Hello Everyone!

[clean995]

Hello all!

I have been a long time lurker but never get a chance to post, mostly just because im scared to with being anonymous, and idk, I have bad anxiety and social phobias, so im a heavy reader but a lightweight poster. I'm trying to change the way that I am, and start chatting with you guys and sharing the experience of my  life and the way that i live today.

I use my username as clean995 because I am 4 months 2 weeks off of Heroin/opiate run (Fent**yl was the fav., old school Oatmeal Cookies, and pana's of course) of about 5 hard years. I began either late in high school or during the summer before College, had some great connections who were my best friends at the time, and was major spoiled. When all those went away passing the years, and only H or the Fen. was attainable to keep myself well, things got pretty bad. It was during this time of my life I was doing work, i wont go further, than to say that I made  6 figures during the summer of one year, and without my family knowing, I wen't from a normal addict, to a monster. I spent every last penny, which was a LOT, and i am saying this out of humility, please, the opposite of bragging. I got into trouble with the law, and also had a major addiction to rock.

Today, I am finding the root of my issues through recovery and found that I have extremely major bad anxiety and phobias, and go to a psychiatrist. I am on high dosages of benz0s, as well as IR 30mg adderall (weird mix, i know)....I still take 2mg suboxone everyday, and an anti-depressant. Before any of this, I hadn't even been to a doctor in years.

The main reason I frequent these boards is to just listen, but now ill start posting. I have found every necessary vendor that I need at this point, and have wonderful relationships with the best of them, all of whom I have found through the wonderful place your provide for us, here. /default_smile.png

I hope to make some friends, as I don't have many other people and tend to isolate. I definitely feel like even though i come here everyday, I don't necessarily post but I see people so smart like Heisenburg and take all the words spoken into so much respect and consideration, I just hope that people like him and the rest of you will befriend me; i have a lot of knowledge to offer this community, and I would love to be there as a friend for someone else just like I am reaching out for back from you guys.

All I can say is I <3 this place and this forum, and without it I don't know where I would be. Much love,

clean995

 

[_X_]

Great intro clean!!! With your exp. have no doubt that you will, one day, absolutely have an opportunity to guide someone through hell, having visited there yourself. Thanks for coming out and sharing. Much love right back atcha.

Hooter

 

[clean995]

Thanks for replying Hooter. I have frequently seen more than a couple posts of yours that led me in the right direction for a plethora of different things. /default_smile.png

Currently awaiting a birthday card from the new friend Max, and while i wait i took a quick ploop /default_wink.png

Thanks for the awesome response man, really appreciate it and makes me feel really good to see you were the first to post. I respect you and your knowledge a lot on these boards! Like i said, I'm a lurker that already knows everyone lol, and I always know who's post to put the more reliability in, and like i said, although you don't know it you have helped me a lot in the past !!

ps---I had to rejoin the forums, as why my membership account is new. I still never posted on my old account, but i deleted my SM account and switched to a more....unique we'll call it service, and unknowingly lost way to sign in, so i just had to re-register. But consider me the straight guy coming out the closet today everyone!

-Clean

 

[Heisenberg / HNB]

Indeed, excellent intro thread clean! Thanks for saying hello, look forward to your future contributions.

 

[Smokeyjoe]

Welcome to the site and great job on making progress towards finding a balance in your life.

It's easy to let things get out of hand and takes a lot of work and inner strength to get back to "normal" or to keep things in check especially when access is not an issue, keep up the good work.

 

[Aunt Pitty Pat]

Hi - clean I really admire your honesty. I feel lucky that I have had enough limits put on me that my bottom wasn't so low. Lucky for me I never had enough money or opportunity for my opiate addiction to go that far. I tell my friends and family that I'll never play the lottery and ask them to never gift or leave me any substantial amount of money because I'd probably be dead in six months from overdose or in prison and the money would be spent.

Good luck and thanks for sharing. It helps me anyone else with the same issues to feel less alone and hopeful.

 

[Denise]

Welcome to DBG!

I'm so impressed with your courage.  It is not easy to open up and tell personal details, especially ones we're aren't very proud about. 

Congrats on being clean from horse for 4 1/2 months. 

You're an inspiration for others who want to stop.

You probably know that many people who abuse alcohol/drugs are self-medicating for mental health issues they don't realize they have.

You'll find some very caring, informed, intelligent people here at DBG - many are always willing to help another member, or just "listen".

Take care of yourself.  Glad to have you here.