To Jewy, DGSB, and anyone and everyone else on this board and elsewhere, who are facing the deepest mystery of life--the one which, no matter how hard we try, we can't logic our way out of and only makes it scarier and hurt more. Please remember, even from an on and off and on and not always certain believer such as myself, that no matter how tough we think we are, or want to be, sometimes we do have to call all angels to get us through.
Spoiler alert: they really do show up.
My warmest thoughts to everyone.