Death of family

[greggy]

I still don't get it . I lost 4 family members in the last year andlast night I was going through a bunch of stuff to clean up and found a big box of photos. I looked at them like an automaton, it hurt but in some strange distant way as if I was relating  to someone else. As if I was someone else.

what is that?

who do I greive  first? mom?

dad?

john?

eddie?

I cry at movies or books, why not for them?

 

[2earls]

You will @greggy but who knows when. Probably when you have healed enough to handle it. I think we shut down when the grief is more than when can take.

 

[greggy]

I had the weirdest thing happen a few months ago. I was reading someones obituary [it was just laying on a bench[ and I startedcrying my eyes out.

maybe its a start.

I want to get better and go fishing. I think that would so me a world of good.

 

[2earls]

Fishing sounds like a nice, calm, back to nature activity that sounds like a good idea.

I only know that my father died when I was young and I didn't cry about it for many years, so I don't think what you are experiencing is unusual. You have had a tough time and should not put any expectations on yourself of how to behave. Everyone deals with loss differently so just do what feels right.

At least you can talk about it. That seems like a good thing.

 

[Jellopanda]

When my father died about ten years ago i felt empty. Devoid of emotion. As time went on i kept waiting  for that great outpouring of grief, but it never came, to this day it still hasn't. 

I know i'm not incapable of emotion. In fact, tho it's often hidden, there is a great reservoir of it deep inside me. And i know i loved my father very much. I struggled for a long time with my inability to cry for him.

As time went on i became content with remembering the good times and all he gave me and some time after that, remembering the bad times also became a source of comfort.

I don't think you should ask yourself how you should grieve, or even worse, ask yourself how you think other people think you should grieve. There are as many ways to do that as there have been people who ever lost a loved one. You know you feel and you know you care, how you grieve is up to you and you alone, and your way is just as good as any other.

 

[dotcomkot]

i can feel u there, iv lost my cousin through useless mental health services, a close friend. my gran and a few associates..

I lost a son a few years back, still born he was a twin. david his brother will be 8 in may... i never cried just delved further into drugs an wasnt long before into prison etc. which yes i know is bad, but its where i got diagnosed an is where the help first started to rol in. its a shame it takes a crisis before they take u seriously.. in this country/county at least

i still havent cried for any of the above to this day.. who knows. maybe i will.. my dads very much the same!! 

we all are guilty of dealing,

 with things differently, doesnt mean u dont harbour those feelings though....

fishing is an amazing release, esp if u are like me an dont really like people

al the best, hope u find some peace or acceptance 

 

[Kalsima]

I agree with @dotcomkotrwe all have different ways of dealing with grief. My way is through medicine, which has stopped working for me and causing legal and family problems by using drugs to dull the pain. I just lost my best friend I actually met standing in line at a methadone clinic 16 years ago, and we've remained close forever. She died suddenly and when me and her husband said goodbye to her, she was cold on a metal table, she was being prepared to give her bones for helping other people to heal bones because all her organs were all damaged. Me and her husband both smiled which is weird. But she lived her life in fear, she literally was afraid of everything. Her husband is in bad shape with emphzema sorry about the sp, and she was so afraid of being alone she often talked of suicide. So we both felt like she was finally at peace and it felt good. He's still taking it incredibly well, it's like a burden has been lifted off of him and he's out enjoying life like he never could before because she wouldn't let him go anywhere and she was agoraphobic. Me, on the hand when I hear hear messages on my phone I can't seem to delete them, I just want to hear her voice. I have cried and I wasn't married to her, but her husband has yet to cry. I think once the initial shock sets in it will come. Anyways, bless you @greggyI couldn't imagine what you're going through and wouldn't wish that on anyone. I don't think you have had time to deal with grieving one person because there were too many piled at once. Hold tight, it might hit hard in the future. You surely were dealt a bad hand. 

 

[jackwade]

I still don't get it . I lost 4 family members in the last year andlast night I was going through a bunch of stuff to clean up and found a big box of photos. I looked at them like an automaton, it hurt but in some strange distant way as if I was relating  to someone else. As if I was someone else.

what is that?

who do I greive  first? mom?

dad?

john?

eddie?

I cry at movies or books, why not for them?

This just sounds like a bit of derealization caused from stress. States of derealization, degree of, and conditions of vary wildly. If you start manifesting depersonalization is when you would want to worry that the stress is killing you and you should seek therapy in that case. derealization without evidence of extended depersonalization is not much of a priority although therapy can always help regardless of the degree of your situation.

Don't read or internalize this. But this to me sounds like a normal stress response to extremely stressful stimulus (the photos etc).  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

Again its best to not read up on symptoms unless you are doing it for a positive reason.

 

[greggy]

thank you all I am reading and re-rereading all you have said. it helps.

I just feel like a bone head not comimg out of this

 

[Kalsima]

I run out of likes yeeks! @jackwade love your responses especially when you have links to explain it! Just like my husbands reaction to temazapam, paradoxical reaction. It was insightful reading and spot on!

 

[PTFC]

thank you all I am reading and re-rereading all you have said. it helps.

I just feel like a bone head not comimg out of this

Try and stay positive @greggy, like I said, get posting about these things, there are so many wonderful and friendly people here who will talk with you, you just need a confidence boost!

 

[AngryBird]

I run out of likes yeeks! @jackwade

That's OK @heavenlyfather420

I run out of likes yeeks! @jackwade

I run out of likes yeeks! @jackwade

I run out of likes yeeks! @jackwade l

That's OK @Heavenlee, I liked @jackwade post for both of us. It's great to see how folks here reach out to support others. 

@greggy, there is no schedule for grief, although there are phases we all experience to some degree. I lost my dad, who was also my best friend, my brother and grandma, who was my last link to dad. When they died, I didn't cry either. Still haven't, and that's OK. I try to honor their memory in other ways. Pain doesn't always equal tears, if it did I'd cry all the time.

I hope one day soon you can enjoy the pictures and memories you have. I promise it can and will feel better.

I still miss them, as I'm sure you miss your family.  

I try to be grateful I was lucky enough to have had my family for the time I did,(that took a while for me) and I share some of the things I learned from each of them and experienced with them. It's kind of like my garden is done, but those things are the seeds left to sow again and again. 

Do what makes you feel happy and don't beat yourself up for not outwardly grieving, because you are doing it in your own way and in your own time. There's no right way, just your way.  

I'm here often, if you need to talk, I'll listen, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[greggy]

THANK YOU SOMETIMES I FEEL NUMBISH AND HERE IS A WEIRD ON...I WORRIED FOR MY DAD FOR SO LONG [ HE DIED AT 100] THAT I AM RELIEVED

 

[AngryBird]

That's not weird. Sounds like a pretty normal, loving way to feel toward someone. Relief that someone is no longer suffering or not in any uncomfortable situation is human. And that numb feeling will pass, too.