Just started a new job

[cassandra]

I have worked at my new job for two weeks. It is high intensity and a lot of new things to learn. It is super exciting, but man, it is exhausting. I can't believe how quickly the weekend past. Tomorrow is Monday and I have to start my third week. Already? Really? I am also packing up my house to move closer to my job. I am looking forward to that, because that will give me two more hours of free time. Now I drive one hour to get there. Next month it will take me three minutes to walk to work. I just wish I could have one more day in this weekend. Pretty please?

 

[cassandra]

Think I am chit chatting too much in this forum, so maybe I'll just chit chat "for myself" down here to not annoy anyone  I got an tracking update this morning about a lil' package that's been in custom for the last three days that it is redirected to the recipiant's delivery place. I don't know if that means it will get here today or someday very soon, but seems like it will get here since it "escaped" custom. Regardless if it arrives today or not, I am amazed at the turnover. It arrived my country three days after they mailed it. I can't wait to offer productive reviews! 

 

[cassandra]

I am going down to my little shame corner for making so many freak out posts last night. I may have thought I was going about my day as normal, but my husband noticed something was different and the first question he asked me - did you take any pills. I could not lie so I had to admit I had. Sometimes I think it is the ones around us that notices changes, not the one taking pills. It causes a big fight, and I was so sure I would remember everything that was said, but now, I only remember the gist of it. He threatens to take the pills away from me and rapport me to my doctor. Not that I know what my doctor could do about this. I know it's just an empty  threat, but anyhow, the cat is out of the bag for sure. I think I am taking the day off. Not good in a new job, but have to fix home first.  Besides, my car in the garage and they don't know when they will be done with it, so .....Great way to make an impression on my new boss, but they do  need me, so it should be all right. I am still in training, so not counted in the work force yet, so they should be fine without me. 

 

[cassandra]

My husband is even angier than before. I try to talk to him, but he just yells at me and start watching something on his laptop. I ask him if he wans talk like aboult and figure out exactly what the probably is. But Iam supposed to. So I think it is the pills. It is true , I have tried them throughth out the day to see if they work like before. I didn't feel anythng, but larly he does If I feel anythng it is very week. I give up sooon. 

 

[cassandra]

This morning I can't find my pills, so surely he has taken them. He also told me he was sick of me and that he isnt moving with me to our new place. Whatever. I am so tired of these threats anyway. He doesn't want a divorce of course, because he needs to be married so he can get his permanent residency. Maybe he flushed them. We will see when he wakes up. 

 

[cassandra]

He didn't hide them. I had hit them but forgot where, but they are found agian. My marriage might be over, but I don't know if I care anymore. I am far from perfect, and I know I can be difficult to live with someimes, but I am a picnic compared to him. I have have had several long term relationships and none of the was as phycologically difficult as this one. I think I am scared to be alone, but why? Being alone has so many advantages aside from the bobvious  But it's better to be alone and lonely than lonely in relationship. 

 

[cassandra]

He left yesterday and slept with a friend I guess. Today he wanted to come home and fix things. Fix me? I don't want to be fixed. I don't know what to say to him. I went on a little binge I guess and I know I can't do that.  It is my thrid time. Once he was out of the country so he did not know, so two he knows. First time I said it would not happen again, and now it happened again. Sorry? It won't happen again? I could say that, but it can happen again. Making promises is easy. 180 vitamins - gone. Vitamins that is meant to help me sleep so my bipolar don't act up. I can't go on binges. because one day i might not stop in time. I feel careless right now. I don't care what he feels.  He threatened to rapport me and take from me one of the things I do care about, my career. But I have reached out for help but with professionals. I will start seeing someone in the end of may. 

I know I choose to swallow these pills. I know it is my doing. But.... don't know if but is allowed. But he doesn't make it easier for me. It is my escape from him. I was never like this before him. he triggers me. He causes me emotional pain. 

 

[oldfart]

@cassandra73 , I know there are two sides to every story, and I haven't heard his. I am in no position to offer sound advice...one has to be sound to offer sound advice.

I have noticed three things from your posts.  One, you have a lot of stress between the new job, changing your residence, marital friction, and who knows what else.

Two, a doctor surely can't affect your career (¿can he?) I surely hope not. He should work with you to get control of any challenges you have. I hope he is able to help.

Three, 180 vitamins in 3 or 4 days is a great amount. I hope that new job pays well! Was there a problem with quality or were the p1ll$ too weak? With all you have facing you, you must need them. I wish you peace within.  Good luck.

 

[Dumbass#1]

He left yesterday and slept with a friend I guess. Today he wanted to come home and fix things. Fix me? I don't want to be fixed. I don't know what to say to him. I went on a little binge I guess and I know I can't do that.  It is my thrid time. Once he was out of the country so he did not know, so two he knows. First time I said it would not happen again, and now it happened again. Sorry? It won't happen again? I could say that, but it can happen again. Making promises is easy. 180 vitamins - gone. Vitamins that is meant to help me sleep so my bipolar don't act up. I can't go on binges. because one day i might not stop in time. I feel careless right now. I don't care what he feels.  He threatened to rapport me and take from me one of the things I do care about, my career. But I have reached out for help but with professionals. I will start seeing someone in the end of may. 

I know I choose to swallow these pills. I know it is my doing. But.... don't know if but is allowed. But he doesn't make it easier for me. It is my escape from him. I was never like this before him. he triggers me. He causes me emotional pain. 

Hey my dear. I just read your posts and wanted to check on you. I'm hoping your stressful situation has improved. 

 

[cassandra]

Hey, thanks so much. I have landed in new apartment, and I am getting used to my new stressful job. Things are still up in the air with hubby, but when isn't it? I  have stopped binge eating and use my vitamin pills as I should - to sleep. But now I am stuggling with custom as they destoryed two of my deliveries. I have one other on the way. Hope it makes it here. 

Thanks again for checking up on me. Means a lot even though you are a stranger  Thank you thank you thank you!

 

[oldfart]

Good luck with everything, ([especially] even the customs problem.) Being so much closer to work will add time to your day. Enjoy the new digs!