I absolutely hate weed...

[Kalsima]

@Jackie ChilesI thought you were funny last night on text message! But also sweet and kind as you always were! Was so happy to hear from you and promise not to hide from the board and not be too embarrassed everytime I relapse. But I must admit it is getting quite old. It's not fun anymore. So anyways I go through stages with weed. I am now smoking again after ordering from @bwillia1 but I have taken off a year here and there because it can make me paranoid and lethargic and not get anything done. I go through stages with it. I love it right now because I am trying to get off the Suboxone. I've actually have not taken any in a few days. When I relapse on coke I always forget to take it and I never get sick at all. I know it sounds weird. But then when I sober up I think I need it and go ahead and take it just because I believe in my head that I'm supposed to. Back to weed though it's just as weird. Why I go back and forth to it is easy. It helps my stomach when I'm nauseas and it helps reduce stress and it makes me feel good. But it is strange to me how even it can turn on me and I can so paranoid I think the cops are outside and I go hide all the drugs in my house and look out the window every two minutes like a crackhead! It's been like that my whole life. So I will go awhile and not smoke at all. I'm really glad it's helping me now. Except the part that I have so much to do getting ready to move my son to Denver in a month I still have to get a mover and pack his stuff and I always get way too high and say I'll do it tomorrow. So today I'm not going to smoke as much and start packing since he is no help. He is a spoiled brat that can't even clean his own room or do his own laundry or cook his on food. I don't know how he's going to survive on his own honestly. Thankfully I have friends that live in Evergreen the next town over from Golden. I don't know if anyone knows but he tried to commit Suicide a week ago. It was really a cry for help. He just took some of my Xanax and drank tequila but he was unconscious and stayed in a psych ward for a week. I brought him home yesterday. He seems to be fine. He just wants me to stay sober and pay attention to him. He was tired of all the chaos with my ex living with me again. So I'll remain clean it's not too much to ask for from a child to his mother! Well that's it for now! Love you guys!

 

[Guest]

@Heavenlee What an embarrassment it was ? I made no sense, and asked the stupidest shit. Well, you've seen the moron side of me too. Weed's just not for me.

Yes, I can tell, remember? Don't hide, don't be ashamed, I'm here, and you know my number, shoot me a text, call whatever! <3

Hugs!

-Creme Brule

 

[Kalsima]

I'm texting you right now! No you were a great site to see and talk to again after I relapsed again. I'm changing my name to the relapse queen of DBG!

 

[Guest]

I'm texting you right now! No you were a great site to see and talk to again after I relapsed again. I'm changing my name to the relapse queen of DBG!

@Heavenlee

Don't be silly, I told you I will help you even from 400 miles away.   You're going to be the Sparkling Clean Queen.

 

[blissopifree 2]

I'm texting you right now! No you were a great site to see and talk to again after I relapsed again. I'm changing my name to the relapse queen of DBG!

@Heavenlee I think there may be a few claims of the Queen or King for that matter of relapse!.

Good luck and I hope you can keep your life on the straight and narrow,just don't be too hard on yourself,as you know when you feel Really guilty of a relapse is when you reach for the substance of addiction.Take it a day at a time.

Peace 

Bliss....

 

[Kalsima]

@blissopifree 2 thanks that was very sweet, made me feel better! This board is amazing. I get so much support even when I mess up. Hopefully with my son literally crying out for me to stop because it's hurting him so much is enough to make this madness end! Like I said it isn't even fun anymore. I'm out of veins just trying to get a hit is a nightmare and frustrating as hell! After seeing him in the psych ward everyday I hope I'll never put another needle in my arm again. I already feel like the worst mom ever. He's right by my side still rooting for me to stay clean, if I mess up again after all of this I will be the worst mother of all time. I have every intention not to use. But damn, addiction is so powerful I'm still afraid. I need to stay on the board more and keep busy and stay away from my neighbors. Thankfully I'll be moving soon and hopefully a fresh start will do me good. And today I will just keep it to one day at a time. It's by far the easiest way to do it! Thanks for your support. Damn I love our DBG family! Big hugs to you all!

 

[Phrenicz]

@Heavenlee

Relapse is a part of recovery! So, yeah, like everyone else has said, don't be too hard on yourself! 

At least you have a goal of how and who you want to be for yourself and your family : ). Most people can't tell their arse from their elbow and don't even recognise anything is wrong?! 

Although from what I've read about your situation, I think moving towns will probably be a really good thing.. I always find massive changes in life to be cracking motivators for new and better chapters and all that : )

~P~

 

[Guest]

@Heavenlee @Phrenicz

Exactly, the fact that you feel guilty and you know you have a big problem, that's a huge step on the path of recovery. 

 

[Slegna Owt]

I am also one that dislikes w33d.. though it helps with pain I deal with on a daily basis, the panic attacks are too much for me.. I was thinking maybe theres a str@in that would help with that and just help me be relax.. I'm not sure though.. I have actually tried it about 8 times just to make sure and every single time I end up freaking out and my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest, even if it's just one or two hit$. 

 

[Toker]

@Slegna Owt have you tried different strains, as in maybe an Indica dominant strain or a 70 / 30 Indica / Sativa mix to

see if you could find something that would suit your specific needs?  Getting a hold of something that makes you comfortable

depends on where on the planet your based..  

Here's a chart explaining what effects the different strains have - Cannabis Chart

Hope you can get some understanding of the strain you may need..

 

[Slegna Owt]

I got paranoid  when I have smoked pot to,was strange because when I was a youngster I had no problems I have experimented until just receintly i found out that my anti depression drug Prozac enabled me to feel a lot normal as I was smoking the weed no paranoia or bad vibes,must be the fluoxetine.

Really?? This is interesting.. have you tried it multiple times or was it just a one time thing?

 

[Gretadog209]

I suffer from chronic anxiety...always hung with Mary J abt 15 years daily. Visited Amsterdam in the early 90's and worshipped at the alter. But when I stopped hanging with Mary when I started grad school, then I got anxiety from that. All it took was a 3 week break and my BFF turned into a total nightmare. Sad it true. I just started my own garden and am ho I g to rediscover that euphoric feel I remember. Anxiety and insomnia are no joke. Thankfully it's kosher where I live.

 

[Kalsima]

@Gretadog209 I go through periods where I can't smoke because I'm like a raving crackhead peering through the window shades looking for cops! I still grow well not in Ohio because I got caught and did a year in county that's why I bought a house in Denver and had my grow and veg rooms expertly installed by a company in Lakewood. Got tired of always patching tears of Mylar with duct tape so no holes can get in. I know exactly what you mean because I'm going through a period now. I don't understand how it turns me in and out of paranoia. I hope it doesn't last don't get me wrong I can do at nighttime right before bed but strictly night time I'm no longer couch locked all day. I was curious if others too have that happen when weed turns on you? Good luck gardening too nothing but organic nutes or it will taste like crap. Remember to flush extremely important. I love advanced nutes but a little expensive I add a little of everything and ph balance the nutes or sensi ph perfect. I'm returning now to Denver can't wait for my first grow in my new house! Can't wait to see your garden. I have grow away seeds they might end being the best but not sure exactly what they are so I'll grow outside. Please send pictures and good luck to you.

 

[Jools]

an...because it makes me having a panic attack anytime I try it, and expect it to be chilled out, like anybody else. BUT! This thread isn't about me, it's about this. It's about a substance that still illegal in most states,while alcoholics destroy kthemselves and everybody around them.

So here it is, Cannabis Oil stops a Tonic-Clonic seizure in about 20 seconds.d 

Clip.

I used to enjoy a smoke but since the skunks have prevailed, I get anxiety attack every time. I am very interested in the oil though as it has potential to cure many diseases. I've just received some with instructions to take it orally and as  suppository and will report back on how it goes. It is high THC so am going to go v/slow

 

[Gretadog209]

@Heavenlee thank you for the good wishes. I am growing outdoors and expect a fall harvest. It's legal up to 12 plants but I am only growing 2. A friend gave them to me and I am hoping I don't ruin them! Will gladly show you a picture once they are grown. Not much to look at right now.

 

[Kalsima]

@Gretadog209 thanks it's hard to screw up growing outside I'm sure you'll do fine just don't give them too much nutes I always cut down a third at the beginning they are like weeds when grown outside and taken care of. My first indoor grow was disaterous I grew indoors and had botytris on everything but Soma's A+ or rock bud, not too much outdoors space in Berkeley. I moved up north toward the Emerald Triangle and was lucky enough to have 80 year olds teach me and they learned from their great grandfathers it's like a tradition passed down and I was blessed to have these old guys who sell their own compost tea out of a huge vat and teach me how to grow. I'm sure @2earls probably knows from a long time ago. It's such an amazing plant to grow how you can manipulate it and just by higher temps in humidity domes I can guarantee all girls and no nutes!  Besides it's healthy benefits from CBD's and CBN's. I'm at a place where I'm not smoking that much but I love to grow it! Such a beautiful amazing plant!

 

[US Army Veteran]

I don't care for weed either. Ever so often  I'll smoke some before bed but not often. 

 

[Dr-Octagon]

Weed turned on me years ago. Started getting panic attacks/ anxiety.  Sativas indicas, didn't seem to matter.  Had some bubble that was kind to me once. I just dont anymore. Speeds up the hamster wheel that resides in my head. Hope someone can relate to that description. Psychological background noise...

 

[US Army Veteran]

Yea not my thing anymore.

 

[javaman]

Weed turned on me years ago. Started getting panic attacks/ anxiety.  Sativas indicas, didn't seem to matter.  Had some bubble that was kind to me once. I just dont anymore. Speeds up the hamster wheel that resides in my head. Hope someone can relate to that description. Psychological background noise...

I can absolutely relate to that. I used to smoke all day every day in college. I can't imagine doing that now, I'd be a wreck. Speeding up the hamster wheel in your head... That's a great metaphor, exactly how I feel. I do find that low doses of edibles still relax me, so I do that from time to time. I have a medical card, so I can get good ones and know exactly how strong they are. They are great for pain relief too. But smoking any amount, or eating too much, just makes me want to jump out of my own brain. It's like I can't handle the experience of being me when I get too high. I'm introverted enough as it is, I don't need help to get to an existential crisis fairly quickly.