Finally admitted I have a problem

[Kalsima]

@Def_Starr I will pm you but hell I the same I was a straight up heroin addict and looked down on crack or coke users. Never messed with it until I hit a bump in my marriage. So I learned a lot about myself, never say never. I turned into a crackhead but when I got through 3 months my life got better and better and I actually had self confidence again that I've always lacked and it just kept getting better and better now the thought of ever going back is like a memory but I know I'm one more pill away from a relapse so I take it seriously after my hernia operation I was clean for a year from my weed bust I thought I had it made but I took those stupid pills that I didn't need I could have used ibuprofen and it put me in months of hell. I was up in vip and I am so embarrassed looking at my older posts all whacked out I sounded crazy it's been a great year every freaking day I have gratitude. Please remember just stick to it and the rewards are so wonderful I'm crying now compared to where I was a year ago. I know you well and I'm close by now I'll pm you where. I'd love to see you. Please stick it out you'll be amazed how much life is bettering and beautiful even during bad times! Love ya! I will always be here if you need someone to talk to!

 

[Def_Starr]

came back from my physical, EKG came out fine heart is good, blood work good, this gives me another reason to stop I DODGED A BULLET this time, but the next time it can definitely effect my health.... 

thanks all DBG members and @Heavenlee or support

 

[newdaze]

hey just wondering how everyone did over the holidays. .. im kind of borderline, do i really want to quit? just kind of had to get my feelings out there and vent to a community that i can be 100 honest with. 

quick summary. been on opiates 2 years now, minus a 6 week period clean. started out first 6 months had oxy 40 mg a day or 180 mg dhc if no oxy. kept it pretty low for the first year but this past year its like when i do have oxy i won't even feel good just doing 40. i got completely off a couple months ago and was using kratom daily. a month probably. when i scored again i was like ok my tolerance will be low it will be easier to keep it low or moderate this time. 2nd day i had em i was right at 80 and even had to tell myself stop thats too much in one day dont do more then 80... 

i had a friend tell me im right at a point of getting deeper into it. he doesn't see me as much. not as sociable as i was... he said he believes im on a threshold of being deep into it and having it really change my brain chemistry. 

im kind of rambling but i just wondered, when will my tolerance go down? and even reducing kratom dosage will that continually keep my tolerance high?

what do you do to stop yourself from using all your stuff? and stick to your daily allowance. lol any reminders or tricks ? catchphrases? LOL 

 

[Muscle91]

Some really good advice here. Cheers to everyone trying to cut, wean, get off from benzo's. I was prescribed these from my Dr. for sleep problems for almost 12 years. Long story short, my house burned down and at the hospital for smoke inhalation, I asked for a stronger dosage of pain meds and my neighbor who had come to support me reported to the doc that I had a problem with PM's. They threw me in the pysch lock up and the next thing I know I am in court mandated rehab. They did not wean me off the atiVa*s and I started to hallucinate every night. Hearing and seeing people in my room - scary shit!! They did put me on trazadone for sleep and that has been a god send. Works really well along with the muscle relaxer tizanidine - a good sedating one that I only take at night. If anyone needs a good muscle R, I highly recommend it. I can only take it at night because it really zonks me out. Plus, it helps to prevent my serious muscle spasms that cause my migraines. Been having one of those for over a week. Damn, I sure do wish I could moderate my intake of the opie's that help with those, but I just struggle SO hard to keep my hands off that bottle. The main reason that I luv those things is that they give me the most energy. I could clean the bathroom with a toothbrush! I have struggled with these things for over 10 yrs. - ever since I found em while in treatment for almost stage 4 cancer. Been cancer free for 10 years, but not free from wanting the damn things... I believe that if I could get a few months off and go to the rooms, I could have a fighting chance.

I managed to make it to a meeting last night. I thought I was going to a chemically dependent one, but turned out to be aa. I really needed to talk to someone. Met a few nice people. If I would make a better commitment to myself, I would go more often. I really like the people I met at one of the groups. I just have to make myself get in the car and drive there. It is not rocket science, you just have to make it a priority... sorry I am rambling. I have alot of respect for folks who try to help themselves. Everyone in this thread is very brave!

Thanks for letting me get some shit off my chest. FS

Congrats for getting help and bettering your situation. Ive been looking for tizanidine myself as i have back pain and it helps me sleep