So, I'm Getting A Divorce

[Bloom]

My divorce was final on December 1, 2014 after over a year or lawyers, mediation, endless settlement offers, litigation - over six weeks of trial in The Court - custody disputes, an attorney for the children...a therapist, too. It was merciless, malicious and a well planned attack by an extreme narcissist. I was unknowingly photographed, recorded, videotaped, my laptop was keystroked and the hard drive copied, my private email was linked to my former spouse's IPhone (he received all the privileged/confidential emails between my attorney and I). My vehicles were GPS tracked - and when he finally moved out in May, severed the security system and took every single house key. False allegations, outright lies, bullying - even from my own attorneys and the children's attorney. I was in a state of constant defense - and so were my attorneys - because my former spouse took ALL the focus off him by making me appear absolutely crazy - just by pushing all the right buttons. And in case you're wondering, I did nothing wrong - other than drink a couple glasses of white wine at night with two Ambien!

I write daily in my journal and wanted to share the entry I made yesterday. I title each journal entry, and this was "The path to healing has no destination"

I believe in reincarnation. Not in the traditional sense. My feeling is that I have lived many lives within this lifetime. I've also observed that each new incarnation came about after a period of intense emotional pain. In other words, just like childbirth, it hurts to create a life. It hurts to be born. Or reborn. A lot of crying happens. Death, divorce - giving up a dream. Waking up from a dream. Suffering mental and verbal abuse. Substance abuse. Being publicly ridiculed by people I deeply trusted, and people I barely knew. All these things have led to my rebirth. To another new life.

The Buddha taught that change and impermanence is a fundamental fact of existence. He further pointed out that this fact made suffering inevitable. He didn't mention that sometimes, after the pain is gone, you open your eyes to a life beyond the pain. That's what happened to me. But I know this too shall pass. There's a new life awaiting my exploration, awaiting my rebirth.

 

[Roger]

I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with!! I hope you have some peace now that it is final and can begin to heal. It is so tough even when you know it is the right thing.

 

[yellowbelly]

Marriages should be like a Drivers License. It you have to be renewed every couple years!

 

[Chris1]

My divorce was final on December 1, 2014 after over a year or lawyers, mediation, endless settlement offers, litigation - over six weeks of trial in The Court - custody disputes, an attorney for the children...a therapist, too. It was merciless, malicious and a well planned attack by an extreme narcissist. I was unknowingly photographed, recorded, videotaped, my laptop was keystroked and the hard drive copied, my private email was linked to my former spouse's IPhone (he received all the privileged/confidential emails between my attorney and I). My vehicles were GPS tracked - and when he finally moved out in May, severed the security system and took every single house key. False allegations, outright lies, bullying - even from my own attorneys and the children's attorney. I was in a state of constant defense - and so were my attorneys - because my former spouse took ALL the focus off him by making me appear absolutely crazy - just by pushing all the right buttons. And in case you're wondering, I did nothing wrong - other than drink a couple glasses of white wine at night with two Ambien!

I write daily in my journal and wanted to share the entry I made yesterday. I title each journal entry, and this was "The path to healing has no destination"

I believe in reincarnation. Not in the traditional sense. My feeling is that I have lived many lives within this lifetime. I've also observed that each new incarnation came about after a period of intense emotional pain. In other words, just like childbirth, it hurts to create a life. It hurts to be born. Or reborn. A lot of crying happens. Death, divorce - giving up a dream. Waking up from a dream. Suffering mental and verbal abuse. Substance abuse. Being publicly ridiculed by people I deeply trusted, and people I barely knew. All these things have led to my rebirth. To another new life.

The Buddha taught that change and impermanence is a fundamental fact of existence. He further pointed out that this fact made suffering inevitable. He didn't mention that sometimes, after the pain is gone, you open your eyes to a life beyond the pain. That's what happened to me. But I know this too shall pass. There's a new life awaiting my exploration, awaiting my rebirth.

. Thank god when I had my divorce it was done by mediation. She just wanted the child support. She got it. No lawyers or any of that bullshit. It only took an hour. If you can, try to stay away from lawyers cause they take all your money anyway. Just a thought.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Bloom]

Chris1,

Mediated divorce is always better than litigated divorce. Sorry to hear you've shared the Big D experience. Did your former spouse want the child support money or the children? Or both?

Also, Chris1 - this divorce cost almost $300,000 dollars in attorney's fees. I tried relentlessly to settle out of court, I insisted on mediation (which obviously didn't work)....countered and settled an Emergency Order that Douchebag filed with The Court 10-days after the Final Order on Custody....though incurred more attorney's fees as a result. My former spouse is NOT a normal human being - in fact, I keep waiting for his Mothership to arrive so they can beam him back to his home planet.

Planet Douchebag!

Bloom

 

[Bloom]

Yellowbelly! So true! You'll never meet the right person if you don't' have the opportunity to renew every three 3-years!

LOL! You're a hoot!

Bloom

 

[Guest]

Hey Yellowbelly! Lol! That is so true! Or like cars! Every few years, i get a new one!

 

[Chris1]

Chris1,

Mediated divorce is always better than litigated divorce. Sorry to hear you've shared the Big D experience. Did your former spouse want the child support money or the children? Or both?

Also, Chris1 - this divorce cost almost $300,000 dollars in attorney's fees. I tried relentlessly to settle out of court, I insisted on mediation (which obviously didn't work)....countered and settled an Emergency Order that Douchebag filed with The Court 10-days after the Final Order on Custody....though incurred more attorney's fees as a result. My former spouse is NOT a normal human being - in fact, I keep waiting for his Mothership to arrive so they can beam him back to his home planet.

Planet Douchebag!

Bloom

. She has custody of my daughter and I pay child support.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[2earls]

Chris1,

Mediated divorce is always better than litigated divorce. Sorry to hear you've shared the Big D experience. Did your former spouse want the child support money or the children? Or both?

Also, Chris1 - this divorce cost almost $300,000 dollars in attorney's fees. I tried relentlessly to settle out of court, I insisted on mediation (which obviously didn't work)....countered and settled an Emergency Order that Douchebag filed with The Court 10-days after the Final Order on Custody....though incurred more attorney's fees as a result. My former spouse is NOT a normal human being - in fact, I keep waiting for his Mothership to arrive so they can beam him back to his home planet.

Planet Douchebag!

Bloom

LOL!! I think that planet has completely infiltrated our population. I know I have dated a few!

Beam them all back up with him!

 

[peanut]

My divorce was final on December 1, 2014 after over a year or lawyers, mediation, endless settlement offers, litigation - over six weeks of trial in The Court - custody disputes, an attorney for the children...a therapist, too. It was merciless, malicious and a well planned attack by an extreme narcissist. I was unknowingly photographed, recorded, videotaped, my laptop was keystroked and the hard drive copied, my private email was linked to my former spouse's IPhone (he received all the privileged/confidential emails between my attorney and I). My vehicles were GPS tracked - and when he finally moved out in May, severed the security system and took every single house key. False allegations, outright lies, bullying - even from my own attorneys and the children's attorney. I was in a state of constant defense - and so were my attorneys - because my former spouse took ALL the focus off him by making me appear absolutely crazy - just by pushing all the right buttons. And in case you're wondering, I did nothing wrong - other than drink a couple glasses of white wine at night with two Ambien!

I write daily in my journal and wanted to share the entry I made yesterday. I title each journal entry, and this was "The path to healing has no destination"

I believe in reincarnation. Not in the traditional sense. My feeling is that I have lived many lives within this lifetime. I've also observed that each new incarnation came about after a period of intense emotional pain. In other words, just like childbirth, it hurts to create a life. It hurts to be born. Or reborn. A lot of crying happens. Death, divorce - giving up a dream. Waking up from a dream. Suffering mental and verbal abuse. Substance abuse. Being publicly ridiculed by people I deeply trusted, and people I barely knew. All these things have led to my rebirth. To another new life.

The Buddha taught that change and impermanence is a fundamental fact of existence. He further pointed out that this fact made suffering inevitable. He didn't mention that sometimes, after the pain is gone, you open your eyes to a life beyond the pain. That's what happened to me. But I know this too shall pass. There's a new life awaiting my exploration, awaiting my rebirth.

All I can say WOW. Wow in a good way that is. Now how do I make the smiley face that has hearts floating everywhere /default_smile.png ok well this will do. Once again, WOW. Ok I will clarify wow. Ok well I guess I can't think of the words to say (ya believe it or not) but that is very deep.

 

[Bloom]

Wow is a good summation! No need for more words. Sometimes just feeling the burn and pain of existence is enough to keep surviving - crossing the chasm is another chapter. That takes energy. A long, drawn out divorce and the loss of custody of my two children to a complete madman - has a way of sucking lot's and lot's of energy away. The saddest part, is he fought custody to ensure the only happiness I had in this world...would be taken from me. So many moments I contemplated suicide (but seriously though, I faint at the sight of blood) - so that wasn't an option. But I cried until I thought I would die.

Alas, my children suffered more than I. Which is why I remain. My six year old daughter (now 7) began self-mutilating herself at the father's house. Scars, her therapist says, will last a lifetime. She began mutilating at the new school he registered/enrolled the children at - despite me paying their tuition to attend the school they had been at for 3-years - he had no allegiance there. He created a whole new life for them. He's changed their schooling, their religion, their routines. And provides no nurturing, love or emotional support. My children suffer constantly. The nightmares my five year old has are intense. Her screams pierce through the night.

For over a year I was knocked sideways - and some days so far down - I never thought I would stand up and fight. Again. And again. And again. But I did.

Wow!

That's one way to put it.

Bloom

 

[Roger]

Gosh Bloom you've been through hell! I can imagine how much energy and heart this situation took from you. It is so surreal to have the person who, years before, pledged to love you forever all of a sudden turn into a stranger and enemy.

Time has a way of not only softening the edges but also blurring the worst moments. I hope for you and your children's sake that time comes sooner rather than later.

 

[pokeytoe]

Oh my goodness Jadakaii. First off Im sending you great big hugs. Your going through a lot. And you remind me of what happened to my hubby and I, 5 years ago. Take care of you right now. That's what's best for the moment. He wants you back and of course he does. He loves you. Just cuz his stuff is now gone dosnt mean he's gone forever. I divorced my ex 3 yrs ago. He straightened up. ... stopped drinking and drugging for himself and the kids and here we are slowly becoming a family again. Miracles do happen. I can hear the sadness and frantic in your voice. I do remember that same feeling oh so well. Maybe hold off on the divorce. Just take time for you and heal. Lots of prayer and baby steps to get back what you once had. As far as children are concerned, I've know a cple wemon that were told they coldnt have kids. But miracles do happen everyday. They happen in our lives all the time. ... we just don't see the little ones. There's a big one waiting for you. I promise. Wether it be peacefulness. ... love. .. our contentment. It will come. For right now, embrace this time to be around those who love you and care about you. Xo

 

[Roger]

Marriages should be like a Drivers License. It you have to be renewed every couple years!

May I borrow this line? It's the BEST and true! Lol!!!

 

[Bloom]

Have you ever heard a voice inside your head saying, "You'll never reach it?"

That's inside my mind. The "It" I'll never reach. It's like dying young, with an old dog beside you who outlived you by just one day. Both brought out in body-bags - one to ashes and the other flown to a cemetery plot in Boston. To lay with with generations of leaders, who also suffered great despair. But, nothing really came from their legacy.

Regardless of how hard I've tried, every step or every move I've made, I feel lost with no direction. My faith is shaken. I know the struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking have knocked me sideways, and all the way down. Some days, I never thought I would get back up and fight another battle.

But I always did. No, I'm not breaking.

Just tired and afraid. Vulnerable and resilient at the same time. I may not know it, but these are the moments that I will probably remember the most. It's sad, yet endearing.

I stay strong because no one else in my life is. Strong. So I keep strong. And I've lost so much so dear to me...and have to except that sometimes I'm going to lose.

I'm just wondering what's on the other side.

Bloom

 

[Roger]

Bloom, i read your posts about your D and every one of them takes me back. I hear myself in you.

I was married to my best friend for 20+ years when he left me almost 5 years ago.

I thought I would never recover.

And in some ways I haven't.

I will never be the same because of and despite of this great love and enormous loss.

Yet, I have strength I didn't know I had; the capacity to forgive that was beyond my imagination and as you said... Resilience. I did not break. Neither will you. You are resilient.

Give yourself TIME. It is the best and I think only healer. Well, time and forgiveness.

My ex was on par with yours in the playing dirty department but the tables turned on him. Because he could not longer sling mud at me without him getting dirty, he aired all of our stuff all over our small town. It was unbearable.

Yet in the end, I wanted to remember the good. Initially, it was "for the sake of the kids". Then, I realized that I felt better when I was in forgiveness mode.

Give yourself time and as impossible as it may seem, seek that part of you that is good and right and merciful.

And keep walking.

 

[Bloom]

Thanks Roger. Thank you for sharing and thank you for the inspiration. Unlike your divorce, I don't mourn the loss of a love. I haven't loved my former spouse for years - and probably vice versa. Years of emotional neglect have a way of smothering passion. He travelled to NYC weekly, and when he'd return Thursday nights at 10:30pm, he would walk past me - his Tumi roller brief in tow behind him sliding across the hardwood floors. He'd look at me, nod his head and say something like, "How are you this evening?" And no, he didn't call during the week while he was in NYC. I remember the sound of our cast metal gate opening to the upstairs, the unlatching, the slight creak when it was opened, the sound of it closing as he retreated upstairs to our master bedroom. I would never watch - never look - although I could have with only a slight turn of my head. I didn't want to watch the withdrawal. The feeling of it was painful enough. And then, the sound of the master bedroom doors being closed and soon after, the soft sound of the television playing. So I would retreat to the back porch and repeat the mantra that made the last few years of my marriage bearable, "I'm a good person."

Bloom

 

[PTFC]

I don't have experience of divorce per se, but in some distressing situations that have occurred previously I have found it useful and even therapeutic to think "how far I have come" or thinking of the progress made since I was feeling my worst about situation /experience. Sorry if none of this seems appropriate or useful to you however.

 

[Guest]

Jesus Bloom.

 

[Bloom]

The things I have spent my life depending on are undependable. Because they are things. And things are, by their very nature, subject to change. This applies to people as well. People change. People leave. Inevitably we all leave. The world, therefore, is essentially an unstable uncertain environment. That's why I choose to believe in, and depend upon, an unchanging, eternal, omnipresent non-thing. I prefer not to call it God, because the very word tends to thing things up. So I try not to call it. I try to experience it. Easy to do looking out at the ocean. Hard to do looking up at the ocean. Easy to do when you look at a baby. Hard to do if the baby is next to you on a long plane flight. If I could simply see these things as they are - actions devoid of meaning until I give them meaning - I could experience some semblance of union with the infinite sublime.

Clearly what blocks me from transcendence is judgment. If people traveled the world to ask me for guidance I'd wisely tell them, "It is what it is." They'd judge this as being ridiculously inadequate advice. But I'd be okay with it because I'm, you know, exalted.