Jewy's Angels - A Place For Classy Dames

[Jewbacca]

Yep, that was not an accidental mention. And I had no doubt that it would go unnoticed.

I have never experienced any value in the soft version of anything, and while the hard versions may take up a bit more room, let us all be appreciative of solid books that pass the test of time and can be enjoyed repeatedly, always capturing a readers attention each time, as if it were their first.

We're still talking about the book right?

I think I may just lost myself there for a moment.

Back to the reader's club...Angels?

Are you out there?

All Angel thoughts and opinions on the matter are to be given equal time and consideration.

B

Indeed my lady, indeed. The Wookie's work is designed to be enjoyed, to its fullest, over, and over, and over, and over and.....well, you get the picture! /default_wink.png

 

[Beranda]

Indeed my lady, indeed. The Wookie's work is designed to be enjoyed, to its fullest, over, and over, and over, and over and.....well, you get the picture! /default_wink.png

Serious blushing and on a fairly consistent basis.

 

[Jewbacca]

Serious blushing and on a fairly consistent basis.

Well ma'am, if I may say so, you wear it well. /default_biggrin.png

The Wookie will now return to his writing activities whilst watching the playoffs!

 

[99 Luftballons]

 

[kittykat]

 

Haha for the love of god 99.....

 

[Beranda]

Ladies of Wings and Halos (and heavenly men, if any wish to comment)

I would like to ask for your thoughts, humor or just general support.

No answer is too short or long and nothing you share will be discounted.

I may one day go into greater detail, if there seems to be some reason to muster up the energy to do so, however, at this stage, I am in the 'investigate-tress' phase 

How do you know when an existing friendship with another female can no longer continue?

Once you have made up your own mind to sever ties, what is a respectful way to convey this decision to the other person, ESPECIALLY when the other person of said friendship, does not wish to be 'unfriended' and will more than likely ask WHY and WHEN you arrived at this decision?

I feel that I have passed the point of having a 'discussion' about my decision, as it seems that in doing so, I would be communicating an interest to move beyond my the past, in an attempt to start fresh or start over...for which I do not.

I am a kind, forgiving human, one who is well aware of her own flaws and short-comings, but as I age, I find it only in sound judgement, that my own well-being and that of my family, must precede the needs and wants of others.  I do not befriend others to gain reciprocation of that which I invest, however, at some point one has to be honest with themselves about the amount of negativity he or she wants to invite and willingly (even passively) accept in their lives.

I never like to make enemies, but in order to be truthful to myself, I must proceed with this decision...even though I feel certain that sharing this decision, will cause the other person to be hurt and confused.

I have observed over time that the combination of these two emotions has resulted in some very unlady-like behavior from this female.

I guess you only are enemies, if both parties agree to participate in some type of 'war', which I refuse to partake in...but I'll just say it...

I'm skeered  /default_unsure.png

So, there you have it.

You can share a past experience that you think would shed light on my own or just your opinion...it is all useful, valuable information to me.

And...just so there's no misunderstandings, this female has absolutely nothing to do with this community.  

Didn't think anyone would actually question this, but I felt it only appropriate for me to state the fact.

Thank you kind and angelic ones, 

Angel of Peace and a little Spice  /default_wink.png

 

[MedicatedM]

I feel for you B and dont have much advice because women confuse the shit out of me. I can somehow manipulate them to do what I want but they all hate me. From what Ive seen a lot of women are "frienemies" like they talk everyday and hang out all the time but always stab each other in the back.

Even if you dont become someone's friend to gain anything in return it still has to be of mutual benefit, if its lopsided then its toxic

 

[kittykat]

/default_blink.png

 

[Maybesomeday]

This is maybe the chicken-shit way of doing it, but I would "fade to black". It won't happen overnight, but will be more gradual and less confrontational. I hate confrontation.

I wish you luck. It's hard to sever ties even when you know you need to.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[dp2327]

Ladies of Wings and Halos (and heavenly men, if any wish to comment)

I would like to ask for your thoughts, humor or just general support.

No answer is too short or long and nothing you share will be discounted.

I may one day go into greater detail, if there seems to be some reason to muster up the energy to do so, however, at this stage, I am in the 'investigate-tress' phase 

How do you know when an existing friendship with another female can no longer continue?

Once you have made up your own mind to sever ties, what is a respectful way to convey this decision to the other person, ESPECIALLY when the other person of said friendship, does not wish to be 'unfriended' and will more than likely ask WHY and WHEN you arrived at this decision?

I feel that I have passed the point of having a 'discussion' about my decision, as it seems that in doing so, I would be communicating an interest to move beyond my the past, in an attempt to start fresh or start over...for which I do not.

I am a kind, forgiving human, one who is well aware of her own flaws and short-comings, but as I age, I find it only in sound judgement, that my own well-being and that of my family, must precede the needs and wants of others.  I do not befriend others to gain reciprocation of that which I invest, however, at some point one has to be honest with themselves about the amount of negativity he or she wants to invite and willingly (even passively) accept in their lives.

I never like to make enemies, but in order to be truthful to myself, I must proceed with this decision...even though I feel certain that sharing this decision, will cause the other person to be hurt and confused.

I have observed over time that the combination of these two emotions has resulted in some very unlady-like behavior from this female.

I guess you only are enemies, if both parties agree to participate in some type of 'war', which I refuse to partake in...but I'll just say it...

I'm skeered  /default_unsure.png

So, there you have it.

You can share a past experience that you think would shed light on my own or just your opinion...it is all useful, valuable information to me.

And...just so there's no misunderstandings, this female has absolutely nothing to do with this community.  

Didn't think anyone would actually question this, but I felt it only appropriate for me to state the fact.

Thank you kind and angelic ones, 

Angel of Peace and a little Spice  /default_wink.png

B- being the kind soul you are I can see why you are concerned with how this would play out, but being in your situation several times I have found that with negative people honesty is the best way out. Tell them they are a toxic person, and you will not allow the negativity to be in your life anymore. Chances are if this will lead to hard feelings, any route to a means to an end will end in the same result. So I would say do what you need to in the way you will receive closure the quickest. Good luck, B. Way to stand strong!

 

[tri_gal]

Hooter/Bosley (can't get used to that new pic!) puts it well:  "I know the girl - girl thing gets ugly quite a bit faster.  Just keep your cool, and say what you have to say."

Very good advice there.  Keep it cool and have your say.

Write down all the things you'd like to say, then review it.  You'll likely find you can cut out about 90% of it since she won't really be listening to it once she gets the gist of what is going on; plus, in my experience, if you have reached this point, you don't really owe a long explanation.  

Say your piece and then peace the heck outta there /default_smile.png  Girls can get very rough with this sort of thing.  One thing I work very, very hard to do within a huge community of women I am part of is keep negativity about others from coming out of my mouth.  So, if you have mutual friends, keep it even shorter and sweeter and only when asked.  Just that you needed to move in different directions during this time in life.  That should tell any intelligent 3rd party to stay out of it /default_smile.png

Good luck, its always hard, but you'll find the right words/actions, B!

 

[bluesman008]

I can't deal with this relationship any more, nor do I want to.  Don't want to talk about it either.  I'm going through changes I can't, and don't want to, share.  You can blame me if you want to play that way, but know now, I 'm not explaining this to anybody else either.  I have to move on.    I expect nothing from you.  Do as you please.

Goodbye

 

[Maybesomeday]

I can't deal with this relationship any more, nor do I want to. Don't want to talk about it either. I'm going through changes I can't, and don't want to, share. You can blame me if you want to play that way, but know now, I 'm not explaining this to anybody else either. I have to move on. I expect nothing from you. Do as you please.

Goodbye

Straight to the point. Too harsh for my taste. But I'm a wimp.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Kalsima]

Thank you for a place for women to speak about womanly issues that I do not want to discuss with men. I have had a rough two years, I was hospitalized for depression when I divorced the love of my life , amongst other issues I'm still dealing with from his adultery. Thank you for a place where we can vent and get support from other women, it really has helped me in the past where I have had bad days, nice to know someone cares or just listens.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[blueroan17]

I can't deal with this relationship any more, nor do I want to.  Don't want to talk about it either.  I'm going through changes I can't, and don't want to, share.  You can blame me if you want to play that way, but know now, I 'm not explaining this to anybody else either.  I have to move on.    I expect nothing from you.  Do as you please.

Goodbye

Wow, bluesman, that is rather impressive. If I were the straight forward, emotionally controlled person I've been striving to become (over lo these many decades), that would be my choice, both to say to and hear from someone. 

But I'm not there yet, not by a long shot. My tendency is more like what MSD describes as "fade to black..." Sometimes it is not only the easiest but most effective choice, depending upon the other personality. However, I've relocated many times over the years, thus many friendships became long distance relationships, and they fade much more easily.

Beranda, I assume the person you're talking about is close by and likely to remain so? Also, when you say you're "skeered" because her past behavior has been "unladylike," are you talking about wishing to avoid a screeching rant delivered in public by an unhinged harpy...or actual physical violence? If your personal safety is in any way threatened, that must be your primary guide to the next step.

(Not to make light of the situation, but say the word, grrrl-fren -- I feel perfectly safe declaring that I, DZ, Cat, hell all of us Jewy's Angels (and Angles) are there for you!!)

Personally, I feel still feel guilty for dropping one friend w/out any explanation, just radio silence -- she even wrote to me, basically asking for an explanation, but her plea for re-contact was buried in the very same scolding, haranguing language that made me shut her out in the first place and, at the time, I simply didn't want to deal with it. I could tell you all else that was going on in my life then -- and there were a number of simultaneous crises! -- but even in my head, it all sounds like excuses, not good reasons, so I'll spare the board /default_rolleyes.gif

On the other side: this occurred nearly 10 years ago but I still wonder why I got so unceremoniously dumped, and I think about it way more often than I'd like. It was so abrupt, or certainly seemed so: we were supposed to meet one day, I called her to get directions, no answer, left a message, rinse & repeat.

It took me three days and who knows how many unanswered/unreturned calls before I finally realized I'd been kicked to the curb...and the only reason I "got it" that quickly (!) is because I recalled her describing how she'd once cut off another friend who offended her one time too many -- just boom, no explanation, simply never spoke to her again (and they were next door neighbors!). I still have no idea what I did or didn't do -- there was no preceding argument or any turbulence at all that I was aware of. Honestly, I thought I had been a very good friend to her, particularly thru one tumultuous time when many others cut her loose; she thanked me from the podium during her master's degree ceremony, saying she wouldn't have finished her thesis but for me; she was the one who'd pursued the friendship in its initial stages; and blah blah blah. I've actually kept her numbers in my phone all these years just to add a little substance to my fantasy of confronting her one fine day  /default_laugh.png . 

Just writing it all out makes me angry and sad again. Hmmm... I also feel like maybe I should write to the old friend that I cut off so callously... 

One last thing: Years ago, when my children were in elementary school, I was running myself ragged trying to be Mother of the Year and PTA Queen and Valiant Volunteer for everything, like the mothers of my kids' closest friends; these ladies were very Junior League, white glove cotillion types (Southerners will know what I mean!) and I was far out of my element. My then husband suggested I ask myself if my efforts were really helping our family, or actually hurting us. After I jumped down his throat /default_laugh.png , I did think about what he'd said: Human beings have a finite amount of patience, energy & good will. Every personal encounter either adds to or subtracts from that. A person who is infusing you with their negativity and thus straining your own positive outlook is not only toxic to you but to your loved ones as well. You're a kind and thoughtful person; of course, you don't want to unnecessarily hurt someone else. But this sounds like it may very well be an either/or situation.

Beranda, I don't know if any of this ramble will be of the slightest use to you -- you certainly have given me some things to think about! I am thinking about you, and sending positive energy your way  /default_smile.png Please let us know how things go for you.

 

[99 Luftballons]

Thank you for a place for women to speak about womanly issues that I do not want to discuss with men. I have had a rough two years, I was hospitalized for depression when I divorced the love of my life , amongst other issues I'm still dealing with from his adultery. Thank you for a place where we can vent and get support from other women, it really has helped me in the past where I have had bad days, nice to know someone cares or just listens.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

No problem sugar! Us girls gotta stick together!

Give me his address and I promise he will cheat no mo! Never

All joking aside I am sorry for your pain. I have never been cheated on but I did cheat on my 1st wife...I don't know if this helps but when I did cheat on her it was not because of her...she was beautiful....sexy...smart. It was not about anything she was lacking. It was about what was lacking in me. A lot of women will blame themselves and wonder for years what they did to cause their jackass of a partner to cheat on them. The truth is "nothing"...there is something broken in him. Maybe he felt he did not deserve you and on a subconscious level destroyed what he loved most. I did...took me years to admit it. I have never cheated since...it was one of the most costly educations I have ever received. Causing her that level of pain is something I will regret for the rest of my life...

Bottom line...men are fucking retarded!!!

 

[99 Luftballons]

Ladies of Wings and Halos (and heavenly men, if any wish to comment)

How do you know when an existing friendship with another female can no longer continue?

Once you have made up your own mind to sever ties, what is a respectful way to convey this decision to the other person, ESPECIALLY when the other person of said friendship, does not wish to be 'unfriended' and will more than likely ask WHY and WHEN you arrived at this decision?

.but I'll just say it...
I'm skeered  /default_unsure.png

Mrs B -

My .02

What a question!!!...I might not be a female (hold jokes please) but 90% of my friends are....not that this makes me qualified to answer your question...I do not believe anyone can truly answer that question...

The "what" in human relating never matters much to me...it's the "why" that gets at the root instead of just dealing with the fruit. Making healthy decisions about who we allow in our lives and who we don't is truly the potters wheel... it ends up being the force behind how we are shaped and molded. So your question is one that we all should ask ourselves but rarely have the guts to fully "feel" our way through the murky confines of our "emotional" swimming pool.

You have invested the most valuable possession you have in this friendship...your heart. It's obvious you have cared about this person or the question would have never been raised. In letting this person go you will be severing "soul ties"...we develop them with every person we love in life and cutting them will be painful....but it doesn't mean it can't be good for the both of you. i have grown the most in life when these "soul ties" were cut...I would like to say I was always the one doing the severing...but that is not the truth. You may just be doing your friend a huge service by letting her go...an emotional vaccination if you will...hurts like hell up front but saves us from a ton of pain on the back end.

Take your time...go slow...do all things in love...we win if we can manage those things /default_smile.png

Cheers!

99

 

[MedicatedM]

awesome post 99 make a lot of sense. I guess this is one area where being a dick has played into my favor. As soon as I see someone isn't a good friend I have no problem telling them "Fck off you POS!" that always gets the job done but I realize B is a sweetheart and most women aren't that blunt

good luck Beranda hope this all works out for you

PS if all else fails I guess you could go on SR2 and hire a hitman /default_ph34r.png

 

[holymoly]

Where's the penis?

 

[blueroan17]

awesome post 99 make a lot of sense. I guess this is one area where being a dick has played into my favor. As soon as I see someone isn't a good friend I have no problem telling them "Fck off you POS!" that always gets the job done but I realize B is a sweetheart and most women aren't that blunt

LOL. Why am I not surprised?

Actually, I've wished I had the guts to do just that, more than once.