Newbie intro

[Jools]

My name is Jools I live in Brisrol Uk and am suffering with 3 life changing diseases and the one is a life threatening disease is Wegeners granulomatosis 

i have been doing the rounds with hospitals for 20 years now and am in constant pain and distress. I used to be in the Royal Marines prior to being sick and then a salesman. I was medically discharged and have now been unable to get work due to my illnesses so am on disability because no one will give a job of work to someone with my health record. It's very tough. I am 52v 53 this October 2016. I lobe cats and have 5 Maine coons who I lobe dearly and are the reason I get up each day. 

Live been through the mill with meds. I am on a slow release morphine or MST, habe to take azathioprine ( old chemo and anti rejection drug) and am on amitriptyline and diazepam but they diazepam just doesn't cut it anymore. 

I am here to try and purchase Xanax as I've had them from my do for but only 0.5's and only 30 every 6 months so hardly worth having. I find it very difficult to manage and have been ripped off a couple of times. I was told about this place.

anyhow, short and sweet. 

Thanks for for adding me 

 

[PTFC]

Hi @Jools,and welcome! Sorry to hear of your ills. The particular product you are looking for is easy enough to acquire from the international section. I edited out the last bit of your intro as that is not permitted here. Anyway, happy reading and hopefully very soon happy shopping! ☺ 

 

[Jools]

Thank you very much 

I am sorry if I wrote something I should not but please feel free to lead and please, to other forum members, I am a newbie so please bear with me while I get used to this and to how and what to post

many thanks

 

[PTFC]

Thank you very much 

I am sorry if I wrote something I should not but please feel free to lead and please, to other forum members, I am a newbie so please bear with me while I get used to this and to how and what to post

many thanks

No problem whatsoever @Jools, we give new members plenty of leeway! ☺ 

The rules should be a good place to start, and the pinned thread in this section "quoted info for new members" is helpful also. 

 

[Kalsima]

Hi @Jools and welcome to our wonderful family. In fact they are the only family I have since my mother did the tough love approach 15 years ago even though I haven't done heroin in 16 years. But she is a crazy woman with serious psychological issues. She is also a drug addict and alcoholic but when I turned to heroin she drew the line at needles even though she gets one shot fentanyl ysyringes. Buy she justifies she gets it from a doctor not a drug dealer. She is so crazy she thinks I'm having an affair with my father and forbids him to talk to me. We do secretly communicate by email thank god, because I love my dad to death! For the love of God I don't know why he stays with her he is just old school and married her through sickness and health. 

Sorry you will get used to me losing track, and not talking about you. Your story is truly heartbreaking and you seem like a lovely man. I also admire that you were in the Royal Navy. They are the ship borne infantry of the Royal Navy. I'm an American but i know that any notions of honor came from your country. I know it seems weird that a girl loves military history but it's meat and potatoes to me. Love the military history channel and reading books about military history. Loved the tales of the wooden walled ships of the line from the book Dreadnaught! I can still see Fishers face in my mind from reading Dreadnaught. I did not read the whole book but read the navy! 

Love to see that you are a cat lover! I have four feral cats that my son loves to bring in homeless cats and then I fall in love with them. They all have their own unique personalities. I had one cat the oldest that pooped at the end of the bed where my feet were three times in one week. I thought he hated me but then I realized I had my bedroom door locked and he couldn't get to the litter box! I love Maine Coons I'm so jealous of you. They are truly beautiful cats!

Anyways, you came to the right place.for a small contribution that helps the board continue to help people you will find exactly what you are looking for in the Mexican sy Vendor section. That's where I order mine. I have used the same vendors for years and have never been ripped off once. If you chose to that I will help you and refer you to my vendor, he's the best in my book!  Welcome again and hope we can help. And I hope you feel batter! Heavenlee

 

[Jools]

Thank you @Heavenlee

its nice ice of you to reply and to make me feel welcome. It's been a very difficult period and I am only now just coming to grips with the whole thing. I was in a very dark place and made no attempt to go out for way too long but it was the only way I could feel safe, not just for me but for others too. I had a hairpin temper and found that even visitors, well intentioned visitors, would give platitudes and I was just not up to it. 

The one thing that I take for all of this is that we really are and have nothing if we have no one to share with. I had fallen out with my brothers, their habits meant the family home was robbed and I would then have to watch them like a hawk of they ever did visit our parents. The crazy part is that I miss them now they are no longer here. I only remember the good times and there were plenty of those. 

I very much still miss military life. Many never understand that you don't have worries when in service. Your food is cooked, board is sorted and you have every day planned out. When you are a civilian then it's a crazy life and the beauty of military life is something I think many old salts miss. It's very hard to find your stable centre after service. It was the worst thing for me as I fully intended to do my 22 years but plans often don't work out and so it was with me. 

I am lucky in that my partner is very good to me and she understands that I suffer. She doesn't stress me and helps me when I ask. She knows I am fiercely independent and so don't like to ask for help but I have many days where I can't even put my own shoes and socks on. That smarts a lot. I still try hard to keep my appearance smart and I do my best. 

I do a lot of research on supplements and vitamins and have done a lot to help myself with this. 

The cats keep me sane. I honestly think I would have been another sorry statistic if not for my feline friends. Maine coons in particular as they are natural comedians and always give me a laugh plus they are great company, never a pain but always some joy. My biggest boy is 13 Kg but still growing, people are actually scared of him but he is so soft and gentle, unless you try to flea treat or give a tablet lol

thanks again and please keep in touch 

 

[Kalsima]

@JoolsI'm so happy that you feel welcome on our forum. The mods @2earlsand @PTFC, who as you know is arose the pond, should be a value of information for you. Since me being from the states makes it hard for me to refer Europeans to vendors since I use Mexican. But I used to order from the UK from Dusko for zannies , I have no clue if he's around or not but I know for sure that there are sources for you. Maybe zone or ppe? 

I can't imagine how hard it has been for you. Having a life threatening disease is extremely hard to come to grips with. I had cervical cancer. I do remember the stages of denial then anger and then acceptance. Luckily my health is greatly improved and I am cancer free.

So sorry to hear about your brothers! I'm sure you love them and miss the wonderful memories you must have had with them. But when it becomes a detriment having your parents house robbed, you had little choice. Can't you still see them without them living in your parents house?

also, I'm sure it is a difficult transistion going from military life to civilian life. It must be a shock to the system. Everything you had been used to, having your days planned out and meals cooked for you must be hard. I sympathize with you. Going on disability must be hard for you i really sympathize for you. It saddens me that I have a friend who just wants to lay around and get high all day when there is nothing wrong with him making claims that he has fibromyalgia but he keeps being denied disability benefits. There's nothing wrong at all with him except being lazy! While you on the other hand were a hard worker really wanting to complete your military career, and through no fault of your own. Life can surely bring us some hard blows and can seem unfair and cruel. I just lost my best friend from a bizarre death. It took that to make me see how beautiful life can be if I let it. And to to be grateful that I'm given one more day.

i hope the vitamins and supplements help, I also take them. Why not try them if they can help? I'm happy that they seem to be helping you. I just started and hopefully I'll have good results as you did. 

And as far as Maine coon cats me and my son always look at them on the Internet. I told my husband that they are huge it's like having a dog but it's a cat instead! He couldn't believe how beautiful and huge they are! There's a pic of Maine coons with a lady holding hers and I swear from him standing on his hind legs he was as tall as her. Now he's a believer! I didn't know much about that tempermants. I'm glad they are comedians but from all the pictures I see they seem like like they are sweet. All the pictures look they love their owners. I want one so badly but I don't know how my four feral cats would take to another cat that would grow to be five times their size.

know that I hope your in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you feel better soon and your health improves greatly. 

Love 

Heavenlee

ps glad your partner is a kind and caring person that always is great to have the support of a loved one. You are a lucky man!

 

[Jools]

@Heavenlee both my brothers died. It was a case of live by the sword, die by the sword I'm afraid. They both used smack n crack and did not have the quick end that many think happens. In both cases I think it was really a prolonged suicide, if that makes any sense ?

i cared for our parents to their end and having the extra responsibility of arranging burials and buying plots etc was hell on earth. Both so badly didn't want to be cremated and I wanted to keep my word. The burial plots cost thousands now as the ones that are availabile are very limited. It's down to space here in the UK. I ended up buying a plot from people who had already bought them for their own and it felt kind of ghoulish but it was the last thing you ever do for your loved ones and so I just about managed it. 

Today is the 7th anniversary of my fathers passing so I have just had a quiet day and talked with him a bit. I still talk as if he were here. Some days I do feel his presence but I don't expect people to get that. I certainly would not have thought about it not until it happened and then certain things go on. Lights switching on and off. Doorbell ringing with no one there. Speakers making weird and other worldly sound when totally switched off and unplugged. It never scares me but does fascinate me. 

My cats are the centre of my life now. I was in the garden earlier and they love it when I can go out with them. I wou,d take them to the playing field but I worry about some of the terrier type of dogs. Cosmo, my biggest, is only 3 in November and is 13kg. They say they grow for 4-5 years. I hope he doesn't get much bigger as I worry about heart problems. Bigger cats can have HCM due to increased size but neither parent had the recessive gene so fingers crossed. 

I hear what you say about some being lazy and while I agree that some just don't want to work, I give most the benefit of the doubt and only because I know what it's like to look ok but feel like I can't move. I do know 2 people with fibromyalgia and I see them a lot and how bad they are. I do think much of it is also mental. I know when I feel low then I hurt a lot more. I think depression plays a big role in many lives. 

I used to go to Chicago every other year and love that city. I went for the blues festival and it really was incredible. In another life then I would have loved to lobe there for a few years. I have some great friends there. Going abroad now I just too expensive due to travel insurance. My pre-existing conditions means I would pay some £1500 for a 3 week stay and I cannot rationalise that on disability. I am lucky in that I did buy a house and I will get around to sell it and then move into a smaller place and have some money for a change. 

@NikolasI will look through my emails and get the details and post them on here. It was a while ago now and put me off even trying. How I wish I had known about this place. I found this forum by looking on a FB group for z.annies. A kind lady said to come here before parting with any money and I feel so lucky to have been accepted. The power of having a group with you is something no vendor would want to deal with in having bad feedback and it's a great way to flush out the Rats isn't it. 

Thanks for your replies. It's much appreciated. 

 

[Jools]

Hi @Jools and welcome to our wonderful family. In fact they are the only family I have since my mother did the tough love approach 15 years ago even though I haven't done heroin in 16 years. But she is a crazy woman with serious psychological issues. She is also a drug addict and alcoholic but when I turned to heroin she drew the line at needles even though she gets one shot fentanyl ysyringes. Buy she justifies she gets it from a doctor not a drug dealer. She is so crazy she thinks I'm having an affair with my father and forbids him to talk to me. We do secretly communicate by email thank god, because I love my dad to death! For the love of God I don't know why he stays with her he is just old school and married her through sickness and health. 

Sorry you will get used to me losing track, and not talking about you. Your story is truly heartbreaking and you seem like a lovely man. I also admire that you were in the Royal Navy. They are the ship borne infantry of the Royal Navy. I'm an American but i know that any notions of honor came from your country. I know it seems weird that a girl loves military history but it's meat and potatoes to me. Love the military history channel and reading books about military history. Loved the tales of the wooden walled ships of the line from the book Dreadnaught! I can still see Fishers face in my mind from reading Dreadnaught. I did not read the whole book but read the navy! 

Love to see that you are a cat lover! I have four feral cats that my son loves to bring in homeless cats and then I fall in love with them. They all have their own unique personalities. I had one cat the oldest that pooped at the end of the bed where my feet were three times in one week. I thought he hated me but then I realized I had my bedroom door locked and he couldn't get to the litter box! I love Maine Coons I'm so jealous of you. They are truly beautiful cats!

Anyways, you came to the right place.for a small contribution that helps the board continue to help people you will find exactly what you are looking for in the Mexican sy Vendor section. That's where I order mine. I have used the same vendors for years and have never been ripped off once. If you chose to that I will help you and refer you to my vendor, he's the best in my book!  Welcome again and hope we can help. And I hope you feel batter! Heavenlee

I would be happy to make a contribution. I will have a look and do it while it's fresh in my mind. Thanks for letting me know  I only just understood this after re reading your post 

it's great that you enjoy military history. It's one of my favourite topics but I can go on a bit. My parents were actually polish but their country was sold out to Stalin and my father had already done 24 months in Kolyma, Siberia and so my folks settled here in Bristol UK. 

I come from a military family. I guess this is why I feel even more disappointed that I could not do my full service but such is life. When you talk of honour then the Polish units have such incredible heritage and I have read so much on their cavalry. My father was a cavalryman who then went to tanks and the Polish 1st armoured division was named after the cavalry units but armoured cavalry. I really miss my dad so much and as it his 7th anniversary of passing I am feeling it more today. 

Thanks for giving me the heads up on contributing 

 

[PTFC]

@Jools, you won't be able to utilise the Mexican Section unfortunately, they don't deliver to us here, but a small donation will give you access to the email section which is well worth it in my book! 

 

[Jools]

Honestly didn't do it for that but nice to be able to have alternatives. Thanks @PTFC

 

[PTFC]

Honestly didn't do it for that but nice to be able to have alternatives. Thanks @PTFC

I didn't donate for that reason either, I figured that I've saved a fortune since I've joined, and considering the amount that people spend on product, what's a few bob, or a little more bob to upkeep the site and make it as safe and reliable as we can for members. 

 

[Kalsima]

@Jools wow, I've read about the gulag, that your father survived 24 months! That's incredible. I've read horrific stories about Stalin rounding up hundreds of thousands of people to the gulag, many that perished. That's amazing, I've read so many stories but that your father was in Kolyma is incredible to me, So he was fighting against the Mark 4 panzer if I'm correct? Or was he opposing the red army in the east or the Wehrmacht in the west? I've never read anyone's father surviving and I have been in military chat rooms. I am sure he is truly missed. I find it sweet that you still talk to him, as I have found that many people still talk to dead relatives. It's even sweeter that strange occurances happen in your house. I'd like to think he is there with you, looking out for you. I'm so sorry for his passing today must be very hard for you. 

And I'm so sorry to hear about your brothers. I'm pleased to hear that you did not take that path. But took one of great honor for your country. I'm a former heroin addict. I haven't used with a few exceptions since I became pregnant with my son. That was 18 years ago. But believe me I know it is a prolonged suicide and I'm grateful that I made it out alive while so many of my friends I used with are long dead. I believe that out of the group of ten of us, only two of us are alive today.

Im so happy that you found a place here that's safe and you will not be stolen from. You are too kind of a man and having enough problems with your health to deal with thieves. We have so many good members that will help guide you in the right direction that it should never happen to you  again.

My sister lives in Chicago. I like the city but a little too cold in the winter for my taste being from California. But she is extremely happy living in a sky rise overlooking the city. That's nice you have been to the states several times. I have only been to Europe where I visited several places when I was in college. My father wanted to take us kids so we could appreciate history. Unfortunately it wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I found my love for history and military history. But I guess it's never too late. Guys think it's weird for a girl to know so much about it but it's fascinating to me!

So happy you have your Maine coon cats to keep you happy. As you said about depression playing a big part in some people trying to get disability I tend to agree. My friend is very depressed I do feel bad for him because I have suffered major depression also. It seems staying active and talking about it and medication has helped me considerably. And this forum and its members are like a family to me. I've gotten much better with support just from this place. I'm in a much better place now and plan to stay where I am.

Please know my thoughts are with you during the anniversary of your fathers death. But I'm happy to see you back posting. I really enjoy reading about your incredible life, especially your fathers!

please don't be a stranger! I hope you remain active even after you receive what you came here for.

 

[Jools]

If it's allowed then go the Jan Pirog dot com and his story is there. He was in the 1st Polish armoured division and was at Falaise gap. That one battle made way for the second front to move forward. It was a bloody battle but the Poles were not just fighting for them? They were fighting for every life taken and for every city bombed. They were incredible and some of the stories of that battle are beyond my comprehension. They got down to such low levels of ammo that their leader gave a rousing speech before the final push. Habe a read @Heavenlee. 

The tank dad was in was the Sherman with 17 pounder gun that took out Tiger tanks. The mark 4 which I believe was called a firefly before but became known as the Achilles. I miss him so much but we go on and I try to honour him in how I live my life. 

Oh yes, Chicago is way too cold for me too but because I run hot, I prefer cooler temps. 

I will be back later. Just a few errands to do 

Hey @Jools do you live in Bristol , I have bennthere 10 years before great city, in case you wonder I stayed in uk  for 3 years so I know a little bit..

Yes I do. If being pedantic then it's south glos but a place called Kingswood. I am a gashead, if you know Bristol then you'll know what that means. 

 

[Kalsima]

My god I'm going to read right now and get back to you. I can't believe your father fought Falaise gap. I believe I read about Eisenhower walked through Falaise and said he walked through the pocket and said he couldn't take a step without walking in blood and human remains. Adolf made a bad decision there! I've read that over 50,000 Germans were trapped inside of the pocket some say more! That place brings nightmares to Germans and the Polish first armored division lost 2300 casualties! It brings nightmares to me even thinking about how bad it was! Were the Polish stuck in the gap when the US air strike Cobra hit?  I'm at the doctors now, it will be so fascinating to me to read about your father. The Falaise Gap and The Bataan Death March always find fascinating to read about but extremely sad! I'll get back to you after I read about your father when I get home from the doctors. You're father was extremely lucky and brave a great patriot to Poland. You must be extremely proud.

 

[aintnouse]

@Jools   I am the son of a decorated Vietnam Vet and he was Armored Cavalry like your father.  I just spent a few minutes reading the website and I was amazed.  Some of the photos brought tears to my eyes.  Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your Father's military history.   Absolutely amazing history he had.....Wow!  Thank you again for sharing .   You will find everyone here quite nice and the moderators do a kick ass job keeping us in line 

I hope you find everything you need and you are able to alleviate some of your issues!!! 

 

[Jools]

@Heavenlee my dad said they feared the American air strikes more than the enemy. I've been to Falaise and to the other places liberated by the 1st PAD. Yes, dad said you could not walk without being on dead and that it was "hell on earth" 

enjoy the read. He was a bona fide hero and recipient of the Virtuti militari, the Polish equivalent of the US medal of honour. He earned that with blood. I feel blessed that I went to Normandy with him. We never could buy a drink or meal. Hail the heroes, in Polish chwala bohaterom!

@Jools   I am the son of a decorated Vietnam Vet and he was Armored Cavalry like your father.  I just spent a few minutes reading the website and I was amazed.  Some of the photos brought tears to my eyes.  Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your Father's military history.   Absolutely amazing history he had.....Wow!  Thank you again for sharing .   You will find everyone here quite nice and the moderators do a kick ass job keeping us in line 

I hope you find everything you need and you are able to alleviate some of your issues!!! 

@aintnouse thank you. He was the epitome of the strong silent type when things got bad but he was the most temperate and kind, generous man. I don't say this because he was my dad but it's because he was. 

He never had vacations. I asked him why, his reply choked me up a little. Why do I need a vacation when I have paradise every day ? I have a roof over my head, food when I want it and a warm clean bed ! 

You can imagine how much perspective that gave and knowing the horrors of Siberia and WW11 he lived through. 

I'm very much enjoying my time here. Thank you 

 

[PTFC]

That reminds me of a Jerry saying from the Great war(WW1), "When the British fire at us, we take cover. When we fire at the British, they take cover. When the Americans fire Everyone takes cover!" (sic)

 

[aintnouse]

@Jools My father is the same way......He served for 35 years and now is paying the price with his health.  He started as a buck private and retired as a full bird Colonel. He loved it, but now he is paying the price.  Freaking agent orange has totally screwed up a number of his organs and the helicopter crash he was in has screwed up a number of his joints, jaw and back.  His body is failing him now and it is incredibly sad to watch the "the strongest man in the world" slowly fall apart.  I did not follow in my Dads footsteps because I knew I could never be the soldier he was.  I really appreciate you sharing your story!!!

@PTFC I hope its not inappropriate but I kinda chuckled when I read that line....Typical Americans