Abusive Relationship?

[trinity]

You are right @daisymay, it's an old thread but always relevant since so many of us have experienced or are experiencing these situations. Good for you @jjoe. May your daughter never experience such things.

I miss @Bloom she was a brilliant write. And I wonder what became of the OP? I hope she was able to gain her freedom, with or without the man. And last @ Trinity, I'm sure your emptiness will fill with time. I had a beast of a controlling BF who I let suck the life out of me. In the end, he made my life better than it ever was before him. Life's hard lessons and all that.

Well as time pans out it seems that she isnt as innocent as she has made out.
She will get hers.

 

[jjoe]

im really writing to keep this going , i believe among gay men and women abuse is a taboo subject , its supposed to be rampant , physical violence , alot of straight people have this illusion of elton john , and ellen degeneres , as been the norm but far from it i do believe , i know a lady i would imagine in her late 50s came out after been married to a man and a gentle man at that to only end up with a woman who beat her regular , life lets you in on these little secrets the more open ya are to people of all kinds 

 

[ElectroNymph]

I have lived with my ex for 10 years, he recently moved out, but we both miss each other.

There has been violence on both sides, worse from him, but we both have mental health issues and lived in a tiny, cramped flat with little money. That doesn't help.

Still, we have a close bond, he can be very kind and was violently abused by his father as a child, then his wife died when he was 21.

Nothing is simplistic in this field. Some men/women, you should head for the hills, but other times it isn't as cut and dried.

 

[blissopifree 2]

Your right ElectroNymph it rarely is as cut and dried as that.NEVER is infact....

Peace 

Bliss....

 

[MuscledSheHulk]

My story is the same as everyone else's.  Just change the names.  And people wonder why so many dateline NBC shows are about the woman going to jail because she finally decided she had enough, and couldn't take it anymore. . 

I sincerely thought I was going to be on Dateline NBC before my divorce ended. Little did I know that wasn't even over it was just beginning.  I've walked away from a ten-year-old son because of all of this and left him with his dad unfortunately, he convinced the court that I was a bad mother because he had more money and I walked away in shambles without my son. Haven't talked to my son in 3 years and I can only imagine what his dad is filling his head with.  So much to be grateful for, but still so much anger inside because I do feel like a victim although I have worked through all of that.  My son's dad got exactly what he wanted which was for me to be far far away from me. 

Anyway, point being, listen to all the girls, and guys,  here... Great suggestions experience strength and Hope.  Don't give up.  Don't give up.  And don't give in.  You my friend are worth more than anything in the world and he is not worth the pants he walks in.  

You Are Not Alone. 

 

[jjoe]

I have lived with my ex for 10 years, he recently moved out, but we both miss each other.

There has been violence on both sides, worse from him, but we both have mental health issues and liveld in a tiny, cramped flat with little money. That doesn't help.

Still, we have a close bond, he can be very kind and was violently abused by his father as a child, then his wife died when he was 21.

Nothing is simplistic in this field. Some men/heywomen, you should head for the hills, but other times it isn't as cut and dried.ill 

i  agree totally with you ,i was the son of parents  who used to fight and argue all the time they finally separated , but loved each other so much , they were both miserable but still  had  the intellect before emotion,, there both dead now , but if they met today they could move on , but they met in the 60s and were both catholic , which wouldn't allow divorce

each relationship  is unique 

 

[jjoe]

Certain cultures demand that the man rule the house with capital punishment I know of one religeon says ( spare the child and use the rod) or something similar basically  it's telling the man its in the child's interest to be lashed , I'm just throwing it out as food for taught or discussion . As I think this topic should be running , 

 

[PTFC]

"Spare the rod and spoil the child" It's a biblical proverb, and was taken literally for hundreds of years , in fact, corporal punishment in schools was only abolished in the early 80's where I am. I missed it by a year or two.

 

[blissopifree 2]

I caught the lastyear of it at school and im sure some teachers reveled in hitting your wrists instead of your hands!!

Having said that I think teachers have basically no powers these days,a happy medium would be better. ..

Peace 

Bliss....

 

[JenG.]

@blissopifree 2 I absolutely agree with you. While I wouldn't ever want someone else putting their hands on my children that's mine and their father's job, and I don't believe spanking is a bad thing, (abuse is a whole different thing) teacher's hands are tied.  I got my ass beat plenty of times for things that I shouldn't have done and with my own children I have no issues using spankings as a measure of discipline when warranted.  Babies are having babies and unfortunately a sense of entitlement and lack of respect is a viscous cycle. I could not imagine working in a school and having to deal with kids every day.  Just visiting my daughter's school volunteering and eating lunch with her some days is enough to make me want to shove some kids down I could not imagine having to do it every day as a teacher. I have a girlfriend that started last year teaching and she hates it. Her administration doesn't back her and the parents don't care.

 

[blissopifree 2]

I think it is a case of kids having kids,if young parents have no respect how can we expect they're children to?.

Obviously there are good young parents who will do they're best to bring up they're own children to be polite and respectful,but if young parents have no respect for authorities how could you expect the children to?..

Peace 

Bliss....

 

[sociopathicbombshell]

They had a permission slip in Georgia when I was 5 in kindergarten to sign to allow spanking. 

 

[JenG.]

@sociopathicbombshell Eeek. I couldn't allow that as a parent. It's used in our house as a very last resort.  And I get now why my parents would say when they would spank us that "this hurts me more than it does you". That's so true!!

 

[sociopathicbombshell]

Yep. My parents didn't Sign. That being because I am an angel 

Bwaha

 

[bud]

Maybe I'm in fairy land, but IMO, it's never ok to touch someone in a violent way, whether it be man, woman or child.  Emotional abuse can be even more damaging than the physical and typically go hand in hand.  Sending vibes of strength for those suffering in an abusive relationship.

 

[Gallon]

All kinds of abuse is a no no. When someone feels threatened, somehow the actual punishment or abuse is less than the fear of it. The abuser knows this. If the abuse happens to a child it is worse, or a woman, either way.  It happens every day, and support groups to help those should be used.  The problem is...  The abuser is often the provider, further strengthening his position.  These people should burn in hell you ask me....  and whatever it takes...  get away..  someone is willing to help.

 

[Emery]

Hi...I just really need someone to listen to me.  My boyfriend is 56 and I am 54...we have never had sex.  He suffers from ED but he watches a lot of porn, he denies it.  This cuts me to the bone.  I look late 30's,  I'm not being vain, I'm pretty,  kind,  too kind and sensitive according to him.  I am an  empathy and he makes me out like I'm crazy.  He is emotionally abusive, and criticises everything  I do.  We had a big  blow out Friday night and now we're trying to work it out, but he need's cooling down....no  sleeping in the same bed, not even a kiss.  My heart is aching,  It sounds fucked up but I love him.  I have  nowhere to go, or  or else I might leave.  And there are so many grey area in life. I'm not perfect, but I am a good person. Another thing that cut me to the bone, last Friday night he threw all my belongings into trash bags and tried throwing me out....he took took my Cross on my nightstand and threw it into a trashbag and said Anne Marie, you use your Catholicism and this cross as a smoke screen. I  use my faith not as a zealot, but as a guidance to try and keep me humble and merciful.  Thanks for listening.  Any input would be greatly appreciated.

 

[PTFC]

Hi...I just really need someone to listen to me.  My boyfriend is 56 and I am 54...we have never had sex.  He suffers from ED but he watches a lot of porn, he denies it.  This cuts me to the bone.  I look late 30's,  I'm not being vain, I'm pretty,  kind,  too kind and sensitive according to him.  I am an  empathy and he makes me out like I'm crazy.  He is emotionally abusive, and criticises everything  I do.  We had a big  blow out Friday night and now we're trying to work it out, but he need's cooling down....no  sleeping in the same bed, not even a kiss.  My heart is aching,  It sounds fucked up but I love him.  I have  nowhere to go, or  or else I might leave.  And there are so many grey area in life. I'm not perfect, but I am a good person. Another thing that cut me to the bone, last Friday night he threw all my belongings into trash bags and tried throwing me out....he took took my Cross on my nightstand and threw it into a trashbag and said Anne Marie, you use your Catholicism and this cross as a smoke screen. I  use my faith not as a zealot, but as a guidance to try and keep me humble and merciful.  Thanks for listening.  Any input would be greatly appreciated.

If you could leave, would you go @Emery? I know you say you love him, but if you had the choice of a home of your own to go to, would you go? Emotional abuse is a serious matter, you can become slowly dehumanised. If this has been going on for some time then it is probably in both your interests to part, but you should not be constantly put down. If you can get away, you can rebuild yourself, before it gets much harder. Alternatively, if things can be fixed then get to work on it! You have to put yourself first here.

 

[Emery]

I feel I would leave if I had a home of my own to go to...now I realize saying and doing are 2 different things.  His approach is like the Marines, they tear down recruits to build them into what they want.  His Father was a combat Marine, as was my x husband and he did the same to me.  I managed to get away from him for the same of my Children and I.  None the less, I have faith and hope He and I will work it out.  Thank you for your advice and kind words.

 

[PTFC]

I feel I would leave if I had a home of my own to go to...now I realize saying and doing are 2 different things.  His approach is like the Marines, they tear down recruits to build them into what they want.  His Father was a combat Marine, as was my x husband and he did the same to me.  I managed to get away from him for the same of my Children and I.  None the less, I have faith and hope He and I will work it out.  Thank you for your advice and kind words.

I really wish you well @Emery, if there is anything you can do to get the ball rolling then go for it! Where are your children? Are they an option to perhaps go and stay with? Could you move yourself and your belongings with relative ease. There would be no shame in getting out of this, in fact,  I believe it would empower you.  The first steps are the most difficult Please let us know how you are doing.