How is it possible to use any benzo recreationally after months and months of using it?

[Guest]

@Heavenlee
I'm not sure about other docs in other states, but in the past 5 years, only one prescribed me Ativan. As I said I'm 6'1 and a 190 pounds and he has me on 0.5mg  of Ativan. If only he knew that I keep ordering 2.5mg tabs from Zone, haha! If I get tested at least it'll show traces or lorazepam molecules and not something totally different, that would be an indefinitely suspension, probably even revoke my license too. In the hospital I see attending  prescribe 3-4 days'' worth of benzos (since I type it up the prescription), with zero refills. Usually with people who are victims of domestic violence and the one that breaks my heart the most, rape victims. They get their small script, and get referred to another doc, with outpatient bullshit, with meetings, but no meds. I understand that it's important to some people to have these meetings, but for rape or DV or military related PTSD...you can't cure it with sunshine and puppies. 

 

[Kalsima]

@saccadeI'm so sorry to hear about your cat, now I feel bad about bitching about my cat! I like @Smoka90 having a rabbit. I didn't realize how beautiful and how they absolutely do have different personalities! I've been looking with my son all week about rabbits. He's leaving for college and can only have a small animal in his apartment no cats or dogs. So all four cats that he has brought into my house over the years I am stuck with and he gets the rabbit. Life is so unfair! But I really have grown fond of my cats even though it's a lot of work. They all fight, I have to keep the door closed and feed them one at a time or the cat that pooped on my bed would eat all their food. Back to the subject, I think that's awesome about your girlfriend and for you two. I grew up with an alcoholic mother so I try to stay away from alcohol but on special occasions I'll drink but have a two drink limit. My ex videotaped me at a concert, it was a Third Eye Blind concert, and yes they still tour. I could not believe how loud and obnoxious and sloppy I was! It was quite embarrassing. I have slipped up a few times but not much after that. For me alcohol and Benzos are a bad mix! That was such a great story thank you for sharing. You both are lucky to have each other! That's love! @Jackie Chiles I know from experience what you are saying is true. When I was raped I got a script for 30 Xanax and a packet of places to go for help. They put a band aid on you then give you a morning after pill and send you on you're way!

 

[Guest]

@Heavenlee: that is definitely something that you shouldn't be handling alone. But also I'm not really a big fan of these hand-holding meetings, with a "semi"-counselor. The best support always comes from the loved ones. You are a survivor, many women get ultimately destroyed after an experience like that, they aren't able to have sex anymore with anyone in the future, and always look at men with suspicion, and it's not helping having a a relationship either.

Most women never talk about it, not even to the police, to family, no one...just keep it inside of them, let it pile up and let the PTSD get worse. I'm proud of you that you shared with us of what happened 15 years ago. Looks like you've healed or healing pretty good, just by openly talking about it, that's a great sign!

 

[blissopifree 2]

I've never let myself get to the stage of full blown bnz addiction other than one time in the late 80s to temazapam  (jellies).

After I fitted a few times it seemed like months before I felt "normal " again. 

However I have  come off metH@done a cpl of times and it's a devil of a med to quit, street H is FAR easier and quicker!.

Peace 

Bliss.....

 

[Phrenicz]

@saccadeI'm so sorry to hear about your cat, now I feel bad about bitching about my cat! I like @Smoka90 having a rabbit. I didn't realize how beautiful and how they absolutely do have different personalities! I've been looking with my son all week about rabbits. He's leaving for college and can only have a small animal in his apartment no cats or dogs. So all four cats that he has brought into my house over the years I am stuck with and he gets the rabbit. Life is so unfair! But I really have grown fond of my cats even though it's a lot of work. They all fight, I have to keep the door closed and feed them one at a time or the cat that pooped on my bed would eat all their food. Back to the subject, I think that's awesome about your girlfriend and for you two. I grew up with an alcoholic mother so I try to stay away from alcohol but on special occasions I'll drink but have a two drink limit. My ex videotaped me at a concert, it was a Third Eye Blind concert, and yes they still tour. I could not believe how loud and obnoxious and sloppy I was! It was quite embarrassing. I have slipped up a few times but not much after that. For me alcohol and Benzos are a bad mix! That was such a great story thank you for sharing. You both are lucky to have each other! That's love! @Jackie Chiles I know from experience what you are saying is true. When I was raped I got a script for 30 Xanax and a packet of places to go for help. They put a band aid on you then give you a morning after pill and send you on you're way!

@Heavenlee

I only began to read your posts a couple of weeks back, I have been AWOL from DBG for a while due to a crazy crackers year, and when I joined, I don't think you were posting much then, if at all.. . So I'd just like to say ... 

Firstly, I am in awe of your frankness and grace, after the things you have been through. Especially that last comment about being raped : (.. The world can be a horrible place, and you seem to have had more than your fair share of misery... 

Secondly, I am sending you a massive virtual hug from across the Atlantic : ).. 

**hugs heavenlee**

~P~

Oh and thirdly, I have worked out how to do that yellow name tagging mojo. ; )

 

[Phrenicz]

@Phrenicz

I don't really know what's it really like to get off real narcotics, since Tramadol is merely a diet painkiller compared to the "big guys". But surely just like you said, benzo WDs are very different. First of all, it can last up to a year or even longer. It can be deadly. Benzos will throw everything at you in the first two weeks into the WDs.

You'll die 30 times, and get resurrected 30 times. Shakes, tingling, heart palpitations, and what I hate the most, depersonalization, getting disconnected from the outside world. You feel like, you're gonna die in any second, and the horrible truth is, that you really can die in any second. Basically living with a loaded gun to your head 24/7 for 2-3 weeks. 

I'm not trying to minimize Tramadol WDs at all, once I ran out, a former friend was kind enough to help me out with a few films from the other side of the country. Ironically later on he was the one that hunted me down from another boards, because something has changed. I have no idea what, we were very close...(friends)

Anyways, Tram WDs can absolutely can incapacitate you to the level, where you become non-functionional, and that's bad enough, that comes with a terrible price, it can cost you your career, your reputation and certainly not healty for your body, as it is fighting off the screaming receptors in your brain, the ones that want nothing, but to feed on Trams. But in my experience as a nurse, I can confidently say, that coming off Tr@madol doesn't have to be like how I described it above.

A pill cutter, and a pair of balls are all you need. It's still not going to be pleasant, but very-very tolerable. 

If you're on benzos, it doesn't matter how strong-willed you are. It needs continueous supervision. 

Good points though, it's been a pleasure exchanging posts with you! 

And of course I am not shutting you down, please feel free to add whatever you think, or if you disagree with something. That's how we, and al the board members learn about this stuff. 

Same to you, Nitra- @Smoka90 -zepam

JC!

@Jackie Chiles

You're preaching to the choir here me old china!

I'm almost impossible to offend : )

Like I say, I'm no stranger to the benz@ withdrawal barbecue... 

I've lost count of how many times I have tapered, much of it documented in an around the DBG forum...

Debates and exchanges are what this place is about, and I too have enjoyed the exchanges we have had, and here's to many more in the future ; ).  

And I think you are in a very honourable profession 

I'm all over this yellow tagging shit now!

~P~

 

[Kalsima]

@Phrenicz I do remember you I was in jail for 9 months for illegal cultivation of marijuana it was my own fault I only got for months probation and I immediately messed up with a positive Urine test for Benzos and got violated. I thought the judge would give me a second chance but unfortunately he is called Max out Mallory and he slammed me. I thought the whole thing was a joke and obviously didn't take it seriously enough. When I went to court my purse was full of methadone tablets and an assortment of Benzos. I was in utter shock when he sentenced me to jail. But the coolest thing was they didn't even search my purse when I was was finally released 3 months early, I was able to mitigate out 3 months early, all of drugs were still in my purse when I was processed out! So of course after being clean for 9 months I went straight to the pills in my purse. Hence this roller coaster of addiction began. It was impossible for me to throw them away! But the good part was everyone told me I could have gotten two more felony charges for the unsubscribed pills in my purse and that intake always searches through your belongings so I got incredibly lucky. But now I do remember you before I went in jail. When I got out so many things had changed on the board. @headbanger is gone and my girls @Maybesomeday and cat ( sorry can't find hers) were all gone. But I'm so glad to be back. I just wanted to thank you and let you know I did recognize you also just had been awhile since I've seen you. Anyways, thanks for the hugs you are so sweet and I really hope to get to know you better this time around. And by the way, I miss the old guys but this board is better now than it has ever been. It's more of a family with great new people I adore and love and respect. 

 

[jax1982]

I've never heard people who could describe benzo withdrawal so perfectly, I've done the hydrocodone withdrawal, not fun at all and at the time you swear it's the worst but after 14 years on klonopin I moved and a new doctor decided to wean me off super fast I ended up in the ER with a hypertensive crisis 3 times before my husband said enough, I truly feel like I'm screwed for life there, but I did have a question for  @Jackie Chiles if you see this anytime soon, you seem very smart, Thanks!

 

[Guest]

I've never heard people who could describe benzo withdrawal so perfectly, I've done the hydrocodone withdrawal, not fun at all and at the time you swear it's the worst but after 14 years on klonopin I moved and a new doctor decided to wean me off super fast I ended up in the ER with a hypertensive crisis 3 times before my husband said enough, I truly feel like I'm screwed for life there, but I did have a question for  @Jackie Chiles if you see this anytime soon, you seem very smart, Thanks!

Thank you Ma'am for the compliment!

And please, ask away.

 

[jax1982]

either way @Jackie Chiles thanks for answering me

 

[Guest]

It's actually a Pill Id question, you seem to know a lot and I thought perhaps you could help, I placed an order from SL for CODEINE, and then a sample of the Codogesic came with it, and I can't tell which is which, if you or anybody can help with that? I want to be sure I am not taking one or the other, I did send Jim an email but.. either way @Jackie Chiles thanks for answering me

From what you posted in the pill ID thread, I assume you got the pills from India... I'm sorry to say, but it may be counterfeit... I suggest please order opiate or opioids from our trusted Vendors, which you will be able to get access to either with a 10-dollar donation, or by reaching a certain level of membership. You can always ask our great moderators @2earls or @PTFC to give you direction, but my suggestion is, to go through the instructions and such about the forum and how it works. I'm sorry I couldn't be any more of a help. Good luck to you! 

 

[jax1982]

Thank you It's quite a reliable vendor Starlite, one of the admins sent me a PM about it when I joined. And I have it figured out now, Thanks so much!

 

[Guest]

Thank you It's quite a reliable vendor Starlite, one of the admins sent me a PM about it when I joined. And I have it figured out now, Thanks so much!

Awesome, yes, Starlite has an excellent reputation. 

 

[Back2Good]

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times- "No booze with your benz@s!"

But the truth is, on the rare occasion I want Valium to feel the way it did when I took those first two 10mg Roches and sat out late at night at a cafe on the Riverwalk in San Antonio sipping a Lone Star, I'll toss down 8 Bensedin (80mg) with a double shot of Patron Silver Tequila, and crack an Icehouse beer to sip, going back to the well for more Patron Silver as often as I like, and cracking another Icehouse as needed for a chaser.

Literally makes me euphoric, bounce off the walls chillaxed, and something I do rarely (when work / my boss / my life just become unbearable), maybe 3x a year, and the only aftereffect is sleeping like a newborn, and waking up feeling 100% better about everything, I don't even get hangovers, as I drink 32oz of water to wash down two extra strength Excedrin right before tucking myself in.

By all means, follow @Jackie Chiles and the rest of the medical community's advice regarding booze and benzohs, but as we hear so often here, everyone is differently wired, and with the sky-high benzoh tolerance I've developed since I was first scripted Xanax by the VA Doc in Atlanta, pouring my favorite booze on top of a hefty dose of V@lium is the only thing that brings that good old feeling back - Nothing else works, X@n@x has never had a euphoric effect for me, I have torrid love affairs with Roche Riv@tril on occasion, but if I were to pour a shot of Patron with 4mg of that, it would be like catching one of Mike Tyson's famous right hooks on my jaw - 14 hours of sleep and no idea when I went to bed, 5mg Ativ@n and a double shot of Patron is roughly the equivalent of 15mg Midaz@lam chased with a dose of Nyquil...No, good old V@lium is the only benzoh that's ever brought any euphoria along with it, and since my tolerance for it is so high I can take 100mg by itself when nothing else works to get me to sleep, and still function just fine the next day, it makes sense that it is the only med in its class that has the synergy with booze that it does for me.

Oh - Of course I'm 100% opiate free at all times, am allergic as hell to morphine and its derivatives, so they aren't a concern...And I don't take my Prednisone or Ativ@n on the nights I choose as "Fuckitall" nights, so there's that to consider as well.  Again, I'd never suggest anyone else try it, but I don't think the combination of V@lium and hard liquor is the devil for those with the benzoh tolerance I've built up - But it certainly isn't worth risking unless you're willing to take the possible consequences, as I most certainly was the first time I tried it in 2011 or so.

 

[Guest]

Again, I'd never suggest anyone else try it, but I don't think the combination of V@lium and hard liquor is the devil for those with the benzoh tolerance I've built up - But it certainly isn't worth risking unless you're willing to take the possible consequences, as I most certainly was the first time I tried it in 2011 or so.

The thing about this, my friend, if a Zombie apocalypse broke out, and we'd end up hiding in CVS (where there's liquor sold too  -even though I'm planning to maintain my sobriety - ) we could probably handle chugging down half the store and pills, and still pass a sobriety test and could do the alphabet back and forth while doing backflips.

But we both have more than a decade and a half of benzo-use and alcohol behind us, our brains are permanently rewired to say "fuck you" to 50mg of Ativan if that were the case and chug down 2 shots of Palinka then still could recite every US President back and forth from the beginning. But some people, who jump on Xanax and be on it for 6 months, a year and they get convinced that now that 5 bars don't do shit, it's time to start spice it up with a little beer or hard liquor. And that's when I usually end up changing my scrub and brand new Dr. Martens after the guy/gal projectile vomits on me from 10 feet away from the bay. 

Of course that happened to me too, I was cocky, 18 years old, 2 years on Xanax, hit the bar, 6 people dragged me into the ER, my eyes rolled back and choking on vomit.

So I'd just advise, yes have fun while you're young (or old), but maybe just start with a light beer on a half a valium and see how that makes you feel. If you feel the euphoria coming up, have another beer and go home and enjoy a good movie, don't start to get higher, because you'll Icarus yourself to my ER, and I hate changing shoes more than 3 times a night. And your mom would definitely would hate if you aspirated and your "friends" playing darts while you choke on your own vomit.

Just be smart about it, know your medicine, know your system and if you're feeling good, that's good enough, don't go any further.

-JC ?‍?