Finally admitted I have a problem

[Solid Snoop]

We will give you a possible explanation...it was a blood moon or dark eclipse 30th Sep-1st Oct 2016. Massive energy shift.

People have no idea the significance of what is going on around them which affects energy inertia and thought process.

I wish it was that simple Trinity!

Had 2 bereavements in October a few years back that still get to me. Getting better with each year though.

Just want to say that I've made a conscious decision to go back on the alpzz. I was taking longer acting stuff which was basically screwing with my motor skills and memory. I was taking a mixture of clonaz and diaz as that's what the tapering guides say are best.

With alpzz I can function without any negative side effects. I don't get sleepy or forget things nearly as much as I did when taking the other benzos. I'm quite happy taking what I'm taking just now. The goal has always been to take nothing but if a few little blue pills can help me lead a normal life then so be it.

I'm sure the day will come when I will need to come off them but for now, the top therapeutic dose is working very well for me.

 

[blissopifree 2]

You'll know when your totally ready bro,but untill then I'm just glad you have things back to a reasonable amount instead of constant blowouts.

But as you said if you must take a small amount daily for a while then so be it,as it's far better than the amount I know you were taking at some stages!! 

All the best solid im behind you in your quest and I KNOW you'll get there eventually.

Peace 

Bliss.......

 

[Solid Snoop]

Aw I'm back off that xan shit.

Not tapering as such just now but I'm on something that has 0 recreational effects, stops withdrawals and is "equi-potent". 

Stopped thinking of bennies as "drugs" and now look at them as something like a statin where I just take it and forget about it.

Like you said Bliss, do the taper proper when I'm 100% into it. May be very soon, may be summer but I do know I will be taking much less by April. Guys from VIP know why ?

 

[polygraph]

A recent mess with some vendors has left me wondering if I need to step back as well.  I was taking 300mg of Tr@m daily and only had a few days to taper before going cold turkey three days ago.  I haven't been off some form of PK's in 3 years -graduating from vics to tr@ms when I developed crippling PAWS after cold turkey from vikings.  

I don't know if I want to quit entirely.  I'm afraid I'll collapse and go back to vikings.  I am just tired of the routine and feel like this is going to hang over me forever.  :-(

PS- I am so proud of you for having the strength to battle this.  You've got this!  The worst is probably behind you.

 

[Solid Snoop]

A recent mess with some vendors has left me wondering if I need to step back as well.  I was taking 300mg of Tr@m daily and only had a few days to taper before going cold turkey three days ago.  I haven't been off some form of PK's in 3 years -graduating from vics to tr@ms when I developed crippling PAWS after cold turkey from vikings.  

I don't know if I want to quit entirely.  I'm afraid I'll collapse and go back to vikings.  I am just tired of the routine and feel like this is going to hang over me forever.  :-(

PS- I am so proud of you for having the strength to battle this.  You've got this!  The worst is probably behind you.

Thank you for the support!

Funnily enough, I'm a raving tram addict and believe tram withdrawals feel worse than benny withdrawals! Yes I know I can die and benzos are dangerous blah blah but they are easier to stop with a good taper regime than trams are IMO. Tram withdrawals are hellish due to its duel action.

All started when I was 19 and someone gave me a box for the headaches I was getting. 2 a day made me feel so happy and sociable. After that box I was a bit down but that's when I wasn't aware of the addictiveness of the stuff.

Years later I was in the gym showing off, ripped a disc (not slipped, ripped) and found out 3 vertebrae are bearing too much weight for their bone density. I got put on trams. Apart from the agonising pain I had unlimited happy pills! Yay I thought. 2 weeks later I'm asking friendso to top me up as I was taking massive amounts (knew the danger but didn't care, I wanted that happy feeling)

Now I take upto a gram of the fuckers on bad days, 600mg on "good" days.

I find the best thing to do with trams in regards to tolerance is to take a CT break for 2 days on them. That's all it takes for them to feel like they are working again at normal (maybe even lower) levels. You may be able to reduce your dose by doing this. The reason I'm on so much right now is due to very intense physio and just stopped the anti christ of bennies.

Give it a shot mate. Plan 2 days where you know you will be doing nothing strenuous, have a beer if you drink (I dont) and binge on Movies, Video Games etc. You won't withdraw until way into the 1st days evening. It will be a shitty night. Day 2 is awful. Day 3, pop 50mg and feel the difference.

Let me know how you get on with it.

 

[AngryBird]

Please keep posting @Solid Snoop. It's interesting and educational to watch your journey. I'm on day 6 of a week long tr@m break. It has been a bit more difficult than I expected, and today I feel like a hot mess. Brain zaps and the sweat and freeze thing are the worst. I'm thinking it may be time to make another change. 

You've come a long way, from what I've read and I've no doubt you will work through this...And when you do, stick around, I may need a hand, mate.

I lost my mind on the phone with Fed X today, the AngryBird flies when I'm hurting, but sometimes crazy is a good thing. Got the driver's cell number and, after a very long afternoon, I hooked up with the driver and got the box. They had lost it in Charlotte NC for the past three days, then damaged it and mislabeled it with wrong zip code. A cluster f#ck of the first order. 

I'm pulling for you.

 

[Solid Snoop]

Please keep posting @Solid Snoop. It's interesting and educational to watch your journey. I'm on day 6 of a week long tr@m break. It has been a bit more difficult than I expected, and today I feel like a hot mess. Brain zaps and the sweat and freeze thing are the worst. I'm thinking it may be time to make another change. 

You've come a long way, from what I've read and I've no doubt you will work through this...And when you do, stick around, I may need a hand, mate.

I lost my mind on the phone with Fed X today, the AngryBird flies when I'm hurting, but sometimes crazy is a good thing. Got the driver's cell number and, after a very long afternoon, I hooked up with the driver and got the box. They had lost it in Charlotte NC for the past three days, then damaged it and mislabeled it with wrong zip code. A cluster f#ck of the first order. 

I'm pulling for you.

Tram withdrawals are awful if you are trying to actually stop them all together. 

2 weeks of what you describe then months of depression. It's a dangerous med but it's my wonder drug. It helps with pain and it helps with my depression. SSRI's make me manic so they are a no go.

I'll keep on trucking with the benzos. Alps are completely out of my system now, just on Clonaz. First week was shitty but now I feel great. People have noticed an improvement in my mood amd they have no idea what's going on so they aren't looking for anything.

I'll stay on this stuff for a bit to level out, taper down to a decent level then start the process of moving to Diaz again.

 

[Solid Snoop]

Yeah diaz does nothing but that's kinda what you need when coming off. Just enough to.to stop withdrawals without getting high. It's long, boring and quite costly to buy a bunch of meds you get no buzz from but that's the way it has to go.

My own fault so I'll crack on with it.

 

[rockytop]

Yeah diaz does nothing but that's kinda what you need when coming off. Just enough to.to stop withdrawals without getting high. It's long, boring and quite costly to buy a bunch of meds you get no buzz from but that's the way it has to go.

My own fault so I'll crack on with it.

is gong of the x as hard as tram?   How much were you taking?   i'm in taper mode again myself from tram.  I totally understand what you are saying about the anti-depression benefits of them.  But now if i take more than 200mg a day for more than a few days i get jerks and twitching at night and other symptoms that indicate beginning of seratonin syndrome.  What's weird is i'm not taking any ssri's or combining anything which is what usually leads to that on such a lose dose of Tram.  But, i think it's just my body telling me to knock it off.  i'm glad you are making progress buddy.  hang in there.

 

[Solid Snoop]

20mg of xan a day at my worst. That's very bad. Will probably take me about 18 months to taper from hit and that's without any bumps in the road! On a high dose of a longer bennie and will slowly taper from that.

People think the above is a lie. I wish it was....

 

[Natty]

Yeah diaz does nothing but that's kinda what you need when coming off. Just enough to.to stop withdrawals without getting high. It's long, boring and quite costly to buy a bunch of meds you get no buzz from but that's the way it has to go.

My own fault so I'll crack on with it.

Doing it now.....

 

[rasetreydir]

20mg of xan a day at my worst. That's very bad. Will probably take me about 18 months to taper from hit and that's without any bumps in the road! On a high dose of a longer bennie and will slowly taper from that.

People think the above is a lie. I wish it was....

You built up that enormous tolerance over time. I definitely believe you were taking that dose plus genetically some people are predisposed to tolerate certain medicines at dosages that would kill another person. You're doing the right thing man, please stick with it. You actually had the balls to stand up and say what probably many on this forum know about themselves already (perhaps myself included). It'll take time and dedication but I think the lifting and exercising will definitely help to distract you and cleanse your body; any new hobby is a great idea. It's been studied and the fact is benzo withdrawal/tapering can be more traumatic than opiates withdrawal. Plus, you can literally die from benzodiazepine withdrawal/cold turkey, so the tapering is a must. It's smart your working with a physician so this can be managed more effectively than trying yourself at home. In addition, there are some non-controlled meds that can ease some of those symptoms associated with changing dosages; hopefully your doctor has already prescribed or talked to you about them. Nothing worth doing is ever easy- hang in there and I wish you the best of luck! BTW, I know this response is a little late but I hope you've made progress since your last post. Stay well!  

 

[blissopifree 2]

Tram withdrawals are awful if you are trying to actually stop them all together. 

2 weeks of what you describe then months of depression. It's a dangerous med but it's my wonder drug. It helps with pain and it helps with my depression. SSRI's make me manic so they are a no go.

I'll keep on trucking with the benzos. Alps are completely out of my system now, just on Clonaz. First week was shitty but now I feel great. People have noticed an improvement in my mood amd they have no idea what's going on so they aren't looking for anything.

I'll stay on this stuff for a bit to level out, taper down to a decent level then start the process of moving to Diaz again.

My GF wants to go on tramadol as she says the dhc she I prescribed don't work anymore.I can only try and put her off trams as I hear they are a coont to get off.She has anxiety, cystic fbro and ptsd om at my wits end ?.

Peace 

Bliss..    

 

[blissopifree 2]

Anymore info into tram wds would be moat helpful but if dhc dint work will tram??

Peace 

Bliss.....

 

[Def_Starr]

I had a problem 10yrs ago, i just control myself and tapper down when need to, make sure i make good decision before i let myself get out of control, and also focus on eating healthy almost, exercising, water, and supplements to protect kidney/liver protectors to help the organs from the toxins,

it is what it is, rehab works for some , but FLORIDA REHABS are crooked it attracts ppl from NY and NJ and the ppl running the REHABS dont care about treating the patients addiction, its all about REHAB INSURANCE FRAUD, PATIENT BROKERING AND UNESSARY URINE SCREEENING, SOME OF THESE SOBER HOMES IN FL FOR THESE NORTHERN KIDS get their Heroin from their Sober Head Master, its a grey-black market

if your going to quit, do it yourself, get a goal focus on the goal and ween yourself down, all that bs with group mentoring is bs , i seen it in my states addicts hook up with other addicts at these SO CALLED REHAB -SOBER HOME'S and instead they buddy up and abuse drugs here on their parents health insurance, i am super suprised how these rehab kids start heroin at age 15-19 and end up in sober homes, when i was that age i didn't look into that path until i turned 25 than i was like BENZO? WHOA? CODIENE WHOA? so i started later in my early 20's 

 

[Dumbass#1]

@Def_Starr, I respect your fortitude and tenacity however the reality for most people with  a dependency problem is they do need help.  I can't speak to what you are mentioning about Florida rehabs but my brother (when he was alive - God rest his soul) was the director at Serenity House in Texas. It is a legitimate rehab. I think most are. I have struggled with addiction and I know during my times I'm not using I personally  cannot make it without group mentoring (through NA). I think if you have the power to wean yourself down and control your usage you are not an addict - and that's something to be thankful for. 

 

[Kalsima]

@Pooner2013 I can see both sides of the arguments I know there are decent people running rehabs that are good people who actually volunteer their time to help others. I'm in Florida now and every five seconds I see a rehab program based on 12 steps, spirituality non 12 steps it's crazy down here. I love both of you so I won't take sides and I'm so sorry about your brother. It's crazy when I lost my son to my first asshole husband I deserved it. I went to a state run place called CCAT House and it's the place that's last in the line. I used up my free insurance one my parents paid for two and it worked! I was clean for 15 years got my son back. I had a marital setback and started using again and the judge puts me in a rehab with all criminals and the only thing that came out of that was more people to cop dope off I never made so many connections in my life. I just hate the private resorts down here that will only take you if you have insurance. I agree we all need something in our life you can replacewith a God of your understanding which can be working out for @Def_Starr My hearts breaks going through the bad side of where I'm at. I don't have a racist bone in my body but it's in a place way from the barrier island where I live on the beach and I see these people working their asses off for incredibly rich people and you can see that many have problems and nothing is done for them. I hate these privatized insurance rehabs that want to make money off of others misery. But I do know and agree with you that these non profit places exist and they probably saved my life. The first day I was there I had a huge methadone habit and when they woke you up and didn't get out of bed without doctors orders, I eventually got. The lady said you're not in no posh rock and roll resort! And literally flipped the mattress drug me down to the dining area. I knew I was in trouble then. At the paid ones or insurance I would have gotten a massage and breakfast in bed. It was the hardest program I was in and it was free to everyone without insurance,  but it worked! Sadly now a days there's a 2-3 month waiting list with addicts dying everyday while on the waiting list. If we could open more places like that we wouldn't see so many people dying everyday needlessly but @Def_Starr I don't see adds like this in Denver there's a new one popping up every day. Greedy people making money off others misery how do you work for a place like that? As soon as they learn you are uninsured the calls over. Sad isn't it?

 

[Dr-Octagon]

@Pooner2013 I can see both sides of the arguments I know there are decent people running rehabs that are good people who actually volunteer their time to help others. I'm in Florida now and every five seconds I see a rehab program based on 12 steps, spirituality non 12 steps it's crazy down here. I love both of you so I won't take sides and I'm so sorry about your brother. It's crazy when I lost my son to my first asshole husband I deserved it. I went to a state run place called CCAT House and it's the place that's last in the line. I used up my free insurance one my parents paid for two and it worked! I was clean for 15 years got my son back. I had a marital setback and started using again and the judge puts me in a rehab with all criminals and the only thing that came out of that was more people to cop dope off I never made so many connections in my life. I just hate the private resorts down here that will only take you if you have insurance. I agree we all need something in our life you can replacewith a God of your understanding which can be working out for @Def_Starr My hearts breaks going through the bad side of where I'm at. I don't have a racist bone in my body but it's in a place way from the barrier island where I live on the beach and I see these people working their asses off for incredibly rich people and you can see that many have problems and nothing is done for them. I hate these privatized insurance rehabs that want to make money off of others misery. But I do know and agree with you that these non profit places exist and they probably saved my life. The first day I was there I had a huge methadone habit and when they woke you up and didn't get out of bed without doctors orders, I eventually got. The lady said you're not in no posh rock and roll resort! It was the hardest program I was in and free but it worked!

There is a treatment center every other block here.  Lots of "druggy-buggys"as they are referred to.  When its the last resort people will and should do what it takes.  There are, unfortunately many shit-show centers. Some of them actually pay people to relapse....not a fan of the word..  more like decision.  

Im in the same area.  Opiates created this situation and florida created the original opiate "epidemic". At one point we prescribed close to 80 percent of the oxy consumed by the whole U.S....now leading the country in treatment.  When its the only way out, it works.  Recovery is free, treatment is helpful but its mainly about the money. Shouldn't have evolved that way.  

 

[Def_Starr]

yep Florida fucked me over , i havent got off the x@nz, but never got put on oxy because i never had serious back pain, and i never persued it but had friends that abused it and its sad because they were good ppl til the addiction kicked in, and stealing and lying took over with addiction

@Heavenleeyour one tough cookie, i am glad you are doing well. 

 

[Jools]

Well the time has come where I have came to terms I have a major issue.

On a daily basis I take 800mg+ trams, 12 mg xannies, 8mg clonaz, 8mg Loraz and if I'm in a bad mood about 100mg of Diaz. 

I came clean to both my partner and doctor about the issues thinking I would get a taper plan but I have been sent to an outpatient  addiction "hub" where I'll soon be seeing the doctor for the best way forward.

You may ask why I take so much or how I'm even alive. The answer is I don't know hence why I'm seeking help.

I don't get any medicinal help from benzos or a high, I use them to try and block out the emotional pain I have been going through for about a year. It works to a degree but its also ruining my life.

After seeing the doc on Monday I've managed to drop the loraz completely, drop the clonaz to 4mg, tramadol I'm trying to CT, Diaz to 50mg and xannies where needed (about 4mg a day).

Coming off the high doses has had no ill effects so far but time will tell. My back is killing with no trams and a bit sweaty but that's it. It does usually get worse up until day 7 for me though.

I see the rehab doc on Monday so I'll keep anyone that's interested updated.

If I have any major episodes I'll keep you posted 

Thanks for reading.

Snoop

Hi,

please contact battle against tranquilisers or bataid.org. I was on a high dose at one stage and along with the Morpheus I was in a bad way. BAT are superb and run weekly meetings or one on one session or just talk on the phone. I can honestly say that Una ( the head of it) is an ex user herself and who tried to kill her self due to her own addiction to atee vans. What they do is lease with your GP, if you give permission, then ask you to take what you think you need over a fortnight then they take that figure and divide it over 14 and that would be your starting dose and in diazepam. Diazepam is the preferred benzo due to longer half life. What happens then is you cut by 10% max each month. It's like the Ashton manual but with a much better way of dealing with relapses. They provide help with forms, benefits and so much more and you know you are talking with people who have real life experience. I managed to get down to 6 mg and stuck to it until my back got messed up and I the. Started to use just to knock myself out. I'm imteigied as you have said befor that you took much more of the zannies but it good you are on less. 

I really do wish you all the best and battle against tranquillisers are the best. Non judgmental and really a great resource plus free. I am now back to cutting and am on 20 of diazzies. It's a good thing I had my op quickly so I was t taking the big doses for more than 3-4 months. I cut quicker this time. 

Yhe bighest step is the one you have taken and hopefully you will get the support you need. BAT won't force cuts and will only ask you to do so when you feel you are ready and NEVER more than 10% until you get to 10 mg and it then becomes much less in cuts. You will get liquid and be able to work out how to cut by even one tenth of one milligram. 

Well done and good luck