A Word Or Two About Pm Etiquette

[dvz]

When someone PMs a person asking for help, and that person responds thoughtfully and with hopefully the guidance the PMer was looking for, it's only proper to take a precious few moments out of your lifespan to reply with something along the lines of "Thanks!" Or a similar form of appropriate appreciation. If you aren't willing to do that with me, then step the fuck away from my PM button. Thanks.

 

[_X_]

YEAH! Inconsiderate fuckers. Wait, I'm not part of this.........runs past col. mustard, and hides behind a book case in the study, holding a candlestick

 

[dvz]

YEAH! Inconsiderate fuckers. Wait, I'm not part of this.........runs past col. mustard, and hides behind a book case in the study, holding a candlestick

Hey! No fair getting me to laugh when I'm trying to get my bitch on!

 

[_X_]

Oh you did such a great job gettin down with the bitch fit that I think you scared half the board...I had to jump in, your post was SO scary that no one seemed to dare touch it.  (It even scared me and I haven't PM'd you ;-)

 

[dvz]

Oh you did such a great job gettin down with the bitch fit that I think you scared half the board...I had to jump in, your post was SO scary that no one seemed to dare touch it.  (It even scared me and I haven't PM'd you ;-)

Yeah, I agree that as far as bitch fits go, that was pretty fucking lame. I'll work harder at them, I promise. Maybe calling it a "crab fit" would be more fitting. Wait, not those kinds of crabs...

 

[bigtimeoxyhunter]

Even though my knowledge is limited, there have been times I've had useful information that I've passed along and the receiver never replied with an actual thank you. Many times actually. I just chock it up to some people having better social skills than others. 

Is it as simple as someone just not thanking you? Or did someone actually insult you or something? You seem quite quite insulted. Wanna share what happened?

 

[dvz]

Even though my knowledge is limited, there have been times I've had useful information that I've passed along and the receiver never replied with an actual thank you. Many times actually. I just chock it up to some people having better social skills than others. 

Is it as simple as someone just not thanking you? Or did someone actually insult you or something? You seem quite quite insulted. Wanna share what happened?

Hi there,

Not sure where you get that I'm "quite quite insulted", it's just a matter of etiquette and proper form that I've seen hit the skids lately in many places, on many forums. Lots of new kids cropping up who seem not to know how to wipe their asses, socially speaking. Manners, balanced with humour are important in any community, as I'm sure you would agree. Also, PMs are just that. Private. So, I won't share specifics. Let's just say it's happened far more than once, so hence my post.

Enjoy your night!

 

[dvz]

I just block. The Mods don't need the added drama and work -I have learned from reading and living

What do the mods have to do with this, or "blocking" for that matter? Are we on Twitter now? The idea is to keep/have polite discourse. No, NOT intercourse...well....*shakes off naughty thoughts*

OK,  Happy learning from reading and living.

Take care, dvz.

 

[DorothyZbornak]

Yeah, I agree that as far as bitch fits go, that was pretty fucking lame. I'll work harder at them, I promise. Maybe calling it a "crab fit" would be more fitting. Wait, not those kinds of crabs...

dvz has crabs!  dvz has crabs!

 

[Jewbacca]

dvz has crabs!  dvz has crabs!

I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole. Literally, OR figuratively. /default_biggrin.png

 

[kittykat]

The upbringing now a day is not the same as when I grew up.....Thier is alot of ignorace in this world....Parents are too busy to instill the morals  manners respect and so on...They let thier children do what they want.....My boys were brought up the way I was with respect manners and morals......Ex: Please and TY, Holding the door for someone and soon...Unfortunatly now a day life is full of ignorance.

KK

 

[Packrat]

Hi Guys,

I kinda get dvz's point.   I couple of times I've been PM'd by someone for something that required a bit of time to explain and respond to properly.  Now that I think about it, while most people are gracious and appreciative of the effort sometimes I get the impression that responding to a PM is expected almost as a sort of service when in fact you have no obligation to respond at all.  So I agree that the least someone can do is at least say, "Thanks."

Here's the thing from my perspective - I view dvz as a good DBG "citizen" like most of us and a lot of the PM's are for valid questions not suitable for everyone to view, so dvz would likely respond with a good answer keeping in mind DBG and the membership when responding.  

The written word is falls terribly short when it comes to the ability to express emotions, concern, doubt, gratitude, etc, however. so it is quite easy for misinterpretations to occur.  Hence the emoticons and formatting capabilities of the editor.  Add to that the PM process being a private medium for communications of short duration and one can quite easily forget their manners on the asking side and never properly express the gratitude when in fact they are grateful.  This is not limited to PM's but posts as well.

but... as I said, there is an implied responsibility for the recipient to respond to a PM.   So the least the sender could do is thank the recipient for replying in the first place and also for the valuable information provided.

I would hate to see a situation where PM's were not responded to, though because on a forum such as ours people who have questions that need to be PM'd tend to have a sense of urgency to their request.

For me, I'm gonna answer PM's I receive, but yeah, folks should understand that this is not a "service" and that people should do their research before PM'ing dumb questions.

PR

 

[Beranda]

The upbringing now a day is not the same as when I grew up.....Thier is alot of ignorace in this world....Parents are too busy to instill the morals  manners respect and so on...They let thier children do what they want.....My boys were brought up the way I was with respect manners and morals......Ex: Please and TY, Holding the door for someone and soon...Unfortunatly now a day life is full of ignorance.

KK

You speak "the truth Ruth"...it is a dying aspect of parenting...it is time consuming if you have to work at it, but I've found that instilling morals and values becomes more automatic, if parents show their children by simply being the example.  As any parent has likely seen; no matter what we SAY, our kids hear what we DO.  I know from my few short years as a parent, I've had to check myself more than a handful of times (possibly hundreds), when I see behaviors in my child that do not line up with what I had hoped she was learning.  These are the times I have to realize, I may have "fallen short" in my own behaviors.  

So, back to the topic more specifically; yes some type of recognition and/or respectful response to someone's PM does help to convey appreciation of the time and efforts of a responder.  I am guilty of wanting a response quicker or longer than what some are able to offer, but we all have lives and local responsibilities that take precedence over our ability to reply to every PM sent our way.  Hopefully, we can all eventually find a few moments to at least send a 'thank you'.

I think DVZ's basic message is a valid one and whenever possible, I think MOST members are pretty darn gracious and giving of their time and appreciation with regards to PMs (at least IME)

 

[Guest]

I agree! and yes, dvz's message is valid, especially as a reminder. While the joy of helping one another is found in the help itself, a "thanks" IS good for the future of and tone of the relationship, and can only result in good/better things moving forward. I am all for that!

My hat is OFF to all of you good parents out there. I have the utmost respect for all of you!

much love

 

[Smokeyjoe]

Lots of good points made.

I always answer PMs if I get one and say Thanks to those who PM answers to me, but sometimes I get busy and forget to answer right away but I do answer and Thank you is always included even in late responses.

Some PMs can go back and forth a few times and those don't always end cleanly but a thanks is always in those too.

Other PMs are more personal and take more thought or are difficult to answer quickly due to the subject.

On totally unanswered PMs you could assume the person is a just an ass, or they just post BS and cant PM back on the subject, or the dont like you, or they just don't have time to answer.

Whatever the reasons you shouldn't let it get to you. The other person may have zero idea of what they did ( or didn't do) and it only frustrates you. And if someone is rude in a non response or lack of a thanks, think twice if you see another PM from that person before you answer.

Everyone has a full bag of Pleases and Thank You's and a free smile, toss them out like candy. In most all of my professional communications a Please and Thank You is included and it goes a long way.

 

[bigtimeoxyhunter]

Of course I would not want PM content exposed explicitly in the open forum. I was just wondered if it was a single incident or if it was frustration as a result of many people's obliviousness to etiquette. I think I see the overall point now. 

 

[Jewbacca]

I've remained on the sidelines, watching the commentary on this topic, and it occurred to me that it really boils down to one simple concept folks, and lessons you were taught in kindergarten.

First and foremost, this is a free community, and by "free", I don't mean monetary. I mean "free", as in every single post made by members is done voluntarily, as are responses to PM's. There is no inherent obligation for anyone to participate, post, answer questions or frankly, to log on to begin with. So, out simply, check any sense of self- entitlement at the door.

Secondly, in kindergarten, you were taught basic manners and standards of social behavior, including the concept of thanking someone for doing something nice for you of their own free will, being under no obligation to do so.

So, apply principles number one and two, and everyone is happy. Those with needs have them met, and those that meet them come away feeling appreciated. Where I come from, that's a "win / win" formula.

 

[kittykat]

I've remained on the sidelines, watching the commentary on this topic, and it occurred to me that it really boils down to one simple concept folks, and lessons you were taught in kindergarten.

First and foremost, this is a free community, and by "free", I don't mean monetary. I mean "free", as in every single post made by members is done voluntarily, as are responses to PM's. There is no inherent obligation for anyone to participate, post, answer questions or frankly, to log on to begin with. So, out simply, check any sense of self- entitlement at the door.

Secondly, in kindergarten, you were taught basic manners and standards of social behavior, including the concept of thanking someone for doing something nice for you of their own free will, being under no obligation to do so.

So, apply principles number one and two, and everyone is happy. Those with needs have them met, and those that meet them come away feeling appreciated. Where I come from, that's a "win / win" formula.

You nailed that right on the head....