Anxiety And Rs

[doesit]

So goes the topic,im single myself and never ahd a GF,at younger age i didnt have anxiety,but was unattractive i guess not alpha male material for girls,so didnt have much experience in girls sector,now im in late 20s and still alone,but anxiety is haunting me everywhere i dont have much friends or hobbies to do,so meeting someone is really hard,even worse with sa,because in social situations i start to sweat or blush in front of person and it doesnt give any good immpressions.So im just wonderin how other people are doing in simmilar situations? did you find someone early in life or the person liked you the way you were and how is your life going in general.To say the least i enjoy my own company,but there are so many things in life that to experience alone arent worth it.

 

[doesit]

No prob man /default_smile.png

As i said i love my own company,but doing ordinary things like going cinema or traveling alone,leaves me feeling like a such a tool /default_biggrin.png You can always have a dinner at the restaurant alone,but unless your stone high it will never feel right in such situations.Then theres situation from people that know you work/family and you have to dodge the questions why your alone or no GF,blabla /default_smile.png cmon if my mom doesnt even realize how hard its to go though anxiety attack,or after explaining how im feeling,someone smart would say just get over it /default_biggrin.png ,and im like yeah im just acting like a douchebag not like theres condition called anxiety,and if you try to explain it straight away people get this image of you being seriously mentally damaged ,or the best one i heard so far is your just depressed.Jokes aside /default_smile.png im living now day by day and challenge everything life throws at me.Peace everyone

 

[Guest]

@doesit , I doubt you are a douchebag.

My anxiety also keeps me from doing things I would enjoy but instead I'm either on the computer or making a lame attempt to play a good game. Don't say never as to the GF you just never know she just might be out there. Again never know...

Might be also you are a bit shy, nothing wrong with that. I totally get going to a rest and sitting alone at great big table. I would rather sit in the car and eat. So I'm with ya on that

I do believe we are all living day by day. You started this nice thread and I think that is a start. I just hope others will get some things off their chest also. Common folks cant just be us and 37 views so far. Not to bad B)

 

[peterblue889]

I know I suffer with pretty bad anxiety. I was an only child growing up and never had a boatload of friends, but I did manage to overcome my fear of social situations and am actually now married. It is something you can conquer, but it's not something that can happen overnight. It takes a lot of self reflection and courage to do so. I guess my anxiety about using a telephone or talking to somebody is always around that awkward silence rather than finding something to discuss. I didn't have a problem with social awkwardness but my fear of it is what tended to get the better of me. Like Troubadour said, take each day at a a time. Everyday is a new hurdle, and a new hoop to jump through but this is all worth it.

I am still very much of an introvert, and still suffer with social situations. I can do fine in them, but feel very stressed out as I feel it takes a lot out of me both physically and mentally. I am one of those strange individuals that tries to avoid them, but at the same time if I'm alone for too long I start feeling depressed.

 

[dirtybronco]

So goes the topic,im single myself and never ahd a GF,at younger age i didnt have anxiety,but was unattractive i guess not alpha male material for girls,so didnt have much experience in girls sector,now im in late 20s and still alone,but anxiety is haunting me everywhere i dont have much friends or hobbies to do,so meeting someone is really hard,even worse with sa,because in social situations i start to sweat or blush in front of person and it doesnt give any good immpressions.So im just wonderin how other people are doing in simmilar situations? did you find someone early in life or the person liked you the way you were and how is your life going in general.To say the least i enjoy my own company,but there are so many things in life that to experience alone arent worth it.

I am a lot like you, I got lucky and found a girl who liked me and made the first move. We are married now. I never realized I had an anxiety disorder, or that such a thing even existed until about a year ago. When I was younger people would say "he's just shy" or whatever. After doing a lot of reading on the internet about anxiety, it took me about 8 months to work up the courage to go talk to a doctor. It was the best thing I ever did. My life may have been much different if I had done it sooner. Good luck.

 

[doesit]

I am a lot like you, I got lucky and found a girl who liked me and made the first move. We are married now. I never realized I had an anxiety disorder, or that such a thing even existed until about a year ago. When I was younger people would say "he's just shy" or whatever. After doing a lot of reading on the internet about anxiety, it took me about 8 months to work up the courage to go talk to a doctor. It was the best thing I ever did. My life may have been much different if I had done it sooner. Good luck.

nice to hear good stories,hope all goes well to you in your life :] As for me im loosing faith in findind my other half in life due to age and inexperience,but i wouldnt be bothered with it,if not the people around me who always like to point it out,like a salt on a wound for an argument or fun,and even thou it sorta makes me dont give a crap anymore what others think. Peace

 

[doesit]

will have to try it :]

 

[doesit]

Well really cant lie,i did try dating online,and even met up with few of the girls,but at that times i was on x bars and could have a proper conversation,and feel free sitting in cafe having a cup of coffe while chatting away with 0 anxiety,i think i was even more hyped and leading the conversations.But the problem was i didnt feel anything for the two girls i dated,at best they were average looking (dont want to insult anyone) and after two dates,we just ended it being friends on fb and thats it,story of this is im not gay or anything,and i do stare down every nice chick on the street that i pass,but its something to do with my self esteme as i feel i dont deserve anything better or just not enough intrested to pursuit any random girl.but im not given up yet and still looking for that spark :]

 

[Guest]

Connections take time to develop and never happen right away. Coffee is great for starters (introductions), but then you need to build an "experience" into the date (what makes you stand out) something that you both share, moments, laughing together at others or situations that arise.

Even if they were average to each is to their own. Hell walking around my campus I only see maybe 2-3 girls that I would call "hot," but then you realize that they aren't dressed up to impress and like you probably just rolled out of bed to get to class.

There is a whole Pick Up Artist (PUA) type community on Reddit.com ( reddit.com/r/seduction/ ) that delved into how to build interest, escalation, talking, conversation, dating ideas, etc. I don't agree with all of it, but some of it does actually work.

 

[FrankieGirl]

Doesit said: but its something to do with my self esteme as i feel i dont deserve anything better or just not enough intrested to pursuit any random girl.but im not given up yet and still looking for that spark :]

................................

Doesit: have you heard about or tried visualization? I'm NOT being a smart a$$ here, I'm 100% being serious!

Decide what you want in a mate; picture yourself having confident conversations...write it down, and make it a mantra/an affirmation!! Talk about it (to yourself - don't want you getting labled crazy) as if your relationship, your confidence, is already a fact! Do your affirmation before you fall asleep every night, and as your waking up in the morning! This is when your subconscious is most accessible...and it will carry thru more easily to your conscious mind.

First off, you have to tell yourself that you ARE CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE, and THAT YOU DO DESERVE BETTER. You have to make your subconscious believe it, and when that happens, you WILL have those conversations, and you WILL get more, and WILL get better than you currently have!! I've changed many things in my life this way!

Google: the pacific institute; Lou Tice (founder of TPI. RIP Lou, 2012); also, visualization and affirmations (and how to) in general.

If you do this, and I mean REALLY do it, you will change your life (and I'll expect an invitation to your wedding! Heck,, if she's hot, I'll be expecting two paid plane fares to your wedding!!) LOL just kidding - advice is free!

You can think I'm a whack job, but google it before you decide! ;-) after all, what have you got to lose?

FrankieGirl

 

[doesit]

Doesit said: but its something to do with my self esteme as i feel i dont deserve anything better or just not enough intrested to pursuit any random girl.but im not given up yet and still looking for that spark :]

................................

Doesit: have you heard about or tried visualization? I'm NOT being a smart a$$ here, I'm 100% being serious!

Decide what you want in a mate; picture yourself having confident conversations...write it down, and make it a mantra/an affirmation!! Talk about it (to yourself - don't want you getting labled crazy) as if your relationship, your confidence, is already a fact! Do your affirmation before you fall asleep every night, and as your waking up in the morning! This is when your subconscious is most accessible...and it will carry thru more easily to your conscious mind.

First off, you have to tell yourself that you ARE CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE, and THAT YOU DO DESERVE BETTER. You have to make your subconscious believe it, and when that happens, you WILL have those conversations, and you WILL get more, and WILL get better than you currently have!! I've changed many things in my life this way!

Google: the pacific institute; Lou Tice (founder of TPI. RIP Lou, 2012); also, visualization and affirmations (and how to) in general.

If you do this, and I mean REALLY do it, you will change your life (and I'll expect an invitation to your wedding! Heck,, if she's hot, I'll be expecting two paid plane fares to your wedding!!) LOL just kidding - advice is free!

You can think I'm a whack job, but google it before you decide! ;-) after all, what have you got to lose?

FrankieGirl

thanks for the response,i tried hypnosis cds before sleep and i have this karma that always if i want something eventually i get it,but dont know why i am such a noob in a relationship field,other then that what i realize now that i dont crave for relationship or love,just maybe a good friend that would be there for you when needed and to spend time with /default_smile.png hope this makes sense.

 

[Guest]

I love this topic. Social anxiety sucks. Anyone care to post their experience.? I am hot and cold with sa. It can be crippling. The older i have gotten....and the farther away from the trauma i experienced as a young adult....the better it has gotten for me. A lot of folks have lifetime sa. I, for one, would love to jear how you cope.

 

[wyldepixie]

I'm not sure I cope successfully enough to give anyone advice but the few little things that sometimes work for me are:

Don't plan too far in advance. The longer I have to dread it the less likely I'll be able to do it wt all. For me I wait for a low anxiety day and then try to fit in whatever I think I can handle.

I think sometimes I started smoking just so I had an excuse to leave the room whenever things got stressful but I do that to get a break from the situation before it escalates into a panic attack. I don't reccommend starting smoking but maybe have a pre-thought out excuse to step away for a few minutes like a work phone call or something.

When I do go out I try to pick seating that is out of the way, the less people that walk within touching distance the more likely I am to get through it. In that same area when I do someplace with my boyfriend thats crowded he always stands between me and the people, even angling his body this way or that to block my view of the people if I start to struggle.

I tend to going to familiar places if I have to meet someone new so I only have one trigger at a time to deal with. I had a bar for a long time that never ever had any business during the week that I would go to. My boyfriend loves pool and I got comfortable going there on like Monday or Tuesday afternoons so whenever I had to meet someone new I'd do it there. All the relatives or friends new girl or boyfriends I met there where I felt safe. Unfortunately they closed but it gave me a few years of help.

On that note I always prefer to do things at off times or off seasons so I don't have to deal with crowds. If my boyfriend wants to see a movie we'll do an afternoon matinee on a weekday. If he wants to try a new restaurant we skip lunch and go at 3pm when noone is there. I do my grocery shopping in the early afternoons when most people are at work.

I have lots of things I try to help me manage my condition with varying success. On bad anxiety days I can't even leave my house. Its a work in progress I guess.

 

[wyldepixie]

Ohhhh my other advice is to stop trying to date or fit in with "normal" people if you're like me.  I spent all my life afraid of saying absurdedly inappropriate things or having panic attacks in front of my friends or guy I was dating.  I spent so much time, energy, and effort trying to pretend I was normal I never once actually enjoyed my relationships.  Once I started dating/befriending other misfits, people with mental disorders, and just plain weird people my quality of relationships improved dramatically.  They aren't going to judge you when you do do something inappropriate or odd and often have a much better understanding of what you're going through so it's easier to actually trust them and establish some kind of intimacy.  My relationships became something I actually wanted to do instead of what I felt I had to do.  I'm sure there are many, many people with mental illness who marry people without them and make it work but for me I just find it easier to interact with "my own kind".  I also just find messed up people generally more interesting than "normal" people.  

 

[Phrenicz]

Yep, what pixie said in both of her posts... Very eloquently I might add...

 

[deperson]

I don't so much have social anxiety as much as social discomfort. I'm fine in any situation unless I have to meet some social expectations, like for instance, at work... I personally don't care about success, money, or fame but have to conform to the expectations of my parents which means pretending to be someone I'm not in a workplace I'd rather not be at. I was forced to go to college, make As, and now do this work bullshit/game for green paper and other people's happiness.

I've always wanted to drop off the grid and live on my own pursuing my own ends, but you need cash money to do that which I'm continually working on, so drugs were and still are the cheaper option to fit in with this society of ours.

I've been in and out of psychologist and psychiatric offices for as long as I can remember until I finally attained adulthood and could say no.

It's easier to fake a persona online than it is to create one in real life, however. I can edit and retype until I appear somewhat normal. Stimulants and benzos have always been my go to normal person combo in the real world.

For me, I picked up philosophy once I was settled into my job/career as a hobby and have been helped much more than any medicine or therapy ever did, but I've also been exposed to some real horrors of existence as well. I don't watch (or even own) a TV, don't use any social media, so it's very hard for people to relate to me and the opposite rings true as well. I use sites like this one for practice in the real world, but I never really learn how to fit in and usually earn respect and advance through my ability to get shit done. Even other weirdos tend to find me too distant to stick around like my exes. I'm not emotional, lack spontaneity, etc, etc.

Easier said than done, but I believe that I should, one day, learn who I really am and act in my own way whatever the consequences. I already have obtained an exit strategy, if it comes to it, but the freedom that comes with that is scarier than I expected and I'm reading and studying philosophy and dabbling in psychology to really decide how I want to proceed. First I need to get completely sober, of course. 

A short life isn't necessarily bad. I think a lot of people live and die without ever even considering what the fuck is actually going on. I don't want to live and die in front of a TV like I imagine many do today. 

"Know thyself."

 

[wyldepixie]

Some of that post is a little scary @deperson but I'm not sure I'm reading it correctly. I hope you aren't talking about death as an option or exit strategy. If you need someone to talk to my PM box is available.

 

[Guest]

I don't so much have social anxiety as much as social discomfort. I'm fine in any situation unless I have to meet some social expectations, like for instance, at work... I personally don't care about success, money, or fame but have to conform to the expectations of my parents which means pretending to be someone I'm not in a workplace I'd rather not be at. I was forced to go to college, make As, and now do this work bullshit/game for green paper and other people's happiness.
I've always wanted to drop off the grid and live on my own pursuing my own ends, but you need cash money to do that which I'm continually working on, so drugs were and still are the cheaper option to fit in with this society of ours.

I've been in and out of psychologist and psychiatric offices for as long as I can remember until I finally attained adulthood and could say no.

It's easier to fake a persona online than it is to create one in real life, however. I can edit and retype until I appear somewhat normal. Stimulants and benzos have always been my go to normal person combo in the real world.

For me, I picked up philosophy once I was settled into my job/career as a hobby and have been helped much more than any medicine or therapy ever did, but I've also been exposed to some real horrors of existence as well. I don't watch (or even own) a TV, don't use any social media, so it's very hard for people to relate to me and the opposite rings true as well. I use sites like this one for practice in the real world, but I never really learn how to fit in and usually earn respect and advance through my ability to get shit done. Even other weirdos tend to find me too distant to stick around like my exes. I'm not emotional, lack spontaneity, etc, etc.

Easier said than done, but I believe that I should, one day, learn who I really am and act in my own way whatever the consequences. I already have obtained an exit strategy, if it comes to it, but the freedom that comes with that is scarier than I expected and I'm reading and studying philosophy and dabbling in psychology to really decide how I want to proceed. First I need to get completely sober, of course. 

A short life isn't necessarily bad. I think a lot of people live and die without ever even considering what the fuck is actually going on. I don't want to live and die in front of a TV like I imagine many do today. 

"Know thyself

Wow. Oh wow! I SO want to know you better.

 

[Guest]

Some of that post is a little scary @deperson but I'm not sure I'm reading it correctly. I hope you aren't talking about death as an option or exit strategy. If you need someone to talk to my PM box is available.

Hey WP....LOVE YOUR POSTS TOO, i thinkhe is talking about exiting conventional life. Work, money, people and thelike. The superficial bullshit. Am i wrong deperson? I so feel that too. I hate "the game".