How is it possible to use any benzo recreationally after months and months of using it?

[Guest]

Hello,

I keep reading in certain sections that people get pretty high on benzos and use it for recreational reasons. I was wondering once you build up your tolerance in a couple months, what on Earth do you do to actually feel its recreational effects? I've been a longtime user, and I love my Riv0tril (recently switched to Ativ@n), because it still keeps my anxiety in check, plus helps me sleep. But there's no way, I could feel any high, or recreational  effects of them.

A few months ago, I had a few hundred benzos of pretty much everything, and 2 weeks of vacation time. Since my girlfriend was busy, I didn't want to go alone anywhere, so I stayed home and experimented. (Of course this experiments took place on different days, I dint's stuff myself with hundreds of MGs of benzos a day)

I took 10mg Ks@lols = no anxiety no high either

120mg of Apaur1n: = Nothing

100mg of Mid@zolam = Nothing

20mg of Roch3 Rivotr1l = No high, no recreational benefits, nothing

25mg of Hem0farm At1van = Nothing, but excellent anti-anxiety and sleeping agent!

Then I had stopped, and had to realize, that this ship has already sailed. My brain will not give me any pleasure or reward me for taking what it needs on a daily basis.

Important disclaimer:

I've been a benzo user for 16 years, and I absolutely don't support or try to enable other users for this experiment, because it might kill you. 

My question is for those, who have been using them for a longer term 3 months<  and do they still get high, and how?

Obviously the golden rule in medicine, to not mix it with anything! Especially not with another CNS depressant, like alcohol or opiates.

Do you still get high? Do you still experience  any recreational effects from benzos that you have been using forever?

Tell me your secret. I really don't want to get high, I'm just curious of your methods. Just like some of our long-term patients on the Oncology Ward, watch tv, and eat, and even walk around with the amount of Morphine that will put ISIS out for a week.

Ps: I hope I didn't broke any house rules with this topic. 

 

[Smoka90]

Wow, they're very high doses of what you listed, then again I have a low-mild tolerance and haven't been using them as long (1-2 times weekly for about 2 and a half years).

One thing I can compare your use of benzohs to is my use of op!@tes. Obviously they're very popular for their euphoria, but as I've used them daily for about 7 years, I can tell you it's impossible for me to get the old euphoria back. I feel more positive and slightly more motivated, but that's it. Of course, I could just take a gigantic dose, but that's not sustainable and would only make my tolerance soar. Could I ask, what effects did you get from them 16 years ago, when you first started? Did you find them 'recreational' then?

As for me with benzohs, to be honest, there's not many I find recreational. The vast majority of them I just feel a bit calmer. That's it. With some they just make me grumpy and/or depressive. The few that I get definite enjoyment from are mainly: nitr@z, et!zolam, clon@z and maybe brom@z at a push, but mostly the first two. And I have tried the vast majority, including Flut@zolam, a pretty rare Japanese benzoh, that barely effected me at all, sadly... it was supposed to be a strong hypnotic with a short half life.... On a side note, one flippin' day I will find a strong hypnotic with a short half life that works, and that day will be glorious!

Now, because of my high op!@te tolerance and daily use, I do use them with benzohs. Obviously for the non-tolerant that could kill you, so obviously don't just do that, but I'm only saying it because, perhaps, that's what heightens my enjoyment of some of my favourites. Even though I'm tolerant to the op!@tes, I'm sure it's complimenting the benzohs somewhat...

But yeah, I don't think you're alone in your thoughts; a lot of people say that benzohs just aren't that recreational...

 

[Guest]

@Smoka90

So far I've only found IV benzos "recreational". When I started, I started on a really low dose for a big guy (6'1 190lbs) and 0.25mg Alps 2xday and raised it every 2 months by 0.25mg, till I had reached 1mg, so no high, I didn't even know at the age of 16-17, what I'm really taking, that people take this to feel good.

Then I guess there was 1-2 times when I pushed down my tolerance very low, and then carpet bomb my brain with 3-4mg alps, that was just a really calming effect, but it was so very fucking good.

You got my hyped up with the Nitr@, I hope USPS brings my shit tomorrow, there are three packages from 3 different vendors...

 

[Kalsima]

@Jackie Chiles @Smoka90are you talking about using modaman for us to us shipping? I have such a high tolerance for Xanax that I take 2 bars in the morning and 2 bars at night. I don't feel like I get any buzz from them at all but my ex whose sick and I let move into my house says he definately can tell, but to me I just feel normal. let me know what you think of the nitro*. I am so weird, or maybe it's my fear of getting strung out on heroin again but I take one 8 mg strip of Suboxone but still take the 7.5 mg patches of fentanyI I get from a pain clinic from an old back injury from a car accident. By the way @Jackie Chilesthank you for donating blood. On my 21st birthday me and two friends went out drinking and the driver went over an 80 ft cliff. They used the jaws of life to get me and my girlfriend out of the crumbled car, but the driver was unscathed and ran from the scene. My girlfriend didn't make it. But people like you saved my life twice from donating blood. So here's a big shoutout to you. Anyways it's stupid I know they kind of cancel each other out. And it's getting very tiresome faking observed urines. I'm running out of clean with only Suboxone in  my fridge and you can imagine everything I have to do to prepare. Heating it up, wrapping up a 2 oz bottle with tape with tin foil to poke through  and inserting inside me, it's a pain in the ass!  I swear girls have it much easier than men do for sure! He gives me enough for every two days instead of three. My ex gives me shit about going to both doctors and says I'm crazy, you think? But I don't take the patches everyday so I don't have a habit on them. I take them just to get a buzz once a week. Because if I do it two days in a row the Suboxone will make me sick. I'm probably the only person that has boxes of fentanyI saved up. But as I told you I have thrown away some liquid fentanyl I got from a dope boy and my husband hides my boxes because of my past suicide attempts. Sorry I went way off topic there! Damn! Anyways I would love to find a new benzo that works better or I can feel better than the bars. Please keep me updated!

 

[Guest]

@Heavenlee

Just be careful mixing to central nervous system depressants, like Xanax, fentanyl, Suboxone. I wouldn't like it if you stopped breathing or aspirated. 

You are way too nice to let your (ex?) husband move in with you, after what he did to you. I don't use Moda as a vendor, his prices are a bit too high, plus he's rude and a male chauvinist. I get Ativan from Zone, it's very good quality, and it might surprise you, if you have been taking Xanax for such a long time. Also his Roche Rivotril is very good.

I'm sorry you went through that car accident, but I'm glad you made it out alive, I donate every 3-4 months whenever the blood drive stops at the hospital, we pretty much all do, if it's not crazy busy,

Why would you care what your ex says about your doctors' appointment? As I understand he's nothing but a refugee there, because you were too nice to let him come back.

That faking procedure sounds very awful, I guess if I had to fake a urine test, I would have to catheter myself. Which I've already done once, when I was bound to my bed for 2 weeks, due to a serious concussion (also a car accident), and my seatbelt didn't work. Putting a catheter inside me was more painful than the car accident itself. With all the lube in the world, just try to imagine a tube with the size of your index finger going in to a 2-3 millimeter hole. I've used up me and my girlfriend's anal lubricant stash, but I couldn't have perform anyways, so I just ordered 3 more bottles online

Again, please be very careful with those strong meds, but its still better than street drugs, at least Pharma drugs aren't jacked up with baby powder and baking soda.

I've never done any hardcore opiates, the most I did was Vicodin for the concussion, nothing stronger than that. Never any street drugs either, I couldn't trust street dealers.

My poison is benzos, unfortunately I can't sleep without them. It's bad enough that I have to pull through 12-14 shifts without them, but at least I'm not shaking, while I'm poking people. You were absolutely on-topic, about tolerance and Pharma-related recreational use

Ps: I've ran out of likes, but consider yourself very much liked!

 

[Smoka90]

@Heavenlee As @Jackie Chiles said, do be careful mixing things, although I know you have a lot of experience with stronger things, but I just feel like I have to ask you to be careful. You're far too wonderful to be endangering yourself... please do be careful... I mean that...

The talk of urine tests has got me very queazy indeed, especially what Jackie Chiles said. Agh. Too much. If I'm ever in a job where they test me, I'd be in a pretty rough situation, although I do have things prescribed...

Also, I hope your ex is being nice to you...it's a massive, massive favour you've done for him, and I just hope he's not just taking you for granted. I think compassion is good, but I think it does have to be used wisely. There's some people I wouldn't ever be compassionate to, not in a million years. I spare my compassion for those I love. =)

And yeah, I agree with Jackie Chiles about Moda Man. The reasons he gave are precisely why I don't use him too, although it's more the attitude that bothers me than the price. I also used Zone (although it was a few months ago) and his service is top notch. I can't remember what I ordered, though. So, er, I guess they worked! =D

I hope I haven't hyped up N!tr@zapam too much. Like I've said, benzhohs are awful for effecting everyone differently. But if they work for you as they do for me, you'll be very happy. If not, don't forget you get more out of lor@z than I do, for example. Always a plus side. =)

 

[blissopifree 2]

I find many street H users take valium for instance as it helps get a better rush ftom the opiates.The quality of street H has most certainly droped in the last 5yrs or so.I also do not condone the use of H€ri0n and bnzs as they most certainly can be dangerous used in conjunction!!.

Peace 

Bliss....

 

[Phrenicz]

I don't think most of us use benz@'s for any sort of high? I know I don't.. I use benz@'s as a tool in my arsenal of many different substances.. 

For or me they are more of a 'normaliser'... When I set out on the benz@ journey, it wasn't for recreational purposes, it was out of necessity.. Diagnosed with OCD and panic disorder, I knew the journey I was about to take wouldn't work, but UK doctors know better obviously!!.. So, I began my epic 15 year 'medically forced' anti depressant journey and a boat load of CBT therapies!..  During all this time, I knew there had to be a better treatment for what I had, cause this shit was certainly not working! I felt myself changing, and not for the better! So, sick and tired of being on the SSRI, SNRI, Tricyclic, you fucking name it anti depressant train! I decided enough was enough and began to self medicate..

The side effects for my foray into over 10 different anti depressants left me with so many totally unmanageable side effects.. 

I was becoming totally apathetic? I had no feeling, couldn't laugh, couldn't cry? I had zero interest in myself or anything around me.. Plus, every one of them gave me this amped up feeling (and not a happy pleasant one, a weird almost amphetamine like one) that was relentless! which meant I was getting like 2 hours sleep a night, if that!.. I had become the walking dead! It was literally the grimmest 15 years of my life... And everytime I asked for just a couple of benz@s so I could stop the fucking incessant noise in my head, I was told categorically no! 

I don't know whether you non UK members know how hard it is to get a benz@ script here! In fact, it's near fucking impossible! Yeah, the doc might give you 3 or 4 days of zopicl@ne, but that ain't ever done shit for me?!.  And it's certainly not a long term solution to my problems!.. So began my iop search and I put those fucking anti depressants well and truly behind me! And even though I've had my problems with the old b3nzos, I wouldn't change a thing... Don't get me wrong, they come with a whole host of their own unique side effects, withdrawal being the motherfucking king of all side effects of any drug I have indulged in, but strangely, still preferable to any Anti Depressant?!.. Which, as most of you know are still no picnic to cold turkey or even taper off?!.. 

So, I use them to manage my mood on a daily basis...

However, as Smoka said, (and I also have a moderately heavy opiate addiction), they do amplify and embellish certain opiate sessions, so that is the only way I view benz@'s being used for recreational purposes... That and the fact if you've had a whole load of k3tamine or mdm@ they do help take the edge of the come downs ; ). Which is also recreational, cause if bats don't get their sleep, they're not very recreational! 

I have a high tolerance to most opiates and all benz@'s, and have done some quite scary combinations, especially with regretamine and mdm@... I do not recommend anyone to follow suit ; ). 

Just sayin'

~P~

 

[Guest]

I knew a guy (now he's in jail), who would order a 1-2000 Xanax pills from a IOP vendor, and would sell them with a 300% profit to college students without any medical condition, just for the reason to get "high". And he would sell 2 guys a hundred pills/week, so their tolerance must have been high. I just can't comprehend how.

 

[Smoka90]

@Phrenicz You're spot on about the UK doctors prescribing benzohs. It's virtually non existent. I'm sure there's guidelines they have to follow which means they can only prescribe a 28 day course, absolute maximum. What really annoys me, though, is how currently they're dishing out pregabalin and tr@madol like they're sweets. And in my opinion, those two meds are worse than bennies. Tr@madol is evil. Two addictions in one. The risk of seizures (and they're no joke, worse thing that's ever happened to me). And pregabalin. Never have I hated a 'medicine' so, so much. It made my epilepsy so, so much worse. And the withdrawal is very similar to benzohs, if not worse. But they hand them out like sweets! They do this... benzohs were originally seen as safe (as opposed to barbituates), so were prescribed widely. Then the z-drugs came in, were seen as safe, were prescribed a lot, then they realised they were as bad as benzohs. Now it's pregabalin. I have little faith in doctors...although my current one, he is very understanding...I'm lucky to have him as my doctor.

But yeah, like @Phrenicz, I self medicated. Opi@tes did more for me than any antidepressant could. Although, to be fair, I've been on mirtazapine for over 3 years and it's quite effective...

But do you know what my old doctor did? I was very depressed, had suicidal ideation. Know what he put me on? Fluoxetine/prozac, known to worsen suicidal ideation. Two months later I took a big overdose. It's sick...

 

[Guest]

@Smoka90

Actually the two moderate withdrawal effects from Tramadol were constipation, and mild dope-sickness. They are not pleasant, but certainly don't come close to benzo WDs.

Okay, I admit, I had my doc prescribe Effexor, so I didn't have to deal with the brain-zaps, and vertigo, and ringing ears and all that shit.

 

[saccade]

mirtazapine and/or 5-HTP

As for the withdrawals - niacin (vit b6), vit c, magnesium supplement help a little with the zaps. You can even get GABA supplements to help alleviate symptoms.

Smoking jopo seeds (yopo / cebil) [v low level DMT] has been reported to "cure" SSRI withdrawal. Never tried it with benzos myself tho. Never heard of it being investigated either - doubt anyone's tried it...

Considering the main withdrawal symptoms from benzos are caused by low γ-aminobutyric acid / Gamma-Aminobutyric acid / GABA - you can try 5-HTP to alleviate.

IMO, the only way to "recreationally" use benzos after you've built up such a tolerance is to lower the tolerance in as safe a manner as possible.
ie, taper off them using something like valium and measure your dose.

I've had some bad experiences with mixing opiates and benzos - a few blackouts - some (quite a few, thinking about it) mates of mine have died because of mixing opiates and benzos...

Alcohol's a big no-no. Tramadol lowers your seizure threshold, so that's another no-no. Gabapentin has been known to be pretty effective in helping with benzo withdrawal, but you can become hooked on that, which might be another problem.

Way I gave up my benzo / opiate addiction was to just cold turkey it every time.
Wasn't fun but after a few week's agony I was right as rain.

Tramadol, Methadone, Xanax and Clonazepam were the worst. Heroin was pretty easy - usually lasted only a week before I could start being myself again. Funny how that's the only one I wasn't ever prescribed.

Exercise really helps if you can do it. Rowing machine, weights, remembering to eat enough protein and carbs and drinking lots of water.

Valium's got a decent half-life so if you are gonna try to lower tolerance to get back to "recreational" levels - it's a good one if there's no librium around.

End of the day tho - you gotta have the self- control to stick to your regime. Anyway - that's the info I got, mate, based off personal experience.

Best way to get back to recreational levels if you have a high tolerance - lower your tolerance.

Snorting them is a waste, plugging them too (idk why ppl do that at all...). Banging them up - that's just nasty. Don't bang up pills. Dumb as fuck.

--------------

 

On the Z-drugs (not-benzo) - I think they're phasing out Zopiclone due to the fact that it caused a death or two...

My GP still gives me Temazepam if I really need it, but I prefer to just.. you know... find my own and not have to visit the doctor at all.

I think the thing with tramadol is because it has a lower "abuse" profile than, eg, co-codamol (where u can just filter out the paracetamol and get the codeine).
Don't like tramadol - nasty stuff - post surgery only for as short a time as poss. One of the nastiest smacks I've ever had the misfortune to come across.

 

[Phrenicz]

@Phrenicz You're spot on about the UK doctors prescribing benzohs. It's virtually non existent. I'm sure there's guidelines they have to follow which means they can only prescribe a 28 day course, absolute maximum. What really annoys me, though, is how currently they're dishing out pregabalin and tr@madol like they're sweets. And in my opinion, those two meds are worse than bennies. Tr@madol is evil. Two addictions in one. The risk of seizures (and they're no joke, worse thing that's ever happened to me). And pregabalin. Never have I hated a 'medicine' so, so much. It made my epilepsy so, so much worse. And the withdrawal is very similar to benzohs, if not worse. But they hand them out like sweets! They do this... benzohs were originally seen as safe (as opposed to barbituates), so were prescribed widely. Then the z-drugs came in, were seen as safe, were prescribed a lot, then they realised they were as bad as benzohs. Now it's pregabalin. I have little faith in doctors...although my current one, he is very understanding...I'm lucky to have him as my doctor.

But yeah, like @Phrenicz, I self medicated. Opi@tes did more for me than any antidepressant could. Although, to be fair, I've been on mirtazapine for over 3 years and it's quite effective...

But do you know what my old doctor did? I was very depressed, had suicidal ideation. Know what he put me on? Fluoxetine/prozac, known to worsen suicidal ideation. Two months later I took a big overdose. It's sick...

Yes, I was on the mirtazipine train for a couple of years.. I found that and sertraline to be the most effective ones to treat my OCD but holy shitsauce, I got the same crazy amped up feeling? Which is odd as Mirtazipine has always been 'touted' by my ex doctor as having a mild sedative effect? 

Ironically the most sleep relief I got before searching for my own, was promethazine? Could never get my hands on any hydroxyzine! 

I have to admit though, although I share your dislike for trams, especially the w/d's, which I gotta say, I totally disagree with Jackie on, can  be fucking horrific! Sometimes as bad as any b3nzo w/d?! Just not as epically long!! However, they are my current vice and portal, to 'normal land' ( whatever that fucking is!).... 

And after going through about 8 docs at the same surgery, I've also now got an incredibly understanding one now aswell Smoka! Glad you have too : )

~P~

 

[Guest]

@Phrenicz

As I said for me, it wasn't very difficult, since 300mg Effexor for my Bipolar replaced the Tramadol SNRI properties, so I didn't have to deal with anti-depressant WDs, like what you get if you go cold turkey from an SSRI or an SNRI. I was lethargic, and mildly dope sick, a little sweating, and couldn't shit for a week, but other than that, I'd rather quit Tramadol a 100 times, than discontinue a moderately potent benzo, like Ativan, or Valium.

 

[Phrenicz]

Don't get me wrong JC, I know just how much of a total motherfucker benz@ withdrawal is, I've c/t'd & tapered too many times to count. It really is it's own special personal circle of hell! And relentless in a way like nothing else I have experienced.. The beauty of opiate withdrawal is there's always an end in sight, it's rough as fuck, but predictable. You get incrementally better day by day.. After 2 weeks, you're pretty much out of the woods... Unless you end up with some unfortunate PAWS, just to add insult too injury!.. 

Whereas benz@'s ... Well, it's like a giant fucking sine wave, peaks and troughs with no real end in sight... At the time, what feels like an almost permanent state, with no end in sight... 

I'd do that name tag malarkey and make it yellow, but for the flicking life of me, I can't work out how?! 

All advice welcome ; )

~P~

 

[Guest]

@Phrenicz

I don't really know what's it really like to get off real narcotics, since Tramadol is merely a diet painkiller compared to the "big guys". But surely just like you said, benzo WDs are very different. First of all, it can last up to a year or even longer. It can be deadly. Benzos will throw everything at you in the first two weeks into the WDs.

You'll die 30 times, and get resurrected 30 times. Shakes, tingling, heart palpitations, and what I hate the most, depersonalization, getting disconnected from the outside world. You feel like, you're gonna die in any second, and the horrible truth is, that you really can die in any second. Basically living with a loaded gun to your head 24/7 for 2-3 weeks. 

I'm not trying to minimize Tramadol WDs at all, once I ran out, a former friend was kind enough to help me out with a few films from the other side of the country. Ironically later on he was the one that hunted me down from another boards, because something has changed. I have no idea what, we were very close...(friends)

Anyways, Tram WDs can absolutely can incapacitate you to the level, where you become non-functionional, and that's bad enough, that comes with a terrible price, it can cost you your career, your reputation and certainly not healty for your body, as it is fighting off the screaming receptors in your brain, the ones that want nothing, but to feed on Trams. But in my experience as a nurse, I can confidently say, that coming off Tr@madol doesn't have to be like how I described it above.

A pill cutter, and a pair of balls are all you need. It's still not going to be pleasant, but very-very tolerable. 

If you're on benzos, it doesn't matter how strong-willed you are. It needs continueous supervision. 

Good points though, it's been a pleasure exchanging posts with you! 

And of course I am not shutting you down, please feel free to add whatever you think, or if you disagree with something. That's how we, and al the board members learn about this stuff. 

Same to you, Nitra- @Smoka90 -zepam

 

[saccade]

Benzo withdrawal, for me, usuallly took about 5-7 days for the "major" symptoms to subside, and about 3-4 months for regular sleep / adrenaline (fighting) levels to return to normal.

The biggest part of "coming off" anything is "THE FEAR".

It ain't all that bad - I've been stabbed with a 6" knife (sewed it up myself, ty emergency training - even the docs are impressed by how neat the scar is), been in a 50mph car smash where the girl almost lost a leg, had a shotgun pointed at my chest by a rival crew - and that kind of stuff is bad. That stuff is scary. But I'm out of it now.

The biggest fear in my life is not keeping a promise, not paying the bills and being homeless. I hate being homeless...

Spending time indoors, allowing your body to regain its own chemical balance - that's not so bad.

Addressing the issues behind why you chose to allow yourself to become addicted - that's another story

In my case - Escapism from a shitty situation, wanting rest and drugs made me stronger, physically, and able to work out and train more (esp. smack).

Just get in plenty of toilet paper, plenty of easy to cook meals (and remember to eat them), some sugar drinks (like squash) to make drinking water easier, and - for me - computer games and exercise helped a lot.
As did the supplements that I have listed in a previous post (but you can get these from a good meal, long drink of milk - Dunn's Nourishment is a good fortified drink -  and a lie/walk in the sun - if there is any - British Summer-time for ya, hehe).

Biggest thing about coming off any drugs I can say is - you probably gotta change all your friends. You gotta replace that hobby with a new one (I took up playing squash, I'm not terrible at it, but I kick arse at ping pong, due to it being the only game, other than cards, in most mental hospitals ).

Also, stay off the internet while you're doing the cluck - you're not yourself - write someone an email if you want.

And also - if you are going through withdrawals - keep a journal in wordpad or something: You can submit it to Erowid: https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp_submit.cgi

If you PM me the ID number of your report, I'll make sure it's "pushed" a bit - We've still got a backlog of around 16k reports to get through, but we're making headway

Stay safe, stay strong, good luck

The only drug I've not been able to to quit for an extended period of time (ie, longer than a few months) - tobacco.
I'm "clean" for a long time now - no more "addiction". Fuck the cult of NA - Just do it myself.

Idk if cold turkey works for everyone, and - tbh - it's not always the best way.

It's merely the fastest and "cleanest" - but, benzos - they can be a problem to come off for sure... Esp. these "new" "research" benzos that are super potent and so therefore very difficult to taper down... How the hell is anyone supposed to measure 1ug on their kitchen scales, eh?

At least with a 20mg Jelly, you gotta big tab to work with and can "divide and conquer" by eyeballing.

 

[Kalsima]

 
@PhreniczI agree with you. Heroin and methadone were a bitch to kick. Now I'm on Suboxone and I'm down to only one 8 mg film strip from 3. Even though my doctor still subscribes me three I am a total hoarder when it comes to all my meds. I get fentanyI patches from a pain clinic and my Suboxone Doctor just mentioned it to me. I only use them when I'm in severe pain maybe once a week. I had no idea a doctor can look in some data base and see every script I ever cashed. Ouch! He told me I can't stay on both but I don't abuse the fentanyl because I have tried taking it three days in a row and then took a Suboxone and was sick as hell. But withdrawing from Xanax is the worst withdrawal I've encountered. Like you said with the others you know the end is in site. I have had 3 grand mal seizures from kicking when a package didn't come in time and at that time I was very wreck less. @Jackie Chiles I am not proud of this but back in the days of Palmira in Hondorus before they went bad. I would have thousands sent to me at a time. It was extremely cheap buying in bulk and he would send me strips of ten in sealed packages. It was a great run. But looking back I regret doing it. I would take them to the methadone clinic and trade a strip for a bottle of 100 mg of methadone. People would be lined up to trade me that's how I got such a huge habit. When I learned that 11 people died from mixing their methadone with Benzos at another clinic I stopped immediately. Like in the UK @Smoka90 Benzos are a thing of the past. I can't find any doctor that will prescribe except at the pain clinic I travel to Dayton an hour away to get my fentanyl. He also subscribed me 3 1 mg Xanax a day but I couldn't get them anymore because my Suboxone Doctor said he would release me as a patient. That's why I order from here because he knows everything I do! Argh! @Jackie Chiles I am careful mixing my meds. I rarely take fentanyl and I'm actually trying to lower my Xanax. I only  took three instead of four and didn't notice anything. And that story about the catheter made me cringe! I love you so much for caring about my health and my emotional well being. My psychiatrist put me on Effexor also and Celexa I was just taking only Prozac. @Phrenicz  I do agree with what you said about Benzos I honestly don't take them to get high. I need them to calm my anxiety and panic attacks. If I didn't have them I think I would have killed my ex by now. I have so much stress in my life I need them to function.  The days of getting high off Benzos is crazy. When you build up a tolerance  like most of us have I don't know how it would be possible.maybe if I took ten but it would just make me sleep. Anyways, I missed one day from the board I left my phone and iPad in my friends car and just got them back. I have to catch up! Oh I told @aintnouse my cat whose 12 he's a feral cat my son saved when he found him on the street after being hit by a car,  someone ran him over and left him there. I thought he was dead. Anyways he's getting  in a habit of pooping on  my bed so I have to wash my comforter for the third  time this week! I swear there is a conspiracy in my house.

 

[saccade]

Our feral cat that was run over and left for dead (Charlie) had to be put down this week. Well, he was my gf's parents cat, really... but - family, you know. Fluffy (abandoned kitten, taken in) and Coffee (stray) are fine

Where Trapani has dogs, Buenos Aires has cats. England has... Pigeons, heh. Screw those sky-rats.

For the stress - maybe find a way to express it..?
I draw pictures n stuff, exercise, kick the shit out of the heavy bag and do volunteer work.

And also say NO to people (and ignore the world) when I need my own time.

Think it's different for girls - sometimes my gf will talk for ages and I listen and respond if I agree / disagree. She has "her" own friends to bitch about me and I have "mine" to bitch about her.
Everything's always ok - mutual friends, they're "ours".

She recently gave up her SSRI's and therapy and Clonazepam/Valium (she'd drink with it too, "cos I'm stressed").
We had a talk one night and she made the decision to never drink with it again, I took a photo to show her what she looked like and we were on skype (I am back in UK atm).

When I stopped going to the doctors about things, stopped taking all the drugs they were giving me - that is when things started to get better.
The same is true for my gf. Since quitting all the "loco" drugs the psychiatrist and docs Rx'd her, and not drinking alone - she is always herself, good or bad, and she is stronger than before, she knows this in her heart.

So do I.