Abusive Relationship?
- Thread starter PurpleOWL
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PurpleOWL
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yellowbelly
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That's what I figured..I was going to guess that you were a Gemini...Get out while you can...bad combo!
-YB
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Yellow! Y know, i am a firm believer in astrology. My boyfriend and i are not supposed to be together. Leo (me) and scorpio. I am a textbook leo. He is a textbook scorp. BUT we loved each other so much. We are supposed to have "power struggles" with each other. But, we knew this going in and each of us is so aware of what could happen...we tend to "give in" to rach other when something comes up. After almost two years, we still havent had one. We also know there are a couple of subjects we cannot discuss without rules being laid down beforehand. We have had our discussions, and agreec to disagree. Turns out..after all this time, I am starting to think more like him and he like me. Oh and by the way...the two subjects are POLITICS (me...liberal republican) and he(full on democrat) and religion me (catholic) and he (non religious). Hahahaha. Our relationship is awesome. I love my Otter.
Ok sorry to hijack.....back to the wicked poopy (lol) situation.
I AM SO GLAD YOU DO NOT LIVE WITH HIM! Good for you!
Ok sorry to hijack.....back to the wicked poopy (lol) situation.
I AM SO GLAD YOU DO NOT LIVE WITH HIM! Good for you!
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WTF! I am a scorpio. Don't give me a bad rep. We all know scorpios are simply fabulous.
Damn astrology mumbo jumbo ,)
Hubby is Aquarius.
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Scorpios ARE fabulous. I "dated" a LOT in my twenties and from that decade, three of my favorite boys were Scorpios, all with same birthday, 11/11.
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PurpleOWL
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Yes! hahaha!
I'm pretty much what an aqua is suppose to be, except I'm more introverted than most. That's probably the only difference
You're in a relationship with a Narcissist! I know - I married one, then divorced one - and it has been a roller coaster ride, with immense highs and immense lows. Narcissists have been described as the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde, one way one minute, another the next.
People usually get into relationships for love and the need to connect and bond with another. Narcissists get into relationships for entirely different reasons. They do not feel love and they lack the ability to connect and form normal attachment bonds with others.
Narcissists need people more than anyone. Because their entire sense of self-esteem and self-worth is dependent on the admiration of others, their emotions are a precarious balance of needing others and needing to be left alone.
Narcissists feel an enormous void inside of them. This void is ever present and the only thing that fills it, is the love and esteem of another. The fix is always temporary though. Narcissists are completely self-absorbed and are oblivious to the wants and needs of others. They enter into relationships in an attempt to fill this void and to make sure that they have someone who is always available for sex, an ego stroke or whatever need they may have. A relationship with a Narcissist always follows three phases, the over-evaluations phase, the devaluation phase and the discard phase.
The Over-evaluation Phase
A Narcissist is very careful when choosing a target. Typically, they will choose a victim based on their status. They must be attractive, popular, rich or extremely gifted in some area - or perhaps weak. The greater the status, the higher the value the Narcissist places on the Supply derived.
Once a target has been chosen, it’s almost like the Narcissist gets tunnel vision. They are hyper-vigilant in their pursuit and will project the perfect image that their victim wants them to be. They are excessively caring, loving and attentive at this stage. They shower their targets with attention, compliments and literally sweep them off their feet.
They place their target on a pedestal, idolize and worship them. Their target is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Here the Narcissist is ecstatic, full of hopes and dreams. They will talk and think about them constantly, they are euphoric. This is as close as a Narcissist will ever get to feeling love. This kind of idolization is what others would call infatuation.
The victim is likely so caught up in all the attention and is usually thinking at this point, that they have found their soul-mate. Their pursuer is exactly what they want in a partner (because the Narcissist is mirroring what they have learned appeals to their target) and they can’t believe how lucky they are and that this catch is still single.
What they don’t know, or could ever be prepared for, is what comes next.
The Devaluation Stage
The Over-Evaluation phase, if you’re dealing with a Somatic Narcissist, usually lasts anywhere from a couple of month to a few years; just long enough for the Narcissist to be confident that they have secured their target’s love and devotion. Unbeknownst to the target, what they were witnessing in the early phase was the Narcissist’s false self. In this second phase, the mask comes off and the Narcissist starts to reveal their true colors.
The shift could be gradual or almost seemingly overnight. Suddenly the attention they so lavishly gave you is gone and replaced by indifference and silence. Days or weeks could go by and you won’t hear from them. They don’t return your phone calls, they don’t keep a single promise and you’re starting to suspect that they might be involved with someone else. The target is left baffled and confused and wondering what they did wrong to cause such an abrupt turnaround.
Narcissists become bored easily and what usually starts happening in their heads at this stage, is that the void begins to emerge again. The high (or low) they were feeding off of is waning and they begin to question your worthiness, that perhaps you weren’t so special after all, because if you were then the void wouldn’t still be there.
They become moody and agitated easily, blaming you for even the slightest transgression. They start to disappear more frequently and they give you the silent treatment in an attempt to create distance. As the Narcissist withdraws, the target starts to cling and your demands for his attention and your need to understand what’s happening, grate on his nerves. The harder you cling the more the Narcissist pulls away. They start to blame and criticize the target for everything, treating them like an emotional punching bag.
At this point the target is an emotional wreck. The Narcissist has left without any explanation and they can’t figure out how one minute they were put on a pedestal and now it’s like they don't even exist. The Narcissist is a projector and they are projecting their emotional turmoil onto you. They feed off of other people’s misery (as long as it’s caused by them) just as much as they feeds off of your admiration, either way it makes no difference to them.
It is this person, this cruel, indifferent, unfeeling, sadist that is the behind the mask. Most targets desperately try to find the one they fell in love with. What they don’t realize is that that person never existed. They were a facade an act put on by the Narcissist to secure their Supply.
The Narcissist will take no responsibility for their actions, because they simply don’t care how they’ve treated you or how you are feeling. Narcissists are not capable of forming normal healthy attachments to people. Those who aren’t familiar with the disorder are completely at a loss to understand how unnecessarily cruel their behavior can be. The target was never more than an object to the Narcissist, whose usefulness is on the decline.
The Narcissist isn’t one to throw away a potential piece of supply though. They will keep up this I love you, I love you not charade going for as long as it suits them or as long as you allow it. They will breeze in and out of your life as if nothing ever happened, completely oblivious and indifferent to your suffering.
This mind fuck is deliberate and they will keep feeding you crumbs of attention, just enough to keep you emotionally invested and available to cater to their every need.
At some point one of two things will happen: either they will find a new target and begin phase one with them, thus ignoring you completely, or you will have had enough of his psychotic abuse and you will take control and put an end to it, thus ushering In phase three.
The Discard Phase
It is almost baffling to watch the ease at which a Narcissist can pull away from his partners. Many targets are left asking themselves, “Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him?†The simple answer is no. No one means anything to him. Women are only a means to an end – to obtain the much needed Narcissistic Supply. Once your usefulness has run its course, you will be discarded abruptly and cruelly, without warning.
Trying to get over a relationship with a Narcissist is extremely difficult. Once it is over the target is usually an emotional wreck, whose self-esteem has been annihilated by the persistent demeaning behavior, insults and cruelty of the Narcissist. Depending on when they were able to break free, the target maybe a shadow of their former self, with a lot of work ahead of them to rebuild their shattered self-image.
As a victim tries to pick up the pieces, What must be remembered is that you were deliberately targeted, lied to and manipulated by a skilled con-artist, for their own gain. There was nothing you could have done differently and none of this was your fault. The Narcissist will repeat this pattern with every person, every time, bar none.
Once you have broken free you must close the door on any and all contact, because if you don’t you’re headed back to a watered down version of Phase One – over and over and over again.
Yours Truly,
Bloom
People usually get into relationships for love and the need to connect and bond with another. Narcissists get into relationships for entirely different reasons. They do not feel love and they lack the ability to connect and form normal attachment bonds with others.
Narcissists need people more than anyone. Because their entire sense of self-esteem and self-worth is dependent on the admiration of others, their emotions are a precarious balance of needing others and needing to be left alone.
Narcissists feel an enormous void inside of them. This void is ever present and the only thing that fills it, is the love and esteem of another. The fix is always temporary though. Narcissists are completely self-absorbed and are oblivious to the wants and needs of others. They enter into relationships in an attempt to fill this void and to make sure that they have someone who is always available for sex, an ego stroke or whatever need they may have. A relationship with a Narcissist always follows three phases, the over-evaluations phase, the devaluation phase and the discard phase.
The Over-evaluation Phase
A Narcissist is very careful when choosing a target. Typically, they will choose a victim based on their status. They must be attractive, popular, rich or extremely gifted in some area - or perhaps weak. The greater the status, the higher the value the Narcissist places on the Supply derived.
Once a target has been chosen, it’s almost like the Narcissist gets tunnel vision. They are hyper-vigilant in their pursuit and will project the perfect image that their victim wants them to be. They are excessively caring, loving and attentive at this stage. They shower their targets with attention, compliments and literally sweep them off their feet.
They place their target on a pedestal, idolize and worship them. Their target is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Here the Narcissist is ecstatic, full of hopes and dreams. They will talk and think about them constantly, they are euphoric. This is as close as a Narcissist will ever get to feeling love. This kind of idolization is what others would call infatuation.
The victim is likely so caught up in all the attention and is usually thinking at this point, that they have found their soul-mate. Their pursuer is exactly what they want in a partner (because the Narcissist is mirroring what they have learned appeals to their target) and they can’t believe how lucky they are and that this catch is still single.
What they don’t know, or could ever be prepared for, is what comes next.
The Devaluation Stage
The Over-Evaluation phase, if you’re dealing with a Somatic Narcissist, usually lasts anywhere from a couple of month to a few years; just long enough for the Narcissist to be confident that they have secured their target’s love and devotion. Unbeknownst to the target, what they were witnessing in the early phase was the Narcissist’s false self. In this second phase, the mask comes off and the Narcissist starts to reveal their true colors.
The shift could be gradual or almost seemingly overnight. Suddenly the attention they so lavishly gave you is gone and replaced by indifference and silence. Days or weeks could go by and you won’t hear from them. They don’t return your phone calls, they don’t keep a single promise and you’re starting to suspect that they might be involved with someone else. The target is left baffled and confused and wondering what they did wrong to cause such an abrupt turnaround.
Narcissists become bored easily and what usually starts happening in their heads at this stage, is that the void begins to emerge again. The high (or low) they were feeding off of is waning and they begin to question your worthiness, that perhaps you weren’t so special after all, because if you were then the void wouldn’t still be there.
They become moody and agitated easily, blaming you for even the slightest transgression. They start to disappear more frequently and they give you the silent treatment in an attempt to create distance. As the Narcissist withdraws, the target starts to cling and your demands for his attention and your need to understand what’s happening, grate on his nerves. The harder you cling the more the Narcissist pulls away. They start to blame and criticize the target for everything, treating them like an emotional punching bag.
At this point the target is an emotional wreck. The Narcissist has left without any explanation and they can’t figure out how one minute they were put on a pedestal and now it’s like they don't even exist. The Narcissist is a projector and they are projecting their emotional turmoil onto you. They feed off of other people’s misery (as long as it’s caused by them) just as much as they feeds off of your admiration, either way it makes no difference to them.
It is this person, this cruel, indifferent, unfeeling, sadist that is the behind the mask. Most targets desperately try to find the one they fell in love with. What they don’t realize is that that person never existed. They were a facade an act put on by the Narcissist to secure their Supply.
The Narcissist will take no responsibility for their actions, because they simply don’t care how they’ve treated you or how you are feeling. Narcissists are not capable of forming normal healthy attachments to people. Those who aren’t familiar with the disorder are completely at a loss to understand how unnecessarily cruel their behavior can be. The target was never more than an object to the Narcissist, whose usefulness is on the decline.
The Narcissist isn’t one to throw away a potential piece of supply though. They will keep up this I love you, I love you not charade going for as long as it suits them or as long as you allow it. They will breeze in and out of your life as if nothing ever happened, completely oblivious and indifferent to your suffering.
This mind fuck is deliberate and they will keep feeding you crumbs of attention, just enough to keep you emotionally invested and available to cater to their every need.
At some point one of two things will happen: either they will find a new target and begin phase one with them, thus ignoring you completely, or you will have had enough of his psychotic abuse and you will take control and put an end to it, thus ushering In phase three.
The Discard Phase
It is almost baffling to watch the ease at which a Narcissist can pull away from his partners. Many targets are left asking themselves, “Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him?†The simple answer is no. No one means anything to him. Women are only a means to an end – to obtain the much needed Narcissistic Supply. Once your usefulness has run its course, you will be discarded abruptly and cruelly, without warning.
Trying to get over a relationship with a Narcissist is extremely difficult. Once it is over the target is usually an emotional wreck, whose self-esteem has been annihilated by the persistent demeaning behavior, insults and cruelty of the Narcissist. Depending on when they were able to break free, the target maybe a shadow of their former self, with a lot of work ahead of them to rebuild their shattered self-image.
As a victim tries to pick up the pieces, What must be remembered is that you were deliberately targeted, lied to and manipulated by a skilled con-artist, for their own gain. There was nothing you could have done differently and none of this was your fault. The Narcissist will repeat this pattern with every person, every time, bar none.
Once you have broken free you must close the door on any and all contact, because if you don’t you’re headed back to a watered down version of Phase One – over and over and over again.
Yours Truly,
Bloom
G
Guest
Guest
Omg bloom, that was really a good explanation of narcissism! My psych books dont do half as well!
I called Scambacca a narcissist many many times. I so hope he is a "bubba's bitch" right now! Lol!
I called Scambacca a narcissist many many times. I so hope he is a "bubba's bitch" right now! Lol!
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omg, Bloom... that description was my relationship to a TEE!! Especially the phase one part that went into phase two just exactly as you described. Thank you for posting that as it really helped put my relationship into perspective. I never thought of him as a narcissist but but now I have 0 doubt!!
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yellowbelly
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I'm not talking shit about Scorpios. I'm an 11/15 myself, so Scorpios do Rock!
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I believe in this! I'm a cancer seeing an Aquarius and it is SPOT ON! (Sorry! Didn't mean to high jack!)
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yellowbelly
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PurpleOWL
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I know all too much about narcissists, my father was a huge one. But thats why we got along, I'm more on the selfless side, and he was always talking and thinking about himself, and I didn't mind. My boyfriend. Narcissist. Not as severe, but it's there.
Update: I talked to him last night, and somehow he reduced me to uncontrollable tears, while he sat there and said stuff like "I don't care, since you don't care" and just really mean things. Every time I would speak, he would interrupt me, making me every more upset, cry more, and forget what I was saying. He would say that I was being defensive, and then I got defensive about being defensive. He does this all the time, and I can handle it from other people, but I just can't from him and I don't know why.
Now I have work in two hours and I don't even want to go because I'm still upset, and upset at myself for letting it get that far.
Update: I talked to him last night, and somehow he reduced me to uncontrollable tears, while he sat there and said stuff like "I don't care, since you don't care" and just really mean things. Every time I would speak, he would interrupt me, making me every more upset, cry more, and forget what I was saying. He would say that I was being defensive, and then I got defensive about being defensive. He does this all the time, and I can handle it from other people, but I just can't from him and I don't know why.
Now I have work in two hours and I don't even want to go because I'm still upset, and upset at myself for letting it get that far.
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st1ckyf1ng4z:
@MrFuszy broo big dawg chill out on posting shit like that on here you’re gonna catch a ban or even worse. be mindful of mentioning others’ names as well. be smarter
- L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi thanks for the input tho I think I’d def go the route of using hcg if I do go w TrT
- L @ Layne_Cobain: @maoi nah no fear of needles and if it made me feel a lot better no fear of being on it long term as who knows if my t will even rebound after 5 years on methadone not sure if that’s the norm I hope so…the more I research the more it seems like the best choice is to just go for it with TrT rather than trying to “middle” with Enclomiphene especially now that i know it probably won’t work being on methadone altho I am tapering off 5 mg biweekly so that’ll take a while I’m at 95 now from 120
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moai:
@Layne_Cobain the longer you’re on it without using HCG sometimes, (meaning years) the harder it will be to rebound if you do come off. But I’m with you, at only 22, I’ve abused myself to the point I may NEED trt. Not to mention all of the benefits
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moai:
@Layne_Cobain You don’t seem it, but if you are the type that’s afraid of needles for life, don’t sweat it. I’m natty atm, but from what I hear A) you won’t want to come off and B) if you implement HCG every once in a while to your protocol, you have a better chance of being able to come off T completely and restore all (or most) of your natty production. Of course, no guarantees and it is dependent on the individual, genetics, compounds and duration of exposure, etc.
- L @ Layne_Cobain: @tiquanunderwood when you began the Enclomiphene, were you already off opiates? Cause after further research I don’t think it’ll even work while still on methadone…I think trt with hcg to preserve fertility and ball size is the way to go for me. I just wanna feel better. Thanks for your input on the matter btw
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aarons:
buddy lay that cr@ck pipe down, the weekend barely started
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Gulp2788:
what an odyssey of shoutbox madness! I love it
- L @ luquitoad: Hahahahaj
- L @ Layne_Cobain: I’ll have whatever this crazy sonofabitch is having 🥂
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MrFuszy:
I was pissed off though! Someone pulled a pistol on me so i was gona show him how much of a hoe i was by getting him out that house
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MrFuszy:
Oh i actually still have the Police report on file somewherez you can see the tractor marks wjhere I just took out the fence and whatnot
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MrFuszy:
And the cops or the judge were halpy sbout that.
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MrFuszy:
I texted her and was ummm so i might have had a ooopsie but ij RL and like i know its been like ocer a year but it wasn't cuz i hated you or anything it was because i stole a skytrack forklift and demolished a house and hig 14 cars and knocked down a churches fence
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MrFuszy:
Oh in mote news no one cares about, I finally talked to m6 chick who I said nothing too im 14months when i got locked up
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MrFuszy:
Roughly 300, maybe more like 260 now
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MrFuszy:
Lighters, 300 bars a melted snicks and hugging a bong
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MrFuszy:
You know you got fucked up wnen you wake up check your pockets and have 7li
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MrFuszy:
Bro make it a triple ahot
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MrFuszy:
Taqilla never silvers!