OH MY GAWD!
I created a Match.com account a couple weeks ago...I had lot's of "views" and about a dozen Match emails - some guys were okay, some were "eh." I texted with a couple of them and immediately picked up the wrong vibe. Profiles that were filled with humorous content gave way to negative texts - kind of like mild anger/defensive comments. Which was just weird and left me feeling disengaged.
So anyway. This one guy, who kept stringing me along (trust me - I'm not the type to be "put on hold") - with texts such as, "What are your plans this Sunday?" I'd respond - and receive no response back. Texts about getting together - that just never worked out. We talked on the phone, and 7-minutes into the conversation he "had to let me go." He seemed to have this limited capacity to communicate or commit (to getting together) - but seemed like a sweet, rather distracted man. Alas, never married , no kids and in his late 40's.....So last night he sent me a text about 6:00P to ask what I was doing - to which I replied I was listening to Ed Sheeran, sitting by the fire and drinking wine. He jokingly asked for an invitation...and literally two hours later after a phone call and a few "are you serious" text messages the guy arrives at my home with his fucking dog (I have two dogs and two cats - but it all worked out, except for his terrier mix dog growling constantly at my 12-year old Lab). Who, by the way, has instinctive/intuitive feelings about most animals/humans...and sat beside the guy the ENTIRE time. My Lab has severe hip dysphasia and it's very difficult for him to sit....so that should've been my first clue.
Anyway, I offered him a beverage - as I was still sipping my wine, but he had brought a can of Croix Water and was happy with that. He sat on the couch - and complained about being tired and achy from a 30-mile run. Which I acknowledged, but proceeded to make conversational starters like, "Does your family live in Georgia?" "What are your plans for Christmas?" And so on. Anyway, the guy keeps complaining about being achy, especially in his upper thighs - and It's been like 10-minutes since he arrived. I know where he's going with this - I'm just not connecting. And he's sitting on my couch with his legs spread apart in the "my balls are so huge I can't cross my legs" position. So I'm trying to flirt a little, thinking - God - I just want to get laid. I asked him his age, and he said "62" (he was joking - and I laughed). But then he started acting weird.
It was like, I hadn't hopped on his lap in the first fifteen minutes we had met - and he summed me up as a woman who would not quickly ride a saddle. And due to being tired and achy from his a 30-mile run, I assume he wanted fast and furious, not flirtatious and fun.
So he abruptly stands up. Calls his dog's name (who was laying by my feet) - and without so much as a goodbye walked out my front door. I had to follow him because both my Labs followed him and I needed to keep them tethered. It was so bizarre! As I was holding my two dogs by the collar on the front porch, he turned to me and said, "I just wanted to see your tits."
While holding 160lbs of dog, I calmly called back, "It was nice to meet one of your personalities."
And retreated inside for more Ed Sheeran, a warm fire and Chardonnay!
