So, I'm Getting A Divorce

Experience has taught me life can, and does, change in an instant. Without warning or little time to prepare or alter course, life just takes a different direction. People, by their very nature, are unpredictable. People who you've been friends with for years will abandon a friendship. People you've married will crucify you without cause. People whom you've known for just a short period will suddenly shift their attitude.

Life has prepared me well for these changes. I've known a great many people in my lifetime. Sadly, most have faded into the distance of my forgotten memories. Some people have surprised me, of course, and together we have weathered a lifetime of experience alongside one another. Those are the good ones. Not the perfect ones - the ones with idiosyncraticies and flaws that make their appeal and existence more profound. At least in my opinion.

Yet oddly, I've spent half my life craving human connection and the other half craving isolation. I have few friends. But they're loyal friends. The ones who come to me when I'm sick, sad, desperate and in need. Or sometimes they just come to share in the laughter. And they've rarely ever failed me - and I like to think I've never failed them.

I am courageous and kind - but I am not blind. I know the danger in this world. I'm half vulnerable and half guarded. But something unexpected happened today. A friend stopped by this afternoon. She knows a group of neighbors who live on a Cul-de-sac near my home. A clique. A group of ladies who surround themselves with a wall to hide their perfect lies and pathetic lives. This friend is my former housemaid - though even now I despise using that label. She was always a friend - eight years and still connecting. We talked about my dogs, my moving plan, my former spouse - and then she shared something very interesting. The clique, who she provides cleaning services for - were in an outrage about my former spouse. They gathered at the home she was cleaning and one by one relayed their support for me. Some spoke badly about my former spouse, others just cried and cringed at the destruction he's caused. I barely know this clique, though we've lived alongside one another for ten years.

Friendship is not a big thing - it's a million little things. Hard times will always reveal true friends - even when you didn't know you had them (like the clique). Whether it's a clique or a person you've always trusted, there is energy in this world. I assure you there is truth. But be wise. Don't expect a stranger to understand where you've been, accept what you've become, and still, gently allow you to grow.

The greatest gift I learned today, I was there when no one else was.

Bloom

 
Life is a struggle for sure. Friendship is a gift to be cherished. So sorry you are going through a difficult time. I truly hope things get better.N

 
my dear Bloom... you have such a gift!!  I hope this doesn't sound insensitive but your writing just mesmerizes me.  Your ability to write is a gift but it goes hand in hand with a much larger gift and that is the way you are so in touch with your feelings... I am in awe of that.  I may be a stranger and I may be across the globe from you but I have had glimpses of your soul and I am grateful for that.  I think you could write the next great American novel, lol and I sure would buy it.  The way you described your husband (ex) coming home from NYC... well, I'm struggling here because I am not a good writer,  but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate not only your writing but the essence of you that you have so kindly shared. 

 
 My ex was on par with yours in the playing dirty department but the tables turned on him. Because he could not longer sling mud at me without him getting dirty, he aired all of our stuff all over our small town. It was unbearable.

Yet in the end, I wanted to remember the good. Initially, it was "for the sake of the kids". Then, I realized that I felt better when I was in forgiveness mode.

Give yourself time and as impossible as it may seem, seek that part of you that is good and right and merciful.

And keep walking.
​this is excellent advice. 

 
I haven't seen Bloom around lately...hope she is fine.

Hey, maybe she got a book deal. It wouldn't surprise me in the least.

 
Jadakaii, I think you did well.  Words sometimes can be forgiven but being in an abusive relationship is not going to work. It probably would have only gotten worse.  Kudos for what you did.. 

 
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