark' music is my comfort. It's sort of hard to describe. Well, put it this way, happy, upbeat music depresses me way, way more than suicidal music.

@2earls When I first got my bunny, she actually just stretched out and chilled when I put black metal on! No joke! That, and the fact that she grunts, lunges and charges a lot, and that she's a loner, makes me come to this conclusion: she's a black metal bunny! =D