Emotional Pain

[control_freak]

Guys, I'm going through a rough patch. I took a break from cannabis and having a lot of trouble dealing with the negative thoughts and is why I used it (much more heavily in my past though). Looking at me, you wouldn't think I was someone that got picked on but I was constantly being attacked, belittled, called the f word in front of a group at a party because I was shy around girls, and downplayed by my parents just calling me "too sensitive". So, I stopped going to them for help because they would somehow turn it on me (oh you were drunk so you probably did something to deserve it - type shit). I have been treated so bad that I do wish I was never born. I have recently changed medications and put on something for pain because I have a bad back and need it to help with my emotional pain, which it is doing to a certain degree. I have forgiven all of the assholes in my life and actually made a list of people of when I think of them, I cringe or get angry. The list was about 100 people. But what I've been shown is that I have forgiven appropriately but the pain is still there, so that's why I changed medications. Let me ask you guys this, how do you guys cope with emotional pain without using medication or drugs?

Most recently my god father said some really fucked up things to me and things no father or god father should say to their son. I found out why - he had a kid struggling and just recently unfortunately passed away. I am just sick of people taking their shit out on me. I have NEVER done anything bad to ANYONE and I don't gossip or talk shit. I need some better friends and working on that now. I'm getting back into my belief in God and trying to move forward. I think once I get a solid job, a girlfriend, and possibly kids, I'll be able to let some of this old stuff go. It's just hard to see those bullies succeeding while the people they fucked with growing up are left picking up the pieces, with addictions, and worse. I hate bullies. Rant over.

 

[Deleted member 61478]

I dont really know enough about your situation to meaningfully contribute, but I hope you feel better man.

 

[control_freak]

I dont really know enough about your situation to meaningfully contribute, but I hope you feel better man.

I appreciate the concern!

Update - that was a rough day I had to get through. Those days are getting further and farther between. I am currently doing some non invasive therapy for trauma and it can get worse before it gets better. Switching to a pain medication has helped the pain to a point where its tolerable and can look at situations differently or in a healthier manner. I am stable today and have God and a new medical team to thank for that.

Don't ever stop looking what works for you! I know many people on here are doing damage control with drugs and that is all good - there's a time and a place for everything but that time and place shouldn't be everyday if you catch my drift lol. I need to follow my on directions, but am doing better each day. I am doing much better than last month,.

 

[Gulp2788]

therapy will save your life it has saved mine many a time! I hope things go well for you control freak. The human system is complicated and hard to manage. One thing at a time

 

[Layne_Cobain]

Guys, I'm going through a rough patch. I took a break from cannabis and having a lot of trouble dealing with the negative thoughts and is why I used it (much more heavily in my past though). Looking at me, you wouldn't think I was someone that got picked on but I was constantly being attacked, belittled, called the f word in front of a group at a party because I was shy around girls, and downplayed by my parents just calling me "too sensitive". So, I stopped going to them for help because they would somehow turn it on me (oh you were drunk so you probably did something to deserve it - type shit). I have been treated so bad that I do wish I was never born. I have recently changed medications and put on something for pain because I have a bad back and need it to help with my emotional pain, which it is doing to a certain degree. I have forgiven all of the assholes in my life and actually made a list of people of when I think of them, I cringe or get angry. The list was about 100 people. But what I've been shown is that I have forgiven appropriately but the pain is still there, so that's why I changed medications. Let me ask you guys this, how do you guys cope with emotional pain without using medication or drugs?

Most recently my god father said some really fucked up things to me and things no father or god father should say to their son. I found out why - he had a kid struggling and just recently unfortunately passed away. I am just sick of people taking their shit out on me. I have NEVER done anything bad to ANYONE and I don't gossip or talk shit. I need some better friends and working on that now. I'm getting back into my belief in God and trying to move forward. I think once I get a solid job, a girlfriend, and possibly kids, I'll be able to let some of this old stuff go. It's just hard to see those bullies succeeding while the people they fucked with growing up are left picking up the pieces, with addictions, and worse. I hate bullies. Rant over.

How were you able to finally forgive all those abusive ppl in your life? I struggle mightily with that one I know I’m doing it for myself to let go of the baggage I know I’m not hurting them by holding a grudge I know all that yet still letting go of the hate and anger/rage feels so hard

 

[control_freak]

How were you able to finally forgive all those abusive ppl in your life? I struggle mightily with that one I know I’m doing it for myself to let go of the baggage I know I’m not hurting them by holding a grudge I know all that yet still letting go of the hate and anger/rage feels so hard

Layne, I hear you loud and clear. It wasn't easy to forgive. What I did is start by verbally saying I forgive so and so for x, y, and z even if I didn't mean it in my heart - I still just said it verbally. Soon, my emotions caught up and starting getting "downloads" on my outdoor walks where I was shown how that person was struggling or why someone said what they did and was then able to forgive. I didn't gain these "insights" for every person I forgave, just the main culprits. This was after I asked God to show me what was up with those people. Once I was able to forgive the ones that were hardest, others became easier. Just say it out load every day or when that person/event pops up in your mind - try to immediately forgive verbally (or in your head if people are around lol). All that being said, it was not easy and is an on going process. It's totally worth it in the long run though. It's true when they say that we drink poison hoping the other person dies.