Hi just wanted to make my first post as have been on and off this site for a couple of years and have yet to contribute towards it despite finding it very helpful.
Bit of background... I developed anxiety as early as I can remember. I ve done counselling antidepressants bla bla bla and none of them have had a lasting impact on my condition. Counselling helps for sure but I find it a temporary relief that does nt last like it should do. I was a hyper kid quite alot which I now believe was due to some type of subtle mood disorder. Supposedly from dads genes. My father was never around when I was a kid so my mum struggled to cope raising my brother and I. I believe my mother to have an anxiety disorder of types aswell but she s too anxious to take medication for it. Anyway low and behold after a bad year 5 yrs ago my mental status worsened in variety. Insomnia being one of my biggest issues along with anxiety and depression. I ve tried everything over the years to try and help my issues one being meditation which I got into very deeply at one stage. Anyway during my reflective stages in meditation I started recalling all the things that had happened to me as a kid which could have impacted the way I am today.
Because of my hyper ness my mother found the only way to deal with me was to try and scare me in order to control me. That combined with the fact that she was anxious too. Led for a very anxiety provoking life.
When I used to fight my bigger brother as kids do she would always tell me things like I should nt do that he can kill me. Or if I d write on my hand with ink she d tell me I can die of ink poisoning and that even if I wash it off now I can still die during the night from it.
Their was hundreds of this anxiety provoking scenarios being pushed upon me as a young child growing up and I believe it shaped me into being a nervous grown up. Always expecting the worst case scenario etc.
Anyway after a long stint unmedicated last year I came to the realisation that after 35 yrs on this planet my mind is kinda constantly scanning for fears. It does nt give up. Even when there s nothing to worry about. It is searching and searching constantly.
Im lucky enough In that I work and am not so bad I can t leave the house or nothing. But that's not to say I feel like my mind is constantly torturing me with anxious and depressive thoughts.
I ve been to the doctors more times than I count to remember about my issues and they only seem to give me antidepressants which seems to speed up my mind and send my anxiety in overdrive. It really is a waste of time trying to get somthing to help with sleep and anxiety if you need anything else than antidepressants. We may have the NHS where I'm from but its a load of shit when it comes to mental health.
So here I am. This is my first post. I found my tried and trusted ttm and ppe here a few years back but never posted or donated to this forum. After them going down I tried the alpha one in the recommended section and the goods arrived nice and quickly so this trustworthy dbg website has helped me never get scammed and always get the real deal which for that I'm forever grateful. It looks like I'm gonna be along termer on the benzo train now. I kinda given up fighting it as they re the only thing I found that's helped 75 % of my issues to date. I ve already done 2 slow withdrawals and came off them and as much as I don t wanna really take them everyday I can t deny the fact my quality of life is alot more manageable with them.
So I d like to say a great thankyou to the people that made this site and long may it prosper and when I get some time I ll be sure to make a donation.
Thanks again.
Bit of background... I developed anxiety as early as I can remember. I ve done counselling antidepressants bla bla bla and none of them have had a lasting impact on my condition. Counselling helps for sure but I find it a temporary relief that does nt last like it should do. I was a hyper kid quite alot which I now believe was due to some type of subtle mood disorder. Supposedly from dads genes. My father was never around when I was a kid so my mum struggled to cope raising my brother and I. I believe my mother to have an anxiety disorder of types aswell but she s too anxious to take medication for it. Anyway low and behold after a bad year 5 yrs ago my mental status worsened in variety. Insomnia being one of my biggest issues along with anxiety and depression. I ve tried everything over the years to try and help my issues one being meditation which I got into very deeply at one stage. Anyway during my reflective stages in meditation I started recalling all the things that had happened to me as a kid which could have impacted the way I am today.
Because of my hyper ness my mother found the only way to deal with me was to try and scare me in order to control me. That combined with the fact that she was anxious too. Led for a very anxiety provoking life.
When I used to fight my bigger brother as kids do she would always tell me things like I should nt do that he can kill me. Or if I d write on my hand with ink she d tell me I can die of ink poisoning and that even if I wash it off now I can still die during the night from it.
Their was hundreds of this anxiety provoking scenarios being pushed upon me as a young child growing up and I believe it shaped me into being a nervous grown up. Always expecting the worst case scenario etc.
Anyway after a long stint unmedicated last year I came to the realisation that after 35 yrs on this planet my mind is kinda constantly scanning for fears. It does nt give up. Even when there s nothing to worry about. It is searching and searching constantly.
Im lucky enough In that I work and am not so bad I can t leave the house or nothing. But that's not to say I feel like my mind is constantly torturing me with anxious and depressive thoughts.
I ve been to the doctors more times than I count to remember about my issues and they only seem to give me antidepressants which seems to speed up my mind and send my anxiety in overdrive. It really is a waste of time trying to get somthing to help with sleep and anxiety if you need anything else than antidepressants. We may have the NHS where I'm from but its a load of shit when it comes to mental health.
So here I am. This is my first post. I found my tried and trusted ttm and ppe here a few years back but never posted or donated to this forum. After them going down I tried the alpha one in the recommended section and the goods arrived nice and quickly so this trustworthy dbg website has helped me never get scammed and always get the real deal which for that I'm forever grateful. It looks like I'm gonna be along termer on the benzo train now. I kinda given up fighting it as they re the only thing I found that's helped 75 % of my issues to date. I ve already done 2 slow withdrawals and came off them and as much as I don t wanna really take them everyday I can t deny the fact my quality of life is alot more manageable with them.
So I d like to say a great thankyou to the people that made this site and long may it prosper and when I get some time I ll be sure to make a donation.
Thanks again.
