starting to sink

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greggy

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The manic part of my bipolar is leaving and putting me into the anxiety ridden/suicidal thought person that I turn into, I am going off for a while and seek somequiet and treatment I should be back in a few days when the anxiety is better I am NOT going to kill myself ive been thru this all my life.

 
Smart to know when help is needed and even smarter to go get it. Here's to better days.

 
yeh deffo your not on your own mate. im always free to talk. hope u feel better soon. do what u have to do. seeking help is the best advice i can give. 

take care mate

 
The problem with BI-POLAR with Anxiety is what they call mixed states [ well ONE of the problems] it leaves one with a mood that is anywhere from happy/elated to 'wheres the shotgun" I can be so depressed in the morning and anxious that I am afraid of my neighbors. mix  this with chronic kidney stones and a torn esophagus and it leaves me somewhat of a lump. what I want to do is get out to my garden and breed certain flowers and go fishing along the coast, I am only a few blocks from one  of the best surf fishing spots on the Monterey bay AND I CANT GET OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT PAINKILLERS AND BENZOS.

so I get a little frustrated sometimes. sorry. ALL LEGALLY GROWN

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p.s. this is just a hobby I cant actually imbibe it it makes my paranoia/anxiety go through the roof, but I did it for 20 years anm addicted to growing [legally here in California]

 
take care sir , my mom had very bad bipolar i believe it was a little crazy sometimes and my heart goes out to you. and I'm the same as you i can't partake it just stresses me out too much lol even though it sounds nice sometimes it never works out as the fantasy contained in my mind. they are very good looking plants though ! i can smell them from here:) take care and best wishes. atleast you can identify the peak of the manic part of the dark days and take steps to help yourself. 

 
Try is all we can do in life mate, none of have a clue in reality we are all on a journey with no known purpose other than what we are told, shown and see. Just cos it seems like others have their shit together an u don't doesn't mean they have, it means they hide it better.  U . Like me, wear ur heart on ur sleeve which in turn is our downfall. Just know u arnt alone dude an even if u can't smoke that dank then grow it cos that's half the fun for me 

 
Gosh, you are in the Monterey area? That used to be one of my favorite getaway spots when I lived in San Francisco. I'm missing it just thinking about it and makes me sad that you don't feel up to enjoying that beautiful area. I even dreamed of moving there.

Unfortunately life took me somewhere I had no desire to go to. Luckyou I have become an expert on finding silver linings.

I'm still insanely jealous though

 
tell you  what if I had a room and you would help me grow this spring , you've got a place.

that's the concrete boat about ten miute walk from here. u can catch halibut off it

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greggy said:
tell you  what if I had a room and you would help me grow this spring , you've got a place.

that's the concrete boat about ten miute walk from here. u can catch halibut off it

View attachment 1517
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so jealous of u mate, u can grow  (legally) u got that on ur doorstep. it looks awesome an my rods would deffo be in after the halibut. by me the estuary that feeds into the sea u can catch grey mullet an bass they actually are very dossile when its sunny an tend to hang around the banks in groups of upto 10-15 even. ive nabbed one with a net before

 
greggy said:
tell you  what if I had a room and you would help me grow this spring , you've got a place.

that's the concrete boat about ten miute walk from here. u can catch halibut off it

View attachment 1517
Click to expand...




hey man i know the feeling of severe mood disorders way too well lol. and nothing that anyone says can make it better to a point! but you got a few people here rooting for you and more then a few with problems too so we definitely share some of your pain, but i won't make light of peoples distinct different problems by generalizing.  and hey its already dropping down to 15 degrees where I'm at and snowing! I would love to be down there harvesting I've lived in tough cold weather all my life and i'd welcome a break from it. i'm a young guy who decided to be a home owner at a young age the last few years and although its been a good challenge its a lot to keep up with and i'd like to sell it and travel on the west coast. and just experience the many different areas around. 

so when your down. just think about a guy up here shoveling his walk up to his knees in snow sliding around on black ice falling on his butt laughing crazy thinking about california weather and daydreaming he was there and maybe it will give you a smile. cause all i can do is laugh off those rough times . take care

 
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  2. L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi thanks for the input tho I think I’d def go the route of using hcg if I do go w TrT
  3. L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi nah no fear of needles and if it made me feel a lot better no fear of being on it long term as who knows if my t will even rebound after 5 years on methadone not sure if that’s the norm I hope so…the more I research the more it seems like the best choice is to just go for it with TrT rather than trying to “middle” with Enclomiphene especially now that i know it probably won’t work being on methadone altho I am tapering off 5 mg biweekly so that’ll take a while I’m at 95 now from 120
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  5. moai @ moai: @Layne_Cobain You don’t seem it, but if you are the type that’s afraid of needles for life, don’t sweat it. I’m natty atm, but from what I hear A) you won’t want to come off and B) if you implement HCG every once in a while to your protocol, you have a better chance of being able to come off T completely and restore all (or most) of your natty production. Of course, no guarantees and it is dependent on the individual, genetics, compounds and duration of exposure, etc.
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