- Joined
- Sep 2, 2025
- Messages
- 5
Hello
I'm probably completely wrong, but at the same time I need advice. I feel like I've fallen between, where in order to cope with life and, above all, keep myself and my children alive, I need supplements of less legal substances. Chronic pain, for which doctors prescribed thousands of Percocet tablets, was the starting point (for daily use; before that, it was more periodic, depending on availability, not need). Then some doctor shouted that it was addictive and that you can't cure pain with pain relief and that the pain only will increase with that medicine, so they took it away. The pain didn't get any better, which made me depressed and totally exhausted, and when you can't move, everything gets worse.
When my eldest child became seriously ill, I realised that there was no help for me through legal channels. Kratom saved me so I could put on my socks in the morning, and with the addition of whatever else I needed, I was able to fight the authorities so my child could get the help they needed. Five years later, I know I made the right choice, but at the same time, I can't seek help for myself because there's nothing but misery on the other side. I should also mention that my life has only worked with family, school, work, etc. when I have had drug's and accepting that I cannot live a life without pain relief at a different level than what healthcare offers, but also without increasing certain neurotransmitters in the brain, is difficult when everyone is saying something else.
I have sought an assessment for ADD/ADHD, which I am (and everyone around me) are sure I have, but I will not pass a drug test = no help. I have no criminal record, have never been suspected of a crime or been outside of society, I have a university education, a house, three children, etc. However, one check by an attentive officer or the post office/customs, etc. is all it would take to take everything away from me, which would of course immediately exclude me from society. I use legal resources, so I do not commit crimes to get money for drugs.
I don't want to live in fear of being so close to losing everything, while at the same time knowing that I will lose everything if I seek help. I have a job (which I love, but have had to take time off for many years now because of my child) where they would revoke my licence if the extent of my ‘problems’ became known, even though I have never made any serious mistakes or errors in my profession, regardless of whether I have been prescribed medication or self-medicated. Because of my eldest child's illness, social services are constantly looking over my shoulder to see if I can cope (otherwise, the Social Services Act and healthcare, especially psychiatry, are incredibly underdeveloped when it comes to seriously ill children, and my child would not be able to cope being placed somewhere else without either ending up in addiction or dying, according to statistics and my own experience, we have already tested that).
Of course, that can’t happen, but I find myself in a position where I can't do the ‘right’ thing without consequences that are so serious and life-threatening that I feel I just have to keep going by any means I can, even though that means risking everything. So I'm not trying to escape reality, just to function, and I've been addicted for half my life (over 20 years now) but have never lost control, except mentally when I've been clean for a few years at a time, not over substances, so it's never escalated to the point where I can't function. But it doesn't matter, society and people are what they are, and we are so quick to judge people and don't give a thought to what lies behind it all.
Is it me who is locked in fear, is there a way out that won't make my life worse? I really need advice. As I said, I don't have any personal experience of this, but I've seen what happens up close when colleagues have been caught, etc., and I find it difficult to understand and accept that it would be for ‘everyone's, especially my’ own good to put me in prison or just treatment and take away what I have to live for, including my family, job, physical and mental health.
I would be extremely grateful if anyone could respond, or have personally experienced any thing like this but I fully understand if I am completely in the wrong community but sadly I have no one that I can trust to talk about this matter to. Used a translator so please ask/tell me if there is something that don’t make sense.
Have a nice weekend!
Best regards
Theoneandonly
I'm probably completely wrong, but at the same time I need advice. I feel like I've fallen between, where in order to cope with life and, above all, keep myself and my children alive, I need supplements of less legal substances. Chronic pain, for which doctors prescribed thousands of Percocet tablets, was the starting point (for daily use; before that, it was more periodic, depending on availability, not need). Then some doctor shouted that it was addictive and that you can't cure pain with pain relief and that the pain only will increase with that medicine, so they took it away. The pain didn't get any better, which made me depressed and totally exhausted, and when you can't move, everything gets worse.
When my eldest child became seriously ill, I realised that there was no help for me through legal channels. Kratom saved me so I could put on my socks in the morning, and with the addition of whatever else I needed, I was able to fight the authorities so my child could get the help they needed. Five years later, I know I made the right choice, but at the same time, I can't seek help for myself because there's nothing but misery on the other side. I should also mention that my life has only worked with family, school, work, etc. when I have had drug's and accepting that I cannot live a life without pain relief at a different level than what healthcare offers, but also without increasing certain neurotransmitters in the brain, is difficult when everyone is saying something else.
I have sought an assessment for ADD/ADHD, which I am (and everyone around me) are sure I have, but I will not pass a drug test = no help. I have no criminal record, have never been suspected of a crime or been outside of society, I have a university education, a house, three children, etc. However, one check by an attentive officer or the post office/customs, etc. is all it would take to take everything away from me, which would of course immediately exclude me from society. I use legal resources, so I do not commit crimes to get money for drugs.
I don't want to live in fear of being so close to losing everything, while at the same time knowing that I will lose everything if I seek help. I have a job (which I love, but have had to take time off for many years now because of my child) where they would revoke my licence if the extent of my ‘problems’ became known, even though I have never made any serious mistakes or errors in my profession, regardless of whether I have been prescribed medication or self-medicated. Because of my eldest child's illness, social services are constantly looking over my shoulder to see if I can cope (otherwise, the Social Services Act and healthcare, especially psychiatry, are incredibly underdeveloped when it comes to seriously ill children, and my child would not be able to cope being placed somewhere else without either ending up in addiction or dying, according to statistics and my own experience, we have already tested that).
Of course, that can’t happen, but I find myself in a position where I can't do the ‘right’ thing without consequences that are so serious and life-threatening that I feel I just have to keep going by any means I can, even though that means risking everything. So I'm not trying to escape reality, just to function, and I've been addicted for half my life (over 20 years now) but have never lost control, except mentally when I've been clean for a few years at a time, not over substances, so it's never escalated to the point where I can't function. But it doesn't matter, society and people are what they are, and we are so quick to judge people and don't give a thought to what lies behind it all.
Is it me who is locked in fear, is there a way out that won't make my life worse? I really need advice. As I said, I don't have any personal experience of this, but I've seen what happens up close when colleagues have been caught, etc., and I find it difficult to understand and accept that it would be for ‘everyone's, especially my’ own good to put me in prison or just treatment and take away what I have to live for, including my family, job, physical and mental health.
I would be extremely grateful if anyone could respond, or have personally experienced any thing like this but I fully understand if I am completely in the wrong community but sadly I have no one that I can trust to talk about this matter to. Used a translator so please ask/tell me if there is something that don’t make sense.
Have a nice weekend!
Best regards
Theoneandonly