Not Sure How To Feel About This With My Husband

LOL @ Cat!

Sometimes I would like to launch him lately myself!

I don't think he is smoking, but I get suspicious when he spends time by himself on the porch.  The main reason I don't think he is smoking is because of the negative and belligerent attitude.

He says hurtful things, and he yells a lot more than he used to.  I am not accustomed or comfortable yelling back.  I am starting to tell him that when he behaves this way, it hurts my feelings.  However, that does not diffuse his anger.

He sometimes acts like I am doing absolutely nothing around here.  He is always sorry afterward but I still feel shaken up.

 
Hi Shaynagirl, you've got a good point.

If he's not smoking that could really explain the angry behavior.

I get shaken up when someone yells at me too, isn't that normal. My husband comes from a "yelling" family. His father has even yelled at me! My family, no yelling, so I do not find it normal.

When you are experiencing health problems,

the last thing you need is more stress.

The next time he yells just go slap a nicotine patch on him and walk away:)

 
2 earls:: Shew, I married into a yelling family too. Like instead of talking they scream at ya to the top of there lungs. At first I stayed hurt & very much confused until I learnt how they were. It's just "how" they are. Now when they do mean to yell well yea it' for sure hurts ones ears!

 
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Yeah, one time the father-in-law starts yelling at me and I say "really, there's no need to scream at me!".

Mother-in-law says "He's not yelling at you - his voice is just elevating".

I guess that's why she tolerates him "elevating" at her all the time!

 
I came from a very dysfunctional family were yelling was a precursor to violence. That is one reason I really don't like yelling because I can't function through it.

 
Same here. I grew up with soft inside voices....So going from that kind of environment to yelling n cursing every sentence took a MAJOR adjustment!!!

 
I still have not adjusted and doubt that I can.

Today my husband dropped something he needed behind a file cabinet. OMG the cursing and ranting from him! Even our big dog moved away from him and stuck to me like glue.

My husband finally settled down, thank goodness. Then he asked me why I was so tense! If I had said it was because his behavior, he would get upset all over again and make it worse for me. So I just said I didn't know why I was anxious.

 
It took several years before I could adjust... Now, I just look over it. & I'll admit sometimes when I'm frustrated I start to join them. He he

 
shaynagrl said:
I still have not adjusted and doubt that I can.

Today my husband dropped something he needed behind a file cabinet. OMG the cursing and ranting from him! Even our big dog moved away from him and stuck to me like glue.

My husband finally settled down, thank goodness. Then he asked me why I was so tense! If I had said it was because his behavior, he would get upset all over again and make it worse for me. So I just said I didn't know why I was anxious.
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I feel for you Shaynagirl life is tough enough without added stress. I am lucky that my husband

was able to change. He used to have big yelling fights with me and his parents. I used to get sucked into it too. Finally took a look at myself and saw myself "sinking" down to meet him rather than rising above and setting a better example. Now on the rare occasions that he reverts to his old ways I just came say "I will not tolerate that and if you continue I will leave" and if I have to I do.

I know if your sick you don't always have that option. Good luck, I wish the best for you.

2E

 
I can't comment on your relationship with your husband, since I don't know you. From what I gather in this thread, yelling certainly doesn't sound good, but there are different kinds of people: While I never would allow myself to yell, I now guys who start shouting and bitching about some trivial issues. Those reactions aren't directed at their s.o. but are rather just a way for them to release some steam. Their outbursts do not represent any anger issues or aggressive behaviour but are simply a more unorthodox version of breathing a sigh.

However, I also do know an example where yelling and verbal fighting resulted in abuse and later on violence...

I feel much more confident to talk about the smoking issue, though. Being a smoker, who knows a ton of other smokers, I can tell you that the nicotine addiction is extremely hard to kick. I personally think about how much I hate myself nearly everytime I light a cig. Still, I just can't seem to be able to stop. I have had at least 3 dozens of half-assed attempts to quit in the past 12 months... I know 6-7 people who quit for a significant amount of time (6-9 months), but they all went back to smoking. Some of them managed to cut their smoking in half or even more, but none managed to stop completely.

What I'm trying to say, is that chances are your husband hates lying to you and feels really bad about smoking, but does not have the courage to talk to you about his problem.

Oh, how I wish I never started smoking...

 
Hey I just wanted to chime in. I quit smoking once with an e cig. It worked for a few weeks until I bummed a few real ones. Then I purchased 1 pack, thinking it would last a few weeks. 1.5 days later I bought another pack and haven't quit since. I used to smoke marijuana and cigarettes, then just marijuana, now just cigarettes. I have really thought about quitting, but just do not want to at the moment. Stupid me, ya I know. For the last 2 years I have been working a new job where I am around lots of saw dust 6 days a week ( yes believe it or not I do have a job). I have noticed my breathing is not the best on somedays due to my occupational exposure. I am considering going back to the ecig. I think it is bullshit that insurance companies consider an ecig as smoking. If you are on the patch or chew the gum you will STILL fail the nicotine test which is messed up too. I do not drink alcohol, but I smoke. I know of a lot of 12pack a day people who are not penalized on their premiums. Alcohol abuse can lead to catastrophic health issues just like smoking but it is socially accepted and the insurance companies and employers seem to turn their head at this behavior. (Off topic but..) As an employer, who do you think would be more productive: an employee who smoked half a pack the night before or an employee who drank half a case?

 
peanut said:
Hey I just wanted to chime in. I quit smoking once with an e cig. It worked for a few weeks until I bummed a few real ones. Then I purchased 1 pack, thinking it would last a few weeks. 1.5 days later I bought another pack and haven't quit since. I used to smoke marijuana and cigarettes, then just marijuana, now just cigarettes. I have really thought about quitting, but just do not want to at the moment. Stupid me, ya I know. For the last 2 years I have been working a new job where I am around lots of saw dust 6 days a week ( yes believe it or not I do have a job). I have noticed my breathing is not the best on somedays due to my occupational exposure. I am considering going back to the ecig. I think it is bullshit that insurance companies consider an ecig as smoking. If you are on the patch or chew the gum you will STILL fail the nicotine test which is messed up too. I do not drink alcohol, but I smoke. I know of a lot of 12pack a day people who are not penalized on their premiums. Alcohol abuse can lead to catastrophic health issues just like smoking but it is socially accepted and the insurance companies and employers seem to turn their head at this behavior. (Off topic but..) As an employer, who do you think would be more productive: an employee who smoked half a pack the night before or an employee who drank half a case?
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You probably know, but some of the newer ecigs, really are the business, I first used one a few years back when they were really just batteries and cartridges that looked like cigarettes. In all honesty they just didn't replace the real thing. Earlier this year I spent a few pounds on some quality kit, batteries, cartomisers, extra coils etc, and found some good quality liquids, which I prefer to be non tobacco flavour, apart from the famous "ry4" flavour with its mild tobacco base and lovely sweet flavour. Best thing I ever done. I was a late starter to cigs, started about 22/23, was very active up until then, boxed frequently, football âš½,RN service and the like. If you have the inclination, get out there and do a little research on the latest gear if you haven't already. Gimme a pm if necessary, I really cannot see past them.
 
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  5. WTF7218 @ WTF7218: @xenxra 😆😂. Yes, but only a few brave souls will ever find the number. You must first order a Dirty Shirley from the bartender. Then you must discreetly take the cocktail napkin from under your drink and unfold it. There you will find the map to the location of the phone number, and clues to decipher the code that it is written in.
  6. xenxra @ xenxra: he left his phone number scribbled in a stall at the pub three blocks down
  7. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar I would try one of those easy online ones .. reddit gives useful info about that
  8. Alkazar @ Alkazar: @NYStateofMind I dont really have a history of abusing things, my docotr is just really stingy. I am thinking of switching.
  9. C @ Cheesus: Thanks xenxra
  10. xenxra @ xenxra: @Cheesus yeah, use snote
  11. P @ psychedpsych: Trump is cracking down….
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  13. N @ NYStateofMind: so it was easy bc of my history
  14. N @ NYStateofMind: I didnt really tell him but he knew I needed a new script since my dr went to jail
  15. N @ NYStateofMind: @xenxra I was on Adderall since 15 years ago so my dr prescribed that w no problems and then when I lost my best friend my doctor rxed the valiums but
  16. C @ Cheesus: Temp.pm down for anyone else?
  17. xenxra @ xenxra: @NYStateofMind my doctor's have always been pretty open minded if i can actually come in and explain the pharmacological action of the drugs im seeking instead of just telling them why i think i should be prescribed. the only time it didn't work out for me is when i was trying pharmaceuticals for depression ten years ago and suggested they let me try testosterone instead (turns out i was hypogonadal so they made a mistake denying my request at face value)
  18. T @ Testisthebest: Even down here in Florida when the pill mill docs all switched over to Suboxone and/or retired you can still find some pretty liberal docs but you gotta know what to look for. Mine does "pain management, detox, anxiety,etc. And no insurance. My doc writes me 60 5mg Valium, 14 2mg Xanax and asked if I had ever tried adderal to get more focus at work as I told him I run my own business.
  19. N @ NYStateofMind: @Alkazar do they know your history? Like I dont tell my doctor anything about myself except what they need to know,...I was able to get my dr to rx the highest dose of adderall along with valiums ..... if they dont know your history or there is no history I would just come out and ask what is the reason for their mistreatment.... they have no problem billing your insurance or taking a payment for the visit
  20. T @ Turbo259: @Layne_Cobain Thank you fam
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