Medically-assisted opiate cessation

[Roger]

I'm glad you are doing well cobd. Keep on stringing the one days at a time and one day you will wake up, three months ahe passed and the psych pull won't be pulling so hard. You've come a long way already. Kuddos. 

 

[cobd]

Have to say ever since you started this thread I've really appreciated your honesty about your addiction and liking opiates,for those that are truly in pain I have the upmost sympathy,though I rather suspect there may be a small few who are to embarrassed to admit liking opiates and claim they only use em for pain,it's refreshing to hear someone come out and say they took em because they liked em.

[SIZE=10pt]Not exactly like it's a fact that I'm proud of, but I like to be honest.  I mean, it only got [/SIZE]really bad because I was self-medicating on a consistent basis, and it was all because of a bad breakup. Sure, there was lots of drama, a lost job, and plenty of hurt feelings.  I got...well...pretty damn low at that point.  Opiates seemed to dull out the tidal wave of emotions crashing in my head.  They let me escape.  I really didn't emotionally deal with that period until about a year and a half afterwards; the pills helped make sure of that.  Well...sometimes you've just have to let yourself be vulnerable, take the hit, and learn from it.

[SIZE=10pt]Around that point, one of my friends had his first child.  I thought to myself; "Huh, I wonder what kind of father I'd make".  I stumbled into a reverie: recalling how addiction had rattled my home when I was growing up while staring directly at two white pellets in the palm of my hand in. Something clicked; I decided that I didn't want to take them anymore.  So I quit.  Then I relapsed.  Then I quit again.  Then I relapsed again.[/SIZE]  I reached my saturation point: I had to get help from my psychologist, whom I'd been hiding my addiction from.  I gathered all my courage, exhaled, and told her the truth.  I had done plenty of research before on how to quit, but heard some questionable things about suboxone and methadone...so I wanted her opinion.  First words out of her mouth: what about naltrexone?

[SIZE=13.3333330154419px]Honestly...I had never heard of it, and I'm usually pretty on top of my shit when it comes to research.  I was tempted to go the suboxone route.  A couple of times during my withdrawal I considered just calling her up and asking to switch over.  But I powered through, and I'm still taking the Naltrexone.  It's routine now...I don't really think about it.  I take it with my effexor.  It serves a similar purpose...to help drag me out of this hole that I dug for myself.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=13.3333330154419px]So...after tomorrow, it'll be a full 20 days.  I haven't gone this long without taking any in quite a while.  Years, really.[/SIZE]

 

[cobd]

Tomorrow will make it a full month since I last used.  It's getting easier as time goes on.

Still have my moments of weakness where I'd love to crawl back under the covers.  But now...well...I see the difference that time has made.  I'm not constantly craving.  I'm not constantly feeling miserable because I haven't had any recently.  I'm calmer.  More at ease.  But there's still plenty of work to be done.

I've gone back to work, and the environment is still as toxic as ever.  But I've adjusted.  I just shine on the folks who give me shit.  They're unimportant in the long run, what they think of me doesn't matter, and I am NOT the jerkoff whisperer.  All I have to do is show up, keep my head down, work, collect my paycheck, save my money, and look forward to a brighter future away from the construction industry.

Here's to one month.

 

[Suzie]

cobd, congratulations friend... you are doing fantastic!!!  I really admire you so much!!!

 

[headbanger]

cobd great job! We all knew you could do it. Just remember how good you feel when you wake up and tell your self I just won't use for today. We are all proud of you.You came a long way.

 

[John Benson]

Sorry had to delete. Too sad, to personal,  and not appropriate for here. Just having a real bad week or two. Sorry 

 

[Way2old4this]

cobd, haven't heard from you lately. How has the last month gone for you? Hopefully you're doing great and all. 

There is a period that comes after the acute phase you've already completed. It's Post Acute Withdrawl Symtoms or PAWS and it's primarily emotional.

I might suggest talking with your shrink about that as well, as it can be pretty rough for some people and he/she may be able to offer some ideas to help you through that phase.

Wishing you all the best for your choice to change the course of your life.

 

[cobd]

Sorry had to delete. Too sad, to personal,  and not appropriate for here. Just having a real bad week or two. Sorry 

I certainly don't mind if you share your story.  This has been a pretty personal journey for me as well.

The 1st was my official 2 month mark.  Still clean from opiates.  Though...other things have taken over my life a bit.  I've been hitting the ganja a little too often.  Oh, and alcohol has come back into my life.

A lot of this is situational though.  I think I have less an addiction problem than a "numbing" problem.  Sometimes things just get too heavy.  Work's still abusive and a horribly unhealthy environment.  I thought I had kinda kicked the whole "relationship" thing to the curb until I finally get through the first few phases of this new life ahead of me...then a female friend dropped a bomb on me.  Things got complicated.  I was left with high hopes that...don't look like they're going to come true.

PAWS is right.  These last couple of months have been extremely turbulent.  Emotional.  And it's not just the withdrawal...its the situations.  It's like everything's in shambles...and everything's going to remain in shambles until I do something about it.  I just don't know what to do.  I was hoping I'd regain a sense of direction once I quit...but I haven't really quit.  I'm just substituting different drugs to numb out the same feelings.

I wish I could speak with a good psychologist.  I guess I probably could...be a hell of a drain on my finances, since I'm under an HMO and their policy is more along the lines of "Here, take these pills and visit these group therapy sessions that occur in the middle of your work day".

At the very least...I'm free of one stressor.  But I still have a long journey ahead of me.

 

[John Benson]

Hi cobd 

Thanks for what you said about my post, I did spend hours writing a long thing. But I deleted it because it certainly would not have been uplifting to anyone who read it. But then again, that's one problem I've always had -keeping everything inside. Even now. I intullectally know that it's not good, but in my personal life, I have seen letting things out lead to disaster. Not that I blame anyone else, as I am the one who lights the fire in the first place. 

Even now I live a portion of my life in secret from the ones I love out of fear of losing them again, as I did before. That's what I think it's all about for me, as my life was so empty without them  (wife and kids ). Long story, but what seemed impossible occurred and we are currently back together under one roof. But guess what,  I fucking did it again and slipped and am keeping my mouth shut. And that is really tearing me up. Real bad. 

Anyway, I hope you can find a good shrink to, but your assessment of how that would turn out, from what I've experienced ,anyway is probably accurate,  however my experience is very limited as I went until age 42 before I talked to a shrink,  coucelor,  or attended an aa or na meeting, or went to a rehab. 

It is really hard for me to open up to anyone. Really hard. But that's me. 

My last shrink dropped me. Yes,  dropped me after getting me more fucked up on a crazy string of antidepressants, and also prescribing high doses of benzos. Which of course I abused. He said, my case was "too complicated ". I was like wow, if you were some chick I was dating, that line would make a little more sense. 

I can sooo relate to what you said about your life being in shambles and not knowing what to do about it. Parts of my life are still majorly messed up from my heroin problem a few years ago which I finally kicked, well at least for now,  it's been 3 years. It took a few attempts and after about 7 days of being deathly ill,  I experienced about 7 days of sobriety, then started drinking. Around the clock because I was not working at the time. And my family was long gone. I don't recommend this at all. Round the clock drinking,  that is. That really fucked me up bad. Real bad. I was a complete recluse, with the shades closed all day. Only leaving the house to get alcohol and cigarettes. Every few days though, I would go out and get something to eat, but would only know that I had, because I would be vomiting up the few bits of food I attempted to eat and blood. But, what the worst part was, that at least the first one of these incidents, I couldn't drink alcohol for a couple of hours during which I experienced panic and anxiety attacks, that were I can't even describe. But I soon got over it. And every few days when I found my body rejecting the food. I just drank during the hurling. 

Dark times. I am so thankful, to god, or whoever that I never, hurt or killed anyone else driving under black out conditions. After a few failed suicide attempts, which on paper, really should have worked. I reached out to my mom, who lived in a nearby state to come pick me up, and get me into detox. She did. With a friend of hers, while I slipped out of a flask. Anyway, none of that worked. But it's been about two years since my last drink. However, I am far from sober. Although not as bad off as I have been in the past, I am certainly addicted to several substances and not sure what to do or who to talk to. 

Anyway, you are likely correct in that you have a long journey ahead of you. My one hope for you would be that you make your progress along that journey a lot faster than I am making mine. 

"They" say that once we stop looking outside of ourselves for love,fulfillment, joy, etc. That it is at that point we reach the end of the journey. As we have truly become able to love ourselves and accept everything outside of us;jobs, relationships,  etc. , as just that. ..not ourselves,  but out "there ". I believe there may be some truth to that for sure,  but obviously much easier said than done, and personally,  I think that I have blown a few too many fuses at this point. But then again,  what do I know, besides that I truly don't know anything other than anything is possible in life for better or worse. 

Anyway, take care of yourself. Also, this isn't the post I deleted the other night. 

JB 

 

[Way2old4this]

Cobd, I know what you are going through and I've been there. All the sudden, now that we're clean, the wreckage that we've been a part of becomes more apparent and all kinds of feelings and thoughts just keep cascading over us.  For me it was like I felt I needed to fix everything I'd damaged as soon as possible but there's so much that I felt overwhelmed and couldn't do anything. But this is all part of your brain healing and its normal after kicking a habit. It's difficult and it sux but it will pass with time I promise you. Don't try and fix everything at once, just put one foot in front of the other and then do the next right thing. For me a support group was helpful, being able to talk with and get advice from people who knew exactly where I was coming from because they'd been there too. But the paws will slow and eventually dissipate.  You're brain is just getting normal, that's all. Good work on what you've accomplished so far.

Wow, John Benson, thanks for sharing - those memories of reclusive round the clock drinking is something I can unfortunately relate to also. 25 years ago that was my life too. I hope you will find a way to get on a path to a better place. You're on the right thread. And support groups are all over the place.

 

[John Benson]

Thanks a lot, way2oldforthis, 

Yeah for me, an addict,  alcohol was the most damaging, while my other addictions cost me so many things, the alcohol washed away what was left of "me ". Took quite a while for "me " to begin to return. Even after not having a drink. 

Sure there are many people who can stop at 1, 2, or 10. I am not one of those however. But at least that's 1 thing I know. 

One day at a time,  one foot in front of the other, just like you said. 

Have a good day. 

JB 

 

[Subaru24]

Has anyone used kra.  To detox before.  

 

[John Benson]

Has anyone used kra.  To detox before.  

if you mean"tom", I am using it to help cut down on mild issue right now. Back when I had a really bad H , Fent , perc,combo, I didnt know it existed, went 36 hours ct, Could barely make the 2 minute drive to pick up, or handle texting,then eventuality went to a rehab, which was fine until the subs were removed after 5 days ,then  was i in utter hell, and remember nothing of the first week,except tell telling every staff member to f off , and I would kill anyone who touched me even though I could barely lift a cig to my lips and was being carried around by my fellow inmates,who were healthier than I at the time.

that's when I first heard about k. But when I replapsed worse than ever 2  out of rehab , I eventually did ct again, but k never popped into my head. Only prayers for death. The first  couple of days I could not drink anything . But  that's back when I had plenty of cash,  so I had a big. Habit. Not bragging  by any means or trying to sound like a bad ass,  cause that's not me, just saying, when I  stopped,  I  really,  really,  had to pay. 

After a couple years clean, I felt a little itch and remembered k. And it did help a while, except I recently had a mild slip, it is helping me to reduce

I think it's great stuff but also think it's helpfulness for opiate cessation depends on the Opie,the amount of their habit, the person, etc.

 

[blissopifree 2]

Hey cobd great to hear your doing so well,as I said before I've done the 5 day rapid detox and then done naltrexone for a year ie opiate free.After a few months I would set my alarm for 7am and go to a bar that opened early having a laugh with the customers most of whom had been up all night taking E/mdma at after parties for a while the owners even set up decks to keep the party going!.I ended up doing the same (going back to raving) but only a weekend thing Fri and Sat.I was going to say I got the naltrexone implant instead of a mother injection or the tablet daily it might be worth looking into?.I did however start to drink quite heavily well go me and esp at the weekends.Any way to cut a long story short I relapsed after a long term relationship failed and im bk to square one but on the dreaded green this time but I know I can do it and will succeed again!.Kudos to you cobd you sound like you got it licked keep it up and think about the implant.

Peace.

Bliss. ....

 

[John Benson]

And kudos to you, Bliss for getting right back up, after slipping a bit. 

JB 

 

[cobd]

Three months.  Clean.

Folks said this was about the time I'd stop having cravings.  Or, at the very least, they would be significantly muted.  Well, I think that point came a bit earlier for me.  Probably the two to two and a half month mark.

I'm still using the Naltrexone...and will be for at least a year.  To be honest...I kinda like that it has an added side-effect of making it extremely difficult for me to gain weight.  I already keep a pretty healthy diet, but haven't had much time to hit the gym recently.  Work keeps me plenty active though, walking usually around 10 miles in a single day.  Before I started the naltrexone I was around 185 pounds at 6'2", now I'm back down around 175ish.  Before my weight used to fluctuate between 185 and close to 200, but that could also be partially due to the fact that I was being really sedentary while I was using.

And now...well...things are going better with my girl friend.  We worked things out.  We're not official or anything, but we're dating and slowly becoming more intimate.  She wouldn't stick around if I went back to using...so that's one more reason to abstain.

My project at work is done...and I finished it ahead of schedule and with a minimum of problems.  That's a big ol' feather in my cap right there.  The folks at work are actually treating me with respect now...that's a refreshing change of pace.

My psychiatrist has been remarkably helpful through these times too.  She's even taken the time for a little bit of "talk-therapy" with me...something I'm not accustomed to from a psychiatrist.  Usually its  just "symptoms?  yeah?  Ok, here's your pills."

So...take it from me, folks.  Quitting is possible.  But it's not an easy path to go alone...in fact, if it wasn't for my psychiatrist, family, and friends: I would probably still be using.  Naltrexone worked for me...even though it was harder than the suboxone route would have been.  Even though that first month I wanted to kill somebody.  Now, I just have to continue abstaining.  It's easier now, for sure.  

 

[Zdlwoowup]

Hmm I never heard of naltrexone it has the same ending as suboxone but I've been out of the dope game for 2.5 years congratulations on quitting lalala I'm trying to get my post count up to post in Mexican pharma so I'm looking for something I can post on. Still I mean to say good job cobd

 

[cobd]

Just an update:

7.5 months opiate free.  Still taking the naltrexone, and I'll keep on taking it as long as I have easy access to the stuff.

Looking back...I sometimes have whistful feelings of my time with that stuff.  But...I recognize the danger now.  Opiates start out simply amazing.  They were my little miracle drug:. They took away my depression, I was able to function, and I felt great.

But the dark side I spoke of before?  Opiates become the new normal...and life without them is unbearable.  Eventually the euphoria fades...and numbness takes its place.  Life becomes an endless cycle of numbness and despair, repeated ad nauseum.

So...I'm glad that I'm rid of them.  I'm still all kinds of fucked up in the head, but at least now I'm pursuing counseling and getting help.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it this far. 7.5 month with no relapses...that feels like an accomplishment.

 

[jimbojones]

Just an update:

7.5 months opiate free.  Still taking the naltrexone, and I'll keep on taking it as long as I have easy access to the stuff.

Looking back...I sometimes have whistful feelings of my time with that stuff.  But...I recognize the danger now.  Opiates start out simply amazing.  They were my little miracle drug:. They took away my depression, I was able to function, and I felt great.

But the dark side I spoke of before?  Opiates become the new normal...and life without them is unbearable.  Eventually the euphoria fades...and numbness takes its place.  Life becomes an endless cycle of numbness and despair, repeated ad nauseum.

So...I'm glad that I'm rid of them.  I'm still all kinds of fucked up in the head, but at least now I'm pursuing counseling and getting help.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it this far. 7.5 month with no relapses...that feels like an accomplishment.

I'm proud of you bro, it is not an easy road.  When it starts it seems like all the answers are in opiates, and then the rest of your life starts to revolve around them.  Its sounds like you have a lot to gain and a lot to lose with your great job and things going well.  Be careful, when it seems all is well sometimes the addiction can rear its ugly head and trick you into thinking you're in control only to leave you where you were 7 months ago.  Stay vigilant my friend!  I'm happy you were able to kick and stay straight long enough for the craving to cease, but honestly it will always be there just below the surface.  That is why NA people don't drink, that one momentary lapse in judgement can lead your right back down the pit.

 

[cobd]

It's been about a year since I updated.  My road hasn't been completely clean, and it's been less than a month since I last caved and used.

I no longer have easy access to opiates, which is great.  But I have used from time to time over the past year, usually for not more than three days in a row with long breaks in-between.

My pitfalls have always been related to stress.  Right now I'm in the thick of it: I took a new job not but half a year ago, and I've been scrambling to catch up to the knowledge and skill level that they expect from me.  I've had a couple of deaths in the family recently, and my relationship with my girlfriend is...well...pretty rocky.  Its times like this that I just *ache*.  I want to be able to escape.  Every now and then, I'll give in, but I get right back on the wagon afterward.

I'm no longer taking naltrexone.  I changed health care providers a while back so I could get counseling (Kaiser is big on pharmaceuticals and group-therapy sessions that occur in the middle of the work day).  My new primary care physician decided that since I wasn't using on a regular basis that the naltrexone wasn't serving a purpose anymore.  Well...she's partially right.  But that leaves me open to using on occasion...and I have mixed feelings about that.  I always feel an immeasurable amount of guilt the day afterward, but at the moment when I'm in the throes of that chemical embrace, I feel like I'm at peace.

It's been rough.  I picked up smoking, and later switched to e-cigarettes.  I'm still using benzos, but not nearly in the quantity that I was before.  I still drink in excess sometimes, but usually only once a month and on a weekend.  I've abused Kratom and Gabapentin from time to time as well.  Sometimes I feel like I'm doing great.  Others I...just...I don't know what to do with myself.  I feel like I'm on the edge of the cliff, and one wrong step could set it all back.

I envy the people who seem to be able to deal with stress and function normally - go out with friends, have a rich family life.  At this point in time...all I feel like I can generally handle is work, and everything else is taking a hit.  Even work is...well...sitting in a precarious place where I don't feel like my position is particularly secure.

It's been a while since I went to counseling for CBT, but it can be difficult to find the willpower to implement the skills I learned.  My self-esteem has improved dramatically, but I still experience an overwhelming level of stress and anxiety.  I'm thinking about going back in for counseling.  I have a feeling that what's going on with me is different than Depression or GAD - my most common diagnosis.  I'd like to be re-evaluated.  Still...I'm stronger than I was.  I hope that trend continues.