Finally admitted I have a problem

[ninja2000]

You are a rock star. You can definitely do this, bro. 

 

[rockytop]

Hang in there @Solid Snoop!   Update when you can!   Prayers with you brother.

 

[VII]

That is an insane amount of meds you're on there, @Solid Snoop. You were there through my recovery, I'm here for you aswell buddy. You hang in there, it will be over before you know it. Time truly does fly by during the detox stages for the most part.

 

[Solid Snoop]

Been a while since my last update but I wanted to stay away from the site for a while. I love this site but let's face it, when you're on here, you're looking for meds.

I got myself a new GP who said bullocks to rehab. He said I should have never been sent there as I truly want to get off this. I would have to turn up there every 2 days for a script while he trusts me with a months worth. I'm currently on 45mg of Diaz a day split morning and night. 15mg of Mitrazipine for sleep and something I can take long term for anxiety. It has worked wonders in both areas for me. Still take about 4mg of alpzz some days, mainly when in crowded places as that is my trigger for panic attacks. I only use them when I feel one coming on. I don't just pop them before I go into a crowded place "just in case". I'm still taking 400mg of slow release trams for my back and the doc is happy to keep me on them for as long as I need them.

That's an update on what I take now for the update on how I feel....

I feel great! I no longer obsess over meds, I am genuinely happy with my life, no withdrawal symptoms bar the odd restless legs but I just go long walks to tire them out. The not thinking of meds all the time is such a breath of fresh air. I thought tapering would make me even more obsessive but it's the opposite. My partner has to remind me to take my diazepam because I have way more important and happy things to think about. My pain has also reduced but still need the trams to get by day tof day.

I'm no fool, I know the lower I go the harder it will get but I'm ready for it. I have plenty of support and booked some time off around about the time I should be hitting 20mg. 

Thanks for the support guys!

 

[Biteme]

Congrats--sounds like you found a good doc, which is not an easy thing.

 

[Solid Snoop]

Congrats--sounds like you found a good doc, which is not an easy thing.

Thank you. I definitely have found a great doc. He does something doctors rarely do. He listens. I mentioned the Ashton guide and he said that he is well aware of it and pleasantly surprised I knew about it. My other doc just dismissed it.

I took 5 Myl@ns yesterday in work due to the amount of pressure I was under. I'm not proud of taking that much but 5 is the fine line between not working and knocking me out at this stage. 10 ksa wasn't doing a thing to me about a month ago. I expect that as I continue my taper my tolerance should drop even more. I thought you had to be clean off benzos for tolerance to reset but not for me. I made up for taking them by only taking 5mg of Diaz before bed instead of 25mg. I know it's not the equivalent but I still slept really well.

From today I am setting my alp limit to no more than 4 a day and never take them on consecutive days. I feel I need them much less often anyway and have no cravings for them so it's not a big deal. Once in a while shouldn't hurt my taper too much.

 

[Solid Snoop]

Just about to drop to 40mg tomorrow. I expect I'll be seeing some withdrawal symptoms by Wednesday latest is if goes like the last drop.

I forgot to mention that this week my sleep patterns has been terrible. I "sleep" for about 8 hours a night but when I look at my sleep monitor I'm down as restless or awake for most of it. I can't remember being awake during the night. I'm taking less sedating meds yet my biggest issue just now is waking up in the morning. If my partner doesn't physically drag me out of bed I will easily sleep to 2pm, albeit very restless.  I'm thinking of dropping the Mitr@alpine tonight to see if I get a better quality of sleep. Being a.zombie for 14 hours a day is useless.

 

[Solid Snoop]

So I made the drop to 40mg and I'm feeling pretty good. I have noticed my pain levels have increased but that may be due to how active I was over the weekend.

Still taking a few alpzzz every now and then but not hammering like I used too. Mostly when in really crowded places. I am getting better at not reaching for a pill everytime I'm in a crowd and feel uncomfortable. 

I'll be seeing the doc before my next drop but I imagine it will be 5mg fortnightly until I hit 30mg.

Still fighting the good fight!

 

[Marshmallowmayhem]

Keep charging Solid Snoop!!

 

[Solid Snoop]

Not updated for a while but just want you to know the charge is still going at full speed. Down to 35mg of Diaz and about to drop to 30mg. I have started taking alps more often but nipping that in the bud before that goes out of control again. Trying to keep that at every other day. As I drop my Diaz fortnightly I drop an mg of alpzz on the week in between. Withdrawals have been psychological so far. I don't crave the Diaz, sometimes forget the night time dose, but I do crave alpzz. I'll fight that demon as much as I can. I'm on 5mg of that every other day but plan on being free of it by August. Very quick but if I need to jump up the Diaz for a week to adjust I will.

Tramadol is working better and better each time I drop so my pain levels have dropped significantly. I thought it would be the other way around!

Anyway, anyone who really wants to join me on this journey is free to pm me.

Love you all!

 

[Gallon]

I am proud of you Solid Snoop/  Keep up the good work.  You seem to have really have your heart into beating this,  Great job! 

 

[Solid Snoop]

Thank you for the kind words Gallon.

I kinda fell off the wagon the past few days. Been really anxious over a family issue and have hammered alpzz. Max I took was 10mg in one day which is nothing compared to my old habit but I've really let myself down. I'm back on track as of today so starting to feel a bit positive again. It was definitely a warning that no matter how good you are doing the addiction can always find its way to the surface.

I found some r@ch3 clon that I got fromy Dusko ages ago so swapping to that for a while until the alpzz are out my system. One positive is that I never took any Diaz on these days and won't for a few days until I re adjust.

May seem like a minor slip up but it defo made me feel like a twat. I'm getting back on track again though and feeling positive about the future.

Bring it on!

 

[Guest]

@Solid Snoop

It's okay to have a minor slip, don't beat yourself up over it. It happens to most people, who have a 'problem' or history with benzo addiction. I've been able to stay away from alcohol for 2 years now, but I can't drop my benzo "habit" for 16 years. There was one year, when I went without them, but I felt like utter shit, always anxious, insomniac, social anxiety, the works, so I made a conscious decision to basically relapse, that I understand that is not healthy, but I will be probably on benzos for the rest of my life, so I went ahead, and stockpiled a few hundred of each, for different occasions. I have at least a 100 of every of the "usual" stuff, Rivotril, Kslalol, Versed, Aups, and Ativan. 

I mostly use Rivotril at the daytime, and Ativan for insomnia. The rest are only for emergencies and it just makes me feel safer to have them, after the shit I've been through, when I ran out and had to go through cold turkey WDs. So it kinda became an OCD for me, to have them around. 

But I root for you to reach your goal and get rid of your poison, you seem determined,  so good luck!

 

[Solid Snoop]

@Solid Snoop

It's okay to have a minor slip, don't beat yourself up over it. It happens to most people, who have a 'problem' or history with benzo addiction. I've been able to stay away from alcohol for 2 years now, but I can't drop my benzo "habit" for 16 years. There was one year, when I went without them, but I felt like utter shit, always anxious, insomniac, social anxiety, the works, so I made a conscious decision to basically relapse, that I understand that is not healthy, but I will be probably on benzos for the rest of my life, so I went ahead, and stockpiled a few hundred of each, for different occasions. I have at least a 100 of every of the "usual" stuff, Rivotril, Kslalol, Versed, Aups, and Ativan. 

I mostly use Rivotril at the daytime, and Ativan for insomnia. The rest are only for emergencies and it just makes me feel safer to have them, after the shit I've been through, when I ran out and had to go through cold turkey WDs. So it kinda became an OCD for me, to have them around. 

But I root for you to reach your goal and get rid of your poison, you seem determined,  so good luck!

I get the stockpiling so much. I hate alpzz but if I have under 200 in my possession I panic, can't think of anything else. Not had them since my slip up but just happy to know I have them. It's actually quite sad but I think I've always been OCD to a very minor extent. I need to press the lock button on my car fob 4 times. I do this thing in work before I host a conference but I'm not telling what it is haha!

 

[Guest]

@Solid Snoop

Yeah, there's no way I have less than a few hundred benzos (combined) at my house. There's about a dozen in my glovebox in my car, there's always some with me in a small container, I got some in my backpack, there's no way I could leave the house without having enough to take care of me for a few days if something happened.

I really don't have any more OCDs, but I think this is bad enough, haha. 

ps: There's always a new shipment on the way too, even if it's just a hundred of something, but they keep on coming constantly. I'm sick and weird... 

 

[Solid Snoop]

I've actually been better with the buying them as my doc is providing enough and I have so much in storage that if he ever stops them (which he won't because he's a boss) I'd have 3 months worth easy. That goes for my pain meds too.

 

[Solid Snoop]

Hi all, long time no speak.

Unfortunately in that time I had a terrible experience and relapsed with xannies. It wasnt as long term as my previous use but it was scary doses.

I've had to grit my teeth, give myself a good kick up the arse.

Back to tapering on diaz with the odd sleeper if Im really struggling. I've been pointed to the Ashton guide in the past and feel that her Diaz taper is is second to none but the transition from alps yo diaz is too slow for me. I ate the rest of my bars, flushed around 300 ksa and went straight on 80mg of diaz a day. Feel pretty good. I can cut that by 5mg a week easily until i get to 40mg.

I was so close too, down to 18mg a day, but relapses happen.

The important thing is that I'm on track again and sticking to it this time.

 

[dotcomkot]

yeah sadly relapse is always gonna be on the cards when u have had problems before. sorry to hear that, im glad u are tapering again, dunno if i could throw 300 down the swanny lool but pat on the back mate must have been a hard decision. im tapering off of methadone at min an about to switch to subutex an im shitting it. im a wuss when it comes to rattles, lol i can bring them on through chains of thought, to the point of where i am physically withdrawing, the mind an body is so so powerful. 

hope it goes well for u, ?

cheers 

dot

 

[Solid Snoop]

The 1st of oct is a shit day for me so it's one of my take whatever you want days. I have about 3 of them a year. I just need the blow out.

 

[trinity]

The 1st of oct is a shit day for me so it's one of my take whatever you want days. I have about 3 of them a year. I just need the blow out.

We will give you a possible explanation...it was a blood moon or dark eclipse 30th Sep-1st Oct 2016. Massive energy shift.

People have no idea the significance of what is going on around them which affects energy inertia and thought process.