Just started a new job

C

cassandra

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Joined
Oct 8, 2015
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105
I have worked at my new job for two weeks. It is high intensity and a lot of new things to learn. It is super exciting, but man, it is exhausting. I can't believe how quickly the weekend past. Tomorrow is Monday and I have to start my third week. Already? Really? I am also packing up my house to move closer to my job. I am looking forward to that, because that will give me two more hours of free time. Now I drive one hour to get there. Next month it will take me three minutes to walk to work. I just wish I could have one more day in this weekend. Pretty please? :P

 
Think I am chit chatting too much in this forum, so maybe I'll just chit chat "for myself" down here to not annoy anyone :P  I got an tracking update this morning about a lil' package that's been in custom for the last three days that it is redirected to the recipiant's delivery place. I don't know if that means it will get here today or someday very soon, but seems like it will get here since it "escaped" custom. Regardless if it arrives today or not, I am amazed at the turnover. It arrived my country three days after they mailed it. I can't wait to offer productive reviews! 

 
I am going down to my little shame corner for making so many freak out posts last night. I may have thought I was going about my day as normal, but my husband noticed something was different and the first question he asked me - did you take any pills. I could not lie so I had to admit I had. Sometimes I think it is the ones around us that notices changes, not the one taking pills. It causes a big fight, and I was so sure I would remember everything that was said, but now, I only remember the gist of it. He threatens to take the pills away from me and rapport me to my doctor. Not that I know what my doctor could do about this. I know it's just an empty  threat, but anyhow, the cat is out of the bag for sure. I think I am taking the day off. Not good in a new job, but have to fix home first.  Besides, my car in the garage and they don't know when they will be done with it, so .....Great way to make an impression on my new boss, but they do  need me, so it should be all right. I am still in training, so not counted in the work force yet, so they should be fine without me. 

 
My husband is even angier than before. I try to talk to him, but he just yells at me and start watching something on his laptop. I ask him if he wans talk like aboult and figure out exactly what the probably is. But Iam supposed to. So I think it is the pills. It is true , I have tried them throughth out the day to see if they work like before. I didn't feel anythng, but larly he does If I feel anythng it is very week. I give up sooon. 

 
This morning I can't find my pills, so surely he has taken them. He also told me he was sick of me and that he isnt moving with me to our new place. Whatever. I am so tired of these threats anyway. He doesn't want a divorce of course, because he needs to be married so he can get his permanent residency. Maybe he flushed them. We will see when he wakes up. 

 
He didn't hide them. I had hit them but forgot where, but they are found agian. My marriage might be over, but I don't know if I care anymore. I am far from perfect, and I know I can be difficult to live with someimes, but I am a picnic compared to him. I have have had several long term relationships and none of the was as phycologically difficult as this one. I think I am scared to be alone, but why? Being alone has so many advantages aside from the bobvious :P  But it's better to be alone and lonely than lonely in relationship. 

 
He left yesterday and slept with a friend I guess. Today he wanted to come home and fix things. Fix me? I don't want to be fixed. I don't know what to say to him. I went on a little binge I guess and I know I can't do that.  It is my thrid time. Once he was out of the country so he did not know, so two he knows. First time I said it would not happen again, and now it happened again. Sorry? It won't happen again? I could say that, but it can happen again. Making promises is easy. 180 vitamins - gone. Vitamins that is meant to help me sleep so my bipolar don't act up. I can't go on binges. because one day i might not stop in time. I feel careless right now. I don't care what he feels.  He threatened to rapport me and take from me one of the things I do care about, my career. But I have reached out for help but with professionals. I will start seeing someone in the end of may. 

I know I choose to swallow these pills. I know it is my doing. But.... don't know if but is allowed. But he doesn't make it easier for me. It is my escape from him. I was never like this before him. he triggers me. He causes me emotional pain. 

 
@cassandra73 , I know there are two sides to every story, and I haven't heard his. I am in no position to offer sound advice...one has to be sound to offer sound advice.

I have noticed three things from your posts.  One, you have a lot of stress between the new job, changing your residence, marital friction, and who knows what else.

Two, a doctor surely can't affect your career (¿can he?) I surely hope not. He should work with you to get control of any challenges you have. I hope he is able to help.

Three, 180 vitamins in 3 or 4 days is a great amount. I hope that new job pays well! Was there a problem with quality or were the p1ll$ too weak? With all you have facing you, you must need them. I wish you peace within.  Good luck.

 
cassandra73 said:
He left yesterday and slept with a friend I guess. Today he wanted to come home and fix things. Fix me? I don't want to be fixed. I don't know what to say to him. I went on a little binge I guess and I know I can't do that.  It is my thrid time. Once he was out of the country so he did not know, so two he knows. First time I said it would not happen again, and now it happened again. Sorry? It won't happen again? I could say that, but it can happen again. Making promises is easy. 180 vitamins - gone. Vitamins that is meant to help me sleep so my bipolar don't act up. I can't go on binges. because one day i might not stop in time. I feel careless right now. I don't care what he feels.  He threatened to rapport me and take from me one of the things I do care about, my career. But I have reached out for help but with professionals. I will start seeing someone in the end of may. 

I know I choose to swallow these pills. I know it is my doing. But.... don't know if but is allowed. But he doesn't make it easier for me. It is my escape from him. I was never like this before him. he triggers me. He causes me emotional pain. 
Click to expand...
Hey my dear. I just read your posts and wanted to check on you. I'm hoping your stressful situation has improved. 

 
Hey, thanks so much. I have landed in new apartment, and I am getting used to my new stressful job. Things are still up in the air with hubby, but when isn't it? I  have stopped binge eating and use my vitamin pills as I should - to sleep. But now I am stuggling with custom as they destoryed two of my deliveries. I have one other on the way. Hope it makes it here. 

Thanks again for checking up on me. Means a lot even though you are a stranger :)  Thank you thank you thank you!

 
Good luck with everything, ([especially] even the customs problem.) Being so much closer to work will add time to your day. Enjoy the new digs!

 
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  1. xenxra @ xenxra: @WTF7218 it may as well be that way with how little effort some of the people on here make to find information that's exactly where you would expect it to be.
  2. ontovzik @ ontovzik: When I had long term shingles, lasting two months. All he could give me was a 10 day supply of dilaudid. He looked at the ground while we were talking about it. I could tell he was ashamed but it was the legislature and the governor that tied his hands. He was very upset that non-medical political people, the media, and the scared public were controlling how he treated his patients. Someday those people will need meds and a hospital bed and they will be gone.
  3. ontovzik @ ontovzik: I had a great doctor, he had the true gift of a healer and he stayed on top of all the science. He straight up told me that for many people opiods work for managing short and long term pain.
  4. ontovzik @ ontovzik: He peed it in the snow in my backyard.
  5. WTF7218 @ WTF7218: @xenxra 😆😂. Yes, but only a few brave souls will ever find the number. You must first order a Dirty Shirley from the bartender. Then you must discreetly take the cocktail napkin from under your drink and unfold it. There you will find the map to the location of the phone number, and clues to decipher the code that it is written in.
  6. xenxra @ xenxra: he left his phone number scribbled in a stall at the pub three blocks down
  7. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar I would try one of those easy online ones .. reddit gives useful info about that
  8. Alkazar @ Alkazar: @NYStateofMind I dont really have a history of abusing things, my docotr is just really stingy. I am thinking of switching.
  9. C @ Cheesus: Thanks xenxra
  10. xenxra @ xenxra: @Cheesus yeah, use snote
  11. P @ psychedpsych: Trump is cracking down….
  12. P @ psychedpsych: Hackers are the scum of the earth
  13. N @ NYStateofMind: so it was easy bc of my history
  14. N @ NYStateofMind: I didnt really tell him but he knew I needed a new script since my dr went to jail
  15. N @ NYStateofMind: @xenxra I was on Adderall since 15 years ago so my dr prescribed that w no problems and then when I lost my best friend my doctor rxed the valiums but
  16. C @ Cheesus: Temp.pm down for anyone else?
  17. xenxra @ xenxra: @NYStateofMind my doctor's have always been pretty open minded if i can actually come in and explain the pharmacological action of the drugs im seeking instead of just telling them why i think i should be prescribed. the only time it didn't work out for me is when i was trying pharmaceuticals for depression ten years ago and suggested they let me try testosterone instead (turns out i was hypogonadal so they made a mistake denying my request at face value)
  18. T @ Testisthebest: Even down here in Florida when the pill mill docs all switched over to Suboxone and/or retired you can still find some pretty liberal docs but you gotta know what to look for. Mine does "pain management, detox, anxiety,etc. And no insurance. My doc writes me 60 5mg Valium, 14 2mg Xanax and asked if I had ever tried adderal to get more focus at work as I told him I run my own business.
  19. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar do they know your history? Like I dont tell my doctor anything about myself except what they need to know,...I was able to get my dr to rx the highest dose of adderall along with valiums ..... if they dont know your history or there is no history I would just come out and ask what is the reason for their mistreatment.... they have no problem billing your insurance or taking a payment for the visit
  20. T @ Turbo259: @Layne_Cobain Thank you fam
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