A psychotic episode and vomit - what the heck happened?

[2earls]

I have been waiting for a listen to Mr. Musical aka @Phrenicz. 

What an exciting bunny! I have never been around one who does all that. OK what do I know about what type of music rabbits enjoy? Grunting and lunging sounds like it would go great with your musical tastes @Smoka90. I seem to recall that I was grunting and lunging when I watched one of your videos.

Long live metal bunny!

 

[ElectroNymph]

My brain just gets soooo much healthier every day, it really does.

I wondered if anyone could offer any insight into what happened to me last night... I'll put it as briefly as I can:

I took a stimulant during the day, just before noon. A normal dose for me - nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Then come the evening I took a benzoh: lormet@zap@m. I tried to work out equivalency to 10mg di@z and it was 1-2mg. So I went for the upper estimate, taking 4mg. (I usually take 20mg di@z equivalent). So, yeah... it was a new benzoh, but the dose didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary.

And then, like pretty much every night, I used my vaporiser. I didn't take any more than I usually do and I'd used stuff from that 'batch' before.

And then, maybe within...30 minutes or so, I'm seeing things. It's all a bit blurry, but I remember shouting at my fiancee: "There's people there! Behind you!" I was seeing things out of the corner of my eye. This is the point where a door frame could turn into a ghoul, a TV into a masked robber.

It got much worse when I went to bed. Some of the things I 'saw': there was a laundry basket with socks and things in it. The socks turned into...sort of...tiny people, made out of plasticine or something, writhing about. They weren't moving quickly. Just writhing. It reminded me of seeing a huge pile of maggots squirm around. But it seemed like they were doing their own thing; I didn't doubt that they were sentient. I felt like I was a fly on the wall, observing the strange customs of...plasticine paradise, or whatever the heck it was.

The wardrobe was open, with t shirts and shirts hanging up. Last night, they all had people wearing them. It's hard to explain... well, it's not really. The wardrobe was full of people wearing the clothes. Not really moving a lot, but I could see that they were 'bulked out', and they would sway as if someone was just standing idly. There were faces on some of the clothes. They all just took horrible forms and they were constantly glaring at me.

The worst one was a curtain. We have a big, grey curtain covering up the wardrobe (hard to explain), and I saw that as a 8-9ft tall, grey...ghost...thing. Standing over us, watching. That happened two or three times. I'd wake up later that night, see it, and wake up my fiancee, scared sh!tless.

I took my nightly (prescribed) meds like a good little boy, then about 30 seconds later...'oh noooo, I'm going to be sick'. So then I threw up. On a carpet. Well done me.

Well done indeed.

But the thing is, I haven't thrown up for over 10 years. Seriously. I never throw up. Even when I used to binge drink, smoke, drink poppy tea, all sorts. Not once vomited. So this freaked me out.

Today I felt a bit nauseous, and just quite...down. I can't handle another medical issue cropping up.

There were many, many more hallucinations. To many to specifically remember and explain. Some sort of fascinated me. Most frightened me. It all had a strange feeling of sobreity around it, too. The whole thing went on for about 3 hours until I fell asleep. It was still going on when I nodded off.

Like I said, apart from the benzoh being a new one to me, this was all completely ordinary. In my mind, I did nothing that would have led me to expect this hell journey.

And finally... I'm a bit nervous saying this, but I often have very, very mild symptoms like this, most days. I often see things out of the corner of my eye. And for as long as I can remember I always see lots of crazy, horrible stuff when I close my eyes at night. A psychiatrist I saw when I was a young teenager said that was often a warning sign for psychosis. So I'm really scared that now...it's 'waking up'. Like the epilepsy did over a year ago.

I hope I'm overreacting, but I'd love to know what you all think... it's just I've never had anything this bad before...

I wouldn't get overly worried about psychosis, unless you smoke a lot of pot: that's what happened to my ex at 28. There are probably other ways to get it, but that seems to be the most common.

The medicine may just have disagreed with you. I have had horrific hallucinations, but that was in a police cell and from benzo withdrawals. 

I also am rarely sick, the last time was from taking too many DHC, too fast. Hadn't had it for a while.

Wishing you good health.

E.N.

 

[Phrenicz]

@Phrenicz Do you actually make music, then? It sounds really cool. I used to listen to dark, industrial electronic music quite a lot a few years ago. Skinny Puppy, you probably know them? Last Rights was a brilliant album. Velvet Acid Christ are a little less known, but they make some good music.

I've got a fondness for sort of repetitive melodies, that bring you to a trance, then the notes sort of reach an almost hopeful peak, then crash back down to the same despairing melody. Then you get the anguished vocals. Oooo, love it. I know I like a song when it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

@Nikolas Thanks for the input again =) I didn't hear so much, no... I thought I heard music playing at one point, but it was mostly visual...

But with respect, I'll have to pass on the offer of happy music with zero hesitation. 'Dark' music is my comfort. It's sort of hard to describe. Well, put it this way, happy, upbeat music depresses me way, way more than suicidal music.

@2earls When I first got my bunny, she actually just stretched out and chilled when I put black metal on! No joke! That, and the fact that she grunts, lunges and charges a lot, and that she's a loner, makes me come to this conclusion: she's a black metal bunny! =D

Yes Smoka : )

i semi do it for a living.. Ish, not as much as I'd like at the minute, but I've just sent off samples of my newest portfolio and things are looking promising : ).  I have featured on a few x box and play station games and a few TV adverts..  It pays, but not enough yet to give up my day job!! I've just started a new project, which should be ready in a couple of months... So, I'll keep ya posted ; ).  

With what you've mentioned, I think it'd be up your street... And it's definitely dark and comforting ; )..

Glad you're feeling better anyhows! Must have been a transient thing? 

Have you attempted the same drug combo since? 

 

[Smoka90]

@2earls I love my black metal bunny so, so much. =) She is basically me in rabbit form.

@ElectroNymph Thanks for the kind words. =) Erm...with 'herb', the most I get is anxiety...nothing like this at all...I have however lessened my herb usage since (moderation for once, what a change for me!). Thanks for wishing me good health, you're a good 'un! Thanks! ^^

@Phrenicz I envy you in a way! I love music, and I often 'create' nice melodies in my head, but... I just can't play the guitar. It really gets to me... I can play it a bit, but, well...I'm just a bit pants, haha.

If you'd be okay with it, I'd like to hear some of your music. =) If you feel like it ruins any anonymity then there's no need, but it would be nice. Erm, I know my music is just noise to most people, but if you'd like to hear any of my favourites, just let me know. =) I'd love to share music with a like-minded...

I do much prefer black metal to more electro based stuff, but I'm quite open minded.

And I haven't tried the combo since. I'm just so scared of vomiting, and the hallucinations were so scary...if I do, it will be 25% of the dose (of the benzoh) that I tried last time, with no herb. I will tread very, very carefully.

(By the way, if only I was musically gifted, how brilliant would it be if we had a duo act! One can dream! Also, I know of one black metal band that includes quite a lot of electronica too. Very deranged. Brilliant band. Let me know if you'd like to hear them. =) )

And to everyone, thanks for helping me so much with this. I know it was me just being reckless, so thank you for understanding and helping. I only hope I can help all of you as much as you help me. Thank you so much. *hugs to all*

 

[ElectroNymph]

@2earls I love my black metal bunny so, so much. =) She is basically me in rabbit form.

@ElectroNymph Thanks for the kind words. =) Erm...with 'herb', the most I get is anxiety...nothing like this at all...I have however lessened my herb usage since (moderation for once, what a change for me!). Thanks for wishing me good health, you're a good 'un! Thanks! ^^

@Phrenicz I envy you in a way! I love music, and I often 'create' nice melodies in my head, but... I just can't play the guitar. It really gets to me... I can play it a bit, but, well...I'm just a bit pants, haha.

If you'd be okay with it, I'd like to hear some of your music. =) If you feel like it ruins any anonymity then there's no need, but it would be nice. Erm, I know my music is just noise to most people, but if you'd like to hear any of my favourites, just let me know. =) I'd love to share music with a like-minded...

I do much prefer black metal to more electro based stuff, but I'm quite open minded.

And I haven't tried the combo since. I'm just so scared of vomiting, and the hallucinations were so scary...if I do, it will be 25% of the dose (of the benzoh) that I tried last time, with no herb. I will tread very, very carefully.

(By the way, if only I was musically gifted, how brilliant would it be if we had a duo act! One can dream! Also, I know of one black metal band that includes quite a lot of electronica too. Very deranged. Brilliant band. Let me know if you'd like to hear them. =) )

And to everyone, thanks for helping me so much with this. I know it was me just being reckless, so thank you for understanding and helping. I only hope I can help all of you as much as you help me. Thank you so much. *hugs to all*

Thanks! You are too. Glad you have reduced your intake, my ex still has psychosis, after nine years.

 

[Phrenicz]

Thanks! You are too. Glad you have reduced your intake, my ex still has psychosis, after nine years.

Seriously? : (.  That sounds horrible... I probably got nearer to 9 weeks and I nearly gave up on everything! Nine years must be a living hell... Was it purely from MJ? 

 

[Phrenicz]

@2earls I love my black metal bunny so, so much. =) She is basically me in rabbit form.

@ElectroNymph Thanks for the kind words. =) Erm...with 'herb', the most I get is anxiety...nothing like this at all...I have however lessened my herb usage since (moderation for once, what a change for me!). Thanks for wishing me good health, you're a good 'un! Thanks! ^^

@Phrenicz I envy you in a way! I love music, and I often 'create' nice melodies in my head, but... I just can't play the guitar. It really gets to me... I can play it a bit, but, well...I'm just a bit pants, haha.

If you'd be okay with it, I'd like to hear some of your music. =) If you feel like it ruins any anonymity then there's no need, but it would be nice. Erm, I know my music is just noise to most people, but if you'd like to hear any of my favourites, just let me know. =) I'd love to share music with a like-minded...

I do much prefer black metal to more electro based stuff, but I'm quite open minded.

And I haven't tried the combo since. I'm just so scared of vomiting, and the hallucinations were so scary...if I do, it will be 25% of the dose (of the benzoh) that I tried last time, with no herb. I will tread very, very carefully.

(By the way, if only I was musically gifted, how brilliant would it be if we had a duo act! One can dream! Also, I know of one black metal band that includes quite a lot of electronica too. Very deranged. Brilliant band. Let me know if you'd like to hear them. =) )

And to everyone, thanks for helping me so much with this. I know it was me just being reckless, so thank you for understanding and helping. I only hope I can help all of you as much as you help me. Thank you so much. *hugs to all*

@Smoka90... When it is ready, I will forward you a link my good man! .. I always value an objective, yet like minded opinion : ) 

 

[ElectroNymph]

Seriously? : (.  That sounds horrible... I probably got nearer to 9 weeks and I nearly gave up on everything! Nine years must be a living hell... Was it purely from MJ? 

I think so. He walked twenty miles to Durham from Newcastle and was sectioned. We are still close.

 

[Smoka90]

@ElectroNymph My God, that sounds awful...nine years... the fact that you think it was MJ that caused it...scares the crap out of me, to be honest. It just shows what a fragile, delicate thing the brain is...

 

[ElectroNymph]

@ElectroNymph My God, that sounds awful...nine years... the fact that you think it was MJ that caused it...scares the crap out of me, to be honest. It just shows what a fragile, delicate thing the brain is...

Yes, it does. He was living in Sheffield, smoking a lot of strong skunk, then we met in rehab for alcoholism. This was back in 2006.

When he lived with me in the North East, we were both clean until I started taking benzos like smarties.

After I stopped them we both started to smoke the weaker 'tac' as we call it up here, and had it for about half a year. By November 07 he was acting very weirdly, and in the New Year he had done two twenty mile walks - one to South Shields and the other to Durham City. 

The sectioning helped him, but he's never been the same. I wish that I could help, but he needs to fight it himself. Unfortunately, he doesn't. I have been his carer though. He decided to live on his own, just hope that he can handle it.

 

[PTFC]

I think so. He walked twenty miles to Durham from Newcastle and was sectioned. We are still close.

Except when he's 20 miles away! 

SORRY, inappropriate humour @ElectroNymph! 

Glad you are back to yourself @Smoka90, you have had some torrid experiences the past  year 

 

[ElectroNymph]

Except when he's 20 miles away! 

SORRY, inappropriate humour @ElectroNymph! 

Glad you are back to yourself @Smoka90, you have had some torrid experiences the past  year 

Lol. Well yes. It was terrifying. I didn't know where he kept going. Had to keep ringing the police. He had walked so much that two of his toenails turned black and fell off. ?

 

[Solid Snoop]

When I first started b3nz0s and stimulants at the same time I started to see my father who passed away some time ago.

I know A LOT of people who take b3nz0s for their come down but I find that if you time it incorrectly, you're in for a bad experience.

I'm a very occasional c0cain3 user when doing 12 hour shifts. If I take a bennie  before the come down starts I feel like Ive got the worst hangover ever. Severe headaches, blurred vision, vomiting and the occasional hallucinations.

After typing the above, I ain't taking c0ke again.

 

[Smoka90]

@ElectroNymph That does sound horrible, and really scary too... an awful thing for anyone to go through... I do hope that time heals him, to an extent, and that he's safe and okay living on his own....

@PTFC The past 12 months have been a pit pooey, neurologically anyway, yeah, but people definitely go through a lot worse. Compared to a lot of people, I still have it easy, and I try to never take that for granted...

@Solid Snoop Right, okay. I didn't actually know that it was a problem that people generally had. I know that some benzzohs are worse than others (I know zoppy has an awful reputation for it). I now know that a higher dose of bennzohs might actually be worse, in terms of the experience I described. Like I said, I got the equivalent dose wrong and got carried away. Such a rare thing for me to do... I don't go near very strong st!ms like what you described, so hopefully that keeps me a bit safer...

Live and learn, I suppose... =/

 

[Solid Snoop]

@Smoka90 your attitude to your situation that you mentioned to PTFC is what I have embraced this past fortnight. For ages I thought I had it bad, shoveling b3nz0s and PK's down my throat in self pity.

What a difference it has been for me reading other people's experiences. I have a shit time sometimes but after speaking to a few members on here, I pretty much have it golden bar some pain and general anxiety. That attitude has been the driving force from me taking ungodly amounts of benzos and down to therapeutic levels within days. I know it's hard to keep that attitude up all the time but having it in the first place is the hardest part.

And yeah, big stims+ bennies is just a horrible experience waiting to happen. Even b3t@ blockers + stims is a dangerous combo. Look after yourself dude.

 

[Smoka90]

@Solid Snoop You've got a very good understanding of the way things are. Very thoughtful. You've just go to be at your best when life is at its worst (the most cruel irony of all ironies, that one...).

I'll try and look after myself... I always think of the people (my fiancee, my family, the few friends I have) who care about me, and I wouldn't want them to ever, ever be grieving because of some stupid selfish behaviour or act I'd done.

And now I want a hole to crawl into...

 

[ElectroNymph]

@ElectroNymph That does sound horrible, and really scary too... an awful thing for anyone to go through... I do hope that time heals him, to an extent, and that he's safe and okay living on his own....

@PTFC The past 12 months have been a pit pooey, neurologically anyway, yeah, but people definitely go through a lot worse. Compared to a lot of people, I still have it easy, and I try to never take that for granted...

@Solid Snoop Right, okay. I didn't actually know that it was a problem that people generally had. I know that some benzzohs are worse than others (I know zoppy has an awful reputation for it). I now know that a higher dose of bennzohs might actually be worse, in terms of the experience I described. Like I said, I got the equivalent dose wrong and got carried away. Such a rare thing for me to do... I don't go near very strong st!ms like what you described, so hopefully that keeps me a bit safer...

Live and learn, I suppose... =/

We are both pretty messed up mental health-wise, and no amount of cigarettes, drugs, or booze will help that. It's like a sticking plaster - with fangs.

Thanks for your kind comments. He is back with me now, as he couldn't handle being alone.

Also, Xanax causes problems but Clonazopam is just as strong, though longer lasting. I've had some bad shakes from coming off it, so reduced my intake.

Wishing you all good health.

 

[rxpro]

I'm glad I read these posts. Thank You all for sharing. God's speed & be safe..Rxpro999000-