Let's Offend Everyone

[Big Rob]

Let's Offend Everyone

I came out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'

I took my Biology exam last Friday.  I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Romanian gipsies" were not the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry dear, you're bound to lose it eventually. '

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.  A man asks "What's wrong?" The boy says "Me ma is dead." "Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you"? The boy replies "No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment."

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

 

[strayer]

some nasty but funny jokes there im lmao rolf

 

[Big Rob]

A lady was sitting outside of a cafe on the steps, crying and holding a very ugly baby.

This gentleman came along and asked her what the problem was.

She answered, "I was only wanting to eat inside, but the people in there were making fun of my baby and I just couldn't stand it".

The gentleman said, "Never mind them, come inside with me and I'll feed you anything you like and I'll even buy a banana for your monkey".

 

[Big Rob]

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved
forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back and
forth...back and forth...in and out....in and out

She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts and
trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end.

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned,softly
at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out
an almighty scream and shouted..........

"OK, OK! I CAN'T park the car!

You do it, you SMUG bastard!"

 

[strayer]

haha Nice some good jokes here nasty but good 

 

[Big Rob]

Eli calls on his Jewish friend whom he discovers scraping the wallpaper off the living room walls.

"Hello Joshua.  Are you redecorating?"

"Nah, Eli. We're moving."

 

[Jewbacca]

Eli calls on his Jewish friend whom he discovers scraping the wallpaper off the living room walls.

"Hello Joshua.  Are you redecorating?"

"Nah, Eli. We're moving."

So, the tribe members are notoriously cheap. They need all the money they can get to support the lifestyle of their JAP women. Oy!

 

[Big Rob]

The Cardinal was all set to give confessions when he comes down with laryngitis.  He asks his most trusted Priest to fill in for him.   He instructs his secretary to write down common sins on attonements and place them in the confessional for the Priest.

Most of the confessors come and go with no problems, but one simply stumps the Priest.  He can't find anything close on the postits so he excuses himself for a moment and runs to look for the Cardinal he comes across an altar boy and says

"Quick, what does the Cardinal give for oral, anal and bondage sex?"

The altar boys reply "Usually two snickers and a coke".

 

[Big Rob]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've already told her twice.

 

[Big Rob]

 

[Jewbacca]

They say a picture is worth 1000 words. Maybe even 1500 in this case.

 

[Puzzler]

Oh haven't I discovered a nice thread.

A haven for absolute disrespect, racism, and hurt. All in the guise of humor. Ha ha ha ha...

So, can I post some animal or child porn pics  in here. Me thinks that would be kinds funny for some of ya?

Just where do we (you) draw the line?

tick tock....tick tock...

 

[Puzzler]

Try to puzzle it out?

But i m sure posting some animal or child porn pics  in here would be out of the puzzle.

Ok, thanks Neute.

But stuff like this is just fine and dandy.

Q: Who was the most well known Jewish cook?

A: Hitler

I get ya, thanks for the tips

 

[Guest]

LOL @ all

 

[Guest]

Oh haven't I discovered a nice thread.

A haven for absolute disrespect, racism, and hurt. All in the guise of humor. Ha ha ha ha...

So, can I post some animal or child porn pics  in here. Me thinks that would be kinds funny for some of ya?

Just where do we (you) draw the line?

tick tock....tick tock...

Its the internet Puzzler. No child porn................ however if a topic offends you and is called that why read it?

BTW do we know you from a previous DBG name?

 

[Puzzler]

Internet??

My golly I thought this was a volleyball court. My mistake. Sorry.

If something offends me, it just might offend others. The rules of this site, as you should know, quite clearly state no hate/offensive speech. This is primarily a drug buyers guide site, as the name suggests, and jokes about people's race or how their ancestors were burned in furnaces by Hitler, while they may be funny to you and some others, are NOT to me and I'm sure many silent others. But no need to argue or conduct a poll about that. Since you are Mod, I retreat and respect your opinion.

I admire the member @Mike111, who recently made a nice post regarding the matter and it clearly demonstrates that all was done in fun and basically he's a good guy. I commend him for that, as he could have taken the other route and made the whole situation worse.

As for the third part of your query, being a clinically diagnosed schizophrenic, it's difficult for me to say for sure where or who or when or how things go about. I'm fortunate to have kept this job making puzzles and providing meet ends and putting the table on the butter for almost a decade now, so that's all I ask for in life.

Anymore questions, preferably about puzzles or IOP's, please PM me.

I'll be waiting.

 

[Big Rob]

 

[FrankieGirl]

Now THIS is funny!!

FG

 

[Big Rob]

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get  off work and go fishing, so he approached his  assistant


"Murphy, I am going fishing  tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to  take care of the clinic and take care of all me  patients".


"Yes, sir!" answers  Murphy.


The doctor goes fishing and  returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was  your day?"


Murphy told him that he took care  of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did,  so I gave him Paracetamol."

   
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second  one?" asks the doctor.


"The second one had indigestion  and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says  Murphy.


"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this  and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.


"Sir, I was sitting here and  suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading  her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick!  For five years I have not seen any  man!'"


"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what  did you do?" asks the  doctor.


"I put drops in her  eyes."