Hey all,
I know that if you went and read my post history, you'd see that I fuck with all sorts of RC dissociatives and shit. However, I avidly assert that these are misguided attempts at self-medication because I feel like something is wrong all the time, cannot sit still, cannot sleep, and have extreme fear of failure (especially when it pertains to something simple as asking for someone for something to which they can say "no.")
I self-medicated with research benzos for years, and tbh those were the most comfortable years of my life. I wouldn't even call them a "good high," they just... make the bad feeling go away. I successfully Ashton Manual tapered myself off of the daily benzos without any medical supervision or even another individual holding me accountable; I do not have fundamental self control issues. My entire issue was that my problem was completely managed until I started to have to submit pre-employment drug tests after college, and would pop positive for benzos I didn't have a script for. I took it upon myself to manage my condition, and society basically told me "No. Not that way! We can't make any money off of you that way."
How is someone who has a "history of substance abuse" (not documented anywhere, I'd have to volunteer that info) supposed to convince a doc to write them a benzo script? I could lie (and I have no problem doing so), but I've essentially spent my entire life avoiding the American medical system because I believe it is corrupt to the core; I don't know what lie to tell.
Sourcing the benzos isn't even the issue. I have plenty. I just need for the benzo metabolites in my urine to be considered "government sanctioned." For both familial reasons (my family refuses to acknowledge that I have an actual problem unless I go get a diagnosis of some sort from a doctor), and because I will probably eventually be in another position to be drug tested for a job.
Anybody have any input, here?
I know that if you went and read my post history, you'd see that I fuck with all sorts of RC dissociatives and shit. However, I avidly assert that these are misguided attempts at self-medication because I feel like something is wrong all the time, cannot sit still, cannot sleep, and have extreme fear of failure (especially when it pertains to something simple as asking for someone for something to which they can say "no.")
I self-medicated with research benzos for years, and tbh those were the most comfortable years of my life. I wouldn't even call them a "good high," they just... make the bad feeling go away. I successfully Ashton Manual tapered myself off of the daily benzos without any medical supervision or even another individual holding me accountable; I do not have fundamental self control issues. My entire issue was that my problem was completely managed until I started to have to submit pre-employment drug tests after college, and would pop positive for benzos I didn't have a script for. I took it upon myself to manage my condition, and society basically told me "No. Not that way! We can't make any money off of you that way."
How is someone who has a "history of substance abuse" (not documented anywhere, I'd have to volunteer that info) supposed to convince a doc to write them a benzo script? I could lie (and I have no problem doing so), but I've essentially spent my entire life avoiding the American medical system because I believe it is corrupt to the core; I don't know what lie to tell.
Sourcing the benzos isn't even the issue. I have plenty. I just need for the benzo metabolites in my urine to be considered "government sanctioned." For both familial reasons (my family refuses to acknowledge that I have an actual problem unless I go get a diagnosis of some sort from a doctor), and because I will probably eventually be in another position to be drug tested for a job.
Anybody have any input, here?
